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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Homeschool changing relationship Spinoff...

Posted by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 6:30 PM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

So I did it, wrote my own open letter to friends and family: http://fromschooltohomeschool.blogspot.com/


Dear Friends and Family,

We made a life decision recently that is viewed as different.  We chose to pull our kids out of public school and homeschool them. 

This decision is by no means a reflection on you or your choices in how your children are educated.  We saw flaws and issues with OUR children's education and experiences and chose to take things into our own hands. 

I never planned to homeschool.  I thought it was odd, and after all-what is wrong with public school?!  Nothing is wrong with how you choose (or chose) to educate your children.  Whether you homeschool, use public school, private school, or a charter school.  Your choice is right for you.

My honest opinion of all of my friends and family is that each and every one of you always tries to do what you feel is best for your children.  In regards to everything, not just their education.  At this point, we feel homeschooling is what is best for our children.  Homeschooling is not for every child, and not for every family.  We went into this with open eyes and know that it may not even be for us.  But we felt it was right and felt we needed to take this path in our lives.

We respect everyone's decision to teach their children the way they choose, and hope you will do the same with our decision. 

And for the record: just because we have chosen to homeschool, it does not mean our children are now hermits.  Please encourage your children, their friends, to still call and visit. :)

by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 6:30 PM
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Replies (1-9):
mem82
by Platinum Member on Sep. 21, 2013 at 6:32 PM
2 moms liked this

Very well worded. 8) I like it!

oredeb
by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 7:30 PM

 are your friends and family ignoring you? so you had to write them a letter? awwwwwwwwww we are here for you debbie

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:29 AM

We live with my MIL and I have barely talked to her in weeks..bc she is not on board with us hsing and because of another issue we had (she bought DD a book I wasn't ready for her to have, and allowed her to start reading it before even letting us know she had it).

A few of my kids friends parents haven't been as friendly as they used to be and my kids haven't seen any of their ps friends since we 'announced' the decision.  I haven't pushed a ton for it, but I have put feelers out with no response.

You guys are who I always come to when I need support :)  I appreciate all of you so much!


Quoting oredeb:

 are your friends and family ignoring you? so you had to write them a letter? awwwwwwwwww we are here for you debbie



ablackdolphin
by Bronze Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:23 AM
So happy you wrote it!!!!!!! Did you publish on fb?? How was it received by them?
TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:25 AM

I haven't put it on fb yet.  I am super careful what I do put on there, so I am still mulling it over!  I will let you know if I put it on and how it goes!


Quoting ablackdolphin:

So happy you wrote it!!!!!!! Did you publish on fb?? How was it received by them?



oredeb
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 4:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 awww debbie so sorry you are going through this, and thats a very good letter to give them!

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

We live with my MIL and I have barely talked to her in weeks..bc she is not on board with us hsing and because of another issue we had (she bought DD a book I wasn't ready for her to have, and allowed her to start reading it before even letting us know she had it).

A few of my kids friends parents haven't been as friendly as they used to be and my kids haven't seen any of their ps friends since we 'announced' the decision.  I haven't pushed a ton for it, but I have put feelers out with no response.

You guys are who I always come to when I need support :)  I appreciate all of you so much!

 

Quoting oredeb:

 are your friends and family ignoring you? so you had to write them a letter? awwwwwwwwww we are here for you debbie

 

 

 

STARRYVONN
by New Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Nice. Totally understand what you're going through. We've through it as well. There are some relatives that we don't communicate with as often because of it, but we love our choice, the kids are excelling and happy and I feel like an awesome mom.
Great letter.
KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 6:27 PM

I understand how you are feeling, but I feel this letter will only cause you serious problems.

You live with MIL.   Your best solution is to move out.   You cannot draw clear boundaries with people when you live in their home.    I realize you are probably "saving" for a house, but it's just not a good choice.

Your letter may be worded clearly, but it is NOT a good thing to post on facebook or even send to your family.   Instead, you need to find clear ways of telling them...

"Thank you for your opinion, but these are our decisions to make."

Be a broken record.   Politely let them know the same exact thing...

example:

HATER:   Your kids are suffering, they need to be in public school with other children. 

