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ODD anyone???? ((oppositional defiance disorder?)) **update**

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:44 AM
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Seriously, I'm not new to this mom thing... nor is homeschooling new to me.    My daughter is just sooo difficult.    She does every little thing she can to stir up trouble and isn't happy unless she is making some one in the family angry with her.     She has been this way since infancy.     

So, I've been reading up on children like her, because she is NOT the only one.   I've been discovering that they need structure, routine, etc..... but they also don't respond to discipline.   They respond to praise.

Ok...   so I am doing backflips trying to praise and encourage her, and that actually sometimes works, but not always.   My problem comes in this....  I'm getting wore out and she is still "winning" this war we have against her oppositional side.   

She's not diagnosed ODD, but the doc has been advising me to have her evaluated.


**update, so I mentioned in the post below that I let her choose to spend the day in her room instead of doing school....  thought it was working at least so I could get the others some schooling in and maybe it would leave her feeling left out and wanting to participate......  no, instead, she intentionally got into her sister's belongings (which she doesn't do normally) and took her anger out on her things.   She got her scented markers that her sister keeps put away and wrote all over her sisters stuff....**

I calmly had her sister clean it up and fix it, because the five year old wouldn't have gotten much done and would have just gotten attention from trying to make her... .then I made the 5 yr old pay the 11 yr old for getting into her things and THEN pay her more for cleaning it up.   Then, I put her back in her room and left her alone... 

Do you hear the reverberating thunk of my head hitting the desk???


by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy4lyf
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:00 AM

I think it's a good idea to have her evaluated. Hope you'll find answer. hugs

BrittO2
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:46 AM

I would make her an appointment to have her evaluated. We aren't dealing with ODD but DS has Bipolar disorder with antisocial tendencies they also believe he may have Asbergers. The Explosive Child is a really good book,  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061906190/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

oredeb
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:51 AM

 is this something they give medication for? seems like its just the way some people are, what will happen when shes evaluated?

i  jusst reading some posts about what other hs moms do for kids with odd, one lady said her doctor said to spank her son when he was doing something drastic and she said that worked, he never did it again(this lady did not believe in spanking for anything but she was at wits end), another one said have them exercise just before doing  some school work,  like wall push ups, crab walk, wall to wall runs,  and a martial arts class helped or soccer.

abrine7673
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I was diagnosed odd in my teen years. What worked was to give me options. Not like you can do A and get a reward or if you do B you will get punished but to give me to things I could do where I wouldn't get in trouble for either. Also if you want her to do something like cleaning I would try saying something like "I really love it when you help with the dishes, do you think you could help me?"
Orders didn't go over well. And when my parents hot frustrated I fed off of it.
I'd get her evaluated and ask for other suggestions.
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Joann.HS
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:15 AM
If she's evaluated, what will the label help with? Would she be medicated? I mean, it may just be her personality. I like the giving her options idea someone suggested.

Good luck (:
KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:37 AM

Giving them options is just the normal way I parent... at least as often as is possible.   My kids pick their own clothes, choose how their rooms goes (as long as it's not a mess), choose which veggie they want to eat, etc...

However, when Abby is given choices, she will even get oppositional against her own choice.  She will throw fits and fight about the choice she made just because she wants to fight.

She DOES feed off of frustrating others.   It's not just me.   Wow, does she do a number on her Dad, and her siblings really avoid her all the time.   I don't completely blame them, but it also breaks my heart to see how they dislike her.   I've also been getting negative feedback about her at church and in other groups. 


Quoting abrine7673:

I was diagnosed odd in my teen years. What worked was to give me options. Not like you can do A and get a reward or if you do B you will get punished but to give me to things I could do where I wouldn't get in trouble for either. Also if you want her to do something like cleaning I would try saying something like "I really love it when you help with the dishes, do you think you could help me?"
Orders didn't go over well. And when my parents hot frustrated I fed off of it.
I'd get her evaluated and ask for other suggestions.



KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:39 AM

I wonder the same thing... is this just the way that she is, her personality and such.   Is ODD a "real" diagnosis or whatnot? 

As for what will I do with the diagnosis and what do I expect from it?   I'm not sure.   I don't think they medicate, which I'm not sure I want to anyway.  She's five!

I think they mainly use therapy and such... 


Quoting oredeb:

 is this something they give medication for? seems like its just the way some people are, what will happen when shes evaluated?

i  jusst reading some posts about what other hs moms do for kids with odd, one lady said her doctor said to spank her son when he was doing something drastic and she said that worked, he never did it again(this lady did not believe in spanking for anything but she was at wits end), another one said have them exercise just before doing  some school work,  like wall push ups, crab walk, wall to wall runs,  and a martial arts class helped or soccer.



KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:41 AM

Ok, update....

Today she started pulling the whole, "I can't do anything today because I want to fight with you instead."   After the fiftth time of putting her in time out during morning board, I asked if she would like to do school with me or if she'd prefer to spend the entire day in her room.   No TV, no video games, no playing outside, nothing....

She chose her room.   So, she's been in there for 45 minutes so far, and she's content and I'm working with the other kids instead.   

I guess this is going to be her kindergarten year.


oredeb
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:50 AM

 what about when shes in the room like that putting some of her school work she can do by herself in there with her but dont say anything about it, just set it where she can see it? or just having educational stuff in her room?

Bleacheddecay
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:51 AM

My girl was never diagnosed with ODD but she was very defiant. I gave her choices and talked with her a lot, listening too. One day she told me that when she was upset she did better if she was left alone in her room. This has turned out to be true her entire life.

Much later, in 6th grade she was diagnosed with ADHD. Girls with that are verbally hyper among other things. Schools often miss it.

Martial arts did help her a great deal.

She was never medicated until the summer before starting college because she had gotten a good academic scholarship and was in an honors group. And because we were both just exhausted with her fighting with herself and finally ready.

Meds made a big difference for the better for her. I now wish I'd had her evaluated and put on meds much sooner. She has often been in counseling too which is important.

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