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Thinking about homeschooling my kid who gets in trouble at school

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Hello,

So my son is a first grader and in the public schools. Last year he had behavioral problems that led to weekly meetings with the councelor to work on things like social skills and appropriate responses. We're about to complete our first full school week tomorrow and already (between the 1 1/2 days he made it last week because he came home and stayed home sick and the 4 days already had this week) he's been to the Principal's office at least 3 times, the Principal has called us once and escorted my DS out of the building at the end of the day the other day in order to tell me how he'd gotten in trouble and had been sitting on the bench outside the office for the last bit of the day, the teacher has called me (the first day of school actually) to ask me if I had any suggestions for what she could do for him, and I've gotten an email from the councelor checking in and asking if maybe I want a referral to from what I can glean from internet research seems like some sort of psychological treatment for him since the teacher has approached her about the problems she's having with my boy.

I'm flabbergasted. Do I have a difficult child? Sure, I'm not stupid. But to have the school seeming like it's completely dumbfounded by him when the years just barely begun? Have they really never encountered such a child before, in all those thousands of children they've had come through their doors??

So, anyways, the point is, I'm wondering if anyone started homeschooling because of behavior problems their child had being in a classroom setting that weren't a problem in a one-on-one setting? He's a very smart boy, but it seems like that's being lost in the behavior problems and so he's not getting the advanced things he needs in that area. Anyone had a similar experience? I'm just feeling so lost and confused!

Mwate

by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Replies (11-15):
debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 2:06 AM

 I did actually.  If you do not want to pull him, then explain he is bored.  Which if he is anything like my dd he is.  I pulled her and went to k12 and when that was not enough for her we went to straight homeschooling.  She behaves so much better when we are on a schedule and doing school.  It is like night and day.

Jlee4249
by Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 3:24 AM

The question you need to ask first is How is he at home with you?

If he's a great kid at home with you, then homeschooling is definitely something for you to consider. 

My kids are awesome.  I never have trouble finding a babysitter.  Everyone actually enjoys having them over.  They are polite and very well behaved.  

HOWEVER.  
I know that if I were to send them to public school, they would be difficult students in such an environment.  My 7yo can't sit still.  She can't NOT talk. ;)  She's an absolute sweetheart and helpful to a fault, but she just would never survive in a sit-down-and-shut-up environment that is public school.  She is a complete sponge with information, if presented with hands-on activities, but being told to read this or fill this worksheet out, she'd probably barely pass a test.  My 5yo is brilliant, but is scared of being wrong.  He works crazy well when left alone.  But if you're hovering in any way, his nerves cause him to lose all ability to function, it seems.  

Labels & diagnosis aside, some kids just don't fit in the tiny box that is public school.

 


oahoah
by Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 9:25 PM

We began homeschooling because of our oldest son's behavior problems in kindy. Unfortunately it wasn't a "cure-all" to behavior problems and is a constant work-in-progress. We are 3 years into it now and still working on the behavior but truly believe that bringing him home was the best answer and that any behavior issues would only have become much worse had we left him in school.  But that being said, it wasn't totally one-on-one either as he has 2 little brothers.

IMO home is the best place for kids to learn and not only that but grow as a family and not be apart from their family for extended hours a day.   One thing I am just learning from my reading is that a lot of behavior can be a "mask" of something deeper and they key is to be able to communicate with your son and find out what, or teach him how to express his emotions and not bottle them up.  My oldest DS has a birth defect and self-esteem issues and possible learning disorders and we've never really gotten to the "heart" of why he acts out because we've been approaching him wrong but now am going to do more heart-seeking (I'm using language from a couple books called "Shepherding A Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp and "Don't Make Me Count to 3" by Ginger Plowman). 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Knightquester
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 10:03 PM

My sons best friend is ADHD, and he sometimes has behavior issues, concentration issues and is very high energy.  His parents work with him a lot and they don't want to medicate him, and so he is homeschooled.  Even in the year I've known the child I can see a huge growth in maturity in him, and while he still is high energy and can sometimes still misbehave you can see he does try.

I know with my youngest daughter I was told by her kindergarten teacher she was a "trouble child".  She went in knowing how to read, write and do basic math, so she didn't sit around for anything the teacher was covering.  She would get up and do her own thing, and she never could connect with any of the children, she was the kid playing by herself on the playground.  Well, last year she was diagnosed with autism and the pieces finally fell into place for me, I was finally able to understand.  I did take her out in kindergarten to homeschool her and I have never had the same issues her teacher had when she was in public school.  She's a very smart, advanced child when it comes to academics, however I did noticed a huge problem with her connecting with other children.  She sometimes talked above or below their level, or she would just not want to connect at all.  I am glad I had her checked out, because now I have professionals that can give me pointers on how to work on her social skills, and our insurance offers social classes for children like her.

People homeschool for multiple reasons, and one of those reasons is because their child doesn't fit the cookie cutter mold that most public schoolers do.  They may have areas where they are further advanced in, and areas where they are behind in, whether it be academics, maturity, or socially.

Chasing3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 11:31 PM

Yes, my husband and I RARELY ever saw the problems at home or in other settings that the teacher insisted he exhibited daily. So, after a miserable year for him last year, we were pretty confident the school setting was the problem and we're keeping him home this year. 

You might find this article interesting: http://www.wrightslaw.com/advoc/articles/ALESSI1.html

It talks about sped kids, but realistically, I think a lot of typically developing boys are increasinlgy being "diagnosed" by teachers as ADHD or ODD or whatever else and the neuropsych profession is preying on parent anxiety by evaluating kids and inevitably finding adhd.

I'd also recommend the Minds of Boys by Michael Gurian

I'm pretty sure you can't medicate boredom in school! Also, many other problems look like adhd to the completely untrained-in-that-area-teacher! I have met two moms who pursued outside evaluations and found their kids had profound dyslexia and the school didn't find it or want to believe them! Astounding! These are supposed to be the education professionals? That being said, I do know many kids who were diagnosed with adhd and found great relief from meds.

Ultimately, you have to go with your gut as a parent.

you might find these articles interesting too. I will admit the author is a very radically progressive thinker on education. I know they are talking about adhd, and I'm truly not making an assumption that is your son's issue, but I think they are applicable to lots of other kids with troubles in school that might be stemming from something else - could be giftedness or a learning disability or just school setting be the wrong environment for them to learn in.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201007/adhd-and-school-the-problem-assessing-normalcy-in-abnormal-environment

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201009/experiences-adhd-labeled-kids-who-switch-conventional-schooling-homeschool

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