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Do you or have you ever lived with a relative?

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 9:51 AM
  • 16 Replies

As an adult, of course?

My MIL is moving in with us this Saturday. Before that, we've had my mom and before that, my SIL. LOL As the blacksheep of the family, we own a house and my husband has worked the same job for 11plus years. This is obviously fairly rare in our family.*sigh*

While I don't begrudge helping out various relatives, it is definitely going to be hard to have another adult living with us. If you've had to share space before, what works and what doesn't? My SIL was a terrible person to live with, honestly. My mom was okay but had some disgusting habits that I just couldn't deal with.

This time around, we hope it goes smoother because MIL has a job from9 to 6. Rob works from 7 to 6 so She will be here mostly in the evenings. Saturday will be the hard day because Rob is at work but she won't be. Plus, we don't have things to go and do on Saturdays so the kids will be home, you know, being kids. Ugh, I just don't know, folks!


by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 9:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:07 AM

Just be firm in your expectations, as far as boundaries go.

No, we've never lived with another adult, as adults, but I would love to move my grandparents in with us, as would my husband. <---- he grew up in a multi-generational italian immigrant family, so he had his parents and grandparents and loved it. Sure, there were small issues (he lovingly recalls his mother chasing him upstairs with a wooden spoon, after he caused her cake to fall in the oven, while his grandmother chased after HER, yelling "don't hit my BABY!" in Italian *chuckle*). We also wouldn't hesitate to have his father live with us (dh's mom passed away when he was still a young child).

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM

That sounds like a nice childhood. 8)

My MIL and I aren't on*bad* terms but she really has no interest in us, the kids, or being a grandmother. She lives within an hour of us and drives past our house to and from work but has only actually seen the kids a handful of times. Sad to say that until Nikki came along, she had only come to see the boys maybe 6 times in 3 years. No birthdays, holidays, etc. She has just lost her house to foreclosure and has been showing an interest in the kids now that there is a girl grandbaby of her own (Missie 'doesn't count' even though Rob and I have been together since she was 1 AND I've known the family since I was 14. I'm not a bit bitter ;) ).

On the upside, she has made some fairly large life improvements this past year and has been coming around more in her own way so I'm taking the high road. She and I were good friends right up until the moment her son decided to marry me. LOL I'm hoping we can acheive something close to that again after all these years.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Just be firm in your expectations, as far as boundaries go.

No, we've never lived with another adult, as adults, but I would love to move my grandparents in with us, as would my husband. <---- he grew up in a multi-generational italian immigrant family, so he had his parents and grandparents and loved it. Sure, there were small issues (he lovingly recalls his mother chasing him upstairs with a wooden spoon, after he caused her cake to fall in the oven, while his grandmother chased after HER, yelling "don't hit my BABY!" in Italian *chuckle*). We also wouldn't hesitate to have his father live with us (dh's mom passed away when he was still a young child).


victoriaherring
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:42 AM
I lived with my grandparents between college and getting married. It was easy as I've always been close with my grandparents. I learned different habits of theirs that I never had before. My grandpa is very serious about making the bed every single morning so I had to get into that habit. I wouldn't mind any of my family living with us. We get along with pretty much everyone.
mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:49 AM

I wish we got along with our families better. We are just 'too normal' (that's a quote, by the way lol) to really fit in. 8(

Quoting victoriaherring:

I lived with my grandparents between college and getting married. It was easy as I've always been close with my grandparents. I learned different habits of theirs that I never had before. My grandpa is very serious about making the bed every single morning so I had to get into that habit. I wouldn't mind any of my family living with us. We get along with pretty much everyone.


debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:56 AM
My sister has lived with me. That became a disaster as we have different expectations.

She wanted me to teach her dd along with my kinder (she moved in after we had started school and her dd was not where mine was and is 1 1/2 years younger) on top of my other 3 kids lessons. I babysat for mostly free because she paid me a total of 3 times.

She also expected my house to be spotless and for me to have dinner on the table.

She had agreed to pay me for living in my home and rarely did that either.

It almost killed our relationship. She still says she did not ask half those things (she had cancer and lost some memory ability). But it did not work out.

That being said, we are prepping for my mil to move in because my fil is not doing so hot and we do not want her to be alone 6 hours away and no one else is close. Her only other surviving son is all the way across country.
mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:59 AM

I wish MIL was older but she is actually only 53ish. It would be easier if she was elderly and needed help, you know?

