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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Going crazy and school hasnt even started yet... HELP!!!

My dd is 6 she will be starting first grade in Aug she's makin me crazy! It's like every time I ask her to do something she just says "I don't want to" I tell her I didn't ask and that she needs to do it but it's excuse after excuse. She's 6 what the neck I thought I had a few years before she started this crap. Today I asked her to get the clothes from her room and mine into the laundry room so I can do laundry while I clean the kitchen. "I don't want to it's your room" yes it is my room but a lot of the clothes in my room are theirs because their room doesn't have enough room for a dresser so their clothes are in my room. I also clean fold and put away them all. Is it too much that I'm asking of her? I know she's 6 but it's not hard.

Also does anyone have an alternative to saying "everything is actually mine and daddy's till your 18 or have a job to buy your own stuff" I hate that I feel like it just makes her wish for the day she's 18 and I want her to enjoy being a kid. But some times she's mean with what's "hers".

I'm on edge with this kid and the people I know always say to take everything away or spank her or make her stay on her bed and none of that works she will come out smiling then in just a few minutes be rite back at it.

Thank you for reading and any thoughts or suggestions you might have.
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:47 AM
Replies (11-20):
mybabiesmyheart
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 3:17 PM
I like that but our problem as far the "it's mine" thing is that she will say she wants to use something of her sisters and say something like "if you let me play with it I'll let you play my iPod" then she will say oh I don't know where it is go find it then I have my three year old coming to tell me her sister lost it and took her toy. But when my 6 year old wants to play it all of a sudden she knows rite where it is. It's hers yes she got it for Christmas but she said she would share then hid it so she wouldn't have to follow through because it's "hers" I believe everything should be shared yes there are certain things that will only be shared in moderation but this is her sister not some stranger they need to learn to cooperate.


Quoting usmom3:

 Model the behavior you wish to see in her! If you want her to help around the house you need to be willing to help her every time she asks with no exceptions. I know that sounds crazy but it works! When I help my children with all that they ask of me I find them more willing to help me! If you want her to speak respectfully to you then you need to speak that way to her! Children learn how to treat others by the way they are treated not the way you tell them to treat others!


In our house the children have their property & then there is community property (TV, computers, game systems etc..) & My Husband & mines property that the children can use with permission(our tablets & hand held gaming systems). We do not force them to share their property, they do have to share community property because it is for everyone. If they are abusing their own property we just gently remind them that if it gets broken we will not help them replace it, that they will have to come up with the money on their own. If they abuse the community property they no longer have the privilege of using it. If they abuse our personal property then we take it back just like we would if anyone else borrowed it & abused it. They are also expected to pay for the repairs or replacement for anything that they break or damage that is community property or another persons property, just like we would expect an adult to take responsibility for those things! 


 


usmom3
by BJ on Jul. 23, 2013 at 5:37 PM

 That is where you need to play mediator! Help your younger DD know that she dose not have to relinquish her property to her sister until her sister has presented her with what ever it is she is offering to loan her. I believe that sharing is good! I don't believe forcing them to share teaches them how to share! My children have things that they have shared ownership in & that is how they are learning to share without force by cooperation & negotiation. Yes they still fight but they are learning & the fighting is getting less.

Quoting mybabiesmyheart:

I like that but our problem as far the "it's mine" thing is that she will say she wants to use something of her sisters and say something like "if you let me play with it I'll let you play my iPod" then she will say oh I don't know where it is go find it then I have my three year old coming to tell me her sister lost it and took her toy. But when my 6 year old wants to play it all of a sudden she knows rite where it is. It's hers yes she got it for Christmas but she said she would share then hid it so she wouldn't have to follow through because it's "hers" I believe everything should be shared yes there are certain things that will only be shared in moderation but this is her sister not some stranger they need to learn to cooperate.


Quoting usmom3:

 Model the behavior you wish to see in her! If you want her to help around the house you need to be willing to help her every time she asks with no exceptions. I know that sounds crazy but it works! When I help my children with all that they ask of me I find them more willing to help me! If you want her to speak respectfully to you then you need to speak that way to her! Children learn how to treat others by the way they are treated not the way you tell them to treat others!


