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Is this a selfish reason to homeschool?

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My 6yo has been home for a three day weekend and I LOVED it. It was so nice to have her home and that made me realize, I miss her. She was the only one who didn't go to pre school so I was used to having her home with me. She was my buddy :-)

Now during the week I really don't have much time to spend with her. After school I pick up her and Michelle (a little girl I baby sit). All of us go to the REC center, do homework, eat snack, play at the park, come home cook dinner, then it's bath, teeth and bed. On the weekends I catch up on house work and run errands. I just feel like her childhood is slipping away while I'm busy doing other things.

She's doing fine in school, but I'm really, really considering pulling her out next year. The thought of sharing her day and watching her learn and grow is very appealing.

Is that selfish of me?

by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Replies (111-120):
AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:48 PM

I understand now. Thanks for explaining :)

I just got the feeling the people thought text and workbook based programs, as a whole, were "school at home", after seeing so many comments on other threads about this curriculum or that, being "too school at home" for their taste, lol.

Yes, my pre-ker is only doing a couple hours of work, dispersed throughout the day. Now, had my 7th grader stayed home this year, her day would have been every bit of 6 or 7 hours - she had a very heavy load scheduled.


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 It's less the "doing nothing but workbooks" and more about the long hours with no real breaks for the kids.  We do Math U See (manipulative, yes; but mostly workbooks) and other workbook-based lessons, but they get breaks.  Our day (remember my oldest is only 8) ends by lunch (7:30-12:30).  When we did K12 our day was often 8-10 hours long; their music and art were boring, over-done, and time consuming; their math often had 2 worksheets AND a test; that, to me, is school-at-home.  

I realize that the B&Ms do manipulatives and circle time, floor work, etc; but they are often long drawn out lessons because they have to get the info into the fastest learner AND the slowest learner.  But many parents who start out homeschooling think that that long amount of time is necessary for learning to take place.  Plus a PS teacher needs to do 20+ math problems so that a larger number of kids can respond and "show they know" the concept, so we can do 5-10 here at home and move on knowing that our kids have it. 

It's very difficult to plan an 8 hour day full of projects and hands-on, so they often rely too heavily on workbooks.  I've been a teacher and I've been in many ps classrooms and I still find the lessons can be very slow and have a lot of sit at the desk and wait time simply so the teacher can get to each of the kids and each of the kids has the time necessary to finish the work.  I would hate to recreate that in my home, and it is what I think of when I say school-at-home.

Quoting AutymsMommy:


We are desk workers and lovers of textbooks, lol. We are NOT unit study, interest led, or project based, on any level, lol. My 4 year old loves it, lol. Not that we do not ever have projects - it just isn't our focus. We ARE lovers of manipulatives (love, love our c-rods! And who knew base flats could make such awesome Angry Bird houses?!).

I would venture to say that those who believe they should recreate a classroom BY doing NOTHING but using textbooks and workbook for hours a day, have never been in a classroom, lol. I'm not aware of an elementary teacher who doesn't incorporate projects and hands on! I guess that gets to me a bit - when people say "recreate the classroom" and MEAN "sit at a table and do nothing but work from a book all day every day" <---- that doesn't happen even in brick and mortar. My best friend's children were here the other day and exclaiming over my manipulatives because they have the same in their classroom. Some of my friends are teachers and when I posed about Room on the Broom (a book we bought at the bookstore the other day), a kindergarten teacher friend of mine got all excited because she was in the middle of a neat projet based unit study using that book with her class.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

Sorry to butt in, but when I say school-at-home, I am thinking about those that sit at a desk for an extremely long, thoroughly scheduled day. The ones that are trying to recreate the B&M schools because they believe that the length of the day means more learning occurs. Those that schedule so thoroughly that they have one of those long-day schedules that put a knot in my stomach. Blah!
Quoting AutymsMommy:


What do you mean recreate a classroom? I'm genuinely curious because all of the programs I mentioned have been described by others, to me, as "too school at home" for them, lol; they are text and workbook focused, the teacher support or manuals encourage quiet study and desk space, etc.

