Prequel: My husband, wonderful man though he is, has a record of bottling resentment up and then letting it explode all over everything with no warning that anything was EVER wrong. I know this about him. I've been with him 20 years, married for 18. However, I cannot read his mind when he's actively suppressing resentment that's never reared its head before.
This gets long...so feel free to skip past.
This is about what happened yesterday. Background is a tad long...sorry but I'm trying to give a full picture. (of how INSANELY SELFISH Dh is being)
Dh was recently let go from his job. His unemployment has been denied (we're fighting it) he recently got pulled over (cop was nice enough to give him the least "serious" ticket) and our car has not been reliable for long distances for a couple of years now. We've had to cash in our four oh one kaay which is enough to make us sustainable or sustain us...not both. We've lived through worse.
Chibi is 13 and for a few years now she's had activities on every day of the week except one. Before this year it was Thursday. Now it's Monday. She's on the YMCA Swim Club which is 4 practices a week. She's been in Swim Club since she was 9 at one YMCA (we're about equidistant from all the Y's in the area) and when the 2011 season started she asked if she could swim more. Since all our YMCA's are registered under the same team, it was no issue to check out another Y which she had been involved with in the past. (We switched when she decided she didn't want to do gymnastics and wanted yoga instead, plus Homeschool Swim & Gym) We decided that yes, this would be a good thing and it has been.
Chibi has Aspergers. She swims like a fish and has recently (despite placing high in some big swim meets in the past...and also placing poorly for her patented "strolling through the water") completely made the connection about competing and racing. She was AWESOME. She's no Olympian, but she went all out, every race and did really really well. I am INSANELY proud of her. (and thankfully, Grandpa pays her YMCA membership and I've gotten scholarships for this term so she can stay in)
In addition to Swim Club, she has Homeschool Co-op day (Also scholarships since it started right after he lost his job) that's so close to home we WALK, from 10-4:30 pm, Teen Art Studio (which is FREE) at the local not-for-profit art center (which she has been deeply involved in since she was SIX and spoke at a fundraiser when she was eleven...the only kid who wrote AND practiced her speech, btw) and JOAD (Junior Olympic Archery Development) Saturday mornings from 9-11:30 AM.
So, yesterday Dh wanted to see a movie. At the moment, Chibi and I would rather do almost anything else (for different reasons). And it should be noted here that because of circumstances, Chibi had to miss both Sunday and Tuesday swim practice. So yesterday, being Wednesday (also a practice day) she was really antsy to get back in the pool.
Dh was sulky and I asked him what was wrong. (Big mistake...I should have just let him simmer and sulk,but sue me, I CARE.) And he explodes all over the car, spewing resentment that our schedule is centered around Chibi and isn't that part of the reason we homeschool so we can do things (with what money and car, pray-tell because while he was working we were still doing paycheck to paycheck) and HIS parents always did what they wanted regardless of what their children wanted. All this in front of Chibi. He kept saying, "I'm not angry at you Chibi" like that makes a difference to a 13 year old Aspie girl. (I talked to her later)
He's been resentful for a few years, so he says. I say, tough shit. Chibi is only a child for so long, and you IDIOT, she can miss a few things if we want to go do something if we actually have the means with which to DO IT. There hasn't been, not for like four years. Seriously. But being resentful because your child has an active social life (OMG she's part of a TEAM that's been AWESOME for her...she's making FRIENDS and growing, especially since she's aged out of several of her old activities. And I'd totally call his bullshit on his parents except his mother is dead and his stepdad is worthless.
I went to public school...the same school from pre-school thru graduation. My parents worked their asses off, and while they weren't perfect (some of the things my mother did still pisses me off) they STILL supported me in everything I did. My dad had things he wanted to do other than work Band Bingo, but he did it...for me. He went to every game of mine he could, and even some practices, (he was there for one of my finer moments when during a summer practice I dumped my coach on his ass) they were there for every play, every concert, everything they could manage. Plus my two brother's stuff. Now, we lived way in the middle of nowhere and sometimes I had to find a ride, and sometimes I had to wait an hour or two after a practice for a pick-up. And sometimes in the mornings, my mother would take the phone off the hook so she wouldn't be disturbed. Like I said. Not perfect.
My long, long getting to the point is...Dh doesn't seem to understand that when we chose to have children, that YES OUR LIVES ARE GOING TO REVOLVE AROUND THAT CHILD TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. But she can miss things, nobody will die, IF WE PLAN IN ADVANCE. Frankly I hate leaving my house for any reason except Chibi needs to get to places. (I have a chronic auto-immune disease and frankly it's exahusting along with dealing with depression, anxiety and the side effects from the treatment I WAS on, which was WORKING until we no longer had insurance.) I take Chibi to everything, with the exception of JOAD which I make Dh take her to occasionally (which is where he got the ticket last week *sigh*). And he got her into that.
With the exception of Tuesday, which is a LONG day, (Co-op from 10 AM to 4:30 PM, then Swim Club from 6-7:30 PM) there's PLENTY OF TIME to do things. Oh, but not every other Saturday bc Dh RPG's with his friends.
So there's my long-assed vent about Dh's selfish bullshit. He's resentful about Chibi's schedule, dating back so far when we've not had money OR transportation to do any of the things EITHER of us want to do. Chibi is older now, her friends play an important role in her life and her activities, her routine is important to her. I know he's upset about losing his job. I get it. But I swear I almost decked him in the car for that explosion WITH CHIBI IN THE CAR. INAPPROPRIATE, DUMBASS. A fucking petulant child, I swear.
So...VENT OVER. I'm not going to make Chibi give up her THREE WHOLE ACTIVITIES because he's a whiny baby.
If you got this far, thanks. Seriously. I really needed to get this out bc he's also a passive-aggressive douchebag when it comes to disagreements and just walks off while I'm still trying to process his bullshit. I NEED to beat the dead horse in order to resolve shit like this. It's just how I am, how I've always been, and arguments are not over just because he wants them to be over.
SHUTTING UP NOW.