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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

 Have you talked to your kids about "red flag" situations?  I have ordered the book "I Said No! A Kid to kid guide to keeping your private parts private"

I was wondering if this was a topic you ladies have done already.  How did you handle it?  What age did you start?  At this point my 6 and 8 year olds are beginning to really go out into the world: soccer practice by themselves, youth group meetings, etc.  I think it's time to start explaining the situations they could face and give them the tools to handle it.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Said-guide-keeping-private-parts/dp/1878076493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384890629&sr=8-1&keywords=i+said+no+a+kic-to-kid+guide+to+keeping+your+private+parts+private

by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Replies (21-30):
hwblyf
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 8:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, that was the scariest.  I'm very thankful I don't have many of those experiences in my life.  I've been talking to the kids a lot lately about trust and respect, and pointing out how people who are in nurturing positions have incredible responsibility put in their laps, and sometimes they're just not worthy.  We talk about it in more than just the private parts sense.  We talk about how babies and the elderly really trust these people to take care of them, to love them, to handle them with respect, not to humiliate or hurt or abuse.


Quoting debramommyof4:

I would have yelled female on deck and went in after him.

I am super paranoid and do not let my kids out of my sight. I may be to careful but I was abused sexually, mentally and emotionally as a child and am determined my kids will not be in anyway, just as I am sure all you other ladies feel.

We are trying to give our 6 and 7 year olds more freedom to go to a friends and things but till I have a phone for them it is not happening.


Quoting hwblyf:

So you want to do it in a way that doesn't give them the willies and make them come sleep with you for the next 10 years, right?  :)  We talk about it from time to time, tidbits here and there.  I've always done the whole thing where they go with NO ONE unless we've said.  Yup, Grandma can't just come pick you up, I have to know about it.  No one gets you from school (when they were in school) unless we've told you about it.  When my 2nd was about 5, we were at the park and he was riding his bike on the sidewalk.  Out of arms' reach, but in sight.  A truck slowed down and drove beside him for enough of a time to make me very upset.  My husband started towards my son, and boy oh boy didn't that truck take off.  :(

At times I think I've made too much of it.  I get all the time about so and so touched my private parts (no, dear, your elbow is NOT your private part, regardless of the fact that you didn't like him hitting you).  I don't want them to be afraid, but I want them to know that those parts are not to share, they don't share them with a friend, a friend shouldn't ask, no adult should ask unless it's a doctor, and they need to share if it happens.

That said, we've never had a situation that honestly turned out bad.  But they could have.  My oldest would bolt to the bathroom when he was 3.5, I had a 2 yr old and a baby, a cart full of stuff at Costco and I'm in line to check out, and there he goes.  Into the men's room.  Deep breaths help a lot in those situations.



TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Nov. 19, 2013 at 8:27 PM

Unfortunately we had these talks at a very young age with our kids.  Since they are not just OUR kids (one is mine, one is DHs...we now have full custody of both, but we shared custody of both when they were babies/toddlers).  There was one incident with DD's biomoms boyfriend...turns out he was putting medicine on DD bc she had a yeast infection (which she shouldn't have had...but she did have one, biomom had to work and so the boyfriend-poor guy-was asked to put the medicine on DD...DD reported to me the next day and I immediately called DH at work and it was quite a big deal...knowing the now ex boyfriend a little better later on, we feel that DD was safe in his care, but nothing prepares you for a little girl telling you something like that).

So we have basically always had the conversations since our kids have always spent time with people other than DH and me and we didn't always have control over who they were left alone with.

That sounds like a good book for broaching the subject though, I wish we could have waited until they were much older for those kinds of talks. 

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 8:49 PM

 Exactly!!!  LOL

Quoting hwblyf:

So you want to do it in a way that doesn't give them the willies and make them come sleep with you for the next 10 years, right?  :)  We talk about it from time to time, tidbits here and there.  I've always done the whole thing where they go with NO ONE unless we've said.  Yup, Grandma can't just come pick you up, I have to know about it.  No one gets you from school (when they were in school) unless we've told you about it.  When my 2nd was about 5, we were at the park and he was riding his bike on the sidewalk.  Out of arms' reach, but in sight.  A truck slowed down and drove beside him for enough of a time to make me very upset.  My husband started towards my son, and boy oh boy didn't that truck take off.  :(

At times I think I've made too much of it.  I get all the time about so and so touched my private parts (no, dear, your elbow is NOT your private part, regardless of the fact that you didn't like him hitting you).  I don't want them to be afraid, but I want them to know that those parts are not to share, they don't share them with a friend, a friend shouldn't ask, no adult should ask unless it's a doctor, and they need to share if it happens.

