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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

How do you go about "punishing" for not doing school work right??? Im talking about a teen responsible enough to this stuff..but he just isnt applying himself. I have told him countless times that just because he is "homeschooled" doesnt mean he can slack off and get away with things. 

I have tried many methods with him, he is learning...somewhat but just not applying 100%. I set up the entire week. Tell him there will be a quiz today on certain stuff...he has 7 days to study for it, I tell him what pags it will be on....i give him everything I can think of help him...and come quiz day today he just goofs off because he "doesnt feel like doing anything today". One of the questions was for his history and it was What was the rosetta stone...his answer "a website that helps you learn languages" I ask him how that pertains to history and he says..oh i didnt know u meant the history rosetta stone.........im like REALLY this entire quiz has history vocab words matching things etc..and that is your answer...

How do you go about dealing with laziness? He also has an essay topic due next week.that HE ASKED me if he could do.....every thursday is "research day" where he works on his essay etc. And I remind him next week its due....He isnt going to have it done because he doesnt even have a draft written up yet and its 4 pages long on 2 greek gods of his choosing. (I orginally said 1, but he wanted to choose 2 so he got 2 gods, and 4 pages instead of 1 god 2 pages) I am so tired of explaining things. If i be mean about things he is going to goof right through it....

HELP im at my wits end. I need suggestions. Please.


EDITED *** he has had 4 weeks to complete this 4 page essay. He is just pure lazy..was lazy in public school and hateful and always got into trouble, so thats why i pulled him out he wasnt going anywhere period, he had done failed so many times. He is suppose to be in the 10th, but he is in the 8th according to the school district. Everything I tell him goes in one ear and out the other. Im trying to teach him responsiblity but he is being a teenager......URG 

by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Replies (21-30):
kirbymom
by Sonja on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:06 PM
You are most welcome. It just tugs at my heart when I see someone who is making such an impact and can't see it. If you ever need more "visual" support, I would be honored to supply it. :)


Quoting JerrysMom2011:

You are completely right!!!

I just keep reaching for higher standards because he is responding well with the homeschool and that makes me real excited since this is my first year doing it. I also have the daunting task for taking care an infant, a toddler, working as well. So I feel I am trying to find my groove. 

Thank you for taking the time to help me see the bigger picture it is hard to see it from the inside. I do love him with all my heart just like I do my own biological kids. I have tried for 5 years to get into his life and make a difference but his mom would never let me because she was so jealous of our connection. Now this year I finally have the chance!

Its just frustrating when he doesnt do his full potential on a daily basis, but yes i agree with the saturday sunday thing and taking away his beloved phone and video games (we are a huge video game family so this will be tough for him)

Thank you again



Quoting kirbymom:Hi. I hope you don't mind if I jump in here. I have been reading all the posts and from what I can gather, you have been making a bigger impact than you can see. The reason you can't see that impact is because this is close to your heart and therefore just see the picture in front of you. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing. But I would like to help broaden that picture for you if I may.
First off, you have taken him from a negative environment and surrounded him with a more positive environment. Then, you took him out of a negative social environment and gave back to him a more productive social environment. He is learning to love reading. He is even beginning to ask for more work. Yes, he is not doing it all at 100% involvement BUT, he IS doing more than ever before. Right? He has improved by leaps and bounds judging from these posts. You have been told by outside influences what a remarkable change he is showing. So, you must be accomplishing a lot more than you see as you are seeing with a mother's view.
You are making the same thought processes of thinking that I did with my son. But, if you take a step back and think about this from a broader, more relaxed perspective, you might find a different approach to this situation. I think that you are also right though that you just can not let him slack in attitude and or "work". If you find he isn't getting the work done, tell him he will have to work his Saturday then to get it done. And his Sunday if need be as well. When he does complete something, tell him what an awesome job and that you just knew he could do it. Slowly but surely, he will improve. He didn't get into this place of his in a matter of minutes. It took years to build to this point. So, it is logical to think that it is going to take some time to reverse the damages as well. Patience and a never ending supply of redo's, and do overs, and repeats. I can sure tell you from experience that it took me some time to get my son to the other side of this problem. But I did it! And so can and will you too! Look at what you have already accomplished with him! You can do this! Big Hugs to you.


