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 Have you talked to your kids about "red flag" situations?  I have ordered the book "I Said No! A Kid to kid guide to keeping your private parts private"

I was wondering if this was a topic you ladies have done already.  How did you handle it?  What age did you start?  At this point my 6 and 8 year olds are beginning to really go out into the world: soccer practice by themselves, youth group meetings, etc.  I think it's time to start explaining the situations they could face and give them the tools to handle it.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Said-guide-keeping-private-parts/dp/1878076493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384890629&sr=8-1&keywords=i+said+no+a+kic-to-kid+guide+to+keeping+your+private+parts+private

by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Replies (11-20):
TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 4:50 PM
That's important. Oprah (I didn't watch her too often but I was sick from work the day this was on) said women are always taught to be polite to everyone. Her experts said your gut feeling is one of the best things you can use to keep yourself safe so that's what I tell my girls. I let them know they're not being rude by telling someone to back off.

Good point on relatives btw. I don't trust my one brother in law any further than I can throw him & he & my girls know it.


Quoting usmom3:

 


Quoting bluerooffarm:


 


Quoting usmom3:


 It is a topic that has been talked about with them all of their lives! I am a victim of molestation, rape & domestic abuse from a past relationship. So the talk about their bodies being their bodies & knowing to listen to that inner voice is very important to us for them!


 We've talked about it before, but I really had no concrete way to explain things to them.  I'm hoping this book will spark some better conversations than we've had before.


I was a rape victim (although I was an adult when it happened) I think I have kept them very close and tried to keep the lines of communication open, but I want to really be certain.


How have you explained to them what is okay and not okay?


 I have told them that anything that makes them feel uncomfortable even if it seams innocent like a hug or a hand on the shoulder they have the right to step away & ask the person not to touch them! We don't make them give hugs or touch anyone we just ask them if they would like to give someone a hug or handshake! We want them to know to listen to their inner voices no matter what! In my experience every time my inner voice was screaming at me to stay away & I didn't listen something bad ended up happening to me! So I am a big advocate of listening to that!

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 4:59 PM
That is important. I know most coaches are great but some (even some who are fathers) end up on the local news. It's disheartening but keeping your boys safe is priority.

We've only had my parents, my mother in law, and one caretaker from daycare (after we knew her three years - plus she had a background check!) watch our girls alone. At daycare they always had to have at least two caregivers in the room. That wasn't foolproof but I liked the ladies. I'm much happier to have my children safe at home though!


Quoting bluerooffarm:

 


Quoting TidewaterClan:

We talked about this sort of thing from an early age. I've just been home a few years and I wanted my girls to know if a daycare worker or teacher wanted to touch or see them, or anything else that made them feel yucky, to say no & tell another nearby adult and then dh and I.

My brother & I had a female babysitter when we were little who wanted to see us, then told us our parents would be upset & ashamed of us if we told them. I don't want my girls to fall prey to a predator like that, or worse, ever.

 Yikes!  I probably would have started at a younger age with my kids if I had an experience like that.


I did cover it a little when my oldest started PS, but that only lasted a little while and other than that my kids have never been with a babysitter or daycare provider (other than my parents, whom I trust completely!)  Now that they are out and about by themselves, I think it is a very important lesson to learn.

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:00 PM
We started talking about it when they started potty training. Once they get potty trained I tell them no one wants to see their secrets ( that's what we call them). I also say that unless mommy is in the room doctors should not even touch them there. And if anyone should touch them there they are to let a trusted adult know and not to be scared no matter what the person says. We will keep everyone safe.
usmom3
by BJ on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:03 PM
2 moms liked this

 Yeah you can call me paranoid all you want but I don't trust just anyone with my children & family is just as suspect as a stranger! One of my goals is to raise my children to adulthood with out being a victim to anything like I was!

Quoting TidewaterClan:

That's important. Oprah (I didn't watch her too often but I was sick from work the day this was on) said women are always taught to be polite to everyone. Her experts said your gut feeling is one of the best things you can use to keep yourself safe so that's what I tell my girls. I let them know they're not being rude by telling someone to back off.

Good point on relatives btw. I don't trust my one brother in law any further than I can throw him & he & my girls know it.


debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:06 PM
My husband just found a phone by at&t that has two buttons and it is in the form of a watch. It has a panic button on it and can dial 5 numbers. It records stuff too. It comes out on the 22 and is a 10 per month prepay and is about 200. Though we do not have a lot of money with our girls getting older we are thinking of buying 2 because then we will feel safer letting them go places.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

That's really important.  I think that is really why I wanted to do this book with them.  We have done a book on Stanger Danger, but my oldest wants to go to his youth group and not have me there, he wants to go back with the dentist by himself, etc.  So it's time to really start looking at the whole situation, not just the strangers. 


