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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

How do you feel about sleepovers that aren't at your house?

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Blue's post about saying no made me think of this.

How do you feel about & handle sleepover requests from other people? I'm comfortable with my girls going to my parents' house or my mother in laws. I haven't let them stay elsewhere though.

Last year my oldest daughter (then 11) was asked to stay at a friend's house. I love the mom but went to high school with her husband. I didn't care for him then or now. I let her go until midnight but then picked her up & said it was so she could see dh since he'd been out of town all week for work.

Last summer a girl from class who always talked about the many boyfriends her mom had & how they made crude remarks to her asked. I'll bet you'll be surprised to hear I said 'No Thanks!'


We're slowly starting to make hs friends locally, so I'd appreciate hearing what you ladies think about sleepovers.
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Replies (21-30):
Yukino
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:05 PM
1 mom liked this

when i was growing up i slept away from home almost every weekend and sometime in the summer i would stay at friends houses for weeks at a time then after that i headed over to other friends house... and when my kids get old enough they will be allowed to do that same... its all about trusting your kids and their judgment

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:06 PM

I'm sorry; I saw that in the No post.  The families who have asked just don't make me feel comfortable and I don't want to risk my children's innocence with them. 

Quoting debramommyof4:

This. I fight it because I know it is a part of childhood. But I can't yet do it

Quoting tansyflower:

i am on the fence.  i was severly sexually abused as achild by my mothers best friends husband.  i was there all the time babysitting their daughter and when the mother had to work.  it makes it hard for me to trust other people with my children knowing that even trusted family friends can be monsters :(


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Cousins are good.  We've had my niece here several times and there was a lot of craziness and very little sleep for those under 13!  That is a good idea about the Christmas shopping!  I may talk to my parents for that reason.  I hadn't even thought that far out but this is our first year with them at home too.

That fellow your husband has known is very similar to my daughter's dad!  That's good not to be alone on that. 

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

We don't do them.  DD has had two friends sleep here, it was obnoxious both times, lol.  Then she also had DHs cousin (who is not even two years older than DD) sleep over once and that went ok.  Then we let DD sleep over there last spring (DD was almost 10) and that seems to have gone well.  DD had fun and made it the whole night (aunt reassured she would call me if DD wanted to come home, after I told her about a friend's mom telling me she wouldn't call me if DD wanted to come home-and DD never slept over that friend's house lol).

I think next weekend when DS goes to his dad's we may let DD sleep over cousin's house again, it's been like 6 months and DD will have fun and DH and I would get a much needed date night (and we could do some Christmas shopping...we have always been able to take a day and do it together but with the kids being home now I don't see how we could do that!)

Anyway, I'm still not ready to let her sleep at friend's houses, but the cousin I can handle.  It's weird, my mom even asked me recently if I ever had anything bad happen when I had sleepovers-I never really did, there were some things that I hope DD never deals with (like peer pressure kind of stuff) but nothing bad ever happened to me and I had a blast sleeping over friend's houses.  I really don't know why I am so uncomfortable with it for DD.

Oh and DS has never had a sleep over.  DH thinks those aren't for boys, lol.  And the one boy that has invited him to sleep over-DH grew up with the dad and refuses to leave DS at their house alone during the day nevermind over night.


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:15 PM

That's a great idea.  I know several friends would love to do that, and it would give them some time away from little siblings who never leave them alone when my older daughter visits their house too.  It sounds like your house is a great one for the other children to come too, btw.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 If I know the families, we allow them.  Typically though, the sleepovers happen here.  That's fine with me. I wanted our home to be the home that the kids and their friends hung out at.  It's helped me to get to know their friends better as well as what's going on with everyone: what the problems are, what they're excited about, etc


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:21 PM

A sleepover is where I watched Friday the 13th.  I'm sure my parents wondered why I didn't want to go to sleep after that!

Your DH's other mom & dad sound terrific.  That's good that he had those people in his life to show him what a family was.

Most definitely on knowing and trusting the family.  Even watching the local news (and sleepover stories) makes me cringe.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 My oldest is only 8 and so they have only slept at my parents' house.  I'm not sure about letting them stay anywhere else. On one hand, I had sleepovers and they were awesome although my best friend when I was 8 was allowed to watch movies that are inappropriate (we watched Alien and Nightmare on Elm Street!) Nothing really bad happened.  And DH's parents are strange/crazy.  His sleepovers are where he learned how functioning families actually work.  His "other mother and father" are still very close to us and our kids call them grandma and grandpa.

