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Updated--OT: I need to vent..witout having my SO judged by people we know.

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Long story short our just turned 5 yo failed her vision screening at the pediatrician last week.  I took her to the Optometrist and had a full screening done.  She is extremely farsighted.  My gut instinct said that I should get her checked by a pediatric Opthamologist.  I made an appointment thinking that it would be a few months away.  They had a cancelation for this week, so we are going in tomorrow.

Now to my vent.  My SO doesn't think that we should get our 5 yo glasses on the basis that she may outgrow this.  I don't think she will outgrow this and it will likely get worse.

I have been paying attention to things that I didn't really "notice" before.  She is complaining of headaches, that words are "fuzzy", she can't read on my iPhone, her writting is getting worse, her phonics grades are slipping if we aren't sitting there reading the answers to her....not doing the work, but reading it to her.

We are the type of parents that both need to be on the same page before we will make a decision about something unless we are in a life threatening situation.  I would like to see her get the glasses so that she can begin to flourish again.  We are talking about a 5 yo who is reading on a 3rd grade level at this point.  She is reading a junior edition of Little Women and loving it.  It pains me as her mom to see her struggle.

Does anyone have any suggestions that I can use to help get him on board?

BTW He does have glasses, but he is nearsighted and legally blind without his glasses.

Update:  We went to our appointment today and it took about 2 1/2 hours.  Daddy went with us.  The Opthamologist told us that our DD is on the upper end of moderate Hyperopia.  He thinks that if it isn't corrected soon it could lead to a lazy eye that won't be easily correctable the older she gets.  He says that she does accomodate pretty well now, but could certainly use the glasses.  Daddy is really considering this and I am going to do a little more digging to help my case.

I really don't want anyone thinking that he is this horrible person because he isn't.  We butt heads occasionally when it comes to the kids, but when it happens we are both trying to do what is in the best interest of our children.  We love them both dearly.

Thank you for ALL the support and encouragement!!!!

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 6:01 PM

My oldest wears glasses for farsightedness. He has been wearing them since he was 5. Before them and when he forgets to use them he suffers from frequent headaches. If he outgrows them that is ok but he needed them now and his schoolwork has improved since getting them

by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 6:14 PM

I would tell him that you'll get the glasses and she has to wear them for school. If she chooses to take them off the rest of the time, whatever. Agree to revisti after the matter after 6 months or a year.

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 7:49 PM

It is somewhat normal for a child to be a little farsighted. They do grow out of that. However, I would go with what the doctor says about it. If she needs glasses, she needs them. Being middle-aged now, I can understand her frustration with not being able to see.

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 7:54 PM

Kids today think glasses are cool. My dd is always wishing she needs them when we get her eyes checked. She is going into 5th grade and so far so good. I was about her age when I had to  have them. All my kids wear glasses other than her.

Listen, I am legally blind without my glasses, too. I'm totally thankful for them, though I didn't like wearing them as a teen (they weren't cool). My eyes are what they are because of genetics. I did NOT wear my glasses as a teen. I would only put them on at school to see the board. Now that was a stupid thing to do, given I am so nearsighted. I couldn't recognize anyone in the hallways. Anyway, my eyes continued to worsen until I was in my mid-20's. It is genetics, not glasses that does it.

Quoting coala:

His biggest concern is that the muscles in the eyes become lazy and will no longer work to accomodate her current vision issues.  He is worried about this as his vision has become increasingly worse since he got glasses.  I think this is just because gentecially he was set up for this, not because of weak muscles.  We have debated this at length and I become more frustrated each time.  His other concern is "chaining" her to glasses.  Our 5 yo is rambunctious and full of energy and he is concerned that she may do something without thinking and break her glasses and possibly injure herself in the process.  Lastly he is concerned about teasing from the kids she hangs out with on the weekends.  She skates with mostly public schooled kids.  He is worried about the bullying that may come with it and then her self esteem will take a hit.  He was bullied as a kid about many many things and his glasses were one of those.  I have never been bullied, or that I what I perceived.  I have been picked on occasionally for being smart and blonde because well those just don't go together well.  I have asthma and I wear glasses as well....never picked on for either of those things.

He has valid concerns and he is going with me tomorrow, but I just want what is best for our child as does he.

