Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

How do you feel about sleepovers that aren't at your house?

Posted by   + Show Post
Blue's post about saying no made me think of this.

How do you feel about & handle sleepover requests from other people? I'm comfortable with my girls going to my parents' house or my mother in laws. I haven't let them stay elsewhere though.

Last year my oldest daughter (then 11) was asked to stay at a friend's house. I love the mom but went to high school with her husband. I didn't care for him then or now. I let her go until midnight but then picked her up & said it was so she could see dh since he'd been out of town all week for work.

Last summer a girl from class who always talked about the many boyfriends her mom had & how they made crude remarks to her asked. I'll bet you'll be surprised to hear I said 'No Thanks!'


We're slowly starting to make hs friends locally, so I'd appreciate hearing what you ladies think about sleepovers.
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Replies (41-50):
Leissaintexas
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:42 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm perfectly fine with it. All my kid's sleepovers have been with homeschool friends or church friends.they dont have any friends that I'm not friends with the parents.
bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

 It was very good for DH to have such wonderful people in his life.  We just had an interesting conversation this morning.  I said he was abused as a child and he said "psychologically abused, yes, but not physically."  I said about how his brother talked about getting hit over the head with a frying pan.  His response was, (and yes I quote) "Well, it was only the TIN fry pan."  WTH???  It's not abuse because it was just a LIGHT fry pan?  He needed his other family even more than I realized!

Anywhoo.... It makes me worry more about what other families think is abuse to hear my own hubby say what wasn't considered abuse in his family.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

A sleepover is where I watched Friday the 13th.  I'm sure my parents wondered why I didn't want to go to sleep after that!

Your DH's other mom & dad sound terrific.  That's good that he had those people in his life to show him what a family was.

Most definitely on knowing and trusting the family.  Even watching the local news (and sleepover stories) makes me cringe.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 My oldest is only 8 and so they have only slept at my parents' house.  I'm not sure about letting them stay anywhere else. On one hand, I had sleepovers and they were awesome although my best friend when I was 8 was allowed to watch movies that are inappropriate (we watched Alien and Nightmare on Elm Street!) Nothing really bad happened.  And DH's parents are strange/crazy.  His sleepovers are where he learned how functioning families actually work.  His "other mother and father" are still very close to us and our kids call them grandma and grandpa.

On the other hand....Yikes!  The stuff that COULD happen render me nearly catatonic!  I'd have to know the family very, very well!!


 

mem82
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this
I allow them starting at ten. I work incredibly hard at not letting some bad childhood experiences I had stifle my kids. My automatic response to my kids going anywhere is NO! But then I have to step back from the knee jerk reaction and do a risk assessment. Lol
bether89
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:52 AM
1 mom liked this

 My 10 year went on his first sleepover last year and will be going this weekend for his second sleepover at the same friends house.  We know the family really well or he would not going.  Both boys stay with grandparents and my sister.

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this

We have open communication here too.  That's so important so they don't feel like they'll be in trouble for something another family/friend is alright with.  That's how I learned about the classmate's home life last year.  

Great idea on calling them, and your children having their own way (not going through the other parents) to contact you if they need to or just to contact you.

Quoting earthlymama:

I'm cautious about who my children are with and where they are.  It's rare that they sleep over, but I must know the family and be comfortable about their environment before my children can even go to their home. I like to talk to my DS about touching and other inappropriate/appropriate behavior, I let them know they're safe with me and to feel free to speak with me about ANY and EVERYTHING, and to call/text me when they're away.  I will call the parent to check on things and speak with my child(ren) at least once prior to bedtime. 


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:09 PM

Very lucky!  Holy cow.  Those wolves in sheep's clothing types are the ones who really worry me.  I've known two teachers who seemed like the nicest men in the entire world, but they ended up on the news.  

Man, I hope at some point he (or they) paid for hurting your friend.

Quoting ablackdolphin:

Wont happen. Long story but I was 13 and stayed at a friends house all the time later realized her step brother or father or both was abusing her later remembered one of them opening the door to her room middle if the night when i wad there thank god nothing happened but who ever it was was drunk too! I am lucky!


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:11 PM

Those sound like good people for your children to be around.  It has to make you feel better knowing the parents as your own friends too.

