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Grrrrr!!!! Why are teenagers so difficult??

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I want to start this off as saying, that I really love my daughter and I do enjoy her company. I know it doesn't seem that way with how much I complain in here about her,lol. It's just you guys are the only ones who understand. I've tried venting to my family about it and all I get is, "Then send her back to school." That's not what I want!

Okay, so the fist week was awful. I figured that I started her too soon and she needs more time to unschool. With our new schedule she can sleep as late as wants but she has to spend at least 5 hours with the family/pursuing her interests (No electronics except for documentaries, ect) Well, she gets up early but that's about it. Instead of doing something productive, she just spends her time wandering around and doing her chores sloowwly to eat up more time.

I bought her a perfume making kit. Hasn't touched it. I suggested training the dogs, not interested. Help her brother with his science project, spiders are gross. So I took her to the library. I asked her to pick some books that look interesting. I swear she kept her eyes closed the entire time because she came back with three books, Ethiopia, birds and slugs. Really? I asked her if she really liked these books. "Uh huh." After 5 mins of looking at the pictures she admitted they were boring.

I explained that if she doesn't figure out what she likes, I won't know what to teach her. School is much funner when you lean about things that interest you.

Help! What else can I do??

by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 11:57 AM
Replies (11-20):
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:09 PM

Do you mean at home, or back at public school?

Quoting jen2150:

I agree with the stewing suggestion. It is very effective. I suggest setting goals together.
Sometimes when you have your schedule dictated by someone else it is hard transition.
Be patient. Unschooling doesn't mean you sit back. It is one of the most labor intensive methods I have used.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:11 PM

That does sound like her. My son who hates to read can do it just fine. I think maybe I'll hit the library without her the next few times and leave the books around for her to look at.

And Lmao! I will...

Quoting hwblyf:

My super duper avid reader can't go into a library and find books. C A N ' T.  He's overwhelmed, he can't process it, it's simply too much.  That might be how your daughter feels with this endless world of possibilities, how does she even begin to make choices?

Oh, and I almost fell on my butt laughing when I read your subject.  I have this intense fear of that unknown species, teenager.  When you figure them out, could you post about it?  :)


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

jen2150
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:17 PM
Both. It depends on the parent. It can be hard planning your day if you are used to it being planned for you.
Quoting paganbaby:

Do you mean at home, or back at public school?

Quoting jen2150:

I agree with the stewing suggestion. It is very effective. I suggest setting goals together.
Sometimes when you have your schedule dictated by someone else it is hard transition.
Be patient. Unschooling doesn't mean you sit back. It is one of the most labor intensive methods I have used.



hwblyf
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:22 PM


I take my son with me, but he spends his time, honest to goodness, holed up in a corner, where there are a limited number of books.  He just can't peruse them by himself.  But I'll go and get a bunch of books and when we get home he takes them all out and looks at them all.  It's completely overwhelming to him to be there, but I'm glad he's found a way to cope, even if it is by not doing much!  :)

I'm holding my breath for your teenager insights.  :)

Quoting paganbaby:

That does sound like her. My son who hates to read can do it just fine. I think maybe I'll hit the library without her the next few times and leave the books around for her to look at.

And Lmao! I will...

Quoting hwblyf:

My super duper avid reader can't go into a library and find books. C A N ' T.  He's overwhelmed, he can't process it, it's simply too much.  That might be how your daughter feels with this endless world of possibilities, how does she even begin to make choices?

Oh, and I almost fell on my butt laughing when I read your subject.  I have this intense fear of that unknown species, teenager.  When you figure them out, could you post about it?  :)




KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:22 PM

I don't have anyone either.   DH cracks if I crack.   It's really hard.   I have been diagnosed bi-polar, but didn't follow that diagnosis to the end because of losing insurance and just moving on with life and handling it on my own.

I know that if I sleep in and don't get up and do with the kids, I can have a breakdown.   If I ido break down, I cannot rely on anyone to kick my butt into shape or help me get back up again.   I just have to rise above it and do it because no one else will.   I love my DH, but I can't rely on him at all.



Quoting paganbaby:

I'm fumbling through this the best I can,lol. But you're right. I myself struggle with depression and a routine really does help, even as a adult. Unfortunately there's no one to kick me in the butt when I fall in my hole :-/

I think writing out goals and helping her make a schedule is a great idea. Nothing permament. I'll let her know we can change anything that doesn't work.Also, I'm loving the strewing concept.

Quoting KrissyKC:

oh, yes.. I forgot about her dealing with depression.

I double what mem said.   Going to bed early and rising early is very key to overcoming depression.   Also, having goals, having something to put your hands to (work of your hands), something to find success in, plus fill that idle time with.   Structure and routine are MUCH better for depression than abosulte anarchy.