In our house the children have their property & then there is community property (TV, computers, game systems etc..) & My Husband & mines property that the children can use with permission(our tablets & hand held gaming systems). We do not force them to share their property, they do have to share community property because it is for everyone. If they are abusing their own property we just gently remind them that if it gets broken we will not help them replace it, that they will have to come up with the money on their own. If they abuse the community property they no longer have the privilege of using it. If they abuse our personal property then we take it back just like we would if anyone else borrowed it & abused it. They are also expected to pay for the repairs or replacement for anything that they break or damage that is community property or another persons property, just like we would expect an adult to take responsibility for those things! 


 


 

kirbymom
by Sonja on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:18 PM
Yes yes yes yes. You should never ever argue with your children. That sets the stage for more sass and back talk as they get older and realize they can push you into that mood of acquiescence.



Quoting mem82:

Hm, from my point of view stop having a discussion with her. It's back talk. You tell her to do something, she needs to do so without sass. I would say punish her by making it clear she isn't getting in trouble for not wanting to do something, she is in trouble for the sass. Make it quick. If she back talks, immediately send her to the corner. Do NOT engage about whose clothes or responsibility is whose. She is a child and she is to obey. She doesn't deserve to have reasons why. That sounds mean but any response from you is giving her power. After she leaves the corner, it's back to the laundry. Never let her get away with not doing as told even if she spends all morning in the corner. It will take a week but it works.

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 She sounds like my 7 year old.  Our life has been crazy and off schedule we tried to offically start back to school last week and missed most of it, then we have been dealing with one thing after another this week so we have not started back.

When we have a schedule the kids behave better.  I am about to shoot all 4 of mine.

My 7 year old is currently in her room for the rest of the night because she has been bossy and disagreeable with everyone for 2 days.

I ussually try to explain why my children are in trouble, but I am about done.  I either add chores per mouthy incident, make her stand in the corner, or have Daddy handle it with some physical punishment (she gets a workout, not beat). 

She ussually turns back around.

My 6 and 7 year olds wash thier own clothes (we use the tide packs).  So asking her to bring them down is not to much.

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:30 PM
2 moms liked this
So true, but with some kids it is sooo hard to not engage! My dd is one that I just go back and forth with, as much as I *know* I say-you do, I end up arguing with her! I have gotten better, which has made her get better as well, but we still have our days. It takes a lot of practice to not engage but still make your point. There is a lot of stomping up the stairs and "what did I do?!" And "you're so mean!" But, the younger you can start it, the better. Mine is 10 now and she knows, but there is still a LOT of sass from her, some days are better than there and I'm hoping that being together all the time will make it better, not worse!

OP, just stand your ground and remember you are the mom! About the "it's mine" let her have her things that she doesn't have to share. And teach the younger one to only trade toys, not give her sister a turn on her word because she has gone back on it, and teach the older one that that is just like lying and her sister isn't going to be able to trust her the way she should. Tell her if she doesn't share with little sister, then little sister doesn't have to share either (as long as its their own things they are not sharing).


Quoting kirbymom:

Yes yes yes yes. You should never ever argue with your children. That sets the stage for more sass and back talk as they get older and realize they can push you into that mood of acquiescence.







Quoting mem82:

Hm, from my point of view stop having a discussion with her. It's back talk. You tell her to do something, she needs to do so without sass. I would say punish her by making it clear she isn't getting in trouble for not wanting to do something, she is in trouble for the sass. Make it quick. If she back talks, immediately send her to the corner. Do NOT engage about whose clothes or responsibility is whose. She is a child and she is to obey. She doesn't deserve to have reasons why. That sounds mean but any response from you is giving her power. After she leaves the corner, it's back to the laundry. Never let her get away with not doing as told even if she spends all morning in the corner. It will take a week but it works.


kirbymom
by Sonja on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:41 PM
On my yes! That is so true. I have been there in the same boat, hence the specific advice. :) if a parent starts on this particular type if issue as soon as it starts, then the moe time there is to work on it and become more positive in attitude and behavior.
Thank you for sharing your part of your personal life. :)

Quoting TJandKarasMom:


