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DD Still wants to go to high school but I have a plan. Am I being too hard? Update

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Poll

Question: Do you think I'm being unfair?

Options:

Yes, I think you are.

No, not at all.

Eh, I'll explain in the replies.


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Total Votes: 39

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I had a long talk with dd. She admitted that the public school draw was more social than anything else but it's more important for her to be learning. So she's decided to stay homeschooled.

Another change I'm making, is how we do school work. For the next month or so, I'm going to try real world learning. Instead of traditional algebra, dd is going to be figuring out her monthly payments for a 10,000 dollar Mustang convertible with a 7.5 interest rate. Or I'll have her deposit a check  in her account with a negative balance, then see how many bills she can pay and have money left for groceries. I'm also planning on having her do a lot more cooking and baking, something she enjoys but I just haven't found time to do. I'm trying to encourage her to read more by paying her 1.5 cents per page,lol. Writing she's always been good at and for science and history I'd like to watch more documentaries with her so she can find topics that interest her. She's pretty excited about this change. Wish me luck!

After coming back from her aunt's, dd is more insistent than ever about wanting to go to a "real" high school. (Sil and her bf spun tales of all the social experiences she'll be missing out on) I'm completely against it. She's already so behind as it is and there's no way she could keep pace in a high school setting.

Then I had a plan. My teaching style is very relaxed and laid back. The kids learn what they're interested in at their own pace. But, if she truly wants to go back to public school, that would have to change. I would look up common core and start teaching her to those standards. She would have to work very hard to catch up and by the end of summer, I would test her. If she is at or above where she needs to be, I'll send her to high school. If not, she'll have to stay home for another year.

She told me I was being unfair, and I'm just trying to make it hard on purpose. 

by on Nov. 14, 2013 at 11:37 AM
Replies (51-60):
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 12:20 PM

I am so impressed!

Thank you for the advice. I just worry about her resenting me for not allowing her to try high school. I feel like I'm going to screw her up no matter which way I turn :-/ For now I'm leaning towards unschooling her till at least the first of the year. I have some ideas I think she'll like. Master Chef, where she has to make a meal and desert using only the ingredients in our cupboards,lol and things like that. College and HS associations aren't really an option right now. The closest I could find are like 20 miles away and college is far and expensive. But she does have a lot of friends and access to church where they take a lot of trips.

Oh and I'm sure you have used algebra ;-) I found this on Yahoo! Answers. In fact, I'm thinking of adding some math like this if she's interested. Her brother does all his math by playing shopping with me. Real world math is so much more interesting!


Actually you use algebra all the time. The is no reason why you should get into long compicated answers for this question. Here are some straight up easy answers.

1) When filling your car up with gas you can use a form of algebra. Lets say you only have $20.00 to spend on gas today and gas is $3.50 a gallon. How many gallons could you buy?

Let x = # of gallons of gas

3.50x=20.00
x=5.71 gallons

2) Lets say you need to buy a NEW XBox 360. You have $800 to spend on everything. You know a new system costs $400 and extra controller $40. Assuming a game costs $60 how many games could you get?

Let x= the number of Games

$800 = $400 + $40 +$60x
800=460+60x
360=60x
x = 6 Games

3) For the last one lets say you are all grown up now and have to move across country for a new job. Lets use Buffalo, NY to Sacramento, CA which is roughly 2500 miles of driving. How much money do you need to save for gas if the national average is $3.23/gallon.

Let x = amount of money you need to save

2500 = 3.23x
x=$773.99

There you go 3 simple examples of using algebra in the real life.

Quoting tansyflower:

after two months of homeschooling?  no, i wouldnt let her go back.  i would let her finish out the year at the very least.  i also wouldnt push common core because it would be a total waste of time of both your time and would make her hate homeschooling that much more.  the whole idea behind homeschooling is to foster a child's independent love of learning.

if she was doing that poorly in regular school then she needs something else.  but maybe that something else is a homeschooling association that will give her access to her peers, or some extra curricular activities like an art class at a local college.  give her what she likes and wants, but within a specific scope where you know her chances of succeeding will be much higher.  you already know she doesnt do well in public school and as the mom you need to draw your line in the sand and end that discussion.  but make sure to offer her other, fun alternatives that give her sense of control.

