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So my MIL is going to be moving in for a while...eep!

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This is going to be interesting to say the least. She does work full time and she will be in the basement for the most part so hopefully cohabitation isn't that bad. When Rob and I were first starting out we lived together for a bit to help her so we've done it before.

We need to get the basement sorted and organized. NOT A SMALL TASK. Oy! I'm tired just thinking about it.

Have you ever lived with or had a relative live with you? We've had my mom and then my SIL live with us in this house when they needed help.

by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 9:23 PM
Replies (11-20):
mem82
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 11:28 AM

It only supposed to be for 3 months but it could easily go longer. 8( She lost her house to foreclosure. Hubby and I are both looking at the scary prospect of having to take care of both sets of our parents because none of them have saved for retirement. Both moms have made bad man choices and have little to no job skills that are marketable. She's a file clerk so she doesn't make bad money but it isn't a lot and like many of us, MIL, is a I want, I buy type of gal. *sigh*

We are going to try to make the best of it. She and I aren't *good* friends but I'm hoping to make it work. I think it wouldn't be as hard if she didn't *HAVE* to move in, you know? She's got pride for miles.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

 I lived with my parents for a month when I was 23 and moving my job and apartment between cities.  That was good enough for me and I wouldn't do it again!

Good luck organizing your basement.  Will she be with you very long?


debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 11:42 AM
My sister has lived with us 3 times. Two times before she got cancer ( things worked great), one time after she got cancer(not so great).

She has ocd and can be very hard to live with. We have both decided that unless there is a very bad emergency it will not happen again.

We are to different in the way we run our homes and lives.

She is a single mom and our parenting is different on some respects also. She let's her dd get away with more than I do and gets upset that my niece listens to me better and thinks I am to hard on her.

But she also knows I love that little girl as one of my own and would die for her if need be.

We have talked about my mil moving in with us when my fil passes but I don't know if she would. We would have to make several changes to our life styles as she is Hindu and would need a few things like her own fridge and a place to set up her room for prayer and worship. She would also need a place to put her pots and pans as she can not use ours.

I am willing to work hard to make the changes as I grew up that you take care of your elders and respect them. It would not be easy though. I know my kids would love it and they would learn a new language and part of their heritage, I would still be taking them to church so hopefully they would not get confused.
TidewaterClan
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 11:52 AM

 Best wishes on that working out as best it can.  That's a shame they didn't save back for their twilight years.  I hope you still get to enjoy your own family as much as possible, on the weekends too, not just while she's at work.

Quoting mem82:

It only supposed to be for 3 months but it could easily go longer. 8( She lost her house to foreclosure. Hubby and I are both looking at the scary prospect of having to take care of both sets of our parents because none of them have saved for retirement. Both moms have made bad man choices and have little to no job skills that are marketable. She's a file clerk so she doesn't make bad money but it isn't a lot and like many of us, MIL, is a I want, I buy type of gal. *sigh*

We are going to try to make the best of it. She and I aren't *good* friends but I'm hoping to make it work. I think it wouldn't be as hard if she didn't *HAVE* to move in, you know? She's got pride for miles.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

 I lived with my parents for a month when I was 23 and moving my job and apartment between cities.  That was good enough for me and I wouldn't do it again!

Good luck organizing your basement.  Will she be with you very long?


 

mem82
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 11:55 AM

Thanks! I'm going to need a lot of luck and patience especially for Saturdays. It's the day we don't usually do anything, Rob almost always works, and MIL doesn't work.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

 Best wishes on that working out as best it can.  That's a shame they didn't save back for their twilight years.  I hope you still get to enjoy your own family as much as possible, on the weekends too, not just while she's at work.

Quoting mem82:

It only supposed to be for 3 months but it could easily go longer. 8( She lost her house to foreclosure. Hubby and I are both looking at the scary prospect of having to take care of both sets of our parents because none of them have saved for retirement. Both moms have made bad man choices and have little to no job skills that are marketable. She's a file clerk so she doesn't make bad money but it isn't a lot and like many of us, MIL, is a I want, I buy type of gal. *sigh*

We are going to try to make the best of it. She and I aren't *good* friends but I'm hoping to make it work. I think it wouldn't be as hard if she didn't *HAVE* to move in, you know? She's got pride for miles.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

 I lived with my parents for a month when I was 23 and moving my job and apartment between cities.  That was good enough for me and I wouldn't do it again!

Good luck organizing your basement.  Will she be with you very long?


 


mem82
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 11:58 AM

That would be quite a bit of change to embrace. Good for you for at least being willing to give it a try! I'm not so sure that I could go that far. 8)

Living with my mom was hard. She thought of my husband as her own personal piggie bank. 8( Living with his sister was harder because...well, she is a hard person to deal with and she had no job so she was just this thing that would sit on my couch and yell at the kids.

Quoting debramommyof4:

My sister has lived with us 3 times. Two times before she got cancer ( things worked great), one time after she got cancer(not so great).

She has ocd and can be very hard to live with. We have both decided that unless there is a very bad emergency it will not happen again.

We are to different in the way we run our homes and lives.

She is a single mom and our parenting is different on some respects also. She let's her dd get away with more than I do and gets upset that my niece listens to me better and thinks I am to hard on her.

