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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

Please Help, Trying to Figure Out if Homeschool is Right for Us.

First, we live in Nebraska, and I can't make heads or tails out of how to start the process.

But my son is in Kindergarten.  Prior to this, he went to two years of preschool and loved every minute.  He was super excited to start Kindergarten.

His teacher, however, is a nightmare.  She is VERY strict on the little boys in his class.  They use a color chart system for discipline, but she is very lazy about doing it correctly.  She'll have boys (specifically, I've heard this from several students in his class) clip down to yellow or red, and then there is NO standard for clipping back up to the "good" colors.  It's just whenever she's decided they've behaved well enough for long enough.

And as you can probably guess, in a class of 30 that means she sometimes forgets!  My son has clipped down in the morning, been an angel the rest of the day by her own admission, but I look and he's still on red.  My son has told me she forgets to let them clip up.  That they can't apologize and make things right.

My 5 year old has said this exact phrase:  Once you clip down, that's it.  You're done for the day.  She's mean to you the rest of the day and you get no warnings, just trouble.

He's also said:

You know it's not possible for me to be a good boy.  You know I'll get clipped down no matter how hard I try.  (In response to me telling him "I love you, have a good day!")

Mom, could I just go to school at home?  I don't understand why I'm good there and bad at school.

My 5 year old is DEPRESSED!

I've talked to his teacher numerous times.  The day after I talk to her, my son goes up to Blue, which is really good but not the top.  Then right back to nothing but bad colors.

We're talking to the principal tomorrow, but I don't have high hopes for this right now.  The whole school uses the color charts.  My son is defeated and upset and he no longer embraces life like he once did.  He firmly believes he is "bad" and that he shouldn't enjoy things because he'll be punished no matter what.

I'm going to ask to try a different teacher, but my sister homeschools in Montana and I'm thinking I'd like to be prepared to go that route, at least for his early years, so he doesn't get so defeated by the system.  If the new teacher uses the same system and guidelines, it's likely things won't work out there.  of course, she might not be as strict and allow children to be children, but it's killing me to see my son this way.

Update Nov 7:

DH is not on board with homsechooling yet.  Per my state laws, I would have to get his signature as well on the forms.  I'm not sure what his hangups are and I'm still talking to him.

So far, DH has said he really wants to try another teacher.  I am compromising by telling DH I'll give it another Quarter, tops.  If something goes drastically wrong, of course, I'm not waiting.  DH has agreed to those terms.

I've let my son know I have his back.  I've told him he has to respect his teacher, be polite, and do his best.  But I've told him also I'm not even going to look at his charts for a while.  The pressure from DH and I is off.  I cannot see how 99% of the people who interact with my son praise his good behavior, but his school sees him as a "troubled problem child" in the classroom.  There is too large a gap between his behavior outside of school and what they claim is happening in school.

Another major problem I've had is that I spoke with this teacher earlier in the year about this problem.  She said she had a more personal chart broken up into time blocks the kids could use.  I thought this might work better, since my son does respond better to more immediate consequences and rewards.  But last night, my son informed me she fills out all the charts at the end of the day!  How is that helping kids?  What if she forgot something or mixed up what kid did what?!

I'm allowing that my son might not be accurate in all his assessments of the situation.  However, his situational awareness, logic, and his ability to understand consequences are all exceptional.  Even his school noticed this in his report cards.  He also has a large vocabulary and by the school's own admission, he's Above Average in his ability to explain a situation properly and in proper sequence.  His own smarts is proving to be the teacher's undoing.

by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 6:41 PM
Replies (11-20):
debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:14 PM
I kept my dd in for a semester in kindergarten. Things got so bad they called a special ed teacher so they could physically restrain her when she was bored and could not sit still. The teacher said I could send in work at a higher level, I explained the directions the night before made sure she could do it on her own and the teacher never let her get her work I sent when she was done and bored. This caused her to get frustrated enough to run around the classroom one day. They did not call me just the special ed teacher and she was in the classroom the rest of the time my dd was in that school.