That said, we've never had a situation that honestly turned out bad.  But they could have.  My oldest would bolt to the bathroom when he was 3.5, I had a 2 yr old and a baby, a cart full of stuff at Costco and I'm in line to check out, and there he goes.  Into the men's room.  Deep breaths help a lot in those situations.

 That park story sounds very scary!  I'm so glad it has always worked out.

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Nov. 19, 2013 at 8:54 PM

 We started when the kids were pretty young. We taught them if their swimsuit covers it, it is off limits to everyone. We've talked about how it's not okay to keep secrets from us (unless it's a birthday or Christmas present), and how they can always come and talk to us, no matter what without fear of getting in trouble. We never really went into details, but it's been enough I think. The kids do come to us and ask to speak privately about different things that are on their minds; things their friends have asked them to keep secret, things that they are worried about, etc.  It's really helped to have that open communication.

hwblyf
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:06 PM
1 mom liked this


Yes, I'm very thankful that all my horror stories are lame.  VERY THANKFUL!

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 Exactly!!!  LOL

Quoting hwblyf:

So you want to do it in a way that doesn't give them the willies and make them come sleep with you for the next 10 years, right?  :)  We talk about it from time to time, tidbits here and there.  I've always done the whole thing where they go with NO ONE unless we've said.  Yup, Grandma can't just come pick you up, I have to know about it.  No one gets you from school (when they were in school) unless we've told you about it.  When my 2nd was about 5, we were at the park and he was riding his bike on the sidewalk.  Out of arms' reach, but in sight.  A truck slowed down and drove beside him for enough of a time to make me very upset.  My husband started towards my son, and boy oh boy didn't that truck take off.  :(

At times I think I've made too much of it.  I get all the time about so and so touched my private parts (no, dear, your elbow is NOT your private part, regardless of the fact that you didn't like him hitting you).  I don't want them to be afraid, but I want them to know that those parts are not to share, they don't share them with a friend, a friend shouldn't ask, no adult should ask unless it's a doctor, and they need to share if it happens.

That said, we've never had a situation that honestly turned out bad.  But they could have.  My oldest would bolt to the bathroom when he was 3.5, I had a 2 yr old and a baby, a cart full of stuff at Costco and I'm in line to check out, and there he goes.  Into the men's room.  Deep breaths help a lot in those situations.

 That park story sounds very scary!  I'm so glad it has always worked out.



bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:10 PM

 All you ladies seem to be so much more on top of this thing than I am!!  Other than the Stranger danger, we've just kept all the private parts stuff private so far.  Glad I'm getting this book, obviously it's something I need to cover.

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 3:28 PM
2 moms liked this

I've talked to my kids about it since about 3 or so. Nothing scary, just the usual. Don't go with anyone without telling me. No one is allowed to touch you or make you feel icky. Don't keep secrets, ect.

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:09 PM

We started talking about private parts and keeping them private from the time they were toddlers. We talked about how someone who touched them might be someone they trust and love, and they most likely with threaten the family for them not to tell, and how to handle the situation. 

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:16 PM

We never did stranger danger since a child is 90% more likely to be hurt by someone they know than by a stranger. 

I think the most important thing to keep in mind is to make it like a regular conversation....just like you would hope the 'birds and bees' talk would be later. If everyone is nervous about talking about 'those parts' they might be hesitant to mention concerns or issues. So we made sure to use technical term rather than nick names. And just made it as normal as possible. 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 All you ladies seem to be so much more on top of this thing than I am!!  Other than the Stranger danger, we've just kept all the private parts stuff private so far.  Glad I'm getting this book, obviously it's something I need to cover.


celticdragon77
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 7:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I most definitely have had this conversation on several occassions. Even now with my 18yr old daughter I talk to her about the sexual dangers that STILL exist.

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