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How to be what they all need... (moms of "more" kids... mostly)

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I'm struggling really hard to be what they all need.

Anyway, I'm "teaching" constantly... I flip from one kid to another in their independent subjects, and then we get into the joined subjects... I bounce into chores, cooking, etc...   I come back to teaching again, cooking the next meal, testing their spelling words, listening to one child play the guitar while helping the other with her first ever word search made for pre and early readers.   Ooops, baby smells poopy, and he has a rash I have been battling, so I have to interrupt the music and wordsearch to change a baby... both other kids are getting restless, but they both want mom's involvement or else their attitudes slip and they don't want to do the stuff anymore...

My eldest is in math that is over my head, but I'm learning it with her some, and she just asked a question on how to find the square root of x if x is 27 minus two (easy right?  but not right now, because I'm now stepping over the baby gate while still chopping celery for dinner and I just cut my finger a little and have just bled on the food... argh... toss it, get out a new plate and Reilly starts screaming at the baby gate because Mom just stepped on the other side of it and it's just not acceptable...

I've had a few short stints where I could stop and read cafemom and post... while gobbling a few bites of lunch when I realized that I missed breakfast because I had accidentally scorched the eggs while answering a question from a kid... so some of the egg stuck to the pan, and I didn't have enough for everyone... so I had a glass of milk and thought I'd grab something in a bit.

I have a plan, I have organization... it's just a lot to do with four kids on four different stages of development (especially with a toddler.)

My health problems aren't helping.  Sugars have been through the roof because of the stress and that has caused a yeast infection that won't heal.   DH and I haven't been intimate for almost 5 months and he is going nuts... keeps poking and prodding me, pinching, grabbing, etc... and with all this pressure it just makes me cringe, but I don't want to hurt him and tell him that.  Besides I've tried explaining it before and it just caused a rift between us.

I can't sleep at night (can we say 2 am?) because I am so desperate for "me" time.   Hubby doesn't understand and he is hurt if I don't go watch the latest baseball (I hate sports movies) movie with him on neflix at 11 pm... so, when the movie is finally over, I'm finally on here saying...   good grief... I love every minute of my family, I just need a few minutes of my own...  what have I gotten myself into???

And yet, with all I do, I'm seeing serious needs in my kids (and my marriage) that I'm just not able to do anything about.

So...

Moms with "more"... especially ones with issues like LD, autism, ADHD, ODD, etc...?   How do you DO it all?




by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 2:58 AM
Replies (31-40):
KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 11:20 PM

Thank you, and rising early helps me, too.  I haven't been able to get myself up out of bed before the baby, though...  I can't wait until he's sleeping like the other kids and I can actually set myself an alarm and have 20-30 minutes before waking them.


Quoting SMTCMMoore:

Getting up at 6 am to shower and have time to gather my thoughts or prep for the day helps me. Kids up at seven no later, if I let them sleep too long we never get anything done.

When I feel myself pushing them away, DH is good at lettin me get a break. Or MIL will keep any kids over 2 over night for me (which is 3 of the 4 currently).

I'm new to homeschooling (did pre K last year and starting K this year. But I feel ya on being split every which way. It's rough some times. But we are pretty strict with finish one thing before moving on so most days I can get the kids to pick up little by little as we go so the house isn't a disaster. But without the kids ever going anywhere the house is bound to get messier. Hugs to you and good luck!



KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Sep. 1, 2013 at 11:23 PM

How do you manage to get schooling done in such a short time every day?  Do you give the kids assignments for the next day?  My state, Missouri, requires 1000 hours of instruction.

I use everything I can toward the hours, like sports, choir, cooking, read alouds, watching documentaries, playing educational games, etc...  but it still requires 3-5 hours daily, and with kids on multiple levels, it ends up being 2 shared hours and then 2 hours about with each of the olders and maybe another 40 minutes with the kindy.   I can't seem to homeschool them in less than about 6 hours of my day.   That would be fine if it were straight with little interruptions, but with the baby I'm interrupted all the time, so it ends up feeling like I'm putting in an entire day.