Quoting mem82:

IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.






kirbymom
by Sonja on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:24 PM
1 mom liked this
This is probably more right than not.

I have 4 teenagers. They are all like this when left to their own devices. Most oeople think that making choices is easy and natural. Well, it isnt. Some kids just do not know how to make decisions. Easy or difficult. Toddlers or teenagers. Sone need to be taught. If they were not taught, it would be difficult to make any decision let alone the responsible/right decisions. More than one or two and they won't make any decisions at all. Add depression to the mix and it only amplifies tenfold.

Quoting :

IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.

DyslexiaParent
by Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 6:44 PM

I think after kids have been in school for so long, they have totally lost touch with who they are and their dreams.   They honestly don't have a clue what they're interested in or what they want to do.  It could be a long time before she knows what she wants to do or knows what she's interested in if she doesn't at least explore ideas.  My suggestion is to tell your DD that she has to do three educational things next week -- read a book (you set the length of the book, like 100 pages, but let her pick the topic), use the perfume kit, build something, etc.  Let it be kind of open, but require her to do something.  It's kind of halfway between homeschooling and unschooling.  That's my two cents, for what it's worth! ;-)

SandyKC
M.S. Instructional Design, Homeschooling Mom of "Light of My Life" Boys,
Author, Individualized Instruction Design Consultant


paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 7:47 PM

Ah, yes. That makes sense. School is very structured and home right now isn't at all. I think I'll sit down with her tonight and work out a schedule.

Quoting jen2150:

Both. It depends on the parent. It can be hard planning your day if you are used to it being planned for you.
Quoting paganbaby:

Do you mean at home, or back at public school?

Quoting jen2150:

I agree with the stewing suggestion. It is very effective. I suggest setting goals together.
Sometimes when you have your schedule dictated by someone else it is hard transition.
Be patient. Unschooling doesn't mean you sit back. It is one of the most labor intensive methods I have used.




Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 8:07 PM

That sounds even better. Last time I grabbed a bunch of books (7 or 8) I thought were interesting and let her go through them. She picked a few. Now they're sitting untouched in the back pack. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and leave them around the house. Hope that works.

Quoting hwblyf:


I take my son with me, but he spends his time, honest to goodness, holed up in a corner, where there are a limited number of books.  He just can't peruse them by himself.  But I'll go and get a bunch of books and when we get home he takes them all out and looks at them all.  It's completely overwhelming to him to be there, but I'm glad he's found a way to cope, even if it is by not doing much!  :)

I'm holding my breath for your teenager insights.  :) Lol!

Quoting paganbaby:

That does sound like her. My son who hates to read can do it just fine. I think maybe I'll hit the library without her the next few times and leave the books around for her to look at.

And Lmao! I will...

Quoting hwblyf:

My super duper avid reader can't go into a library and find books. C A N ' T.  He's overwhelmed, he can't process it, it's simply too much.  That might be how your daughter feels with this endless world of possibilities, how does she even begin to make choices?

Oh, and I almost fell on my butt laughing when I read your subject.  I have this intense fear of that unknown species, teenager.  When you figure them out, could you post about it?  :)





Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 8:11 PM

Mine too! ((Hugs)) Is it possible to get back on your insurance?

I was diagnosed with a lot of things but meds never worked until I began taking St. Johns wort. Speaking of which I missed a couple days. It just tastes so bad! lol I'm having dd take some too (the pills) but I need to get better. It's just so hard to pull myself up. Dinner has been cereal two nights in a row :-(

Quoting KrissyKC:

I don't have anyone either.   DH cracks if I crack.   It's really hard.   I have been diagnosed bi-polar, but didn't follow that diagnosis to the end because of losing insurance and just moving on with life and handling it on my own.

I know that if I sleep in and don't get up and do with the kids, I can have a breakdown.   If I ido break down, I cannot rely on anyone to kick my butt into shape or help me get back up again.   I just have to rise above it and do it because no one else will.   I love my DH, but I can't rely on him at all.



Quoting paganbaby:

I'm fumbling through this the best I can,lol. But you're right. I myself struggle with depression and a routine really does help, even as a adult. Unfortunately there's no one to kick me in the butt when I fall in my hole :-/

I think writing out goals and helping her make a schedule is a great idea. Nothing permament. I'll let her know we can change anything that doesn't work.Also, I'm loving the strewing concept.

Quoting KrissyKC:

oh, yes.. I forgot about her dealing with depression.

I double what mem said.   Going to bed early and rising early is very key to overcoming depression.   Also, having goals, having something to put your hands to (work of your hands), something to find success in, plus fill that idle time with.   Structure and routine are MUCH better for depression than abosulte anarchy.



Quoting mem82:

IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.







Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

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