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So what does discipline look like in your house?

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Obviously, we all have different ideas on what discipline is and also, we all have DIFFERENT kids. Different things, work on different kids. My oldest, I've rarely had to punish ever simply because shaking my head and stating that I am disappointed in her choices is enough to put her back on the straight and narrow 99% of the time. My boys, they could careless how disappointed I am if it's a good time. LOL They need more hardcore punishments including corner standing and electronics removal. I've done other things more connected to the crime when needed.

What do you do when it comes to discipline?

Also, let's not turn this into a spanking debate. Let's focus on the other ways we discipline a child or teen, please.

by on Nov. 3, 2013 at 8:33 PM
Replies (11-20):
Mandallyn
by Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 7:16 AM
2 moms liked this

I speak to my kids.  My oldest can almost always be disciplined meerly by having a conversation.  My middle son is  highly emotional, so we deal with each unique moment as they come.  Sometimes he can calm down enough on his own that we can have a conversation and he'll listen.  Other times he'll have to go to his room because he can't get himself under control.  As tormented as I was as a child being highly emotional around family that had no idea how to handle me, I am thankful for it because I now know a few tricks that would have helped me as a child that can help him.  My third son is just a toddler (going through his terrible twos early) so discipline is pretty easy.  And the older boys love helping me redirect him and making him feel better whe he doesn't get his way.

Leissaintexas
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:08 AM

For some things I use natural consequences. Climb the furniture, it hurts when you fall. Bother the cat, get scratched. But for willful disobedience, I spank. I don't give warnings. You get spanked the first time you willfully disobey. For my youngest,who was very headstrong, that meant he got his hand popped at 9 months. My middle was very complacent and redirection and a "mom look" worked for her. My oldest did best with a long detailed list of what the rules were and why he couldn't break them. LOL, his aspergers brain just needed that info!

Of course, now that they are older, I dangle the electronics carrot. Taking away the phone has been incredibly effective. I very seldom have to use discipline of any kind anymore. Mine are now 11, 13 (this week) and 24.  I find it interesting that they frequently will come to me and share their struggles with doing the right thing. For the most part, they are self disciplining, but they often ask, "would it be bad to....?" 

jen2150
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:36 AM
We are focusing on self discipline. We all set goals for ourselves. We read stories about good and bad choices and discuss the outcomes. We talk about what qualities we wish to have and why. I talk them about ways they can better control their emotions. I tell them stories about my childhood so they can learn from my mistakes. We never make them sit or ground them. They are 9 and 11 so we can actually reason with them. We spanked when they younger when they did not listen. I help by being the best example I can be.

When they do not listen they lose privileges. Sometimes they even have to clean the bathroom. When they decided to throw glitter at each other in the kitchen. They had to sweep and mop every floor in the house. If they violate someone personal space then they have to do something to make it upto the person. The person has to approve what they did as worthy of making it right.

mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:42 AM
*faints thinking about the glitter being tossed in theki tchen *

Quoting jen2150:

We are focusing on self discipline. We all set goals for ourselves. We read stories about good and bad choices and discuss the outcomes. We talk about what qualities we wish to have and why. I talk them about ways they can better control their emotions. I tell them stories about my childhood so they can learn from my mistakes. We never make them sit or ground them. They are 9 and 11 so we can actually reason with them. We spanked when they younger when they did not listen. I help by being the best example I can be.



When they do not listen they lose privileges. Sometimes they even have to clean the bathroom. When they decided to throw glitter at each other in the kitchen. They had to sweep and mop every floor in the house. If they violate someone personal space then they have to do something to make it upto the person. The person has to approve what they did as worthy of making it right.



TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:42 AM

DH and I were just having a conversation last night about discipline.  He thinks I am too hard on DD, but she is a really difficult kid.  Example, I *just* said not five minutes ago "stop tapping and do your worksheet" her response was to give me a dirty look and say "no."  Yet I am too hard on her if I discipline *sigh*  so I just reminded her she can't tell a parent no and the longer she sits there the longer her school day will be.  She wasn't too far gone so the reminder was enough.  But some days she will just yell "I don't care" and on and on.  Some days I really don't know what to do with her.

She is not my bio DD, she is DHs DD from a previous relationship and DS is my DS from my first marriage, so we've had our issues of "blending" our families (though the kids were babies and don't remember not living together).  I am hard on DD because she really is difficult.  DS is easier and while he can be just as annoying, the "mom look" usually gets him to stop.  He also is easier to reason with, and he doesn't want to do school work all day so he gets that if he focuses and gets it done, then he's done.  She doesn't quite get that.  I have to remind myself she is younger and she processes things differently than he does, but it isn't always easy for me. 

My go-to punishment is usually losing electronics, or just the iPod (that way it doesn't affect the other kid).  When they get to watch a movie it is in DDs room (the tv is set up there just for lack of space, it only does movies and video games, and they honestly are really good about only using it when they ask), so if I take it away from her, I take it away from DS too. 

I also will give a mandatory rest time if they are tired, or an early bedtime. 

For odd things that happen, I try to make the punishment fit the crime (sneaking sweets=no dessert for a period of time). 

