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How do you feel about sleepovers that aren't at your house?

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Blue's post about saying no made me think of this.

How do you feel about & handle sleepover requests from other people? I'm comfortable with my girls going to my parents' house or my mother in laws. I haven't let them stay elsewhere though.

Last year my oldest daughter (then 11) was asked to stay at a friend's house. I love the mom but went to high school with her husband. I didn't care for him then or now. I let her go until midnight but then picked her up & said it was so she could see dh since he'd been out of town all week for work.

Last summer a girl from class who always talked about the many boyfriends her mom had & how they made crude remarks to her asked. I'll bet you'll be surprised to hear I said 'No Thanks!'


We're slowly starting to make hs friends locally, so I'd appreciate hearing what you ladies think about sleepovers.
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Replies (51-60):
TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:26 PM

Yep!  I have to do that too.  I never used one of those child leashes when they were little, but I sure would like to tie one on them now, lol.  I'm pretty sure they wouldn't go for that.  :)

Quoting mem82:

I allow them starting at ten. I work incredibly hard at not letting some bad childhood experiences I had stifle my kids. My automatic response to my kids going anywhere is NO! But then I have to step back from the knee jerk reaction and do a risk assessment. Lol


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:29 PM

I'll bet he has a wonderful time with his friend.  That's nice that you know the family and feel good about them.  I hope he has a great weekend!  :)

Quoting bether89:

 My 10 year went on his first sleepover last year and will be going this weekend for his second sleepover at the same friends house.  We know the family really well or he would not going.  Both boys stay with grandparents and my sister.


Knightquester
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:30 PM
2 moms liked this

If I know and trust the parents, have been to their home, then yes I have let my children sleep over at their child's house.

There are a few families I have said no because I have either not been to their home, met everybody in it or because I don't feel comfortable with them for a certain reason.  When that comes up I just tell them no, and I have taught my children that if they want a reason why then I will give them one privately but to not question me in front of others because I always have a reason why.  They don't have to understand or like my reasoning, sometimes it can be a gut feeling.  I'm the parent and it's not only my right but also my responsibility to make such difficult decisions regardless if my reasoning isn't entirely agreeable or even understandable by everybody.

Typically, I strive to get to know my kid's friends and their family.  Usually early on in getting to know them and their family I will know whether or not they are safe people to be alone with my children.  I try to teach my children to make wise decisions, after a certain point though I have to cut some ties and hope I did a good job.

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this

That's the other thing.  I went to quite a few slumber parties, and was always the last man standing (awake) just for fear of being picked on if I fell asleep.  That's not the kind of lesson I want my girls to learn.  Family is always different though.  When our niece stays here there's some silliness, but they're asleep by midnight, and able to function the next day.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

For the most part, we don't do sleepovers. Nothing good happens. Certainly sleep doesn't happen. Have done a few with extended