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OT: letting your kid ride with someone else

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:14 PM
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My friend, who I trust, has a daughter the same age as my younger daughter (6) and she just had a birthday. She wants to go out to lunch with a couple of her friends to celebrate. So my friend wants to pick up my daughter, and another little girl who lives a couple blocks from me, tomorrow, and take all 3 girls to a pizza place for lunch, then over to her house to play for an hour or two afterwards. 

I will interject here that I have some major anxiety issues. I  have it mostly under control, and it almost all stems from my grandpa being brutally murdered 14 years ago (a very horrid experience all around) - I have had to struggle against this thought process that says, if something terrible happened once, it will happen again - that the world contains evil - etc. I have been on/off medication, done therapy, the whole bit. I now take a mild sedative once in awhile, but that's all. And usually,  I'm fine.

But I have an issue with letting my children ride in cars with other people. I KNOW it's crazy. I know my friend very well. She is a very safe driver. I have been a passenger with her and actually gotten irritated at how SLOW she drives! :) She's also responsible. She has 3 kids like me, she's a speech therapist, she is a girl scout troop leader and a cub scout den leader. You really couldn't ask for a more trustworthy person.

So I KNOW I need to let my daughter. She's excited to go have a girls' lunch out. I need to get used to having my kids be in the care of others. (For the record it's not like I never leave them - I leave them with DH all the time, my mom sometimes takes them for an overnight even - it's the car I mostly have issue with, IDK why.)

I mean - the whole point of parenting is to raise children into capable, confident adults, right? And they can never get there if they are always under my thumb. They need to experience things away from me. Cognitively, I know this. But emotionally and mentally, I'm a wreck.

I am planning to ask my friend to text me when they get to the restaurant. She knows my 'issues' and will understand. 

Ugh. Does anyone else struggle with letting their kids go and do things with other people? I don't want my craziness to stop my kids from doing things they enjoy, things that all kids do and benefit from.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Jinx on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Nope, never had an issue like this. I do make sure that they have appropriate car seats, etc but I never hold them back.

Good luck with your issues.
by Group Admin on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:36 PM

 The only person I have ever had problems allowing my kids in her car is my MIL.  She tries to break the sound barrier and I won't ride with her, so I won't let them ride with her. Good luck with your issues.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:39 PM
I do. I get very nervous when my kids are in the car with someone else. It's not just another person driving but all the other drivers on the road. They haven't been in the car with many other people.
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by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I don't have a problem with it.  It has never bothered me to let DS ride with people I trust.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:54 PM
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I have the same struggle and worries, and I haven't experienced the murder of a loved one.
I let my kids go and do only with people I trust, because I know they enjoy the experience.

Oh, the level of anxiety thinking of the day the kids fly the coop. Lol, I keep a grip on the crazy. But its hard not to worry with all the evil and accidents in general, but we can't control it all I suppose.
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:29 PM

 Yes I do struggle with letting my kids go any where with anyone that is not my Husband. I don't trust anyone anymore! I used to let my oldest go spend weekends with my brother untill he remarried then my son started to come home upset & telling me that they where punishing him for his Autistic behaviors because they don't believe he is Autistic(they still don't believe he is & he is almost 20). So the whole time he was with them he was miserable because he was punished for things he could not control. I know that they didn't believe he was Autistic because My brother told me that his wife told him that my son was not, based off of her experience working with low functioning adult Autistic (my son has always been high functioning they are totally different from low & he was a child again totally different from adults). I did not think that they would go so low as to take it upon themselves to try to correct his condition with punishment, yet they did! Things that he did his cousins would not get punished for even thought with them it was misbehavior & not Autism.

I have more reasons but you get the idea that I can't trust based off of past experience!

by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:32 PM

I have a hard time with people I don't know really well.  My kids have riden with a few people, but we have to know and trust that person ahead of time.  I also make sure that they appropriate seats for the car.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:37 PM

I have a hard time letting them go.  There are few people they spend time alone with without me or DH.  And I tend to drive everywhere (if not DH) when my kids go places, I don't like them in the car with others and I don't typically ride in the car with anyone else driving (except DH, I trust him more than myself even).

I used to be more laid back, I was really young and let my parents take DS all the time, and his dad took him and dad's gf took him, no big deal.  And my SD-her mom had her half the time when she was really little, so DH and I had no control over who she was with when it was mom's time...boyfriends, babysitters, boyfriends parents, that kid was anywhere but with her mom most of mom's time.  Once we got full custody, we seemed to get more 'controlling' lol.  I started realizing how much of an influence my parents were on DS (they did not accept SD so lots of times they would only take DS or if they took both they would treat them differently) so I started limiting their contact with him and SD to only be when I was around. 

Anyway...I have a hard time trusting people and I am pretty careful what/who my kids are exposed to.  My parents call it controlling, I call it conerned.  I let them do things, but I'm careful who they do those things with.  When I have someone close that I can trust though, I try not to worry too much.  SD has one good friend that I really trust her parents-still not enough for a sleepover, but they take her for the day sometimes and we take their DD sometimes, and I don't worry too much when they have her-but SD is also 10 now.  At 6 I worried more, it gets easier as they get older.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:44 PM

Oh sleepovers are a whole 'nother thing! :) We never really thought about it, but then good friends (married couple) mentioned they had decided when their kids were babies they'd never do sleepovers, even with cousins. It made us consider our own experiences with sleepovers as kids/teens, and we realized they were pretty bad experiences. At best, you stay up too late, eat crap, and feel crummy the next day from lack of sleep. At worst, you sneak out, do drugs, drink, have sex, are exposed to pornography... so yeah. We decided, no sleepovers for our kids. We will however allow them to attend and have 'play lates,' where kids come here and they even get into jammies, but parents pick them up or I take them home at 10 or 11 pm so everyone can sleep in their own beds! It has worked out really well. When my daughter is invited to a sleepover we let her go, but pick her up when everyone starts getting into bed. Obviously church camp and things like that, we will let them go, but that's a much more controlled environment than just sleeping at someone's house.

I know I'm totally overprotective. It's something I battle all the time. I have a lot of anxieties. I so wish I could just be a "normal" mom and not get so worked up over little things.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 1:15 AM
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 I dont really have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but... ((HUG)) Good luck.  I hope she has a great time!

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