Quoting JerrysMom2011:

I will talk to his social worker about that. He seems like a generally happy kid though, especially here at home everyone has said what a difference I have already made in his life by taking him from his mothers, and how much happier he is. I just thought taking him out of that enviorment, and nurturing him and showing love and etc would do more then any medication would. 


Quoting PurpleCupcake:

Ok...LOTS of people will disagree with me and I understand why...so not starting a debate.

He has issues. Have you thought of trying medication for depression?  Has he seen a psychiatrist (not psychologist)? 

Lack of ambition + anger issues + bad childhood equal a recipe for a disaster. There are meds that can help with those issues.

Quoting JerrysMom2011:

He has, and no one can find anything really wrong with him, he has been through and "graduated" therapy. He has to read things outloud for him to understand what he is reading, and he has gotten by his other grades in school by going to summer school..his mother would always "reward" him with who cares if you dont do well in school..you can go to summer school and pass....so he has always slacked off in school from day one. He in in anger management, but other then that everyone says he is a healthy teenager.


Quoting PurpleCupcake:

Has he been tested for educational delays, medical issues that would impact learning, or is he seeing a therapist?

Quoting JerrysMom2011:

I have tried the non structure thing with him and that makes him more lazy. I am trying to find ways to make this stuff fun we only school for about 2 hours a day, he does and can do well when he wants to he just recently got a 100% on a english grammar test that had 60 questions (GED offical pretest) just some days he just...idk not movitvated. If I dont have some type of structure this boy would never do anything. He has had a real hard life (abuse, neglect etc) He is choosing ways he wants to do things. I have gotten him excited in reading FINALLY he loves the series that Dave Pelzer wrote called "a child called it"  He is on the next book now, and we do reading assignments from it etc. 


Quoting PurpleCupcake:

Just my opinion...

It sounds like you are doing public school at home. Too structured and rigid.

Have you tried being more relaxed? Unschooling? What about verbal discussions as opposed to written essays? Let him choose the subjects he wants to do? Plan for a day not a week or month? What about doing less subjects a day? Instead of 45 minutes per subject (6 subjects a day) why not do an hour and a half per subject (4 subjects per day)

Homeschool moves at a much faster pace than ps. Literally if he only wanted to do a subject twice a week he would still finish by the end of the year.

I'm willing to bet that you are teaching him the way in which you learn best. And that doesn't suit his learning style. Just a hunch, I could be wrong. 

I really wouldn't jump on the punishing bandwagon just yet because it will make things worse. Try checking into different methods of teaching and different learning styles first.













Silverkitty
by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:20 PM

I'm having this problem with my daughter.  She seems to expect me to give her the answers and when I don't she doesn't do the work.  I get upset and frustrated.  I just about want to throw the towel in again.

BrettsMommy927
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:20 PM
1 mom liked this

My personal opinion-you school him how YOU see fit. He has the one on one, so rigid or not, laziness shouldn't be an issue. next time he asks "can so and so do whateverness at this time in our house?" Ask politely "Is your essay done, is your research project done" Just don't reward the lazy behavior, I honestly think you are doing great.

JerrysMom2011
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:39 PM

yep! It can be frustrating, and because you are there mother, etc it makes it that much more frustrating. I graded his math quiz today and he just half ***ed it. I circled the words "in simplest form" gave it back to him, asked him why did he get half credit on every single one..and he said "i dont know I answered them right" I asked him to read the directions outloud and he still made excuses as to why he didnt complete it all the way. I asked him were they in simplest form...and he said no..i said..well then...He just didnt wanna do that part cause it took too much time to do....I dont know how else to classify that other then "lazy"

So tomorrow instead of having the day free, he has to go back and make corrections on his social studies, math and english. 


