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DD Still wants to go to high school but I have a plan. Am I being too hard? Update

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Question: Do you think I'm being unfair?


Yes, I think you are.

No, not at all.

Eh, I'll explain in the replies.

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Total Votes: 39

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I had a long talk with dd. She admitted that the public school draw was more social than anything else but it's more important for her to be learning. So she's decided to stay homeschooled.

Another change I'm making, is how we do school work. For the next month or so, I'm going to try real world learning. Instead of traditional algebra, dd is going to be figuring out her monthly payments for a 10,000 dollar Mustang convertible with a 7.5 interest rate. Or I'll have her deposit a check  in her account with a negative balance, then see how many bills she can pay and have money left for groceries. I'm also planning on having her do a lot more cooking and baking, something she enjoys but I just haven't found time to do. I'm trying to encourage her to read more by paying her 1.5 cents per page,lol. Writing she's always been good at and for science and history I'd like to watch more documentaries with her so she can find topics that interest her. She's pretty excited about this change. Wish me luck!

After coming back from her aunt's, dd is more insistent than ever about wanting to go to a "real" high school. (Sil and her bf spun tales of all the social experiences she'll be missing out on) I'm completely against it. She's already so behind as it is and there's no way she could keep pace in a high school setting.

Then I had a plan. My teaching style is very relaxed and laid back. The kids learn what they're interested in at their own pace. But, if she truly wants to go back to public school, that would have to change. I would look up common core and start teaching her to those standards. She would have to work very hard to catch up and by the end of summer, I would test her. If she is at or above where she needs to be, I'll send her to high school. If not, she'll have to stay home for another year.

She told me I was being unfair, and I'm just trying to make it hard on purpose. 

by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 11:37 AM
Replies (11-20):
by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I would do the same thing you are doing. She needs to know that highschool isn't all about boys and prom.
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 3:11 PM

I do think it's a bit unfair. In order to meet those standards, you would have to assume the necessary supplies and resources to do so - there aren't any free resources, that I'm aware of, that are correlated (I could be mistaken there).

I would perhaps insist that she show motivation, a bit of independence in working towards several set goals, and that she makes progress - but not that she meets a specific level. Common core is so ridiculous that even children IN school are having problems meeting those standards.

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee

by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 3:28 PM
No, I don't think so. She was having a rough time in ps earlier this year right?

Does she remember all the busy work and how long everything took? Or she didn't do a whole lot of it so wouldn't care too much if she did go back?

I think going over the common core with her is a good idea. I printed ours out just to have an idea of how much we were covering. I know the teachers last year didn't meet all of the math especially, but your daughter doesn't need to know that!

Do you have many hs groups near you? One by us has an hs prom. She doesn't have to miss out on cute boys to be able to work at her own pace. :)
by Jinx on Nov. 14, 2013 at 3:42 PM

 I think you mssed a line. I understand that's not what she is thinking about, which is why you need to make sure she understands exactly what she is getting herself into and then let her decide. There is no going back and forth.

I forgot she had jusst "tried" it again. In this case, there would be no coming home before the end of the year. If she chooses high school, she MUST finish out the year, no matter if she is failing or held back.

Quoting paganbaby:

She's not looking at the work involved. Her idea of high school is cute boys in the hall, best friends gossiping during lunch, prom, football games, ect. 

If she's willing to put the time and effort, I'm willing to let her try high school. Like you, it would be, see how it goes but no more back and forth.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

I wold set up an appointment wit ha school counselor at the high school she wold atted. Go over the requirements, the rules and expectations and have her tested to see where she wold be placed.  


Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/982nd Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 3:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting paganbaby:

Do you feel like you couldn't adequately challenge your dd at home?

I wasn't sure.

I had almost zero experience of high school. I spent most of my teen years in a court ordered school for teens who were high risk and had a history of getting in trouble - excellent school but not academic centered and very unorthodoxed. I also spent time at a juvenile detention facility and went to school there (if you want to call it that). The public schools I did attend in high school were on a frequent but brief basis.

Therefore, I couldnt make adequate conclusions or comparisons regarding homeschooling and public school.

My daughter is now finishing high school this year. I am NOT impressed by the quality of some of the assignments, methods of teaching, and I am continually surprised at the low level of effort that is permitted in her work. 

I have read my daughters assignments and had to correct what I felt were VERY obvious issues in her work. However, she is in a honors class AND is praised at how well she performs above all the other kids. My daughter is annoyed by the kids not wanting to put ANY effort into school. She has been at two different high schools and has noticed this both times. She said most teachers are just happy that she is engaged and enjoys the learning.

Do I regret sending her? NO! She ended up taking so many more classes than I could have offered for financial reasons and she went much further than my education level. She will have completed high school taking every academic program offered and she was able to take amazing art classes. Her grandpa and uncle are both professional well paid artists. Her father and I are not. We never even suspected she had artistic talents until she happened to take an art class in 9th grade. She is REALLY good.

