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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Thinking in the open, here, would like your thoughts, too!

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Hello, I was just sitting here mulling over my DD's education (she will turn 3 in February) and I am just not sure where to go right now. We live in a rural area, there are few daycares and even fewer preschools. She just about never (maybe twice per year) gets to see other kids...but I want to homeschool her because the preschools here are not great. I am mainly concerned about her socialization and her learning how to work with other people, not just with me. I know it's a stereotype of homeschooled kids but it's actually playing out with my DD. She almost never gets to socialize.

I was considering putting her into preschool three days per week (or three half-days) just so she could see other kids, and then supplementing the academics on my own. I guess my questions to you are, do/did any of you have this issue? What did you do?

I am also concerned about her when she gets to kindergarten age-she likely won't be socializing then, either, because of the same reasons. It would just be me and her, every day. Can kids grow up OK if they never see other kids? We're really hurting for opportunities here and I'd hate to have to send her to the crap elementary school we have just so she doesn't grow up in a vacuum.  Do I sacrifice socialization for academics? Any input is welcome, ladies. I want her to be well-educated but also well-rounded and I'm just not seeing how I can strike that balance at this point. Thanks in advance, and thanks for reading the whole thing!


Just a quick update...it was recommended to me by a kind person on here to search Yahoo groups and Meetup.com (and another nice person recommended Googling) to see what comes up. I am getting no co-ops in my county, and I did find one social group for home schooling moms (not really for kids), that was it for home school groups. I am joining that group just to see what they can tell me about how to get my DD around other kids.

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 3:49 PM
Replies (11-20):
JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 5:27 PM


The reason I'd be sacrificing is that in my DD's case I can't seem to get her around other kids unless I enroll her in some kind of preschool. There is just nothing else around me. We don't have a skating rink or a pool or parks, it's just little towns. I am not finding any co-ops in my county and the nearest mommy and me type thing is 45 minutes away. I am just starting my homeschooling and this is all new, so I was just putting out feelers to see what other people do to get their kids around other kids.

Quoting Knightquester:

If this is something you want to do, then you make the opportunities for her to interact and be with other kids, it doesn't just happen.  At least this has been my experience on the matter.

I know a lot of successful homeschool families that have only one child.  The moms belong to a couple of homeschool co-ops and meet-up groups, they involve their children in various extra curricular activities and their children are no less social than any other child their age, regardless of the type of education they are receiving.

I guess for me I don't see why you need to sacrifice socialization for academics.  My children are friends with at least three different homeschool families that are only children, and their friends aren't inadequately educated or socially awkward.  It's all in how you raise your child.



kirbymom
by Sonja on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:23 PM
1 mom liked this
I raised my 4 oldest without the "benefits" of socializing with other kids until they were older and now I wished I had NEVER let them "socialize" with other kids until they were graduated. The negatives my kids learned are still haunting our family! The "benefits" of "socializing" do not out weigh any positives they may have encountered. Now the reverse is true, though. Parents are reaping the benefits if their kids hangin with my kids. To the degree that my kids have picked up such behaviors that they have been grounded for whereas they would never have acted in such negative manners if they had never come into contact with these negative behaviors in the first place.
If your children go to the stores with you and to the gas stations with you and to the libraries and the parks and to visit with other family members or if it is just you visiting, then your children are going to pick up the "skills" needed to know HOW to behave and HOW to interact With others--child or adult. Kids do not learn from other kids how to behave the "responsible" way from other kids. That is learned from watching other adults to other adults or from other adults to other children. Including siblings and whatnots.
I am not trying to offend anyone here but in my experience of seeing not just my kids learning negative behaviors but other kids as well, has not been positive. I thank God that my kids have never stepped foot inside if a brick and mortar otherwise I would have been fighting these nasty behaviors much longer and may not ever have been able to regain a positive foothold in their behavior patterns. As it is I am still working on getting rid of what they have and are learning from their "socializing" with friends. As adults it is their responsibility for their behavior but as a child, it is My responsibility. One which I take quite seriously.

In my humble opinion, your daughter is better for having learned from you the responsibility of knowing HOW to "socialize" with others.
craftyzenmom
by Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:34 PM
1 mom liked this

We live in a fairly rural area of Central Calif. I choose to drive the kids up to the next county for an excellent Charter/Homeschool program which provides us with as many outside experiences as we can handle. They do band, compete in Science Olympiad, attend art workshops, etc... The downside is having to drive an hour each way to get to these events. I looked around until I found a program that fit for our family. The kids they do hang out with are other homeschooled families...so while they do not have the day to day interaction of a classroom they still see other kids 1-3 times per week. Try looking further from home if you can't find it in your own backyard.

JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:43 PM


Thanks for taking the time to respond! It does give me something to think about. I was just concerned that she never gets to see anyone other than about five people, all adults, but 90% of the time it's just me. I don't think she needs kids to teach her how to behave, I was just looking for playmates or even friends because I think friends are important. She has no friends and no chance to make any unless I make arrangements for her to be around other kids (and this is where I am having a problem-finding other kids). She doesn't get to play with other kids except on rare occasions. We go to the store twice per month, we don't go to the post office or anywhere else really. Are your feelings that if she doesn't ever get to play with other kids or see anyone other than DH and I (and occasionally a grandparent) she will be fine?

