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# How to be what they all need... (moms of "more" kids... mostly)

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I'm struggling really hard to be what they all need.

Anyway, I'm "teaching" constantly... I flip from one kid to another in their independent subjects, and then we get into the joined subjects... I bounce into chores, cooking, etc...   I come back to teaching again, cooking the next meal, testing their spelling words, listening to one child play the guitar while helping the other with her first ever word search made for pre and early readers.   Ooops, baby smells poopy, and he has a rash I have been battling, so I have to interrupt the music and wordsearch to change a baby... both other kids are getting restless, but they both want mom's involvement or else their attitudes slip and they don't want to do the stuff anymore...

My eldest is in math that is over my head, but I'm learning it with her some, and she just asked a question on how to find the square root of x if x is 27 minus two (easy right?  but not right now, because I'm now stepping over the baby gate while still chopping celery for dinner and I just cut my finger a little and have just bled on the food... argh... toss it, get out a new plate and Reilly starts screaming at the baby gate because Mom just stepped on the other side of it and it's just not acceptable...

I've had a few short stints where I could stop and read cafemom and post... while gobbling a few bites of lunch when I realized that I missed breakfast because I had accidentally scorched the eggs while answering a question from a kid... so some of the egg stuck to the pan, and I didn't have enough for everyone... so I had a glass of milk and thought I'd grab something in a bit.

I have a plan, I have organization... it's just a lot to do with four kids on four different stages of development (especially with a toddler.)

My health problems aren't helping.  Sugars have been through the roof because of the stress and that has caused a yeast infection that won't heal.   DH and I haven't been intimate for almost 5 months and he is going nuts... keeps poking and prodding me, pinching, grabbing, etc... and with all this pressure it just makes me cringe, but I don't want to hurt him and tell him that.  Besides I've tried explaining it before and it just caused a rift between us.

I can't sleep at night (can we say 2 am?) because I am so desperate for "me" time.   Hubby doesn't understand and he is hurt if I don't go watch the latest baseball (I hate sports movies) movie with him on neflix at 11 pm... so, when the movie is finally over, I'm finally on here saying...   good grief... I love every minute of my family, I just need a few minutes of my own...  what have I gotten myself into???

And yet, with all I do, I'm seeing serious needs in my kids (and my marriage) that I'm just not able to do anything about.

So...

Moms with "more"... especially ones with issues like LD, autism, ADHD, ODD, etc...?   How do you DO it all?

by on Sep. 1, 2013 at 2:58 AM
Replies (41-50):
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:18 AM
I used to be. But my 3rd child was up at 5:30 am daily for 6 months as an infant and I started to enjoy my mornings.

Quoting KickButtMama:

Ack, you'd soon find me hiding in a closet bawling my eyes out if I had to wake up that early. I'd rather forget to shower! Lol. I'm a night owl rather than a morning person. Heck, my kids could make their own breakfast by age 3 just because I'm not entirely coherent before 9 am..lol and my boys Are morning people. My eldest (12) is usually up to say bye to dad at 5:30 am!! Eep!

Quoting SMTCMMoore:

Getting up at 6 am to shower and have time to gather my thoughts or prep for the day helps me. Kids up at seven no later, if I let them sleep too long we never get anything done.

When I feel myself pushing them away, DH is good at lettin me get a break. Or MIL will keep any kids over 2 over night for me (which is 3 of the 4 currently).

I'm new to homeschooling (did pre K last year and starting K this year. But I feel ya on being split every which way. It's rough some times. But we are pretty strict with finish one thing before moving on so most days I can get the kids to pick up little by little as we go so the house isn't a disaster. But without the kids ever going anywhere the house is bound to get messier. Hugs to you and good luck!

by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:37 AM

I rest during the boys' rest time/nap time. I do usually START dinner at this point too (around noon - I can get all the prep work out of the way, so all I have to do is actually COOK it after school work is finished, which really doesn't take long by itself; it's the prep work that can be time consuming).