Quoting mem82:

I don't really consider that school at home, though. I suppose I should have been more clear. 8)
If sassy was trying to completely recreate a class room in her house for a single child and it failed, that doesn't surprise me.


Quoting AutymsMommy:


I'll agree wholeheartedly that the comments about socialization are completely outdated. Most of the homeschooled children I know, socialize with age peers (and other children in general) AT LEAST once or twice a week - actively engage and socialize, I mean.

I'll disagree that "school at home" rarely works. The sheer number of happy users who are with "school at home" programs like Seton, Kolbe, Memoria Press, Abeka, etc proves that theory wrong; the sheer number of happy now-adults who graduated from programs like Kolbe and Seton proves that many children do great with school at home. Many children need that structure.


Quoting mem82:

I'm sorry but your information on homeschooling is either completely outdated by years or just wrong.



 



I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:17 PM

My 3rd/4th grader is now doing 4 hours while my 1st grader is doing 2 hours and my kinder is at 1 bit over an hour all with appropriate breaks. I fully expect school to take longer, probably starting in the middle school years.  Many people I have seen make those types of judgements are also using Math U See, Evan-Moor and other workbook type programs, so I assume (maybe wrongly, because I know what assuming does, LOL) that they mean the length of the schedule.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I understand now. Thanks for explaining :)

I just got the feeling the people thought text and workbook based programs, as a whole, were "school at home", after seeing so many comments on other threads about this curriculum or that, being "too school at home" for their taste, lol.

Yes, my pre-ker is only doing a couple hours of work, dispersed throughout the day. Now, had my 7th grader stayed home this year, her day would have been every bit of 6 or 7 hours - she had a very heavy load scheduled.

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 It's less the "doing nothing but workbooks" and more about the long hours with no real breaks for the kids.  We do Math U See (manipulative, yes; but mostly workbooks) and other workbook-based lessons, but they get breaks.  Our day (remember my oldest is only 8) ends by lunch (7:30-12:30).  When we did K12 our day was often 8-10 hours long; their music and art were boring, over-done, and time consuming; their math often had 2 worksheets AND a test; that, to me, is school-at-home.  

I realize that the B&Ms do manipulatives and circle time, floor work, etc; but they are often long drawn out lessons because they have to get the info into the fastest learner AND the slowest learner.  But many parents who start out homeschooling think that that long amount of time is necessary for learning to take place.  Plus a PS teacher needs to do 20+ math problems so that a larger number of kids can respond and "show they know" the concept, so we can do 5-10 here at home and move on knowing that our kids have it. 

It's very difficult to plan an 8 hour day full of projects and hands-on, so they often rely too heavily on workbooks.  I've been a teacher and I've been in many ps classrooms and I still find the lessons can be very slow and have a lot of sit at the desk and wait time simply so the teacher can get to each of the kids and each of the kids has the time necessary to finish the work.  I would hate to recreate that in my home, and it is what I think of when I say school-at-home.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

 

 

 

 

 

 

MammaG08
by Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 7:21 AM

I commend you for "putting yourself out there" with this post.  It is not always easy to let people take a small look into your life and make judgements based on the little they know.  I have been follwing your post since you made it, because I feel a lot the same way about my kids.  I don't think I could STAND having my son gone from 8:15 (when the bus leaves) to 4:15 (when the bus drives by in the pm).  Each day I think to myself, "Look at all we have done together today, and he would just now be getting home."  It sounds like you adore your children, love to spend time with them, and passionately care about all aspects of their well being.  Thank you for making this post, and for being so up front with your feelings! 

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:42 AM

I honestly don't understand why some would view that as selfish. It would only be selfish if you thought she'd be getting less of an education with you, which wouldn't be true. 

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:51 AM

Thank you for this.

But now I feel sad,lol. I'm getting ready to drop off dd at school in about 10 min. and I miss her already...