I hope you can talk your husband into homeschooling. It will be easier on him and you.
PurpleCupcake
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I hate those color charts, easy to go down, impossible to go up. 

ablackdolphin
by Bronze Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 7:56 AM
I am sorry!! One of the main reasons we HS is because my DD is crazy active but uber smart! She learns while moving! Even I catch myself telling her to sit still thinking she is not paying attention turns out later she is telling me exactly what I wanted her to learn later that day or week! BTW gifted kids tend to get in trouble a lot they are bored to death!!!
hwblyf
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:06 AM

There are a lot of awesome teachers out there who get kids.  But I listened to an awful lot of people tell me that gifted kids get into a lot more trouble.  They know this.  They recognize this.  But schools aren't set up to handle anything outside of sit down, shut up, do your work.  Kids who are submissive thrive, kids who aren't, don't.  And I don't mean to give the negative connotation for the kids who are behaving, but I think we've gone ridiculously overboard with what's expected of our kids at school.  In kindergarten there are 30 kids in his class?  Crikeys!  Does he go all day?  We have the choice of all day or half day (all day is a lot of money each month).  While I truly can't stomach paying extra money, I kept my kids at half day because that's all they need and all they can do at that age.

In the resources area, you might add to your list:

Smart Boys
If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back

I'm currently reading Quirky Kids.  But honestly, after a while, you feel like you've read it all before because you've read a ton.  Good luck with your son, and don't let the system drag him down.  And just because that one teacher is for the birds and doesn't use the system right, doesn't mean they're all that way.  Systems are put in place by the administration and teachers have to follow it, whether it's natural for them or working for them or not.  Other teachers might be a much better fit for him. 

xomrs.chase
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:11 AM
I would do some concrete research on the benefits of homeschool and show it to your dh
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:14 AM


Yes, 30 in his class.  There is the teacher and 2 aides to help out.  But the aides are just a volunteering Mom and a young girl who wants to become a teacher.  They look up to his teacher for everything and totally follow her lead.

Yes, it's all day out here.  I thought that would be great, because he hated coming home from half-day preschool.  He kept saying he couldn't wait to go all day!

And then this.  A teacher who by all appearances just does not like little boys!  She has no tolerance to let anything happen that little boys might do.

DH will not budge on trying a different teacher before homeschooling, but I've gotten him to agree to 1 Quarter and if things don't improve we're done for a year or two.  I know there are nicer teachers in the school, I just don't know if it is the teacher or the system.  So I'll just keep my fingers crossed and pray that things go better, and that if they don't I'm good enough to homeschool.  LOL

Quoting hwblyf:

There are a lot of awesome teachers out there who get kids.  But I listened to an awful lot of people tell me that gifted kids get into a lot more trouble.  They know this.  They recognize this.  But schools aren't set up to handle anything outside of sit down, shut up, do your work.  Kids who are submissive thrive, kids who aren't, don't.  And I don't mean to give the negative connotation for the kids who are behaving, but I think we've gone ridiculously overboard with what's expected of our kids at school.  In kindergarten there are 30 kids in his class?  Crikeys!  Does he go all day?  We have the choice of all day or half day (all day is a lot of money each month).  While I truly can't stomach paying extra money, I kept my kids at half day because that's all they need and all they can do at that age.

In the resources area, you might add to your list:

Smart Boys
If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back

I'm currently reading Quirky Kids.  But honestly, after a while, you feel like you've read it all before because you've read a ton.  Good luck with your son, and don't let the system drag him down.  And just because that one teacher is for the birds and doesn't use the system right, doesn't mean they're all that way.  Systems are put in place by the administration and teachers have to follow it, whether it's natural for them or working for them or not.  Other teachers might be a much better fit for him. 



hwblyf
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 2:43 PM


Yeah, schools are not set up for little boys.  I'm so sorry you're having a yucky experience.  But my oldest, who by all accounts has had a crappy time with teachers, had some really awesome teachers that were good to him.  The system still sucked, because they have a zero tolerance policy for some things which equal automatic administrative interference and a belief that kids will just somehow magically learn to behave without more intense guidance.  Good luck!

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:


Yes, 30 in his class.  There is the teacher and 2 aides to help out.  But the aides are just a volunteering Mom and a young girl who wants to become a teacher.  They look up to his teacher for everything and totally follow her lead.

Yes, it's all day out here.  I thought that would be great, because he hated coming home from half-day preschool.  He kept saying he couldn't wait to go all day!

And then this.  A teacher who by all appearances just does not like little boys!  She has no tolerance to let anything happen that little boys might do.

