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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Grrrrr!!!! Why are teenagers so difficult??

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 11:57 AM
  • 27 Replies

I want to start this off as saying, that I really love my daughter and I do enjoy her company. I know it doesn't seem that way with how much I complain in here about her,lol. It's just you guys are the only ones who understand. I've tried venting to my family about it and all I get is, "Then send her back to school." That's not what I want!

Okay, so the fist week was awful. I figured that I started her too soon and she needs more time to unschool. With our new schedule she can sleep as late as wants but she has to spend at least 5 hours with the family/pursuing her interests (No electronics except for documentaries, ect) Well, she gets up early but that's about it. Instead of doing something productive, she just spends her time wandering around and doing her chores sloowwly to eat up more time.

I bought her a perfume making kit. Hasn't touched it. I suggested training the dogs, not interested. Help her brother with his science project, spiders are gross. So I took her to the library. I asked her to pick some books that look interesting. I swear she kept her eyes closed the entire time because she came back with three books, Ethiopia, birds and slugs. Really? I asked her if she really liked these books. "Uh huh." After 5 mins of looking at the pictures she admitted they were boring.

I explained that if she doesn't figure out what she likes, I won't know what to teach her. School is much funner when you lean about things that interest you.

Help! What else can I do??

by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mem82
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:51 PM
6 moms liked this
IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.
usmom3
by BJ on Oct. 3, 2013 at 1:00 PM

 If she won't tell you her interest then you will have to strew somethings that you think will interest her. Find Strewing: Definition and Suggestions here

 

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    Personally, after my kids being in a school setting, they wouldn't unschool very well.   It would take a LONG time to establish the real core concepts of unschooling, and I would be concerned they wouldn't get it in time to have a successful high school.    Since we want to have them thoroughly equipped for college and their futures, we just couldn't do the unschool approach that late in life.   You might be better than me, though, and be able to pull it off.

    We do some child led learning, and they had input on the curriculum they want me to teach out of.   However, I'm still the leader/teacher and I still teach them.   They get up early, they go to bed reasonably, they do their responsibilities before getting screen time or friend time.   I take their feelings and thoughts into consideration.  

I try to understand if they are just having a bad day.   As one mom suggested on here, brownies fix a lot of problems and make bad moments better.    I try to sweeten their lives.   However, I also expect them to learn responsibility.


KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 1:24 PM

oh, yes.. I forgot about her dealing with depression.

I double what mem said.   Going to bed early and rising early is very key to overcoming depression.   Also, having goals, having something to put your hands to (work of your hands), something to find success in, plus fill that idle time with.   Structure and routine are MUCH better for depression than abosulte anarchy.



Quoting mem82:

IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.



jen2150
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:32 PM
I agree with the stewing suggestion. It is very effective. I suggest setting goals together. Sometimes when you have your schedule dictated by someone else it is hard transition. Be patient. Unschooling doesn't mean you sit back. It is one of the most labor intensive methods I have used.
hwblyf
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 5:01 PM

My super duper avid reader can't go into a library and find books. C A N ' T.  He's overwhelmed, he can't process it, it's simply too much.  That might be how your daughter feels with this endless world of possibilities, how does she even begin to make choices?

Oh, and I almost fell on my butt laughing when I read your subject.  I have this intense fear of that unknown species, teenager.  When you figure them out, could you post about it?  :)

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 5:54 PM

I'm willing to try it.

Now you said cutting down on friend time. What do you think would be a more reasonable schedule?

Quoting mem82:

IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 5:57 PM

That sounds like a great idea!

Quoting usmom3:

 If she won't tell you her interest then you will have to strew somethings that you think will interest her. Find Strewing: Definition and Suggestions here

 


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:02 PM

Oh, I'm not planning on hardcore unschooling long term. Just long enough for her to find her likes, dislikes; to find our rhythm, you know? Similar to taking a vacation. I'm trying to transition her easier from rigid, boring public school to a more relaxed homeschoool environment. When we do get started, I want to teach her things she likes.

Quoting KrissyKC:

    Personally, after my kids being in a school setting, they wouldn't unschool very well.   It would take a LONG time to establish the real core concepts of unschooling, and I would be concerned they wouldn't get it in time to have a successful high school.    Since we want to have them thoroughly equipped for college and their futures, we just couldn't do the unschool approach that late in life.   You might be better than me, though, and be able to pull it off.

    We do some child led learning, and they had input on the curriculum they want me to teach out of.   However, I'm still the leader/teacher and I still teach them.   They get up early, they go to bed reasonably, they do their responsibilities before getting screen time or friend time.   I take their feelings and thoughts into consideration.  

I try to understand if they are just having a bad day.   As one mom suggested on here, brownies fix a lot of problems and make bad moments better.    I try to sweeten their lives.   However, I also expect them to learn responsibility.



Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:08 PM

I'm fumbling through this the best I can,lol. But you're right. I myself struggle with depression and a routine really does help, even as a adult. Unfortunately there's no one to kick me in the butt when I fall in my hole :-/

I think writing out goals and helping her make a schedule is a great idea. Nothing permament. I'll let her know we can change anything that doesn't work.Also, I'm loving the strewing concept.

Quoting KrissyKC:

oh, yes.. I forgot about her dealing with depression.

I double what mem said.   Going to bed early and rising early is very key to overcoming depression.   Also, having goals, having something to put your hands to (work of your hands), something to find success in, plus fill that idle time with.   Structure and routine are MUCH better for depression than abosulte anarchy.



Quoting mem82:

IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.




Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

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