But she also knows I love that little girl as one of my own and would die for her if need be.

We have talked about my mil moving in with us when my fil passes but I don't know if she would. We would have to make several changes to our life styles as she is Hindu and would need a few things like her own fridge and a place to set up her room for prayer and worship. She would also need a place to put her pots and pans as she can not use ours.

I am willing to work hard to make the changes as I grew up that you take care of your elders and respect them. It would not be easy though. I know my kids would love it and they would learn a new language and part of their heritage, I would still be taking them to church so hopefully they would not get confused.


TidewaterClan
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 12:03 PM

 Ouch!  That's when I'd think it would be the least agreeable.  sad

Quoting mem82:

Thanks! I'm going to need a lot of luck and patience especially for Saturdays. It's the day we don't usually do anything, Rob almost always works, and MIL doesn't work.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

 Best wishes on that working out as best it can.  That's a shame they didn't save back for their twilight years.  I hope you still get to enjoy your own family as much as possible, on the weekends too, not just while she's at work.

Quoting mem82:

It only supposed to be for 3 months but it could easily go longer. 8( She lost her house to foreclosure. Hubby and I are both looking at the scary prospect of having to take care of both sets of our parents because none of them have saved for retirement. Both moms have made bad man choices and have little to no job skills that are marketable. She's a file clerk so she doesn't make bad money but it isn't a lot and like many of us, MIL, is a I want, I buy type of gal. *sigh*

We are going to try to make the best of it. She and I aren't *good* friends but I'm hoping to make it work. I think it wouldn't be as hard if she didn't *HAVE* to move in, you know? She's got pride for miles.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

 I lived with my parents for a month when I was 23 and moving my job and apartment between cities.  That was good enough for me and I wouldn't do it again!

Good luck organizing your basement.  Will she be with you very long?


 


 

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 12:18 PM
I am no saint. I would go crazy. But we are the only ones and she would do better with us.

My husband is the youngest son out of 3. His older brother made many mistakes that make it really hard to afford anything and keep a job. He is better now and making good choices but it really messed up his life so he can not take her in.

The 2nd brother was born disabled and mentally was never over the age of 13. We lost him a year ago.

So really my husband is the only child she has that can take her in and help her have an easier life.

So it is my responsibility to make her as welcomed and comfortable in our home as possible. My parents have other kids who can take care of them. If not I would expect the same from my husband. So I can do no less.


Quoting mem82:

That would be quite a bit of change to embrace. Good for you for at least being willing to give it a try! I'm not so sure that I could go that far. 8)

Living with my mom was hard. She thought of my husband as her own personal piggie bank. 8( Living with his sister was harder because...well, she is a hard person to deal with and she had no job so she was just this thing that would sit on my couch and yell at the kids.

Quoting debramommyof4:

My sister has lived with us 3 times. Two times before she got cancer ( things worked great), one time after she got cancer(not so great).



She has ocd and can be very hard to live with. We have both decided that unless there is a very bad emergency it will not happen again.



We are to different in the way we run our homes and lives.



She is a single mom and our parenting is different on some respects also. She let's her dd get away with more than I do and gets upset that my niece listens to me better and thinks I am to hard on her.



But she also knows I love that little girl as one of my own and would die for her if need be.



We have talked about my mil moving in with us when my fil passes but I don't know if she would. We would have to make several changes to our life styles as she is Hindu and would need a few things like her own fridge and a place to set up her room for prayer and worship. She would also need a place to put her pots and pans as she can not use ours.



I am willing to work hard to make the changes as I grew up that you take care of your elders and respect them. It would not be easy though. I know my kids would love it and they would learn a new language and part of their heritage, I would still be taking them to church so hopefully they would not get confused.


No_Difference
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 12:52 PM

 We lived with each of our parents at one point. It was before we had gotten married, and for the first year after we got married, and our oldest was only a baby/toddler.  I will NEVER live with my mother again...she can stay with us for 2-3 weeks, but after that we're ready to kill each other. My brother and I are already pooling funds for a nursing home for her. My dad - I don't think he's ever go for it, but he's absolutely welcome...I'd just have to find stuff for him to do otherwise he'd go stir crazy.  

I don't think I'd mind hubby's parents too much BUT I'd still feel like I'm walking on egg shells. His dad went waaaay into religion lately and likes to turn everything into something religious which drives me nuts. His mom is a special ed teacher, so when it comes to school with the kids, I'd feel over critiqued all the time if she were constantly here. I purposely schedule no school when they're here for visits for that reason.

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Joann.HS
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:01 PM
We've been fortunate to never have lived with other family members or them with us. I would be willing to help in an emergency situation, but nothing longer than a month or two I think. Lol.

I would help get them back on their feet and then help find an affordable, inexpensive apt or house to rent.

We would, hopefully, do everything in our power not to live with my folks or in-laws. I just think everyone needs their own space.
Precious333
by Julia on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:24 PM
GL!

Dh and i lived with our inlaws right after gettinf married for about 3 years! Then we had to stay there for abou a week while our house got painted with our three kids. It wasnt too bad, but we were so glad to come back home!
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