Quoting kirbymom:

I raised my 4 oldest without the "benefits" of socializing with other kids until they were older and now I wished I had NEVER let them "socialize" with other kids until they were graduated. The negatives my kids learned are still haunting our family! The "benefits" of "socializing" do not out weigh any positives they may have encountered. Now the reverse is true, though. Parents are reaping the benefits if their kids hangin with my kids. To the degree that my kids have picked up such behaviors that they have been grounded for whereas they would never have acted in such negative manners if they had never come into contact with these negative behaviors in the first place.
If your children go to the stores with you and to the gas stations with you and to the libraries and the parks and to visit with other family members or if it is just you visiting, then your children are going to pick up the "skills" needed to know HOW to behave and HOW to interact With others--child or adult. Kids do not learn from other kids how to behave the "responsible" way from other kids. That is learned from watching other adults to other adults or from other adults to other children. Including siblings and whatnots.
I am not trying to offend anyone here but in my experience of seeing not just my kids learning negative behaviors but other kids as well, has not been positive. I thank God that my kids have never stepped foot inside if a brick and mortar otherwise I would have been fighting these nasty behaviors much longer and may not ever have been able to regain a positive foothold in their behavior patterns. As it is I am still working on getting rid of what they have and are learning from their "socializing" with friends. As adults it is their responsibility for their behavior but as a child, it is My responsibility. One which I take quite seriously.

In my humble opinion, your daughter is better for having learned from you the responsibility of knowing HOW to "socialize" with others.



JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:45 PM


I was wondering about that- if I can find a co-op or some group in a different county if it would be allowed. I know nothing about homechooling and I was thinking I had to stick with co-ops in my own county. But since it's looking like there aren't any, I thought about looking in the next county over.

Quoting craftyzenmom:

We live in a fairly rural area of Central Calif. I choose to drive the kids up to the next county for an excellent Charter/Homeschool program which provides us with as many outside experiences as we can handle. They do band, compete in Science Olympiad, attend art workshops, etc... The downside is having to drive an hour each way to get to these events. I looked around until I found a program that fit for our family. The kids they do hang out with are other homeschooled families...so while they do not have the day to day interaction of a classroom they still see other kids 1-3 times per week. Try looking further from home if you can't find it in your own backyard.



JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:57 PM


No Tball  that I can find. There is dance but I know nothing about it but I can look into it, thanks! 

Quoting Dawn07:

Do you have any kind of programs like Tball or dance? What about letting her make friends in preschool and then keeping in touch with them in kindergarten.



JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:04 PM

Wow, it's amazing to me that preschool girls need to get their hair and nails done. And it sounds like their moms were never going to be fair about the bullying, so sorry you had that experience!

Thanks for your response- I had forgotten about the library. I think they have some kind of story hour for kids who are 3 or 4 years old, I'll have to check the age requirements for that. I wish I could find a church pre K, that would be ideal.

Quoting KrissyKC:

I did preschool for my kids.   One, I sorta regretted because it turned out being very ... I can't think of another word except to say "worldly"... my daughter got bullied a little because she didn't go to salons to get her nails or hair done like the other little girls.   Some of the girls would try to hurt her, and if they got hurt instead, they'd go tell their teacher (many of them had moms that worked there, so they often told "mommy") and my daughter got accused of stuff she just never would have thought of doing....

But... the other two kids, they had terrific experiences.   One was through the school district (free in the town we lived in) and the other was at a small church run prek.

On the whole, we loved the preschool experience.

However, don't worry too much about socialization.    They don't REALLY need 24/7 opportunities to learn to socialize.   Get involved with a mom's group or co-op, and you will find more than enough opportunities for her to get involved with other kids.  

The other side of socialization is helping her be independent.    Like, don't hover over her when she talks to people.   Allow her to socialize with adults in line at the grocery store, let her pay for something on her own... basically just life skills.   Take her to the post office instead of ordering stamps online ane let her go up to the counter and order the stamps you need.   ETc...

When she begins writing, even a pen pal will help with socialization.   Email friends or snail mail works.

Sports groups or other fun classes are another help, too.    The libraries usually offer read alouds, lego club days, reading groups for kids, and other programs for kids.   





JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:07 PM


I did Google and found one group about an hour away- a socialization group for the parents. They get together and do things like movie nights and bowling and things. I am hoping one of them will have a young DD like mine so maybe we can set something up.

Quoting KrissyKC:

OH, to find homeschool co-ops in my area, I just googled "homeschool groups" and my county or city.

We have a ton because we are outside of st Louis, however, we have lived more rural before.   There were even two different groups I could have joined when we lived in a very small/country town.




JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:09 PM


Thank you!

Quoting coala:

I honesty looked on yahoo and found an amazing group of HS families in my area.  I also live in a large city.  We will be moving to a much more rural area soon and I am going to have to locate another group when we get there.  All I can think of for you is that her education is SO much more important than her socialization per se.  You can find just about anything for classes.  We frequent the roller skating rink and take swimming lessons.  These are places my kids are free to hang out with kids of ALL ages and not have me hovering over them.  I wish you luck.



JTE11
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this


I would like to find a church, that would be a nice place for her to see kids. I am not aware of any sports that she can join at her age, but maybe when she gets older. We don't really have a neighborhood, so I'd be having to drive her somewhere to see people. I can look into volunteering,though, I never thought of that. Thank you!

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

Look up mommy and me type of groups.

If you are open to going to a church that's another way to hang with kids.

Any sport or class for that age is another way.

Volunteering is another way, even just talking with people in your neighborhood is a way.



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