Quoting Leissaintexas:

I'm perfectly fine with it. All my kid's sleepovers have been with homeschool friends or church friends.they dont have any friends that I'm not friends with the parents.


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:21 PM

Ack!  That's not good when it happens so regularly it's 'normal!'  Dang - I'm glad they didn't have an iron skillet lying around.  :|

Definitely an interesting point.  I'll bet there are people out there who probably don't have an idea that they've been abused, and might be passing it on down the family chain.  It's good to have a caring family to stop the ripple effect.

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 It was very good for DH to have such wonderful people in his life.  We just had an interesting conversation this morning.  I said he was abused as a child and he said "psychologically abused, yes, but not physically."  I said about how his brother talked about getting hit over the head with a frying pan.  His response was, (and yes I quote) "Well, it was only the TIN fry pan."  WTH???  It's not abuse because it was just a LIGHT fry pan?  He needed his other family even more than I realized!

Anywhoo.... It makes me worry more about what other families think is abuse to hear my own hubby say what wasn't considered abuse in his family.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

A sleepover is where I watched Friday the 13th.  I'm sure my parents wondered why I didn't want to go to sleep after that!

Your DH's other mom & dad sound terrific.  That's good that he had those people in his life to show him what a family was.

Most definitely on knowing and trusting the family.  Even watching the local news (and sleepover stories) makes me cringe.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 My oldest is only 8 and so they have only slept at my parents' house.  I'm not sure about letting them stay anywhere else. On one hand, I had sleepovers and they were awesome although my best friend when I was 8 was allowed to watch movies that are inappropriate (we watched Alien and Nightmare on Elm Street!) Nothing really bad happened.  And DH's parents are strange/crazy.  His sleepovers are where he learned how functioning families actually work.  His "other mother and father" are still very close to us and our kids call them grandma and grandpa.

On the other hand....Yikes!  The stuff that COULD happen render me nearly catatonic!  I'd have to know the family very, very well!!


 


MidwestMama55
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this

For the most part, we don't do sleepovers. Nothing good happens. Certainly sleep doesn't happen. Have done a few with extended family, one specific friend, but otherwise no. Certainly once the teens years hit, NO sleepovers.

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes, and there may be people who do not realize it is abuse and might just feel free to "discipline" another child under their roof the same way.  Yikes!

Quoting TidewaterClan:

Ack!  That's not good when it happens so regularly it's 'normal!'  Dang - I'm glad they didn't have an iron skillet lying around.  :|

Definitely an interesting point.  I'll bet there are people out there who probably don't have an idea that they've been abused, and might be passing it on down the family chain.  It's good to have a caring family to stop the ripple effect.

 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 It was very good for DH to have such wonderful people in his life.  We just had an interesting conversation this morning.  I said he was abused as a child and he said "psychologically abused, yes, but not physically."  I said about how his brother talked about getting hit over the head with a frying pan.  His response was, (and yes I quote) "Well, it was only the TIN fry pan."  WTH???  It's not abuse because it was just a LIGHT fry pan?  He needed his other family even more than I realized!

Anywhoo.... It makes me worry more about what other families think is abuse to hear my own hubby say what wasn't considered abuse in his family.

Quoting TidewaterClan:

A sleepover is where I watched Friday the 13th.  I'm sure my parents wondered why I didn't want to go to sleep after that!

Your DH's other mom & dad sound terrific.  That's good that he had those people in his life to show him what a family was.

Most definitely on knowing and trusting the family.  Even watching the local news (and sleepover stories) makes me cringe.

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 My oldest is only 8 and so they have only slept at my parents' house.  I'm not sure about letting them stay anywhere else. On one hand, I had sleepovers and they were awesome although my best friend when I was 8 was allowed to watch movies that are inappropriate (we watched Alien and Nightmare on Elm Street!) Nothing really bad happened.  And DH's parents are strange/crazy.  His sleepovers are where he learned how functioning families actually work.  His "other mother and father" are still very close to us and our kids call them grandma and grandpa.

On the other hand....Yikes!  The stuff that COULD happen render me nearly catatonic!  I'd have to know the family very, very well!!


 


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)