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What do you do when they refuse to work?

Posted by on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:24 AM
  • 30 Replies
My kids are pretty good kids. They both wanted to HS by the time we made the final decision and neither wants to go back to ps. I give them each a checklist each day, DS11 is bright and things come easily, he just does his checklist. He finishes pretty quickly because he knows he wants to go do other things, so he just focuses and gets it done.

DD10 on the other hand, the second she comes to something she doesn't understand she starts having a meltdown. I feel like I have tried everything over the past few weeks, but nothing is working. I have tried punishing and bribing. I have adjusted her work to make sure it's not too hard, I have completely scrapped some things and done things completely differently. I have stopped doing extraneous things while they are schooling (except for right now while I am so lost I came here to ask). I have given her her own spot to do schoolwork instead of sending her to her room when she acts like this. Nothing is working.

She has this horrible nasty attitude when she "asks" for help...which sounds more like someone barking "mom, I don't get it" she can't just ask nicely. Ever. She throws things, she yells, she tells me she's not doing anything. She tells me things are impossible. She says I refuse to help her (typically my refusal is "did you check in the book first?" Or "where do you think you could find that answer?").

I don't know what to do. This is not going to work if it is just a constant fight. I know we are still adjusting and it's going to take some time. I just don't know how long I can do it for. :(
by on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:32 AM
4 moms liked this

This too shall pass :)

Autumn went through this for a while - seemed to be a general bad mood/puberty thing (the meltdowns, the bad mood during instruction, etc).

How bare bones is your curriculum? If it isn't already, I might suggest knocking formal work down to language arts, religion, math, science, and history - no extras if she can't handle them.

Also, if she's dyslexic, keep in mind that what may seem easy to you, isn't to her. Frequently (very common, actually), dyslexic children have working memory issues - meaning that just because you explained something to her yesterday, or 10 minutes ago, doesn't mean she retained it. I might suggest that every night, before giving her the next day's lessons, you type up "notes" on the lesson... which she can use to refer back to AFTER you've taught the lesson, while she's doing her assignment (dd's private dyslexic school does this - they send home class notes for homework help).

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















mem82
by Platinum Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:36 AM
Just try to stay calm. Find a new way to explain it. Eventually, she will get that tantrums don't get her negative attention or out of the work. Is it the same time every day or the same subject?
Leissaintexas
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:47 AM
3 moms liked this

This is not a school issue, this is a discipline issue. She is disrespecting you with her tone and attitude. She needs to be reminded who's in charge.

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this

 This..... plus remember that even children who are not dyslexic have many of these same cognitive issues during growth spurts, during big puberty changes, and when they are having any sleeping problems.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

This too shall pass :)

Autumn went through this for a while - seemed to be a general bad mood/puberty thing (the meltdowns, the bad mood during instruction, etc).

How bare bones is your curriculum? If it isn't already, I might suggest knocking formal work down to language arts, religion, math, science, and history - no extras if she can't handle them.

Also, if she's dyslexic, keep in mind that what may seem easy to you, isn't to her. Frequently (very common, actually), dyslexic children have working memory issues - meaning that just because you explained something to her yesterday, or 10 minutes ago, doesn't mean she retained it. I might suggest that every night, before giving her the next day's lessons, you type up "notes" on the lesson... which she can use to refer back to AFTER you've taught the lesson, while she's doing her assignment (dd's private dyslexic school does this - they send home class notes for homework help).

 

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:53 AM
How do you know this isn't a school issue?


Quoting Leissaintexas:

This is not a school issue, this is a discipline issue. She is disrespecting you with her tone and attitude. She needs to be reminded who's in charge.


oredeb
by debbie on Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:04 AM

 first i question them, talk to them, find out whats realy going on, get dh involved(he can get right to the problem),  sometimes we can talk it out and some times we cant  if they still dont do the work they get a spankins

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:04 AM
Great ideas, as usual! Thank you!

It is pretty barebones for her. I will see if we can knock anything else off, but the only thing really would be the things she enjoys, and I'd hate to make school just the things she doesn't like learning, you know? Maybe I will try getting her to do all the stuff she doesn't really enjoy first, then she will get to do the fun stuff after.


Quoting AutymsMommy:

This too shall pass :)

Autumn went through this for a while - seemed to be a general bad mood/puberty thing (the meltdowns, the bad mood during instruction, etc).

How bare bones is your curriculum? If it isn't already, I might suggest knocking formal work down to language arts, religion, math, science, and history - no extras if she can't handle them.

Also, if she's dyslexic, keep in mind that what may seem easy to you, isn't to her. Frequently (very common, actually), dyslexic children have working memory issues - meaning that just because you explained something to her yesterday, or 10 minutes ago, doesn't mean she retained it. I might suggest that every night, before giving her the next day's lessons, you type up "notes" on the lesson... which she can use to refer back to AFTER you've taught the lesson, while she's doing her assignment (dd's private dyslexic school does this - they send home class notes for homework help).


TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:12 AM
It's most of her "core" subjects...the ones that don't come easy to her.

It's hard to stay calm, but I'm getting better.


Quoting mem82:

Just try to stay calm. Find a new way to explain it. Eventually, she will get that tantrums don't get her negative attention or out of the work. Is it the same time every day or the same subject?

TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:13 AM
Reminding her who is in charge doesn't work. She does have a bad attitude and can be disrespectful, but there is more to it than that.


Quoting Leissaintexas:

This is not a school issue, this is a discipline issue. She is disrespecting you with her tone and attitude. She needs to be reminded who's in charge.


Leissaintexas
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Well, she clearly stated that her tone was like she was barking at her, and when Mom won't just show her the answer and says Mom "refuses to help her", this is indicative of an attitude problem, not an inability to do the work. If the work was hard, she would ask for help, not bark at her mother. Mom also said she has done everything she can think of to accomodate her as far as her workspace, the level of difficulty, etc. When mom has done all she can do and dd is resistant in this manner, there are some boundary issues. Besides, it wouldn't matter if it WAS an academic issue, the disrespect should never be allowed. Frustration is normal, disobedience is not.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

How do you know this isn't a school issue?


Quoting Leissaintexas:

This is not a school issue, this is a discipline issue. She is disrespecting you with her tone and attitude. She needs to be reminded who's in charge.



 

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