On the other hand....Yikes!  The stuff that COULD happen render me nearly catatonic!  I'd have to know the family very, very well!!


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:26 PM

That was a wonderful option for the campout!  I'm sure it was a lot more comfortable for her.  Ha on the older students!  They probably got more than a bit rambunctious I'm sure!

Too sad about the father.  I'm sure that's stressful for him.  Better to have your daughter safe though.

Quoting AutymsMommy:

Her and ALL the boys slept in the house. Lol. What's funny is that the upper school kids slept inside... While the younger lower school boys stayed out. Word has it the older kids were getting into too much mischief and the headmaster made them move in :)
Eta: the father of her bf recently had a bit if a breakdown and no more sleepovers there.

Quoting TidewaterClan:The main reason I didn't let my older dd sleepover was because I knew the fater well, lol.I wouldn't have a problem with a single father I trusted though.That's too fun about your daughter - did she sleep in the school that night that was supposed to be in the 30s?  That would be the way to go on a night like that! Quoting AutymsMommy:Yes, we allow them. My eldest has been staying the night with her best friend (whose father is a single father) since dd was about 7 or 8.I also allow her to sleepover at school for campus campouts (although she often ends up sleeping in one of the bedrooms at the school when it gets chilly out, lol).I would allow my boys to stay the night with friends as well - provided I know the parent(s) well.


usmom3
by BJ on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:28 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes for us maturity plays a big part in what they can & can not do! Age is just a number especially when you have children on the Autism spectrum like I do!

Yes my friend really put herself out for me because she was having a high risk pregnancy of her own & a toddler to deal with. So taking on another toddler & a pre-teen was a lot for her. Thank goodness my son was never afraid of helping & playing with the younger kids!

Quoting TidewaterClan:

15 is a good age for that.  I agree on that inner voice, plus being older and having an idea of what happens in the world, and he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to.

Your friend sounds very sweet!  That was nice your older children had a safe place to stay when you went to the hospital. 

Quoting usmom3:

 My oldest that is 20 is the only one that has slept away from home the most! And then it was only at 3 different places my brothers house, a neighbor that lived right across the street & then it was more of we where all over hanging out & playing games & he would fall asleep before we where ready to leave & we would just come get him the next morning instead of making him walk home, and his best friends house but that was only since he was 15 & he knew all about the dangers & how to listen to his inner voice!

My 10y/o DD my oldest stayed with my friend the night I had our youngest but that was not planed they just happened to have fallen asleep before my Hubby could pick them up & my friend offered to keep them the rest of the nightso he could get some sleep. Our oldest woke up & asked to go home with him but our DD stayed until Hubby got her early the next morning!

Our youngest has never stayed over night with out me!

At this point in time my younger children have never been invited to a sleep over so I don't know what I would say because it would all depend on who asked!

 


 

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I do not blame you.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

I'm sorry; I saw that in the No post.  The families who have asked just don't make me feel comfortable and I don't want to risk my children's innocence with them. 

Quoting debramommyof4:

This. I fight it because I know it is a part of childhood. But I can't yet do it



Quoting tansyflower:

i am on the fence.  i was severly sexually abused as achild by my mothers best friends husband.  i was there all the time babysitting their daughter and when the mother had to work.  it makes it hard for me to trust other people with my children knowing that even trusted family friends can be monsters :(


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:29 PM

How excellent to have the cool mom and be one too!  That's the best way to make sure they have loads of fun, but don't run into trouble.

Quoting Jenn8604:

The friend I stayed with the most only lived with her mom. Everyone else stayed at my house. As I had the cool mom in the neighborhood. I am hoping to be the cool mom and have all the guys over at my place (since I'm not allowing ds to have sleep overs with girls lol). Unless I know the parents well not happening.


coala
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I let them go if I am comfortable with the family.  My oldest can stay just about anywhere and does great.  My youngest can't spend the night anywhere right now because everyone we know has a dog and she is severly allergic.

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