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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

How do you feel about sleepovers that aren't at your house?

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Blue's post about saying no made me think of this.

How do you feel about & handle sleepover requests from other people? I'm comfortable with my girls going to my parents' house or my mother in laws. I haven't let them stay elsewhere though.

Last year my oldest daughter (then 11) was asked to stay at a friend's house. I love the mom but went to high school with her husband. I didn't care for him then or now. I let her go until midnight but then picked her up & said it was so she could see dh since he'd been out of town all week for work.

Last summer a girl from class who always talked about the many boyfriends her mom had & how they made crude remarks to her asked. I'll bet you'll be surprised to hear I said 'No Thanks!'


We're slowly starting to make hs friends locally, so I'd appreciate hearing what you ladies think about sleepovers.
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Replies (31-40):
TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:38 PM

Definite maturity first!  My older daughter has severe OCD.  Her anxiety and other symptoms really set in late this summer (before that we just thought she was a little nervous).  That's another reason I'm glad we didn't allow those sleepovers, and why I'd have to gauge how well she's doing before any others.  It would have to be awhile.

That's good that your son could help her while he was there.  I hope everything went well for her.

Quoting usmom3:

 Yes for us maturity plays a big part in what they can & can not do! Age is just a number especially when you have children on the Autism spectrum like I do!

Yes my friend really put herself out for me because she was having a high risk pregnancy of her own & a toddler to deal with. So taking on another toddler & a pre-teen was a lot for her. Thank goodness my son was never afraid of helping & playing with the younger kids!

Quoting TidewaterClan:

15 is a good age for that.  I agree on that inner voice, plus being older and having an idea of what happens in the world, and he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to.

Your friend sounds very sweet!  That was nice your older children had a safe place to stay when you went to the hospital. 

Quoting usmom3:

 My oldest that is 20 is the only one that has slept away from home the most! And then it was only at 3 different places my brothers house, a neighbor that lived right across the street & then it was more of we where all over hanging out & playing games & he would fall asleep before we where ready to leave & we would just come get him the next morning instead of making him walk home, and his best friends house but that was only since he was 15 & he knew all about the dangers & how to listen to his inner voice!

My 10y/o DD my oldest stayed with my friend the night I had our youngest but that was not planed they just happened to have fallen asleep before my Hubby could pick them up & my friend offered to keep them the rest of the nightso he could get some sleep. Our oldest woke up & asked to go home with him but our DD stayed until Hubby got her early the next morning!

Our youngest has never stayed over night with out me!

At this point in time my younger children have never been invited to a sleep over so I don't know what I would say because it would all depend on who asked!

 


 


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:41 PM

That's a shame.  Does everyone come to your house to visit with her?  ** I don't mean that in a nosey way at all, but I'm guessing she probably can't go too long if at all to their houses just to play either.

Quoting coala:

I let them go if I am comfortable with the family.  My oldest can stay just about anywhere and does great.  My youngest can't spend the night anywhere right now because everyone we know has a dog and she is severly allergic.


kirbymom
by Sonja on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Unless I know them, I don't allow sleep overs. I have to have a good vibe about someone or it just isn't going to happen. That may make me a harda**, but the safety and well being of my children come first and foremost for me. I have already had an issue come up without my Aforeknowledge, and I will never ever be caught unawares ever again. Not as long as I breath or can Help it.
kmath
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:08 PM
1 mom liked this

DS has been doing sleepovers since he was little.  His best friend is my best friend's son so that works out well.  Usually he comes over here though since she has two other kids already.  He has also spent the night at neighbors houses.  Both the kids he hung out with moved away though so he doesn't get to do them as often anymore. 

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Yep, it only takes one time for them to be harmed for life.  I'm not risking that unless I sincerely know & trust the person.  

That's horrible to get blindsided.  I wouldn't want that to happen again either.

Quoting kirbymom:

Unless I know them, I don't allow sleep overs. I have to have a good vibe about someone or it just isn't going to happen. That may make me a harda**, but the safety and well being of my children come first and foremost for me. I have already had an issue come up without my Aforeknowledge, and I will never ever be caught unawares ever again. Not as long as I breath or can Help it.


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:22 PM

That's a perfect situation to have!  I would feel good about something like that.  

Quoting kmath:

DS has been doing sleepovers since he was little.  His best friend is my best friend's son so that works out well.  Usually he comes over here though since she has two other kids already.  He has also spent the night at neighbors houses.  Both the kids he hung out with moved away though so he doesn't get to do them as often anymore. 


kirbymom
by Sonja on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Yeah, being blindsided is not fun to be sure, but, my kids have gotten to have a sleep over or two but that was because they were older, therefore could fight if need be and we have now known the family for about 6 years now. Besides the fact that they also know the consequences if my kids were to be harmed in any way too. They accept those "understandings" if you will. So it seems to work for both sides.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

Yep, it only takes one time for them to be harmed for life.  I'm not risking that unless I sincerely know & trust the person.  

That's horrible to get blindsided.  I wouldn't want that to happen again either.

Quoting kirbymom:Unless I know them, I don't allow sleep overs. I have to have a good vibe about someone or it just isn't going to happen. That may make me a harda**, but the safety and well being of my children come first and foremost for me. I have already had an issue come up without my Aforeknowledge, and I will never ever be caught unawares ever again. Not as long as I breath or can Help it.


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Were you right to the point "if my children are harmed in any while I'll . . . " or did you work it into the conversation somehow? 

Quoting kirbymom:

Yeah, being blindsided is not fun to be sure, but, my kids have gotten to have a sleep over or two but that was because they were older, therefore could fight if need be and we have now known the family for about 6 years now. Besides the fact that they also know the consequences if my kids were to be harmed in any way too. They accept those "understandings" if you will. So it seems to work for both sides.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

Yep, it only takes one time for them to be harmed for life.  I'm not risking that unless I sincerely know & trust the person.  

That's horrible to get blindsided.  I wouldn't want that to happen again either.

Quoting kirbymom:Unless I know them, I don't allow sleep overs. I have to have a good vibe about someone or it just isn't going to happen. That may make me a harda**, but the safety and well being of my children come first and foremost for me. I have already had an issue come up without my Aforeknowledge, and I will never ever be caught unawares ever again. Not as long as I breath or can Help it.



earthlymama
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm cautious about who my children are with and where they are.  It's rare that they sleep over, but I must know the family and be comfortable about their environment before my children can even go to their home. I like to talk to my DS about touching and other inappropriate/appropriate behavior, I let them know they're safe with me and to feel free to speak with me about ANY and EVERYTHING, and to call/text me when they're away.  I will call the parent to check on things and speak with my child(ren) at least once prior to bedtime. 

ablackdolphin
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this
Wont happen. Long story but I was 13 and stayed at a friends house all the time later realized her step brother or father or both was abusing her later remembered one of them opening the door to her room middle if the night when i wad there thank god nothing happened but who ever it was was drunk too! I am lucky!
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