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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Socialization, friends, activities, and on and on and on...

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 If I knew then what I know now, I would tell myself this..... Do not fall into the socialization trap!!  Do not get into silly activities or activities you don't want to do JUST to get them "socialized."

My kids like hanging out with other kids their ages, they are friendly, they know how to interact with other kids.  Actually it's fairly natural for kids to pick up cues on how to interact with different groups of people.  They already know that the kids in soccer act one way and they kids at co-op act another.  They get it.

They are also learning to interact with multiple age groups.  They interact much more with random adults as we do our shopping, get our tire fixed, go to the bookstore, etc.  They do not get that at PS. Sorry.  But they are usually assigned a teacher or 8 and they learn very quickly what that teacher or each teacher likes and requires....Why?  Because kids naturally pick up cues for social situations (I'm sorry, there are some kids who do not, but the vast majority do) Why do they? Because it was always necessary for survival.  And the kids in the PS pick up the cues and run with them for each particular teacher, but they begin to lose that ability later on because they only use it at the beginning of each school year.  In other words, "if you don't use it, you lose it."  Homeschool kids are typically around many more adults.  Seriously, they are. 

They are typically around many more age groups and just many more different types of kids.  It's more like college.  There's not just the cliques...the preps, the rebels, the geeks.  They get to slip into many different groups because so many of those groups do not overlap well.  None of our second co-op is the same as soccer or swimming or family camp or our first co-op or our youth group and on and on.  They can use their skills to fit in everywhere.  They will use their skills more often.  They will use their skills each time they pay for anything at the store.  They will use their skills each time they order a meal from a waitress.  So LET them.  Let them order food, talk to the cashier, request a book at the bookstore, talk to the guy at the tire shop.  And they will "socialize" themselves. 

Who do you want teaching your children how to fit into society?  You or a teacher at the PS?

Okay stepping off the socialization soap box now.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Replies (11-20):
kmath
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

Ordering for himself is a big one for me.  He loves to do it so I have no problem letting him.  I haven't had anyone ignore him, though they do look at me at times to approve it.  That is usually when he orders a real meal and not a kids meal, which he actually does often.

I also give him money ahead of time and let him do his own checkout if he is buying a toy or book with his own money.  I'll help him make sure he has the right change, but he is great at doing it on his own now. 


Quoting debramommyof4:

I figured I was the only one who allowed their kids to order their own food. I have been getting weird looks for the last 2 years when i decided my kids were going to learn to order. my youngest was 2 at the time. All my kids order their own food, of course we ask the nonreaders ahead of time.

I have had waiters and waitresses ignore the kids or look at me like what the heck. It is frustrating and I praise the ones who actually listen to the kids. If they are asking for dessert that is one thing but when my 3 year old asks for meal off the kids menu please accept that.

It is few and far in-between that actually listen.



AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:39 PM

I agree and disagree.

I do not think it is healthy for children to have NO consistent interaction with children outside of their own family. Just me though.

As an adult, I would go bananas if I didn't have a friend or two.

Oversheduling? I do agree with you there. I felt like I was going nuts when my eldest was home - between church, co-op, and ballet, we were out of the house at activities every single day... although, really, it wasn't even a lot.

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:45 PM
2 moms liked this

 I'm not saying to have NO consistent interaction, I'm just saying don't stress about it and don't join things they don't actually like and you don't want to help with in order to chase this "socialization" thing.  Some people seem to use this "socialization" thing to give up and put their kids back to ps, they use this thing to discourage others from homeschooling.  All I'm saying is that we can facilitate socialization even if they only have 1 outside activity, even if they have to go a year without outside activity, and even if they have to travel a county away to get to some outside activity.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I agree and disagree.

I do not think it is healthy for children to have NO consistent interaction with children outside of their own family. Just me though.

As an adult, I would go bananas if I didn't have a friend or two.

Oversheduling? I do agree with you there. I felt like I was going nuts when my eldest was home - between church, co-op, and ballet, we were out of the house at activities every single day... although, really, it wasn't even a lot.

 

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 I let them check out with thier own money also. My kids earn money after getting so many points.  My 7 year old is trying to break the bank.  She refuses to spend her points she wants to save up enough to have $100.  I told her she needs to pay her points for $10 at a time and get gift cards. 

Quoting kmath:

Ordering for himself is a big one for me.  He loves to do it so I have no problem letting him.  I haven't had anyone ignore him, though they do look at me at times to approve it.  That is usually when he orders a real meal and not a kids meal, which he actually does often.

I also give him money ahead of time and let him do his own checkout if he is buying a toy or book with his own money.  I'll help him make sure he has the right change, but he is great at doing it on his own now. 

 

Quoting debramommyof4:

I figured I was the only one who allowed their kids to order their own food. I have been getting weird looks for the last 2 years when i decided my kids were going to learn to order. my youngest was 2 at the time. All my kids order their own food, of course we ask the nonreaders ahead of time.