Quoting celticdragon77:

Hugs! I got overwhelmed just reading all of that. Good to see you have a bit of humor about it all. How many kids do you have - what ages? 

I don't multitask like that. I go to work, come home, we all do chores, school, stop for lunch, I take a nap, everyone helps to make dinner and clean up afterwards, chill time with the family, get baths in, read to kids, alone time, then back to work. That is my week Monday - Thursday. Friday I do errands and field trips. Saturday and Sunday is just for relaxing or what not. I have chores and laundry scheduled out in a simple manner. I have three kids - 17, 11, 9 

I remember the days though of a newborn baby, a 2yr old, and a 8yr old... I am glad those days are over ... and I wasn't even homeschooling yet at that time. I wouldn't have been able to. 



oahoah
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:03 AM

First some advice about the yeast, it could be bacterial. I started taking probiotic supplements and having yogurt more regularly and cuting back on extra sugar (which was super-hard because in my stressful moments I crave sweets!).  I dealt with a lot of yeast/bacterial stuff last year and it was miserable but I swear by the probiotics. 

Second I think you really need to find a way to communicate with your husband and I get that this is difficult but until you get him to understand all the stress you are under it will not ease up. I have to have regular reminder talks with my hubby about needing time to myself (by regular I mean like once a week). I have had to find reasons to get out of the house other than grocery shopping by myself and have done that by joining a couple support groups, a few nights a week I will leave after dinner and DH puts our 3 boys to bed (it helps that they are older now: 8, 6, 4) but I've been part of the gropus for the past 3 years so our youngest was still a baby.  Having these regular groups was such a great help for me and still is.  I've also relaxed a bit on the "learning" and school part, we spend time outside, go on walks, meet friends at the park during "schooltime".  I'm not sure if I missed how old your kiddos are but definitely start getting them involved in helping out, assigning chores even if at first you have to work alongside them.  Hang in there & GL.

mommy4lyf
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:36 AM
1 mom liked this
LOL - sorry just can't stop laughing.
celticdragon77
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:48 AM

I homeschool Mon-Thur four hours a day. On Friday, I count their time at the library and the park. I also read with the kids for an hour every evening. We homeschool year round (minus a few breaks throughout the year). My state requires 900-990hrs (depending on their grade level).

Quoting KrissyKC:

How do you manage to get schooling done in such a short time every day?  Do you give the kids assignments for the next day?  My state, Missouri, requires 1000 hours of instruction.

I use everything I can toward the hours, like sports, choir, cooking, read alouds, watching documentaries, playing educational games, etc...  but it still requires 3-5 hours daily, and with kids on multiple levels, it ends up being 2 shared hours and then 2 hours about with each of the olders and maybe another 40 minutes with the kindy.   I can't seem to homeschool them in less than about 6 hours of my day.   That would be fine if it were straight with little interruptions, but with the baby I'm interrupted all the time, so it ends up feeling like I'm putting in an entire day.




Quoting celticdragon77:

Hugs! I got overwhelmed just reading all of that. Good to see you have a bit of humor about it all. How many kids do you have - what ages? 

I don't multitask like that. I go to work, come home, we all do chores, school, stop for lunch, I take a nap, everyone helps to make dinner and clean up afterwards, chill time with the family, get baths in, read to kids, alone time, then back to work. That is my week Monday - Thursday. Friday I do errands and field trips. Saturday and Sunday is just for relaxing or what not. I have chores and laundry scheduled out in a simple manner. I have three kids - 17, 11, 9 

I remember the days though of a newborn baby, a 2yr old, and a 8yr old... I am glad those days are over ... and I wasn't even homeschooling yet at that time. I wouldn't have been able to. 




Joann.HS
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:59 AM
I like this advice. I will add that you need to make time for your husband. You both need that time together.




Quoting AutymsMommy:

Stop trying to do it all - until school is over. After 2, game on (clean up, make dinner, etc)... but until then, focus on school and enjoying the kiddos.


