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How much should a 6 year old socialize alone?

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We're in the middle of the evaluation on my 6 year old with the psychologist who doesn't like hsing. She seems hung up on him not going out and doing things alone. She sent more paperwork to fill out, a lot about him being out in the community and now I'm second guessing myself. He just finished Kindergarten and attended the feeder school to the school where I taught which was 45 minutes from home so any playdates had to be arranged by the moms and we usually went to the zoo or something. He plays at the park regularly and has gone swimming 3-4 times a week this summer where he plays with whoever is there, no making friends or exchanging numbers. The form asked what clubs he belongs to and how often he goes. He went to Bible Club at church every week last year but they cut out the younger kids' program. He goes to Children's Church each Sunday. He also just got a part in the church musical so he'll have practices. We just joined several hs groups in this area and he'll be going to a weekly meetup at the playground plus field trips but I'll be with him. Even if he got into Cub Scouts, a parent has to attend the meetings. Am I doing something wrong?

by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:08 AM
Replies (21-30):
AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:19 PM

At that age, my daughter was attending brick and mortar school... and was involved in maybe one afterschool activity... but NO activities alone. Are you kidding? I mean, is the psychologist kidding? I don't know many parents who drop their children off for activities at that age, unless it's a church sponsored club or something of that nature. Autumn was around 9 before I started dropping her at the courts for her tennis lessons, without me staying at the courts with her; at around the same age, she started playing in the neighborhood with her best friend without direct supervision.

At 6 though? No way.

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff: we have traditional gender roles, we're Catholic, I'm Libertarian, he's Republican, we're both conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee














101stwife
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:42 PM

 No, you aren't doing anything wrong. First of all, he is 6. From the above, he doesn't sit on your lap all day long. He goes out, he has fun and he plays and interacts with other people. DD will be 6 in November and it sounds like they are a lot alike in their activities. She plays at the pool when we go with whatever kids are there, or at the park. She is attending VBS this week from 9-12 and she goes with me to MCCW (Military Council for Catholic Women) and goes to the watch care with other kids. She was in Daisy scouts last year and will be again this year, though I will be her leader. We attend our homeschool group but other than that she is with me. I don't see a big deal in that. She plays with other kids, she likes to do activites and is perfectly health and happy. Just because our kids do not go to school for 7 hours a day doesn't mean that they aren't social enough. I hate when people suggest that:/ Don't second guess yourself mama, sounds like your son is just fine!

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 7:23 PM
He went to VBS alone this summer and he goes to Kids Night Out at the Y one night a month. He has a better social life than me lol.
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Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:26 PM
He has torticollis and plagiocephaly and last spring was referred to the craniofacial team. He also was low tone and developmentally delayed when he was younger.There are all kinds of specialists available to see each child based on their needs. He saw 8 different specialists that day and one was a geneticist who was concerned about certain facial features he has and suggested genetic testing to rule everything out because he is adopted ( kinship) and birthmom is adopted as well so there is no medical history. Turned out he has a genetic deletion. At that time he was one of 64 registered cases worldwide.
The geneticist has seen him about 4 times this year and has him on supplements designed to give him more energy. If he has adhd the doctor will put him on a certain type of fish oil that should help him.


Quoting celticdragon77:

How did your child end up at a geneticist in the first place? (you are totally welcome to tell me to mind my own business, at any point). 

Quoting Bluecalm:

No, not legally required at all. His geneticist recommended getting him evaluated for ADHD because he has a rare chromosomal abnormality which carries a 25% chance of having it. His doctor likes to cover all the bases and checks for every possible problem, like he sent him for heart and kidney ultrasounds because the condition carries a big chance of those issues. My son acts pretty bonkers at doctors appointments and unfortunately he has a lot of them. I'm not sure it is from being anxious or if it's attention seeking because he is most disruptive when I'm talking to the doctors. The evaluation is being done more as fact finding. And probably so the geneticist can write about in his next paper. Jk sort of.





Quoting celticdragon77:

Why do you have to do this? Is it at all legally required? 

I am hesitant to respond prior to having the answers to those questions and without understanding what all this is about, but I can't get over how ludicrous it seems to have a 6yr old evaluated by a psychologist ... filling out paperwork on the child and answering questions like "what clubs do they belong to". 





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southernwldchld
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 9:06 PM

In my experience if someone is really against hs'ing they let it color all other judgements about you. I'd just get the eval and let it go.

It sounds like your kiddo is doing fine socially. I don't know many six year olds who think about exchanging phone numbers.

My oldest ds is 9 and he just recently started wanting to keep in touch with people he doesn't see on a regular basis (kids from his workshops that don't happen during the summer, or kids from the park we go to during the school year) before that he was just like, 

"Hey mom I played with some cool kids"

"Oh yeah, what were their names?"

"No idea."

He's a very social kid, he just didn't get attached to kids he saw at the park one day. My daughter on the other hand (6) would be happy if she had her own phone and every "friend" aka any kid she's every seen, was on speed dial. 

Both completely fine. Keep on with what you're doing and don't let this doc rattle you.