Quoting Bleacheddecay:


I got a book online free, printed and started talking with my kids about this very early. I can't remember the exact ages. At that time we had a number of relatives and an ex I didn't trust at all. As a child I was grabbed several times so I was very interested in making sure my kids were informed and drilled about it. We didn't talk about "strangers" because it's so very rarely strangers, we talked about anyone.


 

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I would have yelled female on deck and went in after him.

I am super paranoid and do not let my kids out of my sight. I may be to careful but I was abused sexually, mentally and emotionally as a child and am determined my kids will not be in anyway, just as I am sure all you other ladies feel.

We are trying to give our 6 and 7 year olds more freedom to go to a friends and things but till I have a phone for them it is not happening.


Quoting hwblyf:

So you want to do it in a way that doesn't give them the willies and make them come sleep with you for the next 10 years, right?  :)  We talk about it from time to time, tidbits here and there.  I've always done the whole thing where they go with NO ONE unless we've said.  Yup, Grandma can't just come pick you up, I have to know about it.  No one gets you from school (when they were in school) unless we've told you about it.  When my 2nd was about 5, we were at the park and he was riding his bike on the sidewalk.  Out of arms' reach, but in sight.  A truck slowed down and drove beside him for enough of a time to make me very upset.  My husband started towards my son, and boy oh boy didn't that truck take off.  :(

At times I think I've made too much of it.  I get all the time about so and so touched my private parts (no, dear, your elbow is NOT your private part, regardless of the fact that you didn't like him hitting you).  I don't want them to be afraid, but I want them to know that those parts are not to share, they don't share them with a friend, a friend shouldn't ask, no adult should ask unless it's a doctor, and they need to share if it happens.

That said, we've never had a situation that honestly turned out bad.  But they could have.  My oldest would bolt to the bathroom when he was 3.5, I had a 2 yr old and a baby, a cart full of stuff at Costco and I'm in line to check out, and there he goes.  Into the men's room.  Deep breaths help a lot in those situations.

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:46 PM
Yep, me too. I never want them to feel the way I did.

Quoting usmom3:

 Yeah you can call me paranoid all you want but I don't trust just anyone with my children & family is just as suspect as a stranger! One of my goals is to raise my children to adulthood with out being a victim to anything like I was!


Quoting TidewaterClan:

That's important. Oprah (I didn't watch her too often but I was sick from work the day this was on) said women are always taught to be polite to everyone. Her experts said your gut feeling is one of the best things you can use to keep yourself safe so that's what I tell my girls. I let them know they're not being rude by telling someone to back off.

Good point on relatives btw. I don't trust my one brother in law any further than I can throw him & he & my girls know it.


tuffymama
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 6:16 PM
I was molested by a family member when I was three, and by the teenaged child of a day sitter when I was four. I have always been very protective of my children, and no one is above suspicion when it comes to sexual or physical abuse. An episcopal priest in the neighborhood raped my 8 yo friend when I was ten, and another little friend in my class was raped by her own father shortly after that. ODS was never alone with anyone but my then MIL and SFIL together, or my mom, and only after ODS was able to speak clearly. LO has been alone for an hour here and there with my dad and stepmom, or my little sister.
I have a very tight circle of trust because I know the monsters that lurk in plain sight, and I know personally how rape, molestation, and emotional torture can warp a child and limit a person's potential. Fear, guilt, shame, and pain rarely do anything to POSITIVELY motivate a child. I am determined to never let what happened to me happen to a child in my life. As soon as the disrobe-in-public stage (with LO at two) or the constant checking to make sure his penis was still attached to his body (ODS at two) started, the talk about not sharing genitals or touching/looking at the genitals of others was broached. When I was in therapy many years ago, I learned of the many ways children are groomed to accept molestation and even rape, and there is no end to the tricks a predator will employ to damage a child's life forever. No touching, TASTING, looking at, or talking about private parts is very important to tell them. My friend's GD1 was forced by the mother's roommate to touch his penis because he shamed the child into it. He wasn't touching her, right? She went along with it to get away from him, and thank goodness she told her mother. So it is important to let them know about strangers and friends/family, touching and being touched, and even talking about it or looking at pornography.
kirbymom
by Sonja on Nov. 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM
You really don't have to explain too much even at these ages.I would just,tell them that if anyone plays with them in any way that is different from how mom and dad play, they should Tell whomever that they don't play that way and for them to come find you and let you know. Then, as they grow older, you can give them more information about inappropriate and appropriate behavior.
kirbymom
by Sonja on Nov. 19, 2013 at 7:49 PM
Oh, btw, I trust no one with the safety of my children. Even with my 16 yr old's girlfriend and her family. Even after meeting them and eating dinner with them.
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