Quoting MammaG08:

I commend you for "putting yourself out there" with this post.  It is not always easy to let people take a small look into your life and make judgements based on the little they know.  I have been follwing your post since you made it, because I feel a lot the same way about my kids.  I don't think I could STAND having my son gone from 8:15 (when the bus leaves) to 4:15 (when the bus drives by in the pm).  Each day I think to myself, "Look at all we have done together today, and he would just now be getting home."  It sounds like you adore your children, love to spend time with them, and passionately care about all aspects of their well being.  Thank you for making this post, and for being so up front with your feelings! 


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paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:55 AM

I don't know. Autymn's opinion was, I shouldn't take a child from a working learning enviroment. But you're right, she wouldn't get less of an education at home at all.

Quoting KickButtMama:

I honestly don't understand why some would view that as selfish. It would only be selfish if you thought she'd be getting less of an education with you, which wouldn't be true. 


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KickButtMama
by Shannon on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Huh, I guess it depends on the family. I don't understand HSing only one child while the rest PS, but that is just me. Of all the former homeschoolers I know or have met in the last 15 years, only a small handful regretted their experience. And most of those had deeper issues with their parents as another factor. 

FYI, I homeschooled through Highschool and I got to go to 2 proms because I didn't live in a cave, and I knew lots of public(and home) schoolers. I, personally, think a dance is a silly reason to choose public school. IMO school is about the level of education, socialization should be taken as a completely seperate issue. I believe there are so many opportunities to socialize today -there is even an annual dance for homeschoolers in my area. So there's no need to miss out on anything. Shoot, my kids have never stepped foot in a B&M school and yet they routinely have larger birthday parties than I ever had - made up of all their homeschool friends! But if a child is in a family where those social opportunities were not presented than that would stink. It can go both ways.

Quoting sassykymom4:

My sisters and brother didn't like the idea at all of HS..my sister while on leave from school and was on homebound just decided to quit and get her GED..Homeschooling takes alot of dedication. Its not as easy as most ppl think and some school districts actually require a copy if your planned coursework a semester ahead and have the right to sit in to ensure your child is being taught.
Everyone I knew that was homeschooled wished they had the school experience..
My DD was 9. We kept her home a yr. She was taught by my stepmom who has a degree in teaching primary grades and my father who was a teacher. She loved staying home but hated the loneliness..she would go to the park and watch the other kids..she would call them babies and try to Bully them when they did play with her..I talked to a tgerapist and she said it was common in children who are hs due to them spending so much time with adults and not other children. They don't see themselves as a child. When I put her back in school we had to hold her back because our homeschooling curriculum was 2 semesters behind the schools curriculum. So now she really feels like an odd child out. She's bigger and older than her classmates.
HS in our household was a horrible idea.


Quoting paganbaby:

She likes school but at this age I think she would enjoy being at home more. We talked today and she said she wanted to homeschool. She was under the impression that you only HS if you do badly in PS. I told her there are many reasons why kids HS and eplained a few.

I'm sorry you had such a hard time. That sucks. But I don't understand why were your sisters allowed to stay?

Also, how long was your dd HS and did she ever play with other kids?

Quoting sassykymom4:

I was homeschooles and I did homeschool my DD..



MY ADVICE:

Consider your DD. Does she like school? Just because you're lonely does that justify taking her away from something she loves??



I hated being homeschooled. I missed Prom and Homecomings. My father pulled me out if school because he thought public schools did more harm than good..my sisters both stayed in public school and I was jealous. To this day at 30 yrs old I wish I got to experience all the things my friends/family members did.My only friends were other homeschooled kids who were just as lonely. Or the kids in Sunday school.



My DD loved it on the other hand..but I chose to put hee back in public school after she needed speech therapy and the school denied her due to the fact that she wasn't a student..

I will be the first to say my DD has trouble making friends. To much time at home with me has caused her to think she's much more mature..to mature for kids her own age.






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AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:57 AM


I'll give my pov :)

I would view it as selfish to take a child from any working environment, against their wishes, just because a parent WANTS something different - by working environment I'm assuming the child's educational, physical, and emotional needs are being met.

Now, the OP has went on to clarify that dd wants to be home too, so it's all really a silly argument for anyone to have - if mom and child both want the same thing, it isn't selfish on anyone's part, kwim?