i quite high school at 14.  left home at 15.  home schooled (and by home schooled i mean 90% unschooled) myself and i loved it.  i learned about antiques, the elderly, skilled nursing care, art, history, cooking, baking, sewing, other arts of home making and so much more.  it was all stuff that interested me.  the things i hated i skipped.  and you know what?  i am almost 30 freaking years old and i have never once used algebra (that i know of lol) and it didnt affect me negatively.  by the age of 16 i was running a household, including all my own bills, checking account, household budget ect.  i was beyond responsible for my age and i liked it.  and i even went on to complete an associates program for massage therapy with a science program that mirrored the nursing program minus biology and pharmacology. heck by the age of 20 i opened my own business!  by the age of 22 i was teaching classes at the same school i went to lol.

you dont have to force her to learn things she doesnt like if she isnt interested in them at the moment.  focus that energy on trying to inspire her own sense of self and give her some wiggle room to figure out what she is passionate about.  but please dont dangle public school in front of her when you know she will fail at it just to prove a point.  that doesnt seem like a very good idea to me at all.


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celticdragon77
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 12:25 PM

Schools in my area found Common Core easy to implement because they were already exceeding those standards. So this statement is not true for all areas. I just wanted to point that out.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

I do think it's a bit unfair. In order to meet those standards, you would have to assume the necessary supplies and resources to do so - there aren't any free resources, that I'm aware of, that are correlated (I could be mistaken there).

I would perhaps insist that she show motivation, a bit of independence in working towards several set goals, and that she makes progress - but not that she meets a specific level. Common core is so ridiculous that even children IN school are having problems meeting those standards.


paganbaby
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 12:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you so much! I'm going to show her as soon as she gets up :-)

Quoting TidewaterClan:

JMO, but Krissy has an excellent point.  The human mind yearns for learning.  I pulled my 6th grader out two months ago.  I gave her two days to detox, then we started working with our curriculum (most of it was from Amazon and arrived quickly during her last week of ps).  She's doing wonderfully, and enjoys every subject again.  Your daughter may be ready tackle math, writing, etc., if she's asking for ps.  It's just a thought.  


There are some great websites for working art into other curriculum areas.  I used "art across the curriculum high school," but I'm sure middle school would return good things too.


Here are some ideas.  The book we have is for 3rd grade, so I skipped past things that wouldn't apply.  

Language Arts - Choose different artwork and have her write descriptions or stories of them, using correct syntax, spelling, and as many details as possible.  I think that would be fun and you could use fiction and non-fiction paintings.

Write poems to describe the mood of a painting, write a Diamante poem, a news article style paper, an advertisement.

Practice creating speeches about buildings or places in an art piece.


Science - Discuss symmetry, prisms (light spectrum), natural dyes, good old-fashioned baking soda & vinegar volcano, tie in archaeology (prehistoric through Indians, etc.).


Math - proportions of the face, objects, and animals.  

Measuring diameter & radius, finding the volume of spheres, etc.  

Geometry (if she needs to go over shapes - hexagons, rhombuses, polygons, etc.).

Create math problems (including fractions, percentages, etc.) using buildings.


Social Studies - There are so many things you can do with this.  Historical paintings that captured time frames, maps to work on geography or map reading skills, etc.  Finding art that goes along with your history (or American History if that's what you'll do).  

Discussing other cultures and celebrations, including folk culture. 


I hope that helps.


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tansyflower
by Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 8:59 PM
1 mom liked this

well there you go,  i am a master in algebra and i didnt even know it LOL!!!  seriously i never took a high school math class in my life and apparently i learned that crap all on my own just by living life :)

and you know what?  one of my best friends is the dean at a university and she taught me something incredibly valuable.  its not about repetition as much as it is about understanding CONCEPTS.  take for instance cooking.  once you have the basic concepts of how to cook down the world is your oyster.  you can mix and match and do just about anything.  its like science that you can eat....can it get any better than that?!  and you dont need to cook a recipe 200 times in a row in order to be good at cooking.  the same thing can be said for just about any subject matter you teach.  understanding general concepts and how to apply them to everyday life is so much more valuable than years of a young persons life wasted learning to a test.  thats why when asked 99% of people will say they hardly remember anything they learned in high school.