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celticdragon77
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:30 PM

I don't think you will prevent people from judging others - people always find one way or another to do so (it is what makes them feel better about themselves). At least the person/psychologist was honest. Then again, I personally do not like psychologists at all, they basically use science as a way to judge and evaluate people, charge them for it, and keep records of who knows what. I am doubtful that someone who went into psychology and worked for the level of degree to practice... is really coming from that damaged of a background, to really have a real sense of understanding - and they certainly do not seem to contain wealths of empathy... so I doubt their methods and capabilities to help much. But hey, that is just my two cents, and it isn't worth a damn... 

Quoting southernwldchld:

In my experience if someone is really against hs'ing they let it color all other judgements about you. I'd just get the eval and let it go.

It sounds like your kiddo is doing fine socially. I don't know many six year olds who think about exchanging phone numbers.

My oldest ds is 9 and he just recently started wanting to keep in touch with people he doesn't see on a regular basis (kids from his workshops that don't happen during the summer, or kids from the park we go to during the school year) before that he was just like, 

"Hey mom I played with some cool kids"

"Oh yeah, what were their names?"

"No idea."

He's a very social kid, he just didn't get attached to kids he saw at the park one day. My daughter on the other hand (6) would be happy if she had her own phone and every "friend" aka any kid she's every seen, was on speed dial. 

Both completely fine. Keep on with what you're doing and don't let this doc rattle you.


almondpigeon
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:54 PM

i think he sounds extrememly socialized.  what more is the doc expecting?

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:06 PM
She thinks he should have best friends who call him to get together.


Quoting almondpigeon:

i think he sounds extrememly socialized.  what more is the doc expecting?


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celticdragon77
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:11 PM

To the op... I can't see into your life well enough to have a real or valid opinion. So take what I say with a grain of salt. As someone who grew up in fostercare and even was briefly adopted for a brief period of time, I feel a slight sense of obligation to add my two cents on this particular topic. I hope I am not projecting too much here...

Please do don't make the kids feel like you are always looking for something wrong with him. Just let him enjoy life and feel loved - no matter what. 

Seeing 6 drs in one day... Having been to every specialist known to man... Constantly finding something new wrong with him... Admitting that he spends a lot of time in drs offices.... having him see a psychologist... All by the age of 6!!! and now they are worried about his social life?! Oh JEEZ!

1) They are sucking the money from someone for all of this.

2) Some of this is elitist type bullshit 

3) It WILL mess with your child and the proof will be found in their adulthood - but most of you will pin to everything else that you found wrong with him...

4) Genetically flawed?! Really??? Please tell me that you are considering whether to ever mention this to him?! Or at least to have a second opinion... That could fuck an adopted kid up! 

5) Do you know what adopted kids NEED more than anything? More than straight teeth, supreme educations, the top specialists, and psychological intervention... LOVE! Just love and acceptance. They need YOUR attention!!!

When I was briefly adopted... I was immediately sent to a psychologist, orthodontist, speech therapist, a brain specialist (the psychologist recommended it)... yadda yadda... and man did that shit fuck with me. In my twenties (when BAM it all really hit me), it felt like I was programmed to think something was wrong with me. It manifested itself in different ways. Luckily none too severe - but it easily could have. One day it clicked for me and I realized I was just acting like a loon and just stopped pulling that shit. 

Anyways, just give your kid some really awesome memories and a solid sense of self. Your child actually hasn't even hit the "hard" part yet. There will be a day when he has to makse sense of everything. Make sure you built enough there to keep him grounded through it all. 

...and please, no offensive is meant towards you!! You obviously care a lot and are a good person. I don't know you and some or all of this may not even apply to your situation. 

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:12 PM
I've had the extra paperwork about a week and haven't filled it out. She also sent a medical release to get all medical info on him. That kind of bothers me. I brought her the lab report of his genetic testing. I don't have anything to hide, just don't know about signing the release. I don't know what is in his files so why would I want to say sure, have at it?


Quoting celticdragon77:

I don't think you will prevent people from judging others - people always find one way or another to do so (it is what makes them feel better about themselves). At least the person/psychologist was honest. Then again, I personally do not like psychologists at all, they basically use science as a way to judge and evaluate people, charge them for it, and keep records of who knows what. I am doubtful that someone who went into psychology and worked for the level of degree to practice... is really coming from that damaged of a background, to really have a real sense of understanding - and they certainly do not seem to contain wealths of empathy... so I doubt their methods and capabilities to help much. But hey, that is just my two cents, and it isn't worth a damn... 

Quoting southernwldchld:

In my experience if someone is really against hs'ing they let it color all other judgements about you. I'd just get the eval and let it go.

It sounds like your kiddo is doing fine socially. I don't know many six year olds who think about exchanging phone numbers.

My oldest ds is 9 and he just recently started wanting to keep in touch with people he doesn't see on a regular basis (kids from his workshops that don't happen during the summer, or kids from the park we go to during the school year) before that he was just like, 

"Hey mom I played with some cool kids"

"Oh yeah, what were their names?"

"No idea."

He's a very social kid, he just didn't get attached to kids he saw at the park one day. My daughter on the other hand (6) would be happy if she had her own phone and every "friend" aka any kid she's every seen, was on speed dial. 

Both completely fine. Keep on with what you're doing and don't let this doc rattle you.



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