Quoting Silverkitty:

I'm having this problem with my daughter.  She seems to expect me to give her the answers and when I don't she doesn't do the work.  I get upset and frustrated.  I just about want to throw the towel in again.



Silverkitty
by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:46 PM

Today in science we did a lab.  I said write the lap in complete sentences and she started off every sentence with IT.  I asked what it was.  She said well if you read the question you will know.

In math she asked me what is 16 times 16.  I said write it out you know how.  She just looked at me with a blank stare.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do.  Go over everything again and again or just let her fail where she falls.  ~sigh~


Quoting JerrysMom2011:

yep! It can be frustrating, and because you are there mother, etc it makes it that much more frustrating. I graded his math quiz today and he just half ***ed it. I circled the words "in simplest form" gave it back to him, asked him why did he get half credit on every single one..and he said "i dont know I answered them right" I asked him to read the directions outloud and he still made excuses as to why he didnt complete it all the way. I asked him were they in simplest form...and he said no..i said..well then...He just didnt wanna do that part cause it took too much time to do....I dont know how else to classify that other then "lazy"

So tomorrow instead of having the day free, he has to go back and make corrections on his social studies, math and english. 


Quoting Silverkitty:

I'm having this problem with my daughter.  She seems to expect me to give her the answers and when I don't she doesn't do the work.  I get upset and frustrated.  I just about want to throw the towel in again.





JerrysMom2011
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 4:04 PM

How old is she??? I asked my son to do a descriptive paragraph on the end of the world...his response was something like this :

"the end of the world would be like if Mcdonalds went out of bizzness" Spell just like that. He writes in short text and everything. 


Quoting Silverkitty:

Today in science we did a lab.  I said write the lap in complete sentences and she started off every sentence with IT.  I asked what it was.  She said well if you read the question you will know.

In math she asked me what is 16 times 16.  I said write it out you know how.  She just looked at me with a blank stare.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do.  Go over everything again and again or just let her fail where she falls.  ~sigh~


Quoting JerrysMom2011:

yep! It can be frustrating, and because you are there mother, etc it makes it that much more frustrating. I graded his math quiz today and he just half ***ed it. I circled the words "in simplest form" gave it back to him, asked him why did he get half credit on every single one..and he said "i dont know I answered them right" I asked him to read the directions outloud and he still made excuses as to why he didnt complete it all the way. I asked him were they in simplest form...and he said no..i said..well then...He just didnt wanna do that part cause it took too much time to do....I dont know how else to classify that other then "lazy"

So tomorrow instead of having the day free, he has to go back and make corrections on his social studies, math and english. 


Quoting Silverkitty:

I'm having this problem with my daughter.  She seems to expect me to give her the answers and when I don't she doesn't do the work.  I get upset and frustrated.  I just about want to throw the towel in again.







Silverkitty
by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 5:05 PM


She is 12.  She does have some learning problems, but we were working on things that didn't involve them.

Sounds something like what my daughter would write, but not about fast food, more if the internet stopped working or something.  I sometimes ask myself where I went wrong, since our homeschooling has been rocky since 4th grade and now she is in 7th for most things.

Quoting JerrysMom2011:

How old is she??? I asked my son to do a descriptive paragraph on the end of the world...his response was something like this :

"the end of the world would be like if Mcdonalds went out of bizzness" Spell just like that. He writes in short text and everything. 


Quoting Silverkitty:

Today in science we did a lab.  I said write the lap in complete sentences and she started off every sentence with IT.  I asked what it was.  She said well if you read the question you will know.

In math she asked me what is 16 times 16.  I said write it out you know how.  She just looked at me with a blank stare.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do.  Go over everything again and again or just let her fail where she falls.  ~sigh~


Quoting JerrysMom2011:

yep! It can be frustrating, and because you are there mother, etc it makes it that much more frustrating. I graded his math quiz today and he just half ***ed it. I circled the words "in simplest form" gave it back to him, asked him why did he get half credit on every single one..and he said "i dont know I answered them right" I asked him to read the directions outloud and he still made excuses as to why he didnt complete it all the way. I asked him were they in simplest form...and he said no..i said..well then...He just didnt wanna do that part cause it took too much time to do....I dont know how else to classify that other then "lazy"

So tomorrow instead of having the day free, he has to go back and make corrections on his social studies, math and english. 