Quoting KickButtMama:

I honestly don't understand why some would view that as selfish. It would only be selfish if you thought she'd be getting less of an education with you, which wouldn't be true. 



I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this


Unfortunately I have known people who firmly believe a child only needs to socialize with their own siblings - no outside activities, co-ops, or friends. Sadly, that small minority ruins the rep for all of us, lol.

Quoting KickButtMama:

Huh, I guess it depends on the family. I don't understand HSing only one child while the rest PS, but that is just me. Of all the former homeschoolers I know or have met in the last 15 years, only a small handful regretted their experience. And most of those had deeper issues with their parents as another factor. 

FYI, I homeschooled through Highschool and I got to go to 2 proms because I didn't live in a cave, and I knew lots of public(and home) schoolers. I, personally, think a dance is a silly reason to choose public school. IMO school is about the level of education, socialization should be taken as a completely seperate issue. I believe there are so many opportunities to socialize today -there is even an annual dance for homeschoolers in my area. So there's no need to miss out on anything. Shoot, my kids have never stepped foot in a B&M school and yet they routinely have larger birthday parties than I ever had - made up of all their homeschool friends! But if a child is in a family where those social opportunities were not presented than that would stink. It can go both ways.

Quoting sassykymom4:

My sisters and brother didn't like the idea at all of HS..my sister while on leave from school and was on homebound just decided to quit and get her GED..Homeschooling takes alot of dedication. Its not as easy as most ppl think and some school districts actually require a copy if your planned coursework a semester ahead and have the right to sit in to ensure your child is being taught.
Everyone I knew that was homeschooled wished they had the school experience..
My DD was 9. We kept her home a yr. She was taught by my stepmom who has a degree in teaching primary grades and my father who was a teacher. She loved staying home but hated the loneliness..she would go to the park and watch the other kids..she would call them babies and try to Bully them when they did play with her..I talked to a tgerapist and she said it was common in children who are hs due to them spending so much time with adults and not other children. They don't see themselves as a child. When I put her back in school we had to hold her back because our homeschooling curriculum was 2 semesters behind the schools curriculum. So now she really feels like an odd child out. She's bigger and older than her classmates.
HS in our household was a horrible idea.


Quoting paganbaby:

She likes school but at this age I think she would enjoy being at home more. We talked today and she said she wanted to homeschool. She was under the impression that you only HS if you do badly in PS. I told her there are many reasons why kids HS and eplained a few.

I'm sorry you had such a hard time. That sucks. But I don't understand why were your sisters allowed to stay?

Also, how long was your dd HS and did she ever play with other kids?

Quoting sassykymom4:

I was homeschooles and I did homeschool my DD..



MY ADVICE:

Consider your DD. Does she like school? Just because you're lonely does that justify taking her away from something she loves??



I hated being homeschooled. I missed Prom and Homecomings. My father pulled me out if school because he thought public schools did more harm than good..my sisters both stayed in public school and I was jealous. To this day at 30 yrs old I wish I got to experience all the things my friends/family members did.My only friends were other homeschooled kids who were just as lonely. Or the kids in Sunday school.



My DD loved it on the other hand..but I chose to put hee back in public school after she needed speech therapy and the school denied her due to the fact that she wasn't a student..

I will be the first to say my DD has trouble making friends. To much time at home with me has caused her to think she's much more mature..to mature for kids her own age.








I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















paganbaby
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 10:00 AM

This is true. Nothing's set in stone yet. We still have to wait until next year and see if she she still wants to come home. I would love for her too, but in the end I'll have to respect whichever choice she makes.

Quoting AutymsMommy:


I'll give my pov :)

I would view it as selfish to take a child from any working environment, against their wishes, just because a parent WANTS something different - by working environment I'm assuming the child's educational, physical, and emotional needs are being met.

Now, the OP has went on to clarify that dd wants to be home too, so it's all really a silly argument for anyone to have - if mom and child both want the same thing, it isn't selfish on anyone's part, kwim?

Quoting KickButtMama:

I honestly don't understand why some would view that as selfish. It would only be selfish if you thought she'd be getting less of an education with you, which wouldn't be true. 




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