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So what does discipline look like in your house?

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Obviously, we all have different ideas on what discipline is and also, we all have DIFFERENT kids. Different things, work on different kids. My oldest, I've rarely had to punish ever simply because shaking my head and stating that I am disappointed in her choices is enough to put her back on the straight and narrow 99% of the time. My boys, they could careless how disappointed I am if it's a good time. LOL They need more hardcore punishments including corner standing and electronics removal. I've done other things more connected to the crime when needed.

What do you do when it comes to discipline?

Also, let's not turn this into a spanking debate. Let's focus on the other ways we discipline a child or teen, please.

by on Nov. 3, 2013 at 8:33 PM
Replies (31-39):
by Jinx on Nov. 4, 2013 at 3:59 PM
We do whatever works. Hard to really spell it out.
Generally a reminder and "the look" work to make them rethink.

When they were younger I would warn once then consequence. Mostly it was time out or sometimes a loss of priviledge. Flat out defiance or repeat offenses got a spanking.

Now that they are older, it is mostly natural consequences. School work isn't done, no electronics/playtime. No going to friend's houses etc.

You don't sort your laundry, you dont have clean clothes to wear or uniforms fpr Scouts. You can wash it yourself if you miss the day I ask for it.
by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 6:17 PM
It can be difficult, but I know 'this too shall pass.' Honestly, DH has some good suggestions but he isn't the one doing the majority of the parenting so his ideas are good in theory but hard in practice, if that makes sense. He basically just thinks I knit pick her and should let a lot more go. So I've been trying to let more of the minor things go, but when she is downright disrespectful to me, I refuse to completely ignore it.

Last Friday, we went to our friends house for cake decorating, and on the way I told DD that if there was any attitude, I would bring her home (they are like 3 minutes away, walking). Then I decided that, since I "embarrass" her if I remind her of anything, we could come up with a code word I could say instead of saying "watch your attitude" or something. I didn't end up using the code word until that evening when we were all grocery shopping. DH was confused, but DD got it and stopped immediately and even smiled (the code word is banana and she was a purple minion for Halloween the day before, lol). So I think I will try this for a bit as a more friendly reminder rather than my 'nagging.' Hopefully that can work for all of us.

I will also add that her mother hasn't contacted her in like 18 months and we no longer even have an active phone number for her. So DD has her share of issues and I have to remind myself of what she must be going through. I am her mom, I stepped up and I am happy to do it, I am lucky to have her..but she is not an easy child and she's becoming an even more difficult tween...I am anxious for her teenage years.

Quoting mem82:

That sounds like a really tough situation right now. 8( What does your husband suggest?

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

DH and I were just having a conversation last night about discipline.  He thinks I am too hard on DD, but she is a really difficult kid.  Example, I *just* said not five minutes ago "stop tapping and do your worksheet" her response was to give me a dirty look and say "no."  Yet I am too hard on her if I discipline *sigh*  so I just reminded her she can't tell a parent no and the longer she sits there the longer her school day will be.  She wasn't too far gone so the reminder was enough.  But some days she will just yell "I don't care" and on and on.  Some days I really don't know what to do with her.

She is not my bio DD, she is DHs DD from a previous relationship and DS is my DS from my first marriage, so we've had our issues of "blending" our families (though the kids were babies and don't remember not living together).  I am hard on DD because she really is difficult.  DS is easier and while he can be just as annoying, the "mom look" usually gets him to stop.  He also is easier to reason with, and he doesn't want to do school work all day so he gets that if he focuses and gets it done, then he's done.  She doesn't quite get that.  I have to remind myself she is younger and she processes things differently than he does, but it isn't always easy for me. 

My go-to punishment is usually losing electronics, or just the iPod (that way it doesn't affect the other kid).  When they get to watch a movie it is in DDs room (the tv is set up there just for lack of space, it only does movies and video games, and they honestly are really good about only using it when they ask), so if I take it away from her, I take it away from DS too. 

I also will give a mandatory rest time if they are tired, or an early bedtime. 

For odd things that happen, I try to make the punishment fit the crime (sneaking sweets=no dessert for a period of time). 

But the most common occurence lately is just disobedience and talking back, for that it's often a "go to your room" but during school time, it's a reminder that no electronics until schoolwork is done, and if the 'attitude' continues then no electronics for the day (then for two days, 3 days, and so on).

I will also remove fun activities if school work isn't finished, but I HATE doing that since that often means losing something outside of the house and with other kids.

We have spanked, but at 10 and 11, it's typically not necessary.  Though DH did spank DD recently because seriously her attitude gets out of control.  But it is not a common punishment here.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 9:36 PM

 The twins are four and a half now.  We do the counting system. For most things I tell them what punishment will happen, and then count to three.  They can choose to stop, or they get disciplined.
   With DD, time out usually works, but I almost NEVER have to get to that point with her.  With DS, it's a light swat to the rear, with clothes on (never bare skin).  It's not even enough to sting...but it does work.  Time out never works on him, the little goober enjoys it.  He just drifts off and day dreams (gets it from his father).  DD however is DEVASTATED by time out lol.  But like I said, I rarely ever have to do that with either of them.