I have had waiters and waitresses ignore the kids or look at me like what the heck. It is frustrating and I praise the ones who actually listen to the kids. If they are asking for dessert that is one thing but when my 3 year old asks for meal off the kids menu please accept that.

It is few and far in-between that actually listen.

 

 

 

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:49 PM


Ah. I misread. Apologies :(

I agree that only one outside activity is necessary. Even that feels like a lot sometimes, lol; especially if you have more than one kid and different activities for each.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 I'm not saying to have NO consistent interaction, I'm just saying don't stress about it and don't join things they don't actually like and you don't want to help with in order to chase this "socialization" thing.  Some people seem to use this "socialization" thing to give up and put their kids back to ps, they use this thing to discourage others from homeschooling.  All I'm saying is that we can facilitate socialization even if they only have 1 outside activity, even if they have to go a year without outside activity, and even if they have to travel a county away to get to some outside activity.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I agree and disagree.

I do not think it is healthy for children to have NO consistent interaction with children outside of their own family. Just me though.

As an adult, I would go bananas if I didn't have a friend or two.

Oversheduling? I do agree with you there. I felt like I was going nuts when my eldest was home - between church, co-op, and ballet, we were out of the house at activities every single day... although, really, it wasn't even a lot.

 



I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 1:02 PM

 No problem, guess I wasn't quite clear enough.

True.  Three kids with their own interests can run ya ragged.  :-)

Quoting AutymsMommy:

 

Ah. I misread. Apologies :(

I agree that only one outside activity is necessary. Even that feels like a lot sometimes, lol; especially if you have more than one kid and different activities for each.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 I'm not saying to have NO consistent interaction, I'm just saying don't stress about it and don't join things they don't actually like and you don't want to help with in order to chase this "socialization" thing.  Some people seem to use this "socialization" thing to give up and put their kids back to ps, they use this thing to discourage others from homeschooling.  All I'm saying is that we can facilitate socialization even if they only have 1 outside activity, even if they have to go a year without outside activity, and even if they have to travel a county away to get to some outside activity.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I agree and disagree.

I do not think it is healthy for children to have NO consistent interaction with children outside of their own family. Just me though.

As an adult, I would go bananas if I didn't have a friend or two.

Oversheduling? I do agree with you there. I felt like I was going nuts when my eldest was home - between church, co-op, and ballet, we were out of the house at activities every single day... although, really, it wasn't even a lot.

 

 

 

 

ablackdolphin
by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 2:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Socialization is one of the reasons we are homeschooling.  I see other people's kids at the parks, our friends kids who go to daycare, and on and on and I don't like how they are being raised.  I don't like how the interact, how little education they seem to have and how disrespectful they are to other kids as well as adults. 

I try to limit how much my kids are around other kids and be VERY selective about who they are around.

Long ago, kids were raised by adults, not other kids!!!!

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 2:58 PM

 It could be said that I am partly homeschooling because of inappropriate socializing: he was bullied.

Quoting ablackdolphin:

Socialization is one of the reasons we are homeschooling.  I see other people's kids at the parks, our friends kids who go to daycare, and on and on and I don't like how they are being raised.  I don't like how the interact, how little education they seem to have and how disrespectful they are to other kids as well as adults. 

I try to limit how much my kids are around other kids and be VERY selective about who they are around.

Long ago, kids were raised by adults, not other kids!!!!

 

usmom3
by BJ on Sep. 11, 2013 at 3:17 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting ablackdolphin:

Socialization is one of the reasons we are homeschooling.  I see other people's kids at the parks, our friends kids who go to daycare, and on and on and I don't like how they are being raised.  I don't like how the interact, how little education they seem to have and how disrespectful they are to other kids as well as adults. 

I try to limit how much my kids are around other kids and be VERY selective about who they are around.

Long ago, kids were raised by adults, not other kids!!!!

 I can agree with this!

My problem is unfortunately not just are the kids good for my kids to be around but also are the parents the kind of adults I want my children to be around. I have a friend that I think is great & her kids are OK kids for my kids to be around but her husband literally hates my youngest son. She actually told me a few years back that when she told him that she was inviting us to their son's birthday party that he wished that she had not invited us because he hates my son. I don't want my children around adults that don't like them & might talk negatively about my child in front of their children & inadvertently influence there children to be mean to my children.

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 4:52 PM

My son has trouble socializing as it is (Autism). Putting him in classes and sports has been an epic failure so I basically "gave up" and decided that he'll learn as learns. For a few months my son was a recluse. We'd go to the park, he'd climb a tree. We go to the store, he'd hide behind whatever was available the minute anyone talked to him. Now (So excited!!!) he's played with kids at the park two times in a row. He didn't say much but his interactions were very appropriate.

So to the people who say he needs hours and hours of interactions with kids his age every week or else I'm going to cripple him for life, I thumb my nose and say my son is doing just fine :-)

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