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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Socialization, friends, activities, and on and on and on...

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 If I knew then what I know now, I would tell myself this..... Do not fall into the socialization trap!!  Do not get into silly activities or activities you don't want to do JUST to get them "socialized."

My kids like hanging out with other kids their ages, they are friendly, they know how to interact with other kids.  Actually it's fairly natural for kids to pick up cues on how to interact with different groups of people.  They already know that the kids in soccer act one way and they kids at co-op act another.  They get it.

They are also learning to interact with multiple age groups.  They interact much more with random adults as we do our shopping, get our tire fixed, go to the bookstore, etc.  They do not get that at PS. Sorry.  But they are usually assigned a teacher or 8 and they learn very quickly what that teacher or each teacher likes and requires....Why?  Because kids naturally pick up cues for social situations (I'm sorry, there are some kids who do not, but the vast majority do) Why do they? Because it was always necessary for survival.  And the kids in the PS pick up the cues and run with them for each particular teacher, but they begin to lose that ability later on because they only use it at the beginning of each school year.  In other words, "if you don't use it, you lose it."  Homeschool kids are typically around many more adults.  Seriously, they are. 

They are typically around many more age groups and just many more different types of kids.  It's more like college.  There's not just the cliques...the preps, the rebels, the geeks.  They get to slip into many different groups because so many of those groups do not overlap well.  None of our second co-op is the same as soccer or swimming or family camp or our first co-op or our youth group and on and on.  They can use their skills to fit in everywhere.  They will use their skills more often.  They will use their skills each time they pay for anything at the store.  They will use their skills each time they order a meal from a waitress.  So LET them.  Let them order food, talk to the cashier, request a book at the bookstore, talk to the guy at the tire shop.  And they will "socialize" themselves. 

Who do you want teaching your children how to fit into society?  You or a teacher at the PS?

Okay stepping off the socialization soap box now.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Replies (21-30):
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:03 PM

Does going to the park count as an activity?

Quoting AutymsMommy:


Ah. I misread. Apologies :(

I agree that only one outside activity is necessary. Even that feels like a lot sometimes, lol; especially if you have more than one kid and different activities for each.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 I'm not saying to have NO consistent interaction, I'm just saying don't stress about it and don't join things they don't actually like and you don't want to help with in order to chase this "socialization" thing.  Some people seem to use this "socialization" thing to give up and put their kids back to ps, they use this thing to discourage others from homeschooling.  All I'm saying is that we can facilitate socialization even if they only have 1 outside activity, even if they have to go a year without outside activity, and even if they have to travel a county away to get to some outside activity.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I agree and disagree.

I do not think it is healthy for children to have NO consistent interaction with children outside of their own family. Just me though.

As an adult, I would go bananas if I didn't have a friend or two.

Oversheduling? I do agree with you there. I felt like I was going nuts when my eldest was home - between church, co-op, and ballet, we were out of the house at activities every single day... although, really, it wasn't even a lot.

 




Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:04 PM


Meh. I generally meant with children they see on a consistent basis, lol - but I have social butterflies who would be miserable without that, lol. I would never be so lucky that all of my children have the same interests (especially with the age gaps).

Quoting paganbaby:

Does going to the park count as an activity?

Quoting AutymsMommy:


Ah. I misread. Apologies :(

I agree that only one outside activity is necessary. Even that feels like a lot sometimes, lol; especially if you have more than one kid and different activities for each.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 I'm not saying to have NO consistent interaction, I'm just saying don't stress about it and don't join things they don't actually like and you don't want to help with in order to chase this "socialization" thing.  Some people seem to use this "socialization" thing to give up and put their kids back to ps, they use this thing to discourage others from homeschooling.  All I'm saying is that we can facilitate socialization even if they only have 1 outside activity, even if they have to go a year without outside activity, and even if they have to travel a county away to get to some outside activity.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I agree and disagree.

I do not think it is healthy for children to have NO consistent interaction with children outside of their own family. Just me though.

As an adult, I would go bananas if I didn't have a friend or two.

Oversheduling? I do agree with you there. I felt like I was going nuts when my eldest was home - between church, co-op, and ballet, we were out of the house at activities every single day... although, really, it wasn't even a lot.

 






I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm lovin these stories!!!

Quoting paganbaby:

My son has trouble socializing as it is (Autism). Putting him in classes and sports has been an epic failure so I basically "gave up" and decided that he'll learn as learns. For a few months my son was a recluse. We'd go to the park, he'd climb a tree. We go to the store, he'd hide behind whatever was available the minute anyone talked to him. Now (So excited!!!) he's played with kids at the park two times in a row. He didn't say much but his interactions were very appropriate.