I rotate laundry (but do NOT fold) all day.

At night, after the children are in bed, I do dishes, mop/sweep, wipe down counters, clean bedrooms, and fold laundry. Surprisingly, without the interruptions from the children, I'm done with this in about an hour - leaving plenty of time to spend with my husband.

I save deeper jobs (like bathrooms) for the weekend.

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee

by Platinum Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:42 AM
Usually, I get my best cleaning done very early or very late.
Quoting AutymsMommy:

I rest during the boys' rest time/nap time. I do usually START dinner at this point too (around noon - I can get all the prep work out of the way, so all I have to do is actually COOK it after school work is finished, which really doesn't take long by itself; it's the prep work that can be time consuming).

I rotate laundry (but do NOT fold) all day.

At night, after the children are in bed, I do dishes, mop/sweep, wipe down counters, clean bedrooms, and fold laundry. Surprisingly, without the interruptions from the children, I'm done with this in about an hour - leaving plenty of time to spend with my husband.

I save deeper jobs (like bathrooms) for the weekend.

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:48 AM

I have three kids, which is more than some, and less than some.

I realized after #3 was born, that I could either be a GOOD mom, or a mom of a LOT of kids, but not both. That's me - I know moms who can do it well with more kids, but I had to recognize my own personal limitations (I need a lot of sleep or I get depressed, I need to control aspects of my life, etc) and in so doing, recognize what I can't do well - no need to set myself up for failure in a race to have the most kids (I'm Mormon, so there is pressure to have large families).

We have a pretty good system right now, but mine are all elementary aged. When I had babies and toddlers, it was tough. We found an awesome cooperative preschool for our oldest when we had a itty baby and a one year old at home - I needed those few hours a week and she needed time away from the babies too.

I have to be organized or things won't get done. We have a daily schedule, and a weekly schedule. The kids have rotating monthly chore schedules. I have certain days to grocery shop, do lesson plans, laundry, etc. I'm not 100% as organized as I'd like, but I could never survive in a fly by the seat of my pants system either!

by Group Admin on Sep. 2, 2013 at 5:46 PM

I have 4 kids. My kids are 7,6,4, and 3.  They are all on different levels.  I have no special needs or anything like that, but my kids are always busy and going.

I make my kids lay down from the end of lunch till 3 pm with a book so they and I get me time.  We only school from 8 to 12.

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:06 PM

I would love to rest during the baby's nap time, however, that is when we schedule science and social studies.   These two subjects, with their hands on "group work" type nature are hard to do with baby throwing a fit and grabbing at everything we are doing.   Redirection never works because we are all involved and he's not interested in ANY thing else.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I rest during the boys' rest time/nap time. I do usually START dinner at this point too (around noon - I can get all the prep work out of the way, so all I have to do is actually COOK it after school work is finished, which really doesn't take long by itself; it's the prep work that can be time consuming).

I rotate laundry (but do NOT fold) all day.

At night, after the children are in bed, I do dishes, mop/sweep, wipe down counters, clean bedrooms, and fold laundry. Surprisingly, without the interruptions from the children, I'm done with this in about an hour - leaving plenty of time to spend with my husband.

I save deeper jobs (like bathrooms) for the weekend.

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:09 PM

You are a very busy woman with those ages!   Active and old enough to be ready to get into stuff, yet too young to manage it all and clean it all up!!

You technically only have a four year age spread, so hopefully as the littles get older, that will be easier to combine.

I have a ten year age spread, and while there is sanity having a few years between each kid as a parent... as a homeschooler, it's tougher.

Quoting debramommyof4:

I have 4 kids. My kids are 7,6,4, and 3.  They are all on different levels.  I have no special needs or anything like that, but my kids are always busy and going.