But the most common occurence lately is just disobedience and talking back, for that it's often a "go to your room" but during school time, it's a reminder that no electronics until schoolwork is done, and if the 'attitude' continues then no electronics for the day (then for two days, 3 days, and so on).

I will also remove fun activities if school work isn't finished, but I HATE doing that since that often means losing something outside of the house and with other kids.

We have spanked, but at 10 and 11, it's typically not necessary.  Though DH did spank DD recently because seriously her attitude gets out of control.  But it is not a common punishment here.

jen2150
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
*boys* I couldn't figure out why I had clumps but only in certain spots. Once I asked them I knew what happened as soon as I saw the look on their faces. You would think they were 3 years old and not 9 and 11. Honestly I had a good laugh later. Boys require a sense of humor. I just knew I wasn't cleaning it up. I did get all my floors mopped even the ones they did not put glitter on. :-)


Quoting mem82:

*faints thinking about the glitter being tossed in theki tchen *



Quoting jen2150:

We are focusing on self discipline. We all set goals for ourselves. We read stories about good and bad choices and discuss the outcomes. We talk about what qualities we wish to have and why. I talk them about ways they can better control their emotions. I tell them stories about my childhood so they can learn from my mistakes. We never make them sit or ground them. They are 9 and 11 so we can actually reason with them. We spanked when they younger when they did not listen. I help by being the best example I can be.





When they do not listen they lose privileges. Sometimes they even have to clean the bathroom. When they decided to throw glitter at each other in the kitchen. They had to sweep and mop every floor in the house. If they violate someone personal space then they have to do something to make it upto the person. The person has to approve what they did as worthy of making it right.






mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this
I have 2 boys and some of the things they get involved in... There are no words. Lol

Quoting jen2150:

*boys* I couldn't figure out why I had clumps but only in certain spots. Once I asked them I knew what happened as soon as I saw the look on their faces. You would think they were 3 years old and not 9 and 11. Honestly I had a good laugh later. Boys require a sense of humor. I just knew I wasn't cleaning it up. I did get all my floors mopped even the ones they did not put glitter on. :-)




Quoting mem82:

*faints thinking about the glitter being tossed in theki tchen *





Quoting jen2150:

We are focusing on self discipline. We all set goals for ourselves. We read stories about good and bad choices and discuss the outcomes. We talk about what qualities we wish to have and why. I talk them about ways they can better control their emotions. I tell them stories about my childhood so they can learn from my mistakes. We never make them sit or ground them. They are 9 and 11 so we can actually reason with them. We spanked when they younger when they did not listen. I help by being the best example I can be.







When they do not listen they lose privileges. Sometimes they even have to clean the bathroom. When they decided to throw glitter at each other in the kitchen. They had to sweep and mop every floor in the house. If they violate someone personal space then they have to do something to make it upto the person. The person has to approve what they did as worthy of making it right.








Pukalani79
by Kristin on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:19 AM

 Typically they lose privileges - although usually they can earn them back.  Sometimes it involves them removing themselves from everyone else.

mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:23 AM

My 8yo sometimes needs to go upstairs and calm down and be less stimulated before he can get himself under control.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 Typically they lose privileges - although usually they can earn them back.  Sometimes it involves them removing themselves from everyone else.


mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:24 AM

That sounds like a really tough situation right now. 8( What does your husband suggest?

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

DH and I were just having a conversation last night about discipline.  He thinks I am too hard on DD, but she is a really difficult kid.  Example, I *just* said not five minutes ago "stop tapping and do your worksheet" her response was to give me a dirty look and say "no."  Yet I am too hard on her if I discipline *sigh*  so I just reminded her she can't tell a parent no and the longer she sits there the longer her school day will be.  She wasn't too far gone so the reminder was enough.  But some days she will just yell "I don't care" and on and on.  Some days I really don't know what to do with her.

She is not my bio DD, she is DHs DD from a previous relationship and DS is my DS from my first marriage, so we've had our issues of "blending" our families (though the kids were babies and don't remember not living together).  I am hard on DD because she really is difficult.  DS is easier and while he can be just as annoying, the "mom look" usually gets him to stop.  He also is easier to reason with, and he doesn't want to do school work all day so he gets that if he focuses and gets it done, then he's done.  She doesn't quite get that.  I have to remind myself she is younger and she processes things differently than he does, but it isn't always easy for me. 

My go-to punishment is usually losing electronics, or just the iPod (that way it doesn't affect the other kid).  When they get to watch a movie it is in DDs room (the tv is set up there just for lack of space, it only does movies and video games, and they honestly are really good about only using it when they ask), so if I take it away from her, I take it away from DS too. 

I also will give a mandatory rest time if they are tired, or an early bedtime. 

For odd things that happen, I try to make the punishment fit the crime (sneaking sweets=no dessert for a period of time). 

But the most common occurence lately is just disobedience and talking back, for that it's often a "go to your room" but during school time, it's a reminder that no electronics until schoolwork is done, and if the 'attitude' continues then no electronics for the day (then for two days, 3 days, and so on).

I will also remove fun activities if school work isn't finished, but I HATE doing that since that often means losing something outside of the house and with other kids.

We have spanked, but at 10 and 11, it's typically not necessary.  Though DH did spank DD recently because seriously her attitude gets out of control.  But it is not a common punishment here.


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