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How much should a 6 year old socialize alone?

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We're in the middle of the evaluation on my 6 year old with the psychologist who doesn't like hsing. She seems hung up on him not going out and doing things alone. She sent more paperwork to fill out, a lot about him being out in the community and now I'm second guessing myself. He just finished Kindergarten and attended the feeder school to the school where I taught which was 45 minutes from home so any playdates had to be arranged by the moms and we usually went to the zoo or something. He plays at the park regularly and has gone swimming 3-4 times a week this summer where he plays with whoever is there, no making friends or exchanging numbers. The form asked what clubs he belongs to and how often he goes. He went to Bible Club at church every week last year but they cut out the younger kids' program. He goes to Children's Church each Sunday. He also just got a part in the church musical so he'll have practices. We just joined several hs groups in this area and he'll be going to a weekly meetup at the playground plus field trips but I'll be with him. Even if he got into Cub Scouts, a parent has to attend the meetings. Am I doing something wrong?

by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:08 AM
Replies (31-34):
Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:49 PM
No offense taken. He's been to a lot of doctors for health issues, not me getting screenings. Nope, I don't think he's genetically flawed, I just think he's unique. :) He had a microarray done so he definitely has it. I don't like the annual craniofacial appointments with all the doctors either, but that's how our medical center sets it up. At least we got it all done at once. My dh and I really struggled with the decision to get him tested for adhd. We finally decided to do it to gain more information to help him. I was really caught off guard by the psych's attitude about hsing and socializing.


Quoting celticdragon77:

To the op... I can't see into your life well enough to have a real or valid opinion. So take what I say with a grain of salt. As someone who grew up in fostercare and even was briefly adopted for a brief period of time, I feel a slight sense of obligation to add my two cents on this particular topic. I hope I am not projecting too much here...

Please do don't make the kids feel like you are always looking for something wrong with him. Just let him enjoy life and feel loved - no matter what. 

Seeing 6 drs in one day... Having been to every specialist known to man... Constantly finding something new wrong with him... Admitting that he spends a lot of time in drs offices.... having him see a psychologist... All by the age of 6!!! and now they are worried about his social life?! Oh JEEZ!

1) They are sucking the money from someone for all of this.

2) Some of this is elitist type bullshit 

3) It WILL mess with your child and the proof will be found in their adulthood - but most of you will pin to everything else that you found wrong with him...

4) Genetically flawed?! Really??? Please tell me that you are considering whether to ever mention this to him?! Or at least to have a second opinion... That could fuck an adopted kid up! 

5) Do you know what adopted kids NEED more than anything? More than straight teeth, supreme educations, the top specialists, and psychological intervention... LOVE! Just love and acceptance. They need YOUR attention!!!

When I was briefly adopted... I was immediately sent to a psychologist, orthodontist, speech therapist, a brain specialist (the psychologist recommended it)... yadda yadda... and man did that shit fuck with me. In my twenties (when BAM it all really hit me), it felt like I was programmed to think something was wrong with me. It manifested itself in different ways. Luckily none too severe - but it easily could have. One day it clicked for me and I realized I was just acting like a loon and just stopped pulling that shit. 

Anyways, just give your kid some really awesome memories and a solid sense of self. Your child actually hasn't even hit the "hard" part yet. There will be a day when he has to makse sense of everything. Make sure you built enough there to keep him grounded through it all. 

...and please, no offensive is meant towards you!! You obviously care a lot and are a good person. I don't know you and some or all of this may not even apply to your situation. 


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bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:41 AM

 Do NOT let her have everything!!!!!  This is just an evaluation.  She is not treating him for an extended time where she would need to know everything.  She is trolling for information.  She is against homeschooling, and so many red flags are going up!!  If you don't even know evertything in his files, do not let a person who is against your life choices have access to them.

Quoting Bluecalm:

I've had the extra paperwork about a week and haven't filled it out. She also sent a medical release to get all medical info on him. That kind of bothers me. I brought her the lab report of his genetic testing. I don't have anything to hide, just don't know about signing the release. I don't know what is in his files so why would I want to say sure, have at it?


Quoting celticdragon77:

I don't think you will prevent people from judging others - people always find one way or another to do so (it is what makes them feel better about themselves). At least the person/psychologist was honest. Then again, I personally do not like psychologists at all, they basically use science as a way to judge and evaluate people, charge them for it, and keep records of who knows what. I am doubtful that someone who went into psychology and worked for the level of degree to practice... is really coming from that damaged of a background, to really have a real sense of understanding - and they certainly do not seem to contain wealths of empathy... so I doubt their methods and capabilities to help much. But hey, that is just my two cents, and it isn't worth a damn... 

Quoting southernwldchld:

In my experience if someone is really against hs'ing they let it color all other judgements about you. I'd just get the eval and let it go.

It sounds like your kiddo is doing fine socially. I don't know many six year olds who think about exchanging phone numbers.

My oldest ds is 9 and he just recently started wanting to keep in touch with people he doesn't see on a regular basis (kids from his workshops that don't happen during the summer, or kids from the park we go to during the school year) before that he was just like, 

"Hey mom I played with some cool kids"

"Oh yeah, what were their names?"