the idea that you can understand basic important learning concepts and incorporate that into whatever subject matter you want is incredible.  i dont have a teen to homeschool, but i am already getting prepared for my three year olds pre k using this same phylosophy.  i am taking what he loves BEST right now (art, hands on music and playing) and plan on using those tools to teach him the concepts i want him to learn the first year (colors, numbers, letters, reading and critical thinking) so that he enjoys it.  he is not a sit at a table and trace crap out of a work book kind of kid.  but i know that if i give him the artistic tools and have structured play time to learn this subject matter he will WANT to do it.

so go ahead and figure out what it is she likes right now, and do whatever you can to push her be find her passion.  have high expectations of her.  let her develop a strong independent self identity.  because in the end those are the skill that kids need to truly embrace learning and enjoy themselves.  and let go of the fear that she will resent you.  teens can find resentment in just about anything....so stop that negative self talk and put that energy towards productive things that will help her right now in this moment and it will all work its way out :)

Quoting paganbaby:

I am so impressed!

Thank you for the advice. I just worry about her resenting me for not allowing her to try high school. I feel like I'm going to screw her up no matter which way I turn :-/ For now I'm leaning towards unschooling her till at least the first of the year. I have some ideas I think she'll like. Master Chef, where she has to make a meal and desert using only the ingredients in our cupboards,lol and things like that. College and HS associations aren't really an option right now. The closest I could find are like 20 miles away and college is far and expensive. But she does have a lot of friends and access to church where they take a lot of trips.

Oh and I'm sure you have used algebra ;-) I found this on Yahoo! Answers. In fact, I'm thinking of adding some math like this if she's interested. Her brother does all his math by playing shopping with me. Real world math is so much more interesting!


Actually you use algebra all the time. The is no reason why you should get into long compicated answers for this question. Here are some straight up easy answers.

1) When filling your car up with gas you can use a form of algebra. Lets say you only have $20.00 to spend on gas today and gas is $3.50 a gallon. How many gallons could you buy?

Let x = # of gallons of gas

3.50x=20.00
x=5.71 gallons

2) Lets say you need to buy a NEW XBox 360. You have $800 to spend on everything. You know a new system costs $400 and extra controller $40. Assuming a game costs $60 how many games could you get?

Let x= the number of Games

$800 = $400 + $40 +$60x
800=460+60x
360=60x
x = 6 Games

3) For the last one lets say you are all grown up now and have to move across country for a new job. Lets use Buffalo, NY to Sacramento, CA which is roughly 2500 miles of driving. How much money do you need to save for gas if the national average is $3.23/gallon.

Let x = amount of money you need to save

2500 = 3.23x
x=$773.99

There you go 3 simple examples of using algebra in the real life.

Quoting tansyflower:

after two months of homeschooling?  no, i wouldnt let her go back.  i would let her finish out the year at the very least.  i also wouldnt push common core because it would be a total waste of time of both your time and would make her hate homeschooling that much more.  the whole idea behind homeschooling is to foster a child's independent love of learning.

if she was doing that poorly in regular school then she needs something else.  but maybe that something else is a homeschooling association that will give her access to her peers, or some extra curricular activities like an art class at a local college.  give her what she likes and wants, but within a specific scope where you know her chances of succeeding will be much higher.  you already know she doesnt do well in public school and as the mom you need to draw your line in the sand and end that discussion.  but make sure to offer her other, fun alternatives that give her sense of control.

i quite high school at 14.  left home at 15.  home schooled (and by home schooled i mean 90% unschooled) myself and i loved it.  i learned about antiques, the elderly, skilled nursing care, art, history, cooking, baking, sewing, other arts of home making and so much more.  it was all stuff that interested me.  the things i hated i skipped.  and you know what?  i am almost 30 freaking years old and i have never once used algebra (that i know of lol) and it didnt affect me negatively.  by the age of 16 i was running a household, including all my own bills, checking account, household budget ect.  i was beyond responsible for my age and i liked it.  and i even went on to complete an associates program for massage therapy with a science program that mirrored the nursing program minus biology and pharmacology. heck by the age of 20 i opened my own business!  by the age of 22 i was teaching classes at the same school i went to lol.

you dont have to force her to learn things she doesnt like if she isnt interested in them at the moment.  focus that energy on trying to inspire her own sense of self and give her some wiggle room to figure out what she is passionate about.  but please dont dangle public school in front of her when you know she will fail at it just to prove a point.  that doesnt seem like a very good idea to me at all.



paganbaby
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this

You give me hope... I'm going to screen shot this and save it for future reference.

I am soo glad you replied to my post! Thank you!

