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At a loss...

Posted by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:38 PM
  • 11 Replies

How would you deal with an angry and rude 12-year-old?  I once put him back in school for a while, but that only made it worse.

by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:38 PM
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oredeb
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:51 PM
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 have you talked to the 12 yr old, will take longer than 1 time to find out whats wrong though.  find out whats going on ask teachers or friends?? asking 12 yr old what they are thinking throughout the day, keep communication open, any medical issues?

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:39 PM
4 moms liked this

A lot of hugs.

12 is a HARD age. My daughter is 12. In the past few months, she is MUCH better - a lot of patience, plenty of hugs, a bit of ignoring and raised eyebrows, and a disappointed or raised tone once in a while (used with discretion).

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















JTE11
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Have him journal every day? When we were in 8th grade we were expected to journal our feelings for that day as a writing assignment. It helped keep tabs on where everyone's head was, let us vent, and it satisfied a writing requirement. It might help give you some clues to what is going on. When I was 12 and 13 I was probably angry and annoyed 23 out of every 24 hours, it was just a part of puberty for me. I was mouthy and mean, and uncomfortable. Turns out it was hormones and in the next year or so it got much better. But at age 12 and 13 I think my mother would have liked to have taped my mouth shut I'm sure.

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 3:07 PM
2 moms liked this

 12 is tough.  I taught them in ps.  I found that giving them more responsibility really helped.  That sounds backwards, I know.  But here's what is going on with 12 year olds.... they are not teens yet, they are not children anymore, they want to be men but they aren't there yet either.  They are just stuck squarely in the middle of nowhere. 

I played on the want to be treated like an adult and it made life much easier.

Also their hormones are changing, their bodies are changing, their minds are changing.  It's a tough time.  Talk to him, ask him questions, make him feel safe to tell you the answers with out judgement. (that last part is really hard).  He may say some hurtful and mean things, but eventually you can get the problems out of him and work through them.

Good luck!!

Anna92464
by Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 4:15 PM

Thanks for the advice, Mamas.  I will certainly try everything suggested that I have not tried yet. 

mem82
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 4:45 PM
Good luck! I'm lucky my 12yo is very steady. Lord knows I wasn't at that age.
usmom3
by BJ on Sep. 18, 2013 at 6:30 PM

 Respect! When ever he is rude or disrespectful tell him you are sorry if you have shown him this is the way to act & that you are trying to not be disrespectful to him any more & then make an effort to be respectful to him especially when he is not respectful to you!

If you do this, truly do this he will change for the better.

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 7:10 PM


I don't really understand this. She should apologize to HIM? Having been a teen myself, and raising one now, I can promise that just because a child becomes the standard hormonal, disrespectful teenager, doesn't mean they have been disrespected by their aim (the parent, in this case).

Quoting usmom3:

 Respect! When ever he is rude or disrespectful tell him you are sorry if you have shown him this is the way to act & that you are trying to not be disrespectful to him any more & then make an effort to be respectful to him especially when he is not respectful to you!

If you do this, truly do this he will change for the better.



I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















usmom3
by BJ on Sep. 18, 2013 at 7:31 PM

 We teach our children how to treat us by the way we have treated them their whole lives. If you have been a bossy, pushy, demanding parent you are going to get a rude, disrespectful teen as a result! I have meet very few parents that treated their children with the same respect they demand their children show them or the same respect they give to other adults. So yes I think telling the child or teen that you are sorry that you have talked to them that way will help them learn that 1 it is not the right way to be & 2 adults can own when they do something that is hurtful to their children.

I was a teen too & I have raised a teen to adulthood! The best times as a teen & as a parent to a teen where when we all treated each other with respect & courtesy.

 

Quoting AutymsMommy:

 

I don't really understand this. She should apologize to HIM? Having been a teen myself, and raising one now, I can promise that just because a child becomes the standard hormonal, disrespectful teenager, doesn't mean they have been disrespected by their aim (the parent, in this case).

Quoting usmom3:

 Respect! When ever he is rude or disrespectful tell him you are sorry if you have shown him this is the way to act & that you are trying to not be disrespectful to him any more & then make an effort to be respectful to him especially when he is not respectful to you!

If you do this, truly do this he will change for the better.

 

 

 

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Character, character, character....

Teach and emphasize character traits in your home that you want them to have.   Don't let up on these discussions and such.

Demand certain levels of respect and GIVE those same levels (or more) of respect back.   Have simple, but meaningful consequences.

Say son is ridiculously rude.   Other than just looking at him and saying, "that was uncalled for and hurt my feelings."   Don't fight on the spot.   Walk away.

Later, when he wants something from you (taken somewhere, to have a friend over, to go to practice, etc).. remind him of the disrespect and don't take him.   Don't fight, just don't take him.   Walk away and find something to keep yourself busy while he pitches a fit about not getting.    

Be consistant with this, though.


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