There are a few "offenses" that don't get counting.  They get a verbal warning.  If it happens again, then we will decide on a punishment then and there.  I've started asking them what they think should happen as a consequence lately, and they are actually really good with that. It's been a nifty new tool to curb some less-than-fun behavior around here. 

There are also certain times when we set aside a specific consequence for an action. Like DS screams a lot when he's mad, frustrated, or just wanting to be noisy.  And I mean a HIGH pitched, ear drum-popping squeal.  He does if a toy isn't doing what he wants, if DD wont' play, if, if, if...So every time he does it, he instantly loses a toy.  It's what we call his "TOY offense."  We've had to work on helping him find other ways to vent his anger though.  I got a small indoor trampoline, so now when he is angry, we tell him to go jump.  It works like a CHARM. 
  Kathryne's toy offense is being bossy and/or talking back. THeir shared toy offense is fighting over a toy or object (which is what goes into the box).  Toy offense items go in a large box in my closet.  Good behavior earns back doing a chore without being asked, or helping me with housework, anything really. I also empty it out at the end of the day.  I believe in a fresh start every morning.   

But we also do a reward system. We do a lot of "RAKing" or Random Acts of Kindness"  If you're caught raking, you may or may not get a treat.  Politeness and manners are praised all the time.  If they behave really well on an outing or errand (which they almost always do), I will occasionally surprise them with a treat afterwards. Like last week they did really well to quietly entertain themselves at the doctors office during an exceptionally long wait. Because they behaved so well, I took them to this smoothie place by our house that they LOVE (healthy AND yummy!)  

  In truth I REALLY don't have to discipline them. I almost never get past three when I count, and generally my "mom voice" is effective enough to stop a bad behavior.  

And we ALWAYS discuss the behavior after discipline...what they did wrong, and what they can do right next time.  That is the KEY to changing behaviors. 

I can say that it is working.  They are awesome kids and exceptionally well behaved.  We get compliments all the time on how well behaved they are, or how polite they act towards others.  I always enjoy the shocked look people give me when the twins say thank you without being reminded, or yes ma'am/sir.  

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 9:42 PM

To add, we also have mandatory quiet/nap time.  Some days they just need to be apart for a little while.  They'll snap and fight over the smallest things.  When they are like that, I make them spend about thirty minutes in their  own room doing quiet play. I also do this if I feel like I'm getting too fussy with them, or if I am losing my patience.  I will let them watch a show they really like and make them a snack, and make myself go to my room for about 15-20 minutes to calm down.  Usually I just write or listen to some music, maybe get a quick hot shower.  They always behave well when I do that.  They know not to come to my room unless someone is hurt, or something like that.
   IF they are SUPER cranky, or we've had a bad morning, we'll take an afternoon nap.  It usually works like a good reset for them, and gives me a chance to de-frazzle my nerves after dealing with a pair of bickering four year olds all morning lol. 

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:14 PM

There are lots of good ideas through the links on that site.  Thanks.

Quoting usmom3:

 We peaceful parent This website is a good place to learn about it.

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:37 AM
They get privileges taken away and on some occasions they will have to sit quietly and think about their behavior and how they can improve it. They're ages are 6,7 and 9. I'm going to be using the reward system again, it seems to work very well!! I forgot to add that I do give a warning, but sometimes I give to many warnings. I'm working on that.
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:50 AM

My oldest is 18 so she is basically all grown and is busy with work, school, and art classes.

My younger two are 10 and 12 which are good ages. I never have had trouble with my kids at these middle ages. The small child and teen years are the more difficult stages. My oldest daughter only had one rough year while a teenager so I got lucky there.

I wouldn't define my parenting as much more than respecting and enjoying my kids as individual people and preparing them for the long trek through adulthood.

I talk to my kids a lot. I try to be proactive rather than just reactive. There are consquences in life - and in my house. 

Biggest issue in my house is bickering between the younger two.

by Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 5:21 PM

I try to look more at rewarding than punishments. I teach them how I expect them to behave, if they are misbehaving, they get more teaching. Rather than allowing them to have access to electronics, T.V., etc they earn it by doing their chores and school work and having good behavior. If they don't accomplish all three, then they didn't earn their reward.

by Platinum Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I definitely believe in *catching * a child being good.

Quoting Bleacher-mom:

I try to look more at rewarding than punishments. I teach them how I expect them to behave, if they are misbehaving, they get more teaching. Rather than allowing them to have access to electronics, T.V., etc they earn it by doing their chores and school work and having good behavior. If they don't accomplish all three, then they didn't earn their reward.

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