Quoting tansyflower:

well there you go,  i am a master in algebra and i didnt even know it LOL!!!  seriously i never took a high school math class in my life and apparently i learned that crap all on my own just by living life :)

and you know what?  one of my best friends is the dean at a university and she taught me something incredibly valuable.  its not about repetition as much as it is about understanding CONCEPTS.  take for instance cooking.  once you have the basic concepts of how to cook down the world is your oyster.  you can mix and match and do just about anything.  its like science that you can eat....can it get any better than that?!  and you dont need to cook a recipe 200 times in a row in order to be good at cooking.  the same thing can be said for just about any subject matter you teach.  understanding general concepts and how to apply them to everyday life is so much more valuable than years of a young persons life wasted learning to a test.  thats why when asked 99% of people will say they hardly remember anything they learned in high school.

the idea that you can understand basic important learning concepts and incorporate that into whatever subject matter you want is incredible.  i dont have a teen to homeschool, but i am already getting prepared for my three year olds pre k using this same phylosophy.  i am taking what he loves BEST right now (art, hands on music and playing) and plan on using those tools to teach him the concepts i want him to learn the first year (colors, numbers, letters, reading and critical thinking) so that he enjoys it.  he is not a sit at a table and trace crap out of a work book kind of kid.  but i know that if i give him the artistic tools and have structured play time to learn this subject matter he will WANT to do it.

so go ahead and figure out what it is she likes right now, and do whatever you can to push her be find her passion.  have high expectations of her.  let her develop a strong independent self identity.  because in the end those are the skill that kids need to truly embrace learning and enjoy themselves.  and let go of the fear that she will resent you.  teens can find resentment in just about anything....so stop that negative self talk and put that energy towards productive things that will help her right now in this moment and it will all work its way out :)

Quoting paganbaby:

I am so impressed!

Thank you for the advice. I just worry about her resenting me for not allowing her to try high school. I feel like I'm going to screw her up no matter which way I turn :-/ For now I'm leaning towards unschooling her till at least the first of the year. I have some ideas I think she'll like. Master Chef, where she has to make a meal and desert using only the ingredients in our cupboards,lol and things like that. College and HS associations aren't really an option right now. The closest I could find are like 20 miles away and college is far and expensive. But she does have a lot of friends and access to church where they take a lot of trips.

Oh and I'm sure you have used algebra ;-) I found this on Yahoo! Answers. In fact, I'm thinking of adding some math like this if she's interested. Her brother does all his math by playing shopping with me. Real world math is so much more interesting!


Actually you use algebra all the time. The is no reason why you should get into long compicated answers for this question. Here are some straight up easy answers.

1) When filling your car up with gas you can use a form of algebra. Lets say you only have $20.00 to spend on gas today and gas is $3.50 a gallon. How many gallons could you buy?

Let x = # of gallons of gas

3.50x=20.00
x=5.71 gallons

2) Lets say you need to buy a NEW XBox 360. You have $800 to spend on everything. You know a new system costs $400 and extra controller $40. Assuming a game costs $60 how many games could you get?

Let x= the number of Games

$800 = $400 + $40 +$60x
800=460+60x
360=60x
x = 6 Games

3) For the last one lets say you are all grown up now and have to move across country for a new job. Lets use Buffalo, NY to Sacramento, CA which is roughly 2500 miles of driving. How much money do you need to save for gas if the national average is $3.23/gallon.

Let x = amount of money you need to save

2500 = 3.23x
x=$773.99

There you go 3 simple examples of using algebra in the real life.

Quoting tansyflower:

after two months of homeschooling?  no, i wouldnt let her go back.  i would let her finish out the year at the very least.  i also wouldnt push common core because it would be a total waste of time of both your time and would make her hate homeschooling that much more.  the whole idea behind homeschooling is to foster a child's independent love of learning.

if she was doing that poorly in regular school then she needs something else.  but maybe that something else is a homeschooling association that will give her access to her peers, or some extra curricular activities like an art class at a local college.  give her what she likes and wants, but within a specific scope where you know her chances of succeeding will be much higher.  you already know she doesnt do well in public school and as the mom you need to draw your line in the sand and end that discussion.  but make sure to offer her other, fun alternatives that give her sense of control.