I make my kids lay down from the end of lunch till 3 pm with a book so they and I get me time.  We only school from 8 to 12.

by Group Admin on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:10 PM
It is easier to an extent. But my 7 year old is working between a 3rd and 5th grade level. My 6 year old is working between a 1st and 2nd grade level. The only two I combine on everything is my 3 and 4 year olds who are working on kindergarten work though my 3 year old will probably need to do it again next year.

We all do science and history together though.

I could not imagine a ten year age difference. That would be crazy.

Quoting KrissyKC:

You are a very busy woman with those ages!   Active and old enough to be ready to get into stuff, yet too young to manage it all and clean it all up!!

You technically only have a four year age spread, so hopefully as the littles get older, that will be easier to combine.

I have a ten year age spread, and while there is sanity having a few years between each kid as a parent... as a homeschooler, it's tougher.

Quoting debramommyof4:

I have 4 kids. My kids are 7,6,4, and 3.  They are all on different levels.  I have no special needs or anything like that, but my kids are always busy and going.

I make my kids lay down from the end of lunch till 3 pm with a book so they and I get me time.  We only school from 8 to 12.

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:20 PM
2 moms liked this

Sounds like a typical day at my house! But I only have 3. Except when my husband pokes me I cringe because he's a porn addict and I have panic attacks worrying I'll get pregnant again. And I have to do it all sleep deprived cause the 12 month old wakes up 15 times until I finally bring him to bed with me and he sleeps all night attached to my boob making sleeping in a comfortable position impossible. And heaven forbid husband gets up with them in the morning so I can sleep an extra hour without a baby attached to me, but no he apparently needs a solid 12 hours of sleep. And when I finally get baby down for a nap, the 4 year old has a tantrum cause her block tower fell over and wakes baby AGAIN! I feel like banging my head against the wall but remember that would only hurt! (And I agree, do the dogs really have to shed that much!!!!??? I vaccuum 3 times a day!! And oh how I wish I squeeze paper cups and plates into our budget cause the sink is NEVER empty, the dishwasher doesn't work, just another thing H refuses to even look at even though he can fix anything for a neighbor at the drop of a hat. And I can't leave the dishes cause we have developed an ant probelm and it'll be crawling with ants in less than 10 minutes. AGHH!)

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm a really lousy mommy.   I haven't been opposed to dragging a child out on the porch quickly as a tantrum builds because I just got baby to sleep.   I've even covered my daughter's mouth once (not hard)and dragged her out on the porch.... not because I was being a bully (at least not intentionally)... but because she was a BIIIG screamer and we had a small house.     So, I left her screaming on the front porch and went back inside, (peeping through the peep hole and watching her)...

I am NOT saying that's the right way to handle it... but what do you do when you have a screaming fit taker and a light sleeper for an infant?   If I napped her while he napped she would be a bear to get to bed at bedtime and she'd keep her older sister up for hours.

Quoting Maridel:

Sounds like a typical day at my house! But I only have 3. Except when my husband pokes me I cringe because he's a porn addict and I have panic attacks worrying I'll get pregnant again. And I have to do it all sleep deprived cause the 12 month old wakes up 15 times until I finally bring him to bed with me and he sleeps all night attached to my boob making sleeping in a comfortable position impossible. And heaven forbid husband gets up with them in the morning so I can sleep an extra hour without a baby attached to me, but no he apparently needs a solid 12 hours of sleep. And when I finally get baby down for a nap, the 4 year old has a tantrum cause her block tower fell over and wakes baby AGAIN! I feel like banging my head against the wall but remember that would only hurt! (And I agree, do the dogs really have to shed that much!!!!??? I vaccuum 3 times a day!! And oh how I wish I squeeze paper cups and plates into our budget cause the sink is NEVER empty, the dishwasher doesn't work, just another thing H refuses to even look at even though he can fix anything for a neighbor at the drop of a hat. And I can't leave the dishes cause we have developed an ant probelm and it'll be crawling with ants in less than 10 minutes. AGHH!)