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I don't think kids typically grow out of needing glasses..but I would ask the pediatric optometrist to be sure, then I would explain whatever that dr says to your DH. I would see if she will only need them for reading, then you can just let her have them for reading and schoolwork. I would talk to the optometrist to see if there are ways to strengthen her eyes...but I'm not sure there is anything you can do, if she needs glasses then she needs glasses. I feel like not getting them for her would be kind of neglectful, and certainly harmful to her as she won't thrive as much as she has been. She will become frustrated, and you will too. I figure if its something that can help them, then what's the harm?

Why does he really not want her to have them? Does he think she will then be dependent on them when she may have outgrown it without them? Does he not want to spend the money on something she may only need for a short term? Does he just not want her to need them and he's kind of in denial? I would talk to him to really try to figure out why he's against them and try to ask the dr all the questions you can.

by Gold Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 8:07 PM

I agree that a little farsighted is normal.  This child was a +3 before her exam and +7 when they turned off her focusing mechanism.  It was BAD.  According to what I have been researching, when they have a need this great, they may not outgrow it.  I'm not worried about whether she outgrows this.  I just want her to not struggle with the things that she loves.  She LOVES to learn and to read and I think that is going to become a problem.....and soon.

Quoting lucsch:

It is somewhat normal for a child to be a little farsighted. They do grow out of that. However, I would go with what the doctor says about it. If she needs glasses, she needs them. Being middle-aged now, I can understand her frustration with not being able to see.

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 9:33 PM

 people that i know that are far sight stay farsighted throughout their life, the ones i know anyway! can you do some reseach on it an print out something?

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 10:22 PM

Unfortunately the only way for the eyes correct themselves is through the use of wearing glasses.  There's no way they can get better on their own, and yes they can get worse without some type of correction.  The vision and the brain signals are linked, and glasses with 20/20 teach the eyes what level they are supposed to see at, hence teaching the brain the level the eyes are supposed to see at.  Without surgery in most cases if the vision is severe enough, there is no correction, however in mild cases of vision impairment through wearing corrective lenses over a period of time the eyes have been known to self-correct.

Have your husband attend an appointment, and ask questions such as if glasses are needed and why.  A professional will better be able to explain what I think I can muddle through a less technical explanation of.  I personally would just ask my husband if he'd really want to take the chance and gamble with our childrens vision by not getting them what they might need to better improve their vision.  Does he want to risk her vision getting so bad that she'll later need to wear glasses 24/7 instead of during certain times.  Does he want to risk her finding out that you guys knew all along, and the reason why her vision worsened is because of her dad, and then her later resenting him.  Ask him those questions, and then ask him to talk to the doctor if he's still on a limb about it, but let him know your stance on it too.

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:50 AM

Forcing the eyes to focus is more detrimental to your daughters development. As many have said squinting and migraines will be part of her life if she doesn't get glasses and is constantly working so hard to see.  Often times, muscles don't have anything to do with the impairment either.  It's the position of your retina or the shape of the eyeball itself (astigmatism). This isn't something that eye "exercising" is going to help.  

His concern about teasing really shouldn't be. If his vision is really poor, his glasses 20 plus years ago were probably very thick as they didn't have the lighter and thinner lenses of today. A lot of teasing was due to the "coke bottle" look.  Kids today don't even know what glass bottle coke looks like :). Today glasses really are becoming popular.  When my son was in second grade in public school he needed glasses.  I was really worried in the back of my mind about teasing.  I wear contacts all the time because as a teen I came to HATE glasses. But I don't even like wearing sunglasses.  They bother me.  Because of the sports my son plays, I inquired about contacts for him.  (Cheaper than rec specs)I had read online that some 8 year olds could handle them.  So we walked out with glasses and daily contact lenses.  He likes the contacts for sports and they are quite comfortable for him, but guess what, he never wanted to wear them to school. He loved his glasses and I was actually surprised by the amount of his peers who complemented him on them.  

by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:00 AM

Ladies, I appreciate all of your responses.  I will try and have a conversation with him befre we leave for the appointment today.  I try to talk to him without the kids present when it comes to this stuff.  Thanks for all of your support and I will update later when we get back.

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Take him to the appointment with you. They told my mom that if my sister didn't wear her glasses her eyes would continuously get worse because of the struggle her eyes would be under. We have a rule.... you get a say as long as you do the research. If you don't want to do the research then you get no say. This goes for education, vaccines, extracurriculars, everything.
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