i quite high school at 14.  left home at 15.  home schooled (and by home schooled i mean 90% unschooled) myself and i loved it.  i learned about antiques, the elderly, skilled nursing care, art, history, cooking, baking, sewing, other arts of home making and so much more.  it was all stuff that interested me.  the things i hated i skipped.  and you know what?  i am almost 30 freaking years old and i have never once used algebra (that i know of lol) and it didnt affect me negatively.  by the age of 16 i was running a household, including all my own bills, checking account, household budget ect.  i was beyond responsible for my age and i liked it.  and i even went on to complete an associates program for massage therapy with a science program that mirrored the nursing program minus biology and pharmacology. heck by the age of 20 i opened my own business!  by the age of 22 i was teaching classes at the same school i went to lol.

you dont have to force her to learn things she doesnt like if she isnt interested in them at the moment.  focus that energy on trying to inspire her own sense of self and give her some wiggle room to figure out what she is passionate about.  but please dont dangle public school in front of her when you know she will fail at it just to prove a point.  that doesnt seem like a very good idea to me at all.




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Jenn8604
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:02 AM
i agree. even tho I am totally against common core. I heard they want to force it for private and homeschooling too.

Quoting debramommyof4:

 I do not think that is unfair.  If she wants to go to high school she needs to be able to do what all the other freshman are capible of . That way she is not behind and it is not harder than it has to be.  Plus if they test her they might even put her into 8th grade if she is not where she is suppose to be.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this

 If they do I would be throwing a fit.  My kids will continue learning and I will find a way around it.  I hate common core standards.  They are a bunch of bureaucratic bull.   My kids already are working above the level of their peers and I will not mess with it to satisfy dumb politicians.

Quoting Jenn8604:

i agree. even tho I am totally against common core. I heard they want to force it for private and homeschooling too.

Quoting debramommyof4:

 I do not think that is unfair.  If she wants to go to high school she needs to be able to do what all the other freshman are capible of . That way she is not behind and it is not harder than it has to be.  Plus if they test her they might even put her into 8th grade if she is not where she is suppose to be.

 

Jenn8604
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:10 AM
I will go ape shit on someone.

Quoting debramommyof4:

 If they do I would be throwing a fit.  My kids will continue learning and I will find a way around it.  I hate common core standards.  They are a bunch of bureaucratic bull.   My kids already are working above the level of their peers and I will not mess with it to satisfy dumb politicians.


Quoting Jenn8604:

i agree. even tho I am totally against common core. I heard they want to force it for private and homeschooling too.


Quoting debramommyof4:


 I do not think that is unfair.  If she wants to go to high school she needs to be able to do what all the other freshman are capible of . That way she is not behind and it is not harder than it has to be.  Plus if they test her they might even put her into 8th grade if she is not where she is suppose to be.


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:11 AM

 LMBO!

Quoting Jenn8604:

I will go ape shit on someone.

Quoting debramommyof4:

 If they do I would be throwing a fit.  My kids will continue learning and I will find a way around it.  I hate common core standards.  They are a bunch of bureaucratic bull.   My kids already are working above the level of their peers and I will not mess with it to satisfy dumb politicians.


Quoting Jenn8604:

i agree. even tho I am totally against common core. I heard they want to force it for private and homeschooling too.


Quoting debramommyof4:


 I do not think that is unfair.  If she wants to go to high school she needs to be able to do what all the other freshman are capible of . That way she is not behind and it is not harder than it has to be.  Plus if they test her they might even put her into 8th grade if she is not where she is suppose to be.


 

 

JATomlinson
by on Nov. 22, 2013 at 5:01 PM

Let her figure it out for herself.  I think a lot of kids who end up in high school after being home schooled don't like it and want to be home schooled again.  Also, you could try to get her more involved in social activities during home school.  Get her into youth group, clubs, sports, etc.

You can also tell her, 'yes go to high school, but as soon as your grades drop below what they are here at home, the high school experience will be over... going to high school is not an excuse to slack off just becuase you'll be spending more time with friends and less actual time learning.'  You can also tell her, 'At public school you sit in a classroom all day, it's not like you have a ton of time to talk with friends except at lunch and between classes.  At home you can get all your school work done in a few hours in the morning and have the rest of the day to be social or do other things.'

Either way, she's going to resent you if you force her to do one thing or the other.  Letting her make this choice shows you are trusting her enough as a teen to have some leeway and make her own mistakes.  High school is the time when they are trying to become independent and separate from mom and dad as people.

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