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Do I sound ridiculous? I'm not really liking public school too much.

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I apologize in advance for how long this is! 

My DD started Kindergarten in the beginning of August and she is having a very hard time adjusting to it. She dreads going to school in the mornings and is always in a terrible mood in the afternoons. Almost every day it's tears because she doesn't want to go to school and tears because she doesn't want to talk about what happened in school.

About a week after school started, they moved her to a different class without telling me until after they moved her. Their reasoning because they hadn't anticipated students enrolling after the school year started and DD hadn't made any friends so they didn't see the harm in moving her to a different class. Since the classroom move, her attitude has gone majorly downhill.  She has also had issues with being bullied by a group of girls and a boy in her new class. I went to the teacher and the principal about it and they told me that they would move the girl who was doing the most of the bullying to a different seat (which as far as I know, they have) and that's all that they could do, even though she had come back home with bruises and a big old slap mark across her face. When I told them that, I was told that since she didn't tell them what happened when it happened that there was nothing they could do. To top it all off, last week the school bus driver just drove past our stop because, in her own words, she was half asleep and forgot DD was on the bus.

I mentioned to both the teacher and the principal my concerns about DD. She's been going through a lot and I mentioned that I think enrolling her in school might be too overwhelming for her. I didn't even mention the possibility of homeschooling her (which is what I really wanted to do in the first place, hence why I joined this group, but instead went along with DH and enrolled her in public school), but they immediately went into telling me that they could get her to go see the Guidance Counselor once a week and that DD needs to be in school to be around other kids and other adults. They told me that yes, DD was shy, but once she adjusts she'll be fine and that I shouldn't be so worried about it and that I'll get used to her being away from me over time. Which is so not the reason why I have these concerns, but apparently it's what they seem to think is going on.

I've been talking with DH about how I think putting her into public school wasn't the right thing to do and how I feel that the best thing for her is to be pulled out of that school and be homeschooled. He doesn't want to homeschool right now because he's worried about the cost of homeschooling and also wants me to wait to see if she adjusts better to public school since school hasn't been in session that long. He's stated that if I still feel this way in a couple of months, we'll see about pulling her out of school and homeschooling her. In the meantime, I've got an extremely irritable child who keeps begging to stay home with me and a nagging feeling in my gut that she should have never been enrolled in this school in the first place and that I should've stuck to my guns. While I agree that it could just be her adjusting to a school environment, it just doesn't seem that way to me.

Am I just being one of those clingy "I don't want to let my baby go" moms like the principal and teacher seem to believe I am, or do I have valid reasons for wanting her out of that school? Has anyone else been through something like this with their kids before they decided to homeschool? 

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by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 3:26 PM
Replies (11-20):
JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Great (sarcasm), "see the Guidance Counselor once a week."  Now she gets labelled, too.  That will really help with the bullying.

I don't know how things were for you in school, but I was a very smart kid who was bullied from the second grade on.  I didn't "get used to it."  I hated going to school.   I ultimately switched schools in 6th which helped for a year -- until I was back with the same kids in junior high school.  I finally convinced the school to let me skip 8th and go directly into high school, at which point (finally) the torment stopped.  I survived.  But a close friend really didn't.  She's over fifty now, and IMO never did get over the treatment she received.  

They told my mom the same garbage about socialization and "getting along with peers" back when I was in school.  There was, unfortunately, a "blame the victim" mentality then, and it seems to still exist. Notwithstanding the "stop bullying" messages that you see now, the focus seems to be more directed at bullying caused by certain types of "differences" (for example, sexual orientation).  It's good that they are addressing that, but it doesn't help in the situation where the kid is just "different," or has been somehow designated the "goat."   

Bottom line: If your gut is telling you that this is damaging your child, listen and take action.

luvcats406
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 5:29 PM

If this were my dh, I would tell him that dd does not even HAVE to be in school until age 6.  The compulsory age in my state is 6 before December 2.  So therefore, I could legally pull her out of school, which I would do.    I do not know your state, but you can check what compulsory age is for your state on google.  As others have stated, being in school does not automaticaly make one a social butterfly.  I was also shy and going to school made me worse!  There was one year where i would not talk to anyone in school!  Homeschool does not have to be expensive.  There are many internet sites, some even have lesson plans, I believe easypeasy is one.

Ecoseem
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 6:08 PM
1 mom liked this

This.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

It's clear from what you've written that you and your child have NO importance as individuals in that school. I'd pull her out so fast. I would not be okay with my child being bullies and the adults there not caring.


"Parent" is a verb.

romacox
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Mothers have a natural instinct when it comes to their children.  Trust it. 