You: We appreciate your opinion, but we have made our decisions.

HATER:    But these are my (grandkids, nieces, nephews, etc..) and I think what you are doing is...

You:  We have heard your opinions and listened to them, but we have made our decisions.

HATER:   It's not good for the children to be overly sheltered.

You:  Thank you, but we've made our decisions.

HATER:  blah blah blah...

(cut them off, but politely)

You:  We have made our decisions.

HATER:  BLAH BLAH

(cut them off again)

YOU:   Again, we are happy with our decisions, I'd really like to end this conversation.

((WALK AWAY))



 

 

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:19 PM

I haven't posted it on FB...I am super careful what I do post and think long and hard about it, written words can always come back to bite you!

I like your broken record idea.

The thing with my MIL, she doesn't talk to me about it.  I explained our reasons, DH had a conversation with her a couple weeks later again explaining our reasons...and that is the end of it.  Luckily she does not harp on us about it, she understands it is our decision even if she doesn't agree with it.  She apparently told the kids she will be giving them a lesson on how to start a fire in the wood stove...which I thought was interesting, lol.  At first I thought it was hypocritcal.  BUT if she wants to be involved in their 'schooling' and she is giving them a life skill, then I will give her the reigns on that one! 

I do think my grandmother-in-law talked some sense into her, reminding her it isn't up to her, and probably pointing out the things our kids will be "missing out" on in ps...things she brought up to DH years ago showing her concern.  And when mil said to DH "don't you want what's best for your kids?!" and he said "of course we do!  That's why we made this decision." I think she really thought about that piece of their conversation.  So she may not agree or understand, but she will accept.  And I think she just needed (or still needs) time to adjust to the whole idea of it, and to really realize that it is NO reflection on her parenting decisions.  I certainly do not want to post this and have her feel it is directed at her and upset her, even with our disagreements she has been incredibly supportive and understanding through a lot of things.

Eventually, after pushing for the kids' ps friends to visit, if no parents let them, I may put a more brief post out about the kids wanting to have a get together or something with their ps friends and maybe let them plan a little party (they are discussing a Halloween party now, so that may be a chance to invite their ps friends over...if we can get mil to agree to let us have a bunch of middle schoolers over, lol).  But it would be directed to friends with kids that are friends with my kids, not family.


As a side note, we have been saving for a house for.ever.  It's ridiculous.  But there is no better option, our student loans are too high compared to our income so we literally cannot get a loan from a bank.  We could rent, but it would cost 3-4x as much and we would be giving our money to a stranger, not something we enjoy doing.  This still works, mil typically doesn't need boundaries...there have only been a handful of times where I have felt she crossed some boundary and we have all been living together for 7 years now.  Our kids are happy here, we live in a great house in a great neighborhood, awesome yard for the kids and the dog.  And most of the time it is enjoyable and it works.  There are some minor things I would like to change, but for the most part we are all happy with the way things are.

Quoting KrissyKC:

I understand how you are feeling, but I feel this letter will only cause you serious problems.

You live with MIL.   Your best solution is to move out.   You cannot draw clear boundaries with people when you live in their home.    I realize you are probably "saving" for a house, but it's just not a good choice.

Your letter may be worded clearly, but it is NOT a good thing to post on facebook or even send to your family.   Instead, you need to find clear ways of telling them...

"Thank you for your opinion, but these are our decisions to make."

Be a broken record.   Politely let them know the same exact thing...

example:

HATER:   Your kids are suffering, they need to be in public school with other children. 

You: We appreciate your opinion, but we have made our decisions.

HATER:    But these are my (grandkids, nieces, nephews, etc..) and I think what you are doing is...

You:  We have heard your opinions and listened to them, but we have made our decisions.

HATER:   It's not good for the children to be overly sheltered.

You:  Thank you, but we've made our decisions.

HATER:  blah blah blah...

(cut them off, but politely)

You:  We have made our decisions.

HATER:  BLAH BLAH

(cut them off again)

YOU:   Again, we are happy with our decisions, I'd really like to end this conversation.

((WALK AWAY))



 




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