"No idea."

He's a very social kid, he just didn't get attached to kids he saw at the park one day. My daughter on the other hand (6) would be happy if she had her own phone and every "friend" aka any kid she's every seen, was on speed dial. 

Both completely fine. Keep on with what you're doing and don't let this doc rattle you.



 

Bluecalm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:28 AM

 One thing that happened is a doctor included information he thought was true about his birthmother and included that in his report and now it's stuck in his records. I can write a letter rebutting it, but the record itself won't be changed. So for example it shows a family history of Learning Disabilities when in fact BM was in honors classes and attended college.

There is a section on the medical website that shows his diagnosis, like speech/language delay, and I think I'll print that up and send it in. That shows what conditions he has without allowing her to read the entire file.

I didn't like how the medical release was just mailed to me after the appointment, like just slipping it in. I think she should have mentioned during the appointment that she needed it so I could have given my reasons to deny it.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 Do NOT let her have everything!!!!!  This is just an evaluation.  She is not treating him for an extended time where she would need to know everything.  She is trolling for information.  She is against homeschooling, and so many red flags are going up!!  If you don't even know evertything in his files, do not let a person who is against your life choices have access to them.

Quoting Bluecalm:

I've had the extra paperwork about a week and haven't filled it out. She also sent a medical release to get all medical info on him. That kind of bothers me. I brought her the lab report of his genetic testing. I don't have anything to hide, just don't know about signing the release. I don't know what is in his files so why would I want to say sure, have at it?


Quoting celticdragon77:

I don't think you will prevent people from judging others - people always find one way or another to do so (it is what makes them feel better about themselves). At least the person/psychologist was honest. Then again, I personally do not like psychologists at all, they basically use science as a way to judge and evaluate people, charge them for it, and keep records of who knows what. I am doubtful that someone who went into psychology and worked for the level of degree to practice... is really coming from that damaged of a background, to really have a real sense of understanding - and they certainly do not seem to contain wealths of empathy... so I doubt their methods and capabilities to help much. But hey, that is just my two cents, and it isn't worth a damn... 

Quoting southernwldchld:

In my experience if someone is really against hs'ing they let it color all other judgements about you. I'd just get the eval and let it go.

It sounds like your kiddo is doing fine socially. I don't know many six year olds who think about exchanging phone numbers.

My oldest ds is 9 and he just recently started wanting to keep in touch with people he doesn't see on a regular basis (kids from his workshops that don't happen during the summer, or kids from the park we go to during the school year) before that he was just like, 

"Hey mom I played with some cool kids"

"Oh yeah, what were their names?"

"No idea."

He's a very social kid, he just didn't get attached to kids he saw at the park one day. My daughter on the other hand (6) would be happy if she had her own phone and every "friend" aka any kid she's every seen, was on speed dial. 

Both completely fine. Keep on with what you're doing and don't let this doc rattle you.



 


 

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:45 AM

 You don't need reasons for denying it and she doesn't need to hear your reasons for denying it.  I know you want to explain yourself, but in my experience when someone goes searching for information they do not hear your reasons anyway.  If you want to send the website info that's cool, but if you just want to give her something, then I wouldn't. 

Short story: I had a pediatrician who did not like my desision in only feed healthy food to my kids.  She wanted me to give my son ensure because he wasn't gaining weight. (There were other reasons for him not gaining weight, but I'm trying to keep it short).  She asked to talk to hubby and to talk to my parents.  She wanted to get them on her side and barring that, she wanted information so that she could call CPS.  She dug until she found that I hadn't fed him anything but breast milk until he was 6 months.  She called CPS for "child endangerment."  Thankfully I had a new doctor and was already taking steps to "fix" the "problems." So nothing came of it.  But this woman had a vendetta because I wasn't taking her advice and she was the expert.

IMO, this woman thinks you are not taking her advice to put him in a private school, she disagrees with your life style and she is the expert.  Do not give her more than she absolutely needs to know.

(maybe my past experiences make me keep it close, but I wouldn't give her anything)

Quoting Bluecalm:

 One thing that happened is a doctor included information he thought was true about his birthmother and included that in his report and now it's stuck in his records. I can write a letter rebutting it, but the record itself won't be changed. So for example it shows a family history of Learning Disabilities when in fact BM was in honors classes and attended college.

There is a section on the medical website that shows his diagnosis, like speech/language delay, and I think I'll print that up and send it in. That shows what conditions he has without allowing her to read the entire file.

I didn't like how the medical release was just mailed to me after the appointment, like just slipping it in. I think she should have mentioned during the appointment that she needed it so I could have given my reasons to deny it.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 Do NOT let her have everything!!!!!  This is just an evaluation.  She is not treating him for an extended time where she would need to know everything.  She is trolling for information.  She is against homeschooling, and so many red flags are going up!!  If you don't even know evertything in his files, do not let a person who is against your life choices have access to them.

Quoting Bluecalm:

 



 

 

 

 

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