PS your sister and my sil could be soul mates. IT was amazing some of the things she 'requested' while living here.

Quoting debramommyof4:

My sister has lived with me. That became a disaster as we have different expectations.

She wanted me to teach her dd along with my kinder (she moved in after we had started school and her dd was not where mine was and is 1 1/2 years younger) on top of my other 3 kids lessons. I babysat for mostly free because she paid me a total of 3 times.

She also expected my house to be spotless and for me to have dinner on the table.

She had agreed to pay me for living in my home and rarely did that either.

It almost killed our relationship. She still says she did not ask half those things (she had cancer and lost some memory ability). But it did not work out.

That being said, we are prepping for my mil to move in because my fil is not doing so hot and we do not want her to be alone 6 hours away and no one else is close. Her only other surviving son is all the way across country.


victoriaherring
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:00 AM
I guess we are all normal too. My grandparents were awesome to make sure they raised their family that way. We were just talking about Christmas and our schedules since we can't visit all of my family and DHs for Christmas. Every year my grandma tells me not to stress and go where ever we want. Her MIL was a bish and made them show up every holiday and be super proper and they would miss out with my grandmas family. I guess they took their experiences with stuck up family then and made sure they didn't pass it on.

Quoting mem82:

I wish we got along with our families better. We are just 'too normal' (that's a quote, by the way lol) to really fit in. 8(

Quoting victoriaherring:

I lived with my grandparents between college and getting married. It was easy as I've always been close with my grandparents. I learned different habits of theirs that I never had before. My grandpa is very serious about making the bed every single morning so I had to get into that habit. I wouldn't mind any of my family living with us. We get along with pretty much everyone.


debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:05 AM

 I love her to death but I could have killed her.  My husbands parents are both in their 70's.  They started having children late.  The only thing that will get me is we will have to have 2 sets of pots and pans and to refrigerators running because she is Hindu and very much a vegetarian.  She cooks really well so that will be awesome.

Quoting mem82:

I wish MIL was older but she is actually only 53ish. It would be easier if she was elderly and needed help, you know?

PS your sister and my sil could be soul mates. IT was amazing some of the things she 'requested' while living here.

Quoting debramommyof4:

My sister has lived with me. That became a disaster as we have different expectations.

She wanted me to teach her dd along with my kinder (she moved in after we had started school and her dd was not where mine was and is 1 1/2 years younger) on top of my other 3 kids lessons. I babysat for mostly free because she paid me a total of 3 times.

She also expected my house to be spotless and for me to have dinner on the table.

She had agreed to pay me for living in my home and rarely did that either.

It almost killed our relationship. She still says she did not ask half those things (she had cancer and lost some memory ability). But it did not work out.

That being said, we are prepping for my mil to move in because my fil is not doing so hot and we do not want her to be alone 6 hours away and no one else is close. Her only other surviving son is all the way across country.


 

Jenn8604
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:07 AM
I live with my mom, sister, and her df. It sucks. I'm thinking of moving to California with my bf.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:07 AM

Keeping pans separate would be difficult unless you have a large kitchen.

Quoting debramommyof4:

 I love her to death but I could have killed her.  My husbands parents are both in their 70's.  They started having children late.  The only thing that will get me is we will have to have 2 sets of pots and pans and to refrigerators running because she is Hindu and very much a vegetarian.  She cooks really well so that will be awesome.

Quoting mem82:

I wish MIL was older but she is actually only 53ish. It would be easier if she was elderly and needed help, you know?

PS your sister and my sil could be soul mates. IT was amazing some of the things she 'requested' while living here.

Quoting debramommyof4:

My sister has lived with me. That became a disaster as we have different expectations.

She wanted me to teach her dd along with my kinder (she moved in after we had started school and her dd was not where mine was and is 1 1/2 years younger) on top of my other 3 kids lessons. I babysat for mostly free because she paid me a total of 3 times.

She also expected my house to be spotless and for me to have dinner on the table.

She had agreed to pay me for living in my home and rarely did that either.

It almost killed our relationship. She still says she did not ask half those things (she had cancer and lost some memory ability). But it did not work out.

That being said, we are prepping for my mil to move in because my fil is not doing so hot and we do not want her to be alone 6 hours away and no one else is close. Her only other surviving son is all the way across country.


 



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