Quoting Silverkitty:

I'm having this problem with my daughter.  She seems to expect me to give her the answers and when I don't she doesn't do the work.  I get upset and frustrated.  I just about want to throw the towel in again.









KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 6:18 PM

I agree you've made amazing changes already.   I don't know how long you've had care of him, but you aren't going to accomplish in 2-3 years what WOULD have been accomplished over 12-13 years in a normal, loving home environment.    You can and WILL do amazing things with him and help him get his life turned around.

As for getting assignments completed on time, that's something many families deal with.   Maybe there is a spot you can hang an assignment board for him.   He can erase or mark off the things that are completed and when they are due.   If he misses the deadline, he can write the date in a different color.   If he has any "different color dates" on his board, then he has an early curfew for the weekend and no cell phone or video games after curfew, instead, he uses that time to catch up on school work.



JerrysMom2011
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:47 PM

Thank you! I have been in his life for 6 years, but his mother never let me really be in his life like i wanted to and he also wanted to because of jealousy. He has been in my care since feb of this year. He will be until he is 18 due to a protective custody suite issued by the court!!! I like the idea of the visual representation of his past due assignments, maybe that will help him "remember' because we do have a dry erase board that I use to post his assignments on already and things we are studying and "Hints" about tests, and stuff!


Quoting KrissyKC:

I agree you've made amazing changes already.   I don't know how long you've had care of him, but you aren't going to accomplish in 2-3 years what WOULD have been accomplished over 12-13 years in a normal, loving home environment.    You can and WILL do amazing things with him and help him get his life turned around.

As for getting assignments completed on time, that's something many families deal with.   Maybe there is a spot you can hang an assignment board for him.   He can erase or mark off the things that are completed and when they are due.   If he misses the deadline, he can write the date in a different color.   If he has any "different color dates" on his board, then he has an early curfew for the weekend and no cell phone or video games after curfew, instead, he uses that time to catch up on school work.





TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I just went back and looked for this post after reading your "thank you" post.  And I read all the responses.

My first point is, please think very carefully before medicating him with any of those SSRI reuptake inhibitors (prozac, zoloft, etc).  Especially in teenagers, they can do way more harm than good.  So PLEASE do your reseacrh before choosing that route.  Not saying not to, just to really really research all of it before giving checmicals like that to a child (or to anyone for that matter).

Next...I want to tell you I know all to well where you are coming from as the Stepmom part...I am a custodial SM to my DD10, her mom chose not to be around and hasn't spoken to her in over a year :(  It definitely plays it's part in our lives and in my relationship with DD and hers with me (and everyone else...she will never fully get over the trust and abandonment issues).

Since you have only had him since Feb, think of HOW MUCH progress he has already made!  That is only 7 months and he is already improving so much!  My advice goes with a lot of others, take privileges away until schoolwork is complete.  My kids know absolutely no electronics until their daily list is checked.  Maybe daily could work better than weekly for him? He will need to work up to weekly I think because not everything will be laid out each day for him forever, but you can start with daily.  And if he doesn't get work done to your specifications, then he doesn't get to do any of his fun stuff.  You said he likes to socialize at the bus stop?-no bus stop if he's not doing his work.

I'm guessing he is 15?  I don't think you said...but that is close to getting his license...no license until he shows he is mature enough to handle it-you show that by getting all your schoolwork done on time and taking some initiative.

The only other thing I can say is to keep going!  You have invested a lot in him, and that has done more for him than you can even imagine.  He knows how much you care about him and someday he will appreciate it sooo much (that day can take a while, but it will come). 

And keep coming here for support and advice, this is the best group to be in, it's my favorite place to spend a few free minutes :)

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