No! it was a blast to stay home with my babies! Apparently they were really easy babies compared to some I hear moms complain about. I had 3 under 2 and it was overall really easy and enjoyable. Then, once they all went off to school, it was like all-day vacation for me!
But alas, I did get a little bored and anxious with nothing particularly important to do or to structure my day. I just started homeschooling one and I really like the meaningfulness of my day again and the house is in better order since I have some time constraints and can't jsut put stuff off indefinately....
But I am also sad that I feel that I can never re-enter the workforce and make the income I once did. I've been out of the workforce for 12 years. I dont feel qualified to do anything that would make a decent salary. I have no contacts at all anymore and have gotten way too rusty in any skills I once had. I would have told my old self to try to hang in there part-time and keep my foot in the door, so to speak.
It was difficult for me because the job I had was super-planned. By that I mean I scheduled appointments up to six months in advance, and had an agenda and a planner full of everything I needed to accomplish that day, that week, month, etc. I could see progress and every day was different. I traveled around, wasn't stuck in an office. Well, becoming a SAHM was like entering a time warp for me. There was no more scheduling anything in advance, I got to eat and sleep and shower when the baby allowed it (and didn't if she didn't, which was often). She had colic and I was just an appendage to her, whose job it was to feed and soothe her for as long as she needed every day and was barely able to do that. And every day was just like the last...for SO long it was like that Groundhog Day movie. Every day was the same thing over and over again. I couldn't plan or count on anything because she was so difficult and cried so much every day (all day and all night unless she was nursing) and it was extremely hard on me. I couldn't leave the house with her for four months because all she did was scream herself hoarse the whole time. I don't think it would have been quite so hard if she had been an easier baby, so don't take my experience to be a typical transition, but that's what happened. At work there was progress, accomplishment, and when I had DD and had to quit my job to deal with her everything came to a screeching halt. I went from total control over my schedule and life to zero. And I was only getting maybe an hour or two of sleep per day, in little naps here and there when she napped (she only slept maybe 20 minutes at a time) and that made coping almost impossible. That was extremely difficult for me.
I don't honestly know what I'd have told my old self. Maybe that I was not going to be able to go back to work like I had planned, but that's all I would say. I think that knowing how absolutely horrible her first year was going to be ahead of time would have made it worse for me. Staying at home with a high-needs, colicky baby was not something I'd want to know about before having to go through it. I'm sure other moms have had better experiences, but that was mine, for what it's worth.
Immediately prior to my becoming a SAHM I was earning my teaching license, which was pretty brutal. I always knew I wanted to stay home with my kiddos, so when I found out I was pregnant right at the end of the program, I just never got a job. I found out that I could sleep all day long if that's what my first trimester body wanted. :) There was some boredom, but we had just moved into a house, and so I spent my time cleaning/arranging/painting/etc. The jobs I had prior to grad school were government contracting, and I hated being in an office. I was good at my job, but I didn't enjoy the environment or the people. Being good at something didn't make the days more enjoyable, so I was ready to be done with that.
It felt needed and right to me at the time.
I now recommend that new stay at home moms make time for themselves which is far harder than it sounds and so important.
Also you should make time for being with your adult friends. Having time to talk about adult matters is very important.
Finally it's important to have date nights. At least once a month splurge, hire a sitter and go out. The date itself doesn't have to cost much other than the sitter which is plenty. Just make it a rule not to talk about the kids and have this date time as couple time. That will save your relationship believe me. It's major.
Not really. I'm an older mom and had an amazing career, advancements, traveled for work (a little too much at times), etc. I actually went down to 4 days a week with the firm I was at prior to having kids. I then quit before I was even pregnant. I wanted time for just me before staying home. Thank god I did too because I had the worst morning sickness that would have made me quit anyway!
There are days I miss the work, clients and praise but I feel like homeschooling is now my new work adventure. I really do feel like a teacher and get pride out of watching my kids grow.
You have to invest yourself in your kids. There are lots of moms that find it boring and begin avoiding their kids instead of engaging them and they lose the joy.
You also have to invest in yourself, too. Be active and enjoy your time. Teach the kids to respect it, too. Get involved in stuff YOU like, too.
There is always the home and the husband that need special investments, too. DH will feel left out sometimes and could cause a division with the two of you doing very different jobs. Remember to make him feel important and necessary to your family. He will be more likely to serve your family better when he's getting such encouragement.
Your home??? Find those areas that pick you up when they are clean. For example, I can have some projects be behind or chaotic, but if I have cleanly swept floors and a clean kitchen and bathroom... then I feel some semblance of sanity. Also, create spaces in the home that are relaxing. If you are a Christian (or something), create that space in your home for you to spend quiet times with your God. Make sure that they are not unattractive. Having a beautiful space to appreciate and come before God is really encouraging and helps you focus on Him.
I LOVE being a SAHM. I'm a way older mom, and just retired from teaching. All my retired teacher friends said the summer would just seem like any summer, but when the school bell rang for a new year, they were sad. I'm still waiting to miss it lol.
Switch to Mobile Site
Getting Started Guide
Frequently Asked Questions
Part of the CafeMom family
© 2015 CMI Marketing, Inc. All rights reserved.
Already Joined? LOG IN