DH will not budge on trying a different teacher before homeschooling, but I've gotten him to agree to 1 Quarter and if things don't improve we're done for a year or two.  I know there are nicer teachers in the school, I just don't know if it is the teacher or the system.  So I'll just keep my fingers crossed and pray that things go better, and that if they don't I'm good enough to homeschool.  LOL

Quoting hwblyf:

There are a lot of awesome teachers out there who get kids.  But I listened to an awful lot of people tell me that gifted kids get into a lot more trouble.  They know this.  They recognize this.  But schools aren't set up to handle anything outside of sit down, shut up, do your work.  Kids who are submissive thrive, kids who aren't, don't.  And I don't mean to give the negative connotation for the kids who are behaving, but I think we've gone ridiculously overboard with what's expected of our kids at school.  In kindergarten there are 30 kids in his class?  Crikeys!  Does he go all day?  We have the choice of all day or half day (all day is a lot of money each month).  While I truly can't stomach paying extra money, I kept my kids at half day because that's all they need and all they can do at that age.

In the resources area, you might add to your list:

Smart Boys
If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back

I'm currently reading Quirky Kids.  But honestly, after a while, you feel like you've read it all before because you've read a ton.  Good luck with your son, and don't let the system drag him down.  And just because that one teacher is for the birds and doesn't use the system right, doesn't mean they're all that way.  Systems are put in place by the administration and teachers have to follow it, whether it's natural for them or working for them or not.  Other teachers might be a much better fit for him. 





Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 2:52 PM


We meet with the principal early tomorrow.  I've already gotten in touch with local homeschool groups, though.  I'm ready.  It takes 30 days roughly to get my exemption, but if things go sour I've already got my forms filled out and will get the ball rolling ASAP.

What sucks is how badly HE wanted to go to school.  And now he's just defeated.  I find myself crying a lot after I pick him up.

Quoting hwblyf:


Yeah, schools are not set up for little boys.  I'm so sorry you're having a yucky experience.  But my oldest, who by all accounts has had a crappy time with teachers, had some really awesome teachers that were good to him.  The system still sucked, because they have a zero tolerance policy for some things which equal automatic administrative interference and a belief that kids will just somehow magically learn to behave without more intense guidance.  Good luck!

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:


Yes, 30 in his class.  There is the teacher and 2 aides to help out.  But the aides are just a volunteering Mom and a young girl who wants to become a teacher.  They look up to his teacher for everything and totally follow her lead.

Yes, it's all day out here.  I thought that would be great, because he hated coming home from half-day preschool.  He kept saying he couldn't wait to go all day!

And then this.  A teacher who by all appearances just does not like little boys!  She has no tolerance to let anything happen that little boys might do.

DH will not budge on trying a different teacher before homeschooling, but I've gotten him to agree to 1 Quarter and if things don't improve we're done for a year or two.  I know there are nicer teachers in the school, I just don't know if it is the teacher or the system.  So I'll just keep my fingers crossed and pray that things go better, and that if they don't I'm good enough to homeschool.  LOL

Quoting hwblyf:

There are a lot of awesome teachers out there who get kids.  But I listened to an awful lot of people tell me that gifted kids get into a lot more trouble.  They know this.  They recognize this.  But schools aren't set up to handle anything outside of sit down, shut up, do your work.  Kids who are submissive thrive, kids who aren't, don't.  And I don't mean to give the negative connotation for the kids who are behaving, but I think we've gone ridiculously overboard with what's expected of our kids at school.  In kindergarten there are 30 kids in his class?  Crikeys!  Does he go all day?  We have the choice of all day or half day (all day is a lot of money each month).  While I truly can't stomach paying extra money, I kept my kids at half day because that's all they need and all they can do at that age.

In the resources area, you might add to your list:

Smart Boys
If This is a Gift, Can I Send it Back

I'm currently reading Quirky Kids.  But honestly, after a while, you feel like you've read it all before because you've read a ton.  Good luck with your son, and don't let the system drag him down.  And just because that one teacher is for the birds and doesn't use the system right, doesn't mean they're all that way.  Systems are put in place by the administration and teachers have to follow it, whether it's natural for them or working for them or not.  Other teachers might be a much better fit for him. 







kirbymom
by Sonja on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:00 PM
Aww ~ You seeing a precarious position. I believe that you are doing the right thing by compromising now instead of down the road. I of course lean towards homeschooling myself but you must work with your hubby as best as you can. At least he said he would give homeschooling a try if your son kept getting worse.
Just keep having his back. He'll pull through with your help and being by his side.
Hugs. Not easy being in your position.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you.

We meet with the principal tomorrow, so I'll update then again.

Quoting kirbymom:

Aww ~ You seeing a precarious position. I believe that you are doing the right thing by compromising now instead of down the road. I of course lean towards homeschooling myself but you must work with your hubby as best as you can. At least he said he would give homeschooling a try if your son kept getting worse.
Just keep having his back. He'll pull through with your help and being by his side.
Hugs. Not easy being in your position.



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