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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

How do you feel about sleepovers that aren't at your house?

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Blue's post about saying no made me think of this.

How do you feel about & handle sleepover requests from other people? I'm comfortable with my girls going to my parents' house or my mother in laws. I haven't let them stay elsewhere though.

Last year my oldest daughter (then 11) was asked to stay at a friend's house. I love the mom but went to high school with her husband. I didn't care for him then or now. I let her go until midnight but then picked her up & said it was so she could see dh since he'd been out of town all week for work.

Last summer a girl from class who always talked about the many boyfriends her mom had & how they made crude remarks to her asked. I'll bet you'll be surprised to hear I said 'No Thanks!'


We're slowly starting to make hs friends locally, so I'd appreciate hearing what you ladies think about sleepovers.
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Replies (11-20):
bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this

 My oldest is only 8 and so they have only slept at my parents' house.  I'm not sure about letting them stay anywhere else. On one hand, I had sleepovers and they were awesome although my best friend when I was 8 was allowed to watch movies that are inappropriate (we watched Alien and Nightmare on Elm Street!) Nothing really bad happened.  And DH's parents are strange/crazy.  His sleepovers are where he learned how functioning families actually work.  His "other mother and father" are still very close to us and our kids call them grandma and grandpa.

On the other hand....Yikes!  The stuff that COULD happen render me nearly catatonic!  I'd have to know the family very, very well!!

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:27 PM

15 is a good age for that.  I agree on that inner voice, plus being older and having an idea of what happens in the world, and he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to.

Your friend sounds very sweet!  That was nice your older children had a safe place to stay when you went to the hospital. 

Quoting usmom3:

 My oldest that is 20 is the only one that has slept away from home the most! And then it was only at 3 different places my brothers house, a neighbor that lived right across the street & then it was more of we where all over hanging out & playing games & he would fall asleep before we where ready to leave & we would just come get him the next morning instead of making him walk home, and his best friends house but that was only since he was 15 & he knew all about the dangers & how to listen to his inner voice!

My 10y/o DD my oldest stayed with my friend the night I had our youngest but that was not planed they just happened to have fallen asleep before my Hubby could pick them up & my friend offered to keep them the rest of the nightso he could get some sleep. Our oldest woke up & asked to go home with him but our DD stayed until Hubby got her early the next morning!

Our youngest has never stayed over night with out me!

At this point in time my younger children have never been invited to a sleep over so I don't know what I would say because it would all depend on who asked!

 


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Some of the stuff that I saw when I was at sleepovers is why I'm leery of letting my own girls go now.  And those people all looked like good solid citizens from the outside anyhow! 

Quoting tuffymama:

Ugh. No. ODS had sleepovers at my house, but never at a friend's house. Frankly, I worked too much to get to know the other parents really well, and what I did know of many of them was extremely off-putting. I also know the shenanigans that went on in the houses of my friends when I was small, and HELL NO my little won't be subjected to that nonsense. Drugs, pornography, and domestic disturbance are things we protect the kids from and bar from our home, and I certainly don't want them exposed to any of it away from me where I cannot control their exposure and explain it to them. For instance, I have a very old friend who thinks nothing of smoking a joint in the kitchen in full view of her kids in the dining room. We don't visit there anymore in the "high time" of the afternoon, and LO certainly won't go alone.


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:40 PM

The main reason I didn't let my older dd sleepover was because I knew the fater well, lol.

I wouldn't have a problem with a single father I trusted though.

That's too fun about your daughter - did she sleep in the school that night that was supposed to be in the 30s?  That would be the way to go on a night like that! 

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Yes, we allow them. My eldest has been staying the night with her best friend (whose father is a single father) since dd was about 7 or 8.

I also allow her to sleepover at school for campus campouts (although she often ends up sleeping in one of the bedrooms at the school when it gets chilly out, lol).

I would allow my boys to stay the night with friends as well - provided I know the parent(s) well.


AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Her and ALL the boys slept in the house. Lol. What's funny is that the upper school kids slept inside... While the younger lower school boys stayed out. Word has it the older kids were getting into too much mischief and the headmaster made them move in :)
Eta: the father of her bf recently had a bit if a breakdown and no more sleepovers there.

Quoting TidewaterClan:The main reason I didn't let my older dd sleepover was because I knew the fater well, lol.I wouldn't have a problem with a single father I trusted though.That's too fun about your daughter - did she sleep in the school that night that was supposed to be in the 30s?  That would be the way to go on a night like that! Quoting AutymsMommy:Yes, we allow them. My eldest has been staying the night with her best friend (whose father is a single father) since dd was about 7 or 8.I also allow her to sleepover at school for campus campouts (although she often ends up sleeping in one of the bedrooms at the school when it gets chilly out, lol).I would allow my boys to stay the night with friends as well - provided I know the parent(s) well.
TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:53 PM

That's absolutely horrible that happened to you, and by someone your parents probably would never ever think would do such that.  I want my girls to have fun, but things like that are why I haven't let them stay with friends yet.  

I'm so sorry that happened too.    

Quoting tansyflower:

i am on the fence.  i was severly sexually abused as achild by my mothers best friends husband.  i was there all the time babysitting their daughter and when the mother had to work.  it makes it hard for me to trust other people with my children knowing that even trusted family friends can be monsters :(


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:56 PM

That does make a huge difference.  My older daughter worries me for that sort of reason.

LOL about MIL and all!  Mine is a little different sometimes, but not in a scary sort of way. :)

Quoting Mandallyn:

My kids are still young, so I can't really give good advice on that, lol.  I don't live around anyone I gre up with, so I would have to speak to the parent's first. I would probably let my oldest go to a friend's house.  I know he'll tell me if anything were to happen to him.  My middle son, even at the same age as my current I would be less inclined since he's more quiet and reclusive.  I wouldn't trust anyone with him, not my MIL or my grandma.  I barely trust my mom with him! LOL  


Jenn8604
by Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:56 PM
1 mom liked this
The friend I stayed with the most only lived with her mom. Everyone else stayed at my house. As I had the cool mom in the neighborhood. I am hoping to be the cool mom and have all the guys over at my place (since I'm not allowing ds to have sleep overs with girls lol). Unless I know the parents well not happening.
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TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 9:59 PM

That's the whole key, having people you know well and trust/have a good feeling about.  If I can find some folks like that I'll feel better about it. 

Quoting Micala35:

ONLY if I know the parents well. I'm paranoid about the dangers, but I don't let it get in the way of the kids having a fun AND safe time.

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:01 PM

Those are good friends to choose from.  If one of our Girl Scouts was having a sleepover I'd be comfortable, because I know the parents (and have for seven years) and would feel pretty safe about it.

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

I do let the kids do sleepovers bit only with people we know pretty well. So far it has only heen at the home of Scout friends.


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