BlessedMoments
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:03 AM
I have the same struggle! It is so very hard! Lol!
jwhit8791
by Jessica on Sep. 2, 2013 at 6:26 AM


After reading it over, it does seem pretty comical, I have to admit.  While happening though, that's another story.  LOL


I was born in 77 also (Jan).  I know you asked someone else but I'm nosy.  LOL


  My friend, who has six children (5 DD and 1 DS, bless her) gave me some really good advice and a book to read.  It's called "Large Family Logistics" By Kim Brennerman (?).  It's a good read and she kinda lays out how she has her days set up.  She homeschools and does it all, it seems.  Well actually, she has trained up her children so that they help too.  Might be worth a shot to read.  I have read it and am now trying to implement it.  There is also a yahoo group if you are interested.  It has moms from all over the country that have families (big and small) that are just trying to figure these things out, just like us.





Quoting KrissyKC:

Oh, you made me laugh!!!   I'm so glad we can share our miseries (and our joys).   I think it makes it better somehow, and reminds us of the beauty of it all.



Quoting jwhit8791:

LOL, I know this wasn't your intent but I just got very scared, very fast!!!!  Hugs momma and try to enjoy them while you can.

I just asked DH today if he thought that it might make me a bad mom if daydream sometimes about what it would be like to not have any children.  This usually happens after I have tried to go to the bathroom alone because it is so fun to have little people poking at your sore belly button that is on the verge of popping out when also trying to pee.........just to return to a living room that looks like a toy tornado has blown through (for the fifth time that day!)  My DH had the nerve to say yesterday that some serious cleaning needed to take place........ok, let me get right on that since I was out all day trying to buy our groceries for the month and you decided it was more important to spend almost half a day going to the bookstore with the kids.......your daughter is now covered in cupcake that she got there for her birthday( it was even in her hair)!  Oh, and btw, at 7 1/2 months pregnant it is not fun trying to keep a four and two year old from destroying a bookstore the size of Texas in about three minutes flat!


Sorry that kinda got off topic, didn't it??


Back on topic......BIIIIIIGGGGG HUGS to you!





KickButtMama
by Shannon on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs! 

First let me say we All go through periods where we feel like we are drowning. With my medical conditions, eldest DS' Aspergers, etc, I finally caved and got time4learning. Not as their main curriculum, we are still child-led for that. But I realized there are days I'm just physically not capable of doing school. And rather than caving and giving up entirely, those are the online days. The kids are also doing weekly newspaper curriculums for social studies - again these are completely independant. 90% of home chores are done by the boys to earn bucks to rent their electronics. Dishes, Vaccuuming, changing laundry over, folding laundry, etc. also each child is in charge of dinner once per week (which means I get 2 nights off-woot!). Yes, my boys have to do a lot more than their friends. But it's our trade-off . I'm just not physically capable of doing everything. 

PI completely relate to the intimacy issues. I have the same w/ my DH. My biggest problem is pain, which is not romantic, and the medications I take make me super sleepy. DH gets antsy and irritated (and grabby) but I promissed at least once per month. Which I can physically do. Sure some months we can do a whole lot more, but it's the concession to having a chronic disorder, which results in terrible pain (especially along my inner thighs and calves) 

hugs again!!

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Ack, you'd soon find me hiding in a closet bawling my eyes out if I had to wake up that early. I'd rather forget to shower! Lol. I'm a night owl rather than a morning person. Heck, my kids could make their own breakfast by age 3 just because I'm not entirely coherent before 9 am..lol and my boys Are morning people. My eldest (12) is usually up to say bye to dad at 5:30 am!! Eep!

Quoting SMTCMMoore:

Getting up at 6 am to shower and have time to gather my thoughts or prep for the day helps me. Kids up at seven no later, if I let them sleep too long we never get anything done.

When I feel myself pushing them away, DH is good at lettin me get a break. Or MIL will keep any kids over 2 over night for me (which is 3 of the 4 currently).

I'm new to homeschooling (did pre K last year and starting K this year. But I feel ya on being split every which way. It's rough some times. But we are pretty strict with finish one thing before moving on so most days I can get the kids to pick up little by little as we go so the house isn't a disaster. But without the kids ever going anywhere the house is bound to get messier. Hugs to you and good luck!


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