How To Home School

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this

You are asking a homeschooling group if they are in favor of your desire to homeschool... hmmm....  yeah, I think you are going to get a lot of support and "yes" answers.

I'd like to give you something more "objective" but all I can do is share about my eldest.

My eldest struggled with social issues in preK.    At the time, DH was working part time, I was working part time, and we were trying to start up a business.   PreK for her wasn't just for the school, it was because we had to work and had zero family available to keep them.    

Anyway, we did K12 (online school) for six months in that town because the schools were horrible and disorganized.   I hadn't enrolled her yet, and had already had words twice with the principal.  

FFWD again... (trying to make a long story shorter)... anyway, we moved away and discovered that the online school wasn't available in the state I was moving to.   So, after discussing it, we popped her in public school.   She'd had six months of K12, and was WAY ahead.   So the school decided (I didn't argue nor did I push)... to pop her in first grade instead of kindy.    

Then, after her first grade year, the school redesigned the boundaries of the elementary school boundaries, and they shipped the kids on our street off to a different school than the year before.

So, here she is... in second grade a year early, and plenty smart enough for it.   However, she has always been a tad socially awkward and she started getting picked on a lot.   In the long run, it affected EVERYTHING.   She refused to learn to ride a two wheel bike because of anxiety.   She would stick her nose in books and ignore the rest of the world, including her school work.   She often lied to the teacher and said work was completed when it wasn't so that she didn't have to go out on the playground at recess and get picked on.   

By the beginning of her third grade year, she started saying things like, "Mom, I don't want to upset you, but I don't want to be alive anymore."   and... "I think I just want to go to heaven."

After months of hearing this and seeing my child slip further into depression.   Including all the moods swings and frustration at home, too...   I knew something had to change.   My sometimes awkward, but always exuberant child had just changed too much.

So... we started home educating her immediately (a few weeks into third grade).   I struggled with finding my groove, but a few years later... there was a young boy in our town that DID kill himself.  (he was 12!!)... the news affected everyone, my daughter's friends knew the kid and so news reached her.   She turned to me and said, "I don't understand how some one can feel that bad and do something like that."

I have to admit, I already felt weepy over the kid, but hearing my daughter... after being "pre" suicidal herself when very young... hearing her say that... I had to walk away so I could break down.   I think I wept tears of joy for my child and sorrow for the boy...

 



Pukalani79
by Kristin on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:27 PM

 As soon as my child came home with bruises I would have pulled her. But that's me.  I did pull my son out a couple of years ago due to bullying.  You and your DH need to decide together what the best solution is.  Homeschooling is much easier when both of you are on board.   The cost of homeschooling varies.  There are some free online programs such as K12 or Connections.  As others have said, you can piece your own curriculum together using worksheets, internet sources and the library.  Nobody wants to admit that socialization is important, but it is and it's easy to do.  You just have to decide what is best for your daughter and your family.  Good luck!

Krystal.Ingalls
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:33 PM

Check out www.k12.com.  It's what we use.  It's an online public school option that is completely free.  =)

Maridel
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:55 PM

I agree K12 might be a great compromise with DH. It's free and it's like public school without the bullying. You can find other social situations with more supervision to help your DD develop her social skills. Bruises and marks on her face is not ok!! And school buses are a joke. Seriously, we put our kids on a big bus with no seat belts driven by a total stranger?! Who came up with that concept? If your half asleep you shouldn't be driving.

Chasing3
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 8:59 PM
2 moms liked this

Trust yourself and trust your child. You don't feel this is right. Go with that feeling. Don't ignore your inner voice.

Also, I would not mention to anyone at the school you are thinking of homeschooling! I'm fairly sure based on what you're saying they're going to try to bully you into believeing you can't or it's illegal or it's neglectful of your child's future success. Research the laws, find out the district policy, and do it silently!

good luck!!

Mommy2Phenley
by Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 9:25 PM
If it were my child, I would pull her out and homeschool. I would talk to DH and convince him to try it the other way around. Give homeschooling a shot for a while and see how he feels about it at the end of the year. K is a great time to try since in most states k is still optional.

I always knew I would homeschool but I wanted dd to go to preschool the years she was 3 and 4 just to break up our normal routine, give her structured time with other kids, and to give me a little time while pg and then with new baby. Three months in she was crying every school morning and begging not to go. Her behavior went downhill and she stopped enjoying our homeschool time.

I pulled her out about a month later and I'm very glad I did. A couple months off for the holidays and she was excited for our homeschool time again by the new year. I really feel that if we'd pushed school when she didn't like it that it could have really hurt her love for learning and her sweet personality.
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