I wanted to add - my daughters efforts improved when we began homeschooling. Her efforts eventually began to wane despite my best efforts. The first year of public school, I thought I would end up homeschooling again because her efforts dropped even further. However, by the end of 9th grade, there was a huge turn around. She has grown with each year, pushing herself further. Not just academically either. It took a lot of positive (and realism) parent rearing.  

However, that is just my own experiences based on my particular situation.  

To answer your question, she's behind according to public school standards, but she's right where she needs to be according to me :-) Not every child is gifted academically and that's okay. She has many other qualities that I treasure. The reason I brought her home so she could learn at her own pace and find her passion.

She says she wants to go to college and become a doctor. I don't see that happening. She has a romanticized view of doctors but no real interest in medicine. I'm not sure where she's going in life at this moment but she time to figure it out.

I can completely relate to all of this!

When I first took my oldest daughter out of public school, it was due to academics, but just as equally so was that I saw a need for something more positive on a personal level. There is something so repressive about the routines of public school, homework, eat, watch tv, go to bed... with maybe time to do a few other misc things. However, it is always at the risk of throwing off homework, bedtimes, etc. I wanted her to get to know herself and not have SO much influence of other kids and tv. I wanted her to explore some interests of her own and life beyond that repressive schedule. 

Oh definitely, she has time to figure it out. My daughter in middle school was determined that she wanted to be a vet. We researched a lot about it at the time. She is now 18 and has since wanted to be like 10 other things. I dont have money to pay for her to go to college, so she has worked and saved to go. She is excited to do so next year, but I don't even know that she is entirely sure that she knows what for. I figure she can work on her general ed classes and see where she ends up. I will be proud of her no matter what as long as she is true to herself, works hard in life and maintains efforts to be a good humanitarian. 

by Bronze Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 4:08 PM

i agree i can't tell you what to do, but I can say what I would do in the situation.

I'd insist my dd can't change her mind on a whim and she is stickind with current decision for one full year.

AND I'd insist that I am going to teaching to some standards. Not necessarily CC, because I can't deal with that, but not really relaxed either. I'd pick a few things that have to be done daily: math, reading, writing and then a choice from a list of something else (grammar, spelling, vocab, geography, language, etc). I'd say science and social studies can roll into the daily reading/writing requirement - after all, you've got 5 days a week, so if she read and wrote on science once day, on Social Studies (or history) another, then there's still 3 other days to read fiction or non fiction and write on those or an other topic. And, I'd try to mix in field trips, art projects, music appreciation, physical exercise as I see fit.

That's just what I'd do. If I didn't make some rules and aim to mostly stick to a plan, all I'd get done is surfing the web, hitting the gym, drinking coffee and chatting on the phone and if I got a load of laundry done in a day, I'd be patting myself on the back for being so productive. And all my ds would do is play video games and watch tv!

does she struggle with reading? I can give you an idea for a reading program I really, really like.

by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2013 at 5:47 PM

Alright...that does seem a bit more realistic. But the point is, she would have to consistantly put forth effort for me to even entertain the idea of sending her to high school.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I do think it's a bit unfair. In order to meet those standards, you would have to assume the necessary supplies and resources to do so - there aren't any free resources, that I'm aware of, that are correlated (I could be mistaken there).

I would perhaps insist that she show motivation, a bit of independence in working towards several set goals, and that she makes progress - but not that she meets a specific level. Common core is so ridiculous that even children IN school are having problems meeting those standards.

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

by Sonja on Nov. 14, 2013 at 5:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you are being quite fair. You are soon the right thing. The only other piece to this that I would to is this... If she really wants to go to PS for high school, then should should prove how much by getting x amount if school work done to get caught up to where the PS says she is behind. If she is willing to meet you half way, you are willing to meet her half way, by letting her go when it hoes against your better judgement. If she isn't willing to work for it, she really isn't wanting to go to PS.
by Sonja on Nov. 14, 2013 at 6:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Sorry about my typos. Getting used to a newer phone. :)
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:53 AM

Both of my dds went to public high school after 8th grade.  It was their choice. I was ok with it because here in NYC you get to apply for more than 12 schools (out of 400+ total).  Both got into their first choice schools -one for journalism and one for performing arts.  That said, yes, I would have loved them to continue homeschooling, but I felt it was important for me to let them at least try it if it's what they really wanted to do. 

I think it is important to get her up to speed on 8th grade work.  But it's more important to change your attitude toward her decision and show her that you are supportive - even if you aren't.  Honestly, you really need only to focus on math and language arts.  Work on the 4 basic functions, some prealgebra, grammar,  and composition.  Then let the school give her the placement test and she has to deal with where she's placed.

Letting her try high school is probably going to be better than the resentment she'll feel about it and about you for a long time, imo.  I mean, if the school is really horrible and dangerous, then do what you can to keep her home.  If not, I say let her see what high school is really like.  My dds loved it and actually did get to do a ton of really fun things.  



dd(19) Full-time job + entrepreneurial endeavors  

dd(17) Senior at the (real) Fame school                                               

ds(12) 7th Grade relaxed, eclectic homeschooler

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