So to the people who say he needs hours and hours of interactions with kids his age every week or else I'm going to cripple him for life, I thumb my nose and say my son is doing just fine :-)

 

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:26 PM

 

Quoting usmom3:

 

Quoting ablackdolphin:

Socialization is one of the reasons we are homeschooling.  I see other people's kids at the parks, our friends kids who go to daycare, and on and on and I don't like how they are being raised.  I don't like how the interact, how little education they seem to have and how disrespectful they are to other kids as well as adults. 

I try to limit how much my kids are around other kids and be VERY selective about who they are around.

Long ago, kids were raised by adults, not other kids!!!!

 I can agree with this!

My problem is unfortunately not just are the kids good for my kids to be around but also are the parents the kind of adults I want my children to be around. I have a friend that I think is great & her kids are OK kids for my kids to be around but her husband literally hates my youngest son. She actually told me a few years back that when she told him that she was inviting us to their son's birthday party that he wished that she had not invited us because he hates my son. I don't want my children around adults that don't like them & might talk negatively about my child in front of their children & inadvertently influence there children to be mean to my children.

 Yikes!  Sounds like some parents need to grow up.

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Oh that wouldn't work very well for him. At least not now. My oldest on the hand needs to kept very busy. As many activities as I can work in,lol.

Quoting AutymsMommy:


Meh. I generally meant with children they see on a consistent basis, lol - but I have social butterflies who would be miserable without that, lol. I would never be so lucky that all of my children have the same interests (especially with the age gaps).

Quoting paganbaby:

Does going to the park count as an activity?

Quoting AutymsMommy:


Ah. I misread. Apologies :(

I agree that only one outside activity is necessary. Even that feels like a lot sometimes, lol; especially if you have more than one kid and different activities for each.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 I'm not saying to have NO consistent interaction, I'm just saying don't stress about it and don't join things they don't actually like and you don't want to help with in order to chase this "socialization" thing.  Some people seem to use this "socialization" thing to give up and put their kids back to ps, they use this thing to discourage others from homeschooling.  All I'm saying is that we can facilitate socialization even if they only have 1 outside activity, even if they have to go a year without outside activity, and even if they have to travel a county away to get to some outside activity.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I agree and disagree.

I do not think it is healthy for children to have NO consistent interaction with children outside of their own family. Just me though.

As an adult, I would go bananas if I didn't have a friend or two.

Oversheduling? I do agree with you there. I felt like I was going nuts when my eldest was home - between church, co-op, and ballet, we were out of the house at activities every single day... although, really, it wasn't even a lot.

 







Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

kirbymom
by Sonja on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:36 PM
2 moms liked this
Well, I know I am the odd man out here on this particular issue. That's alright. I'm okay with it.
I just know from personal experiences, my own, my kids', and from watching others go through this as well, that I am positive that limited contact is where I am at in my thinking on this subject. I have 7 kids. Their ages are 17, 16, 14, 12, 10, 7, and 4. So I have the whole range of the socialization levels. I can say with 99% accuracy that the majority of the kids my children have been around have not been very positive. They try to get my kids to go against what we tell them is proper behavior. Even some of the parents have tried this as well. IMO, I don't think that letting my kids hang around other kids using inappropriate words is ever the right trade off to have my kids hang out with other kids. Not do I want my kids learning specific information that I believe is not in their best interest to know at particular times in their lives. More so when they are younger/ish. Now when they start turning 14 or so, then I know it is time for them to have a little bit of that socialization that I dislike. Don't get me wrong or perhaps misunderstand, my kids are extremely social towards other people. Adults and children. I didn't have to teach them how to interact with anyone. They just seemed to know. However, I did have to teach them to not accept everything people said at face value as not everyone is always telling the truth or trying to be nice to them. This they had to be taught. Not everyone wants to be on the up and up. A few of them had to learn this the hard way. I also had to learn this as an adult. As I was in church, I let my kids go to the kids church while the adults had their own. Little did I know that the ADULT in charge had just gotten out of prison for molest his girlfriends 3 kids. No one bothered to tell me this pertinent info. So my kids were physically being touched (not in appropriately, yet) like sitting in his lap and being held. That was when we were in church. Even the kids had some suspicious behaviors. Of course I took my kids and left that church when I did find out. My point is simply this, you can not always trust those around you to be on the up and up. Not adults and not children. When we do happen to find the up and up people, my kids are around them. I am just not willing to take the chances with my children's physical and emotional and their intellectual well being.
Maybe I am wrong, but I am willing to bet that I am not. I also try not to push my views as the only right views out there. What works for me is not always for everyone else. I realize that.
Okay, done now.
bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this

