Mem and Blue.... I tried it your way, I think... (anyone else welcome)
She did it again yesterday. My younger daughter was itching to go ride her two wheeler (just learned), so I trusted the older one (Kaycee, the subject of our conversation) to study for her Bible Quizzing competition for 20-30 minutes while taking the younger one out.
She snuck on the internet and played games instead. Which is actually a good thing because it gave me the opportunity to try parenting the way you suggested. I'm sure I wasn't perfect about it and all, but here's what I did.
I went ahead and discussed trusting her to do what was expected and how she had the freedom to choose to obey or disobey. Then, I spent the whole evening following her around and staying ontop of her. She really hated it! I kept nagging her to move faster. Example, "I really don't want to have to watch you do such and such, so move it... double time. You have the freedom to move at your own pace when you aren't wasting my time." Then I would prod he rmore and more... not allowing her to sit down to fold socks, for example. "Nope, sorry, you can match them faster standing up." And I just stared openly at her... hard... (not angry stare, but a VERY CLOSE OBSERVANT stare)... she really disliked being treated that way.
Then, I put her to bed when the baby went to bed and explained that babies and toddlers go to bed early and the parents get to relax in the evening. Since she was choosing to not act her age by refusing to do as asked, then she would be going to bed with the baby. She has to sit by me all the time, and everything she does right now has to be supervised.
She HATES it.
Today, started out OK, we did school like normal, etc... Then, while I was teaching her sister kindergarten (after having told them, finish science, math, and practice choir)... she put her school work away and started reading a book instead. I failed to notice because the living room is somewhat attached to the kitchen/dining, but not entirely. I began to cook while finishing up with kindy and taking care of baby... and I notice... hey... Kaycee is reading.
(really felt like hitting my head on the wall, but again.. .this is her pushing her boundaries...)
So, we started with the whole supervision thing all over again (really cracked down and made her rush through chores and such)... She ended up not getting lunch before choir practice because of not having practiced choir by lunch time... and then didn't have time before having to leave for choir. I intentionally had it ready and waiting, because it wasn't my fault, it was a consequence of having read instead of doing what was told.
Also, later, when they got home, we had planned a night of halloween cartoons, pumpkin carving, etc... I wouldn't let her use a knife. I told her since I had to supervise her so much, that I wouldn't trust an irresponsible toddler with a knife, so therefore I guess she couldn't use one and that I would carver her pumpkin instead. Again, I followed her all over the house while making her do chores, (double time and MY way instead of her own)... I gave her privacy to actually undress and get in the shower, but then I stood in the bathroom instructing her HOW to shower properly and quickly without dawdling... then gave her 1:30 seconds to get out and get dressed (giving her privacy again) and then supervised brushing her teeth...
I felt like I was a prison guard. Really, I hated it... it was terrible. I think it was just as hard on me.
DH was taking care of the other kids, dishing up food and getting the movie up and ready... so I could focus on JUST her. I even sat about six inches away from her while she ate and just stared. If she slowed down, I would prompt her to keep eating or she could throw it away. I know she had to be hungry.
Anyway, we ended up putting her to bed around 6:40... Even an hour before the baby. Again, I discussed that I really didn't like having to watch her so closely, but she was consistantly doing the exact opposite of what she is asked when our backs are turned. I told her to get used to this because it wasn't going to just go away in the morning. She cried hard over that one.
Here's some extra details... Last summer, she shoplifted. Later, she broke into the fenced back yard of a neighbors house because the 15 yr old brother of her friend convinced her to (while he tried to get into the back door)...
We THOUGHT we dealt with each of these issues. So I know this has to be effective. If not, I'm really going to be in for a wild ride with this child, and I'm running out of options.
I say all this to say thank you ladies... I really hope this "well I guess you can't be trusted and must be constantly supervised" thing works...