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PIOG: Probs with neighbor, kids getting punnished... (long, and more of a vent than anything)

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 12:39 PM
  • 23 Replies

Neighbor has a 3 yr old.  He's getting better, but since we've moved in, he's been running away, getting lost, running in the street, etc... I never thought poorly of neighbor.   She is loving and kind toward all the kids, she's just a soft touch and a little spacey.

Anyway, my daughter is extremely hyper and difficult with actual schooling, however, she has never been outwardly disobedient and can be trusted to play outside by herself.   She always stayed far away from street and stayed where I allowed her to go.    She needs more outside time than I can seem to give her with schooling them and having a 15 month old.     So, this worked for us.  I open all the doors and windows, check on her often, and we would get some stuff done while baby napped and she played with the sand table, sidewalk chalk, scooter (upper part of driveway away from road) etc...

Well, neighbor started wanting her to play over in their yard with 3 yr old because it actually helped her contain him and she could get some yardwork done while they played nearby.  Fine with me, I have been here over a year, and it's only 20 feet away from my front door.   They literally live RIGHT next door.

Ok, so a few weeks ago, I called for my daughter and she came running back from ACROSS THE STREET!!  After beginning to scold my DD, the neighbor came over and told me that she had told my daughter to disobey me even after my kid said she wasn't allowed that she told her that it was OK because she was with her and she would make sure she didn't get in trouble.   Anyway, I disciplined my daughter anyway and let the neighbor know (politely) that my child had to obey her parents first.

FFW, find her in the street racing bikes with the 3 yr old.   Come to find out that neighbor is "watching" them from the back of her garage sharing a blunt with the neighbor across the street... no bike helmets, and they couldn't see the road let alone the kids racing in the road.  (three and five remember)

OMG!!!

So anyway, now the kids are being punnished because the poor 3 yr old is always begging met to let my daughter play, and my 5 yr old stares out the window pitifully because she can't go play all the time.

GRRRR...  I'm irritated I made such an incorrect decision to begin this mess, and it makes me realize even more why I parent different than some other people. 


by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 12:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hwblyf
by Silver Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 1:56 PM

Yeah, they wouldn't be playing with that outside of my yard with me right there again.  I'm sorry that happened.

Maridel
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 2:04 PM
3 moms liked this

Uhh she's spacey cause she's high. That's a safety situation for that 3 year old. Sorry your DD has to pay for crappy neighbors. 

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Aug. 31, 2013 at 2:16 PM
That really stinks. Hopefully your dd can understand why she needs to listen to you first, it's hard to be a kid and have another adult that you feel is in charge give you different directions than your parents. It would be easier if she was a bit older because then she could say "no, sorry, I just have to go home..or go check with my mom..etc." you are totally doing the right thing, it just stinks to have to be in that situation.

Are you able to still let dd play outside but only in the area you allowed it before? Since she needs that outside time, it will be really crappy to have to take it all away because of the irresponsible adult.
usmom3
by BJ on Aug. 31, 2013 at 2:47 PM
2 moms liked this

 So you punished your daughter for listening to an adult you left in charge of her? Sounds to me like you should have reprimanded the women for making your child break your rules! Children are intimidated by adults, you yourself said she tried to stand up to the women but eventual caved because the women promised she would not get in trouble. You should have praised her for standing up to the women even though she gave in because at her age most kids would have just done what the adult told her to do. You can't have it both ways either you want her to do what adults tell her to do without question or you want her to stand her ground when told to do something she knows is wrong.

Bleacheddecay
by Bronze Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 3:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you did exactly right. My kids know I expect them to follow MY rules no matter where they are or who they are with.

Of course I would also apologize to my child for letting that idiot watch her and tell her that was NEVER going to happen again.

funmom111
by New Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 3:15 PM

My child would only be allowed to play with him in our yard. Scary sorry some adults can be so immature. 

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 5:57 PM

At no point was the other adult in actual charge of my daughter, they just invited her into their yard to play with her son.   They are literally my very next door neighbor, so it was only a matter of extending my daughter's boundaries to their driveway instead of the tree between our yards.  

She would come home and ask, "Mom can so-and-so's mom give me a popscicle."   or  "mom, they are playing in the hose, can I get wet?"    I was ALWAYS looking outside, checking on them, walked over there and visited with them while my older two were working on independent work... then I'd tell Abby when I left and ALWAYS repeat the rules on the boundaries... "don't even go NEAR the street, and don't pass (so and so's) driveway."

There was no QUESTION of my rules and expectations and that I was still watching my own kid.

I was torn about disciplining her the first time... especially after the neighbor took the blame.   However, if I let the neighbor take the blame and not discipline my Abby, then Abby learns that the neighbor is right... she kept her from getting in trouble when she disobeyed mom.  Not a lesson I want her believing.



Quoting usmom3:

 So you punished your daughter for listening to an adult you left in charge of her? Sounds to me like you should have reprimanded the women for making your child break your rules! Children are intimidated by adults, you yourself said she tried to stand up to the women but eventual caved because the women promised she would not get in trouble. You should have praised her for standing up to the women even though she gave in because at her age most kids would have just done what the adult told her to do. You can't have it both ways either you want her to do what adults tell her to do without question or you want her to stand her ground when told to do something she knows is wrong.



Ecoseem
by Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 6:13 PM

I wasn't clear about this, but have you talked to the other mom and told her that your daughter is not to leave the yard, or she will not be playing with her son?

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 6:26 PM

I told her DIRECTLY that is was not OK because Abby had to follow our rules and boundaries or else she couldn't play outside on her own.   She tried to give me excuses about how she didn't want to seperate the kids and make them cry so she told Abby it would be OK.   I made it clear that no, it was not.   I told her again, Abby is NEVER allowed in the street without our permission.   That is was OK if Abby came over to their front yard and played, but that she still had boundaries....

The second time was the last time... I don't need a third time, and won't have one.

Quoting Ecoseem:

I wasn't clear about this, but have you talked to the other mom and told her that your daughter is not to leave the yard, or she will not be playing with her son?



Ecoseem
by Member on Aug. 31, 2013 at 7:11 PM

Okay, I was just curous.  Seems like you've done about all you can do, if the neighbor is influencing your daughter's decision making then there isn't much left but to put your foot down.

Quoting KrissyKC:

I told her DIRECTLY that is was not OK because Abby had to follow our rules and boundaries or else she couldn't play outside on her own.   She tried to give me excuses about how she didn't want to seperate the kids and make them cry so she told Abby it would be OK.   I made it clear that no, it was not.   I told her again, Abby is NEVER allowed in the street without our permission.   That is was OK if Abby came over to their front yard and played, but that she still had boundaries....

The second time was the last time... I don't need a third time, and won't have one.

Quoting Ecoseem:

I wasn't clear about this, but have you talked to the other mom and told her that your daughter is not to leave the yard, or she will not be playing with her son?




"Parent" is a verb.

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