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PIOG: Probs with neighbor, kids getting punnished... (long, and more of a vent than anything)

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Neighbor has a 3 yr old.  He's getting better, but since we've moved in, he's been running away, getting lost, running in the street, etc... I never thought poorly of neighbor.   She is loving and kind toward all the kids, she's just a soft touch and a little spacey.

Anyway, my daughter is extremely hyper and difficult with actual schooling, however, she has never been outwardly disobedient and can be trusted to play outside by herself.   She always stayed far away from street and stayed where I allowed her to go.    She needs more outside time than I can seem to give her with schooling them and having a 15 month old.     So, this worked for us.  I open all the doors and windows, check on her often, and we would get some stuff done while baby napped and she played with the sand table, sidewalk chalk, scooter (upper part of driveway away from road) etc...

Well, neighbor started wanting her to play over in their yard with 3 yr old because it actually helped her contain him and she could get some yardwork done while they played nearby.  Fine with me, I have been here over a year, and it's only 20 feet away from my front door.   They literally live RIGHT next door.

Ok, so a few weeks ago, I called for my daughter and she came running back from ACROSS THE STREET!!  After beginning to scold my DD, the neighbor came over and told me that she had told my daughter to disobey me even after my kid said she wasn't allowed that she told her that it was OK because she was with her and she would make sure she didn't get in trouble.   Anyway, I disciplined my daughter anyway and let the neighbor know (politely) that my child had to obey her parents first.

FFW, find her in the street racing bikes with the 3 yr old.   Come to find out that neighbor is "watching" them from the back of her garage sharing a blunt with the neighbor across the street... no bike helmets, and they couldn't see the road let alone the kids racing in the road.  (three and five remember)


So anyway, now the kids are being punnished because the poor 3 yr old is always begging met to let my daughter play, and my 5 yr old stares out the window pitifully because she can't go play all the time.

GRRRR...  I'm irritated I made such an incorrect decision to begin this mess, and it makes me realize even more why I parent different than some other people. 

by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 12:39 PM
Replies (21-23):
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:50 AM
She was in their yard. I understand you were looking outside, but the neighbor was the adult outside watching and being responsible for their well being. (I'm not saying you were being irresponsible, but I would consider the adult outside tending to them the one in charge).

Your daughter is young, and I'm sure she was enjoying her playtime. I wouldn't have punished my child.
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:41 AM

I would have been reluctant to allow my child in to their yard in the first place. You stated that the mom is "spacey" and that her child constantly runs out into the street, runs away, etc. You know he's going to continue doing those things even if your daughter is over there, and regardless of your "rules", children tend to follow the behavior of other children. I would have been concerned that my daughter was going to start running out into the road, running off, etc. just because the other child is doing it. From now on,  I'd have them play in MY yard where I could keep better control. That way you could say to the little boy, "My daughter is not allowed to play out in the street. If you continue doing it, I'm going to send you back to your own yard and not allow her to play with you for the ret of today." Or else I'd make sure that you are able to be outside 100% of the time (like when the older children are done schooling, etc). 

by Platinum Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:51 PM
That's a tough situation. I have taught my kids that I am the be all and end all of rules. They listen to adults in the immediate area but can not break one of my rules no matter what. It ticks off other adults but it keeps the kiddos safe. It's hard to be that parent but I think indoctrination of the rule to listen to some one simply because they are the closest adult is silly and dangerous. Too many kids are hurt or kidnapped by obeying that standard.
I agree with her punishment as long as you explained that your authority is always there. I am sorry your neighbor is a flake. 8(
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