Mommynay2
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 11:28 AM

Hi, my children are 10 and 11, and they rebel and say no at times. What I do is I set up a routine and they can't move on to the next activity until their work was done. For example my son goes to school during the summer. In the morning if he wants to watch tv or go on the computer then he has to complete his morning routine. Once I did that a lot of the headaches stopped. When I homeschool my daughter she can't watch tv until her academics are done. When they argue with me on doing it, I get upset but I don't let it show. I just say, okay well when you are done doing your thing, then you can have your free time. I don't spank my kids but if they do something really wrong, then I take their privilege away.  Now you could set up a positive incentive for her, which will make her want to do what she needs to do. Let her know though that unless she does it with a good attitude she won't get a point towards her goal. Oh and usually when my kids get possessive over things, I ask them when did they pay for it. My son likes playing games on the computer. If I didn't limit him he would play all day. At times my daughter likes going on the computer, but not as much as my son. Sometimes she would ask him if she can go on the computer. Then I tell her that I paid for the computer and she needs to ask me. My son doesn't like it, but I ask him when did he buy it? My daughter likes watching tv, sometimes she can get a little possessive over it, so I ask her when did she pay the cable? As far as you getting the clothes maybe if you both did it together you may not get the argument. My son can get overwhelmed with tasks that are considered to be small to me but big to him. When I go with him and talk him down that diffuses him getting overwhelmed. He still does the work but me being there encouraging him, really helps a lot. See my son has Bipolar disorder , he is also mildly retarded and at times it's hard for him to focus and be organized and he needs to be prompted. He does his room everyday, before I didn't expect him to clean his room til it got really bad. I thought that was a good thing but it wasn't. See if there's toys on the floor and a lot of clothes to be put away, then he would get overwhelmed and tantrum. So by him doing his room daily it doesn't get that bad so he won't get overwhelmed. Well, I hoped I helped somewhat, have a nice day.

oahoah
by Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 4:19 PM

I took a big part of last year's "school time" for character training of my kiddos to deal with similar issues. It helped but I am realizing that it is something you have to incorporate daily, make it a habit and eventually it will get easier (or so I am told). I have the hardest time with my oldest son who is turning 9 in 2 months; his younger brothers are 6 & 4 and eager to help when asked. 

With your DD maybe you just have to explain that being part of a family is like a team where everyone has to pitch in; we like to tell our kiddos "work first, play or fun later". 

As for the "yours and mine" issue we have come into that too, our 6 y/o is very aware of stuff that has been given to him as gifts as strictly being his and we allow this but my DH & I do say "we bought that and it belongs to the family".

As our oldest is the most difficult with doing chores or helping out when asked/told, we have resorted to saying no a lot to him (movie, computer time, etc;) and reminding him that when he doesn't work he doesn't play. It isn't ideal because he is still disobeying but it's what we're doing for now.  He also loses privileges or toys and has to earn them back by working.

I have bought stuff for character training from http://www.doorposts.com/sale.aspx and Focus on the Family; I have the KONOS curriculum and they have great book recommendations which I will request from our library and we'll study them for a few days and talk about them.

almondpigeon
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

we've implemented a "work before play" motto.  the tv doesn't get turned on & no one can play outside until all the chores are finished.  if i hear, "i don't want to", i respond with "of course you don't WANT to....no one wants to do chores, but it has to be done".  the kids are really good about doing everything they're supposed to do except for cleaning the play room.   there have been days that they are stuck in there for hours because they procrastinate.  i take away fun privileges as punishment for not doing chores.  (sorry you wanted to go to the park -- since the house is messy, we aren't able to go).  the biggest suggestion i have is to be completely consistent all the time.  there have been times when i stand over my 7 yo dd as she cleans her room just to make sure she doesn't loaf.  it's taken me a year to get them in line, but i've finally gotten to the point where they automatically do what they are supposed to.

hope you can find something that works!

Leissaintexas
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 6:33 PM
I like natural consequenc s. For example, when she doesn't gather the laundry, she has no clean clothes. When she doesn't set the table, there is nothing for her to eat off of. When she doesn't pick up toys, they go to toy jail. She has to see cause and affect. She also needs to learn who the boss is. I personally am a very strong willed authoritarian type person, so sass does not set well with me.
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