 I can understand that thinking...totally!  I mean i just about half an hour ago heard my 6yo say to the wii "take that sucka"  I nearly hit the roof!!!  For goodness sakes, "where did you hear this?"  His answer...a boy in soccer!!!  ARGH!  Okay so I totally understand that thinking.  I do want them to interact at this age, so I will just redirect and let him know it is inappopriate in this family.  But for a knee jerk second, i was totally for pulling his butt out of soccer.  :-)

Quoting kirbymom:

Well, I know I am the odd man out here on this particular issue. That's alright. I'm okay with it.
I just know from personal experiences, my own, my kids', and from watching others go through this as well, that I am positive that limited contact is where I am at in my thinking on this subject. I have 7 kids. Their ages are 17, 16, 14, 12, 10, 7, and 4. So I have the whole range of the socialization levels. I can say with 99% accuracy that the majority of the kids my children have been around have not been very positive. They try to get my kids to go against what we tell them is proper behavior. Even some of the parents have tried this as well. IMO, I don't think that letting my kids hang around other kids using inappropriate words is ever the right trade off to have my kids hang out with other kids. Not do I want my kids learning specific information that I believe is not in their best interest to know at particular times in their lives. More so when they are younger/ish. Now when they start turning 14 or so, then I know it is time for them to have a little bit of that socialization that I dislike. Don't get me wrong or perhaps misunderstand, my kids are extremely social towards other people. Adults and children. I didn't have to teach them how to interact with anyone. They just seemed to know. However, I did have to teach them to not accept everything people said at face value as not everyone is always telling the truth or trying to be nice to them. This they had to be taught. Not everyone wants to be on the up and up. A few of them had to learn this the hard way. I also had to learn this as an adult. As I was in church, I let my kids go to the kids church while the adults had their own. Little did I know that the ADULT in charge had just gotten out of prison for molest his girlfriends 3 kids. No one bothered to tell me this pertinent info. So my kids were physically being touched (not in appropriately, yet) like sitting in his lap and being held. That was when we were in church. Even the kids had some suspicious behaviors. Of course I took my kids and left that church when I did find out. My point is simply this, you can not always trust those around you to be on the up and up. Not adults and not children. When we do happen to find the up and up people, my kids are around them. I am just not willing to take the chances with my children's physical and emotional and their intellectual well being.
Maybe I am wrong, but I am willing to bet that I am not. I also try not to push my views as the only right views out there. What works for me is not always for everyone else. I realize that.
Okay, done now.

 

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:24 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with this and hope it's true. My DD is not a confident kid. But I have already noticed her getting better. A few weeks ago we were at the library and they needed to update DDs card, the librarian asked her her birthday and DD got so flustered she couldn't do it, she got teary eyed (she is 10, she should know her bday, but it's a J month and the are three of those-with dad having one and brother having the third-so she mixes them up easily)...she looked to me to answer for her with those tears and I just said with a smile "no, you can do it!" And she took a breath and did it :). I hope she just gets more confident as I push a little from the sidelines!


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 


Quoting Krystal.Ingalls:


My son is much more social now that he's homeschooled.  He's autistic and public school was just too stressful to him.  He wouldn't talk at all while he was there...he just tuned everyone out.  Now, he'll talk to a few different people.  He even orders his own food when we go out to eat.  =)  He's not quite caught up with his peers yet, but he's doing amazing!  


 IMO it is easier for the autistic child, the socially awkward child, the shy child (not trying to lump them together at all but as seperate categories) to interact with others when there is the comfort of someone who knows and loves him standing there to encourage or even butt in to help.


Great job, Momma!


oahoah
by Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks for that! I keep going back & forth on the issue of not having my kids "in" anything.  I personally don't want the added stress (and cost) of joining something just for socialization. We belong to a weekly co-op and that is enough for me (& my boys). We go to library craft-time pretty regularly and sometimes a weekly park date with kids from co-op.  Some of the moms have their kids in sports, dance, drama, etc; and they are kind of shocked that we don't "do anything". Maybe their shock is actually envy!! Thanks again.

MammaG08
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 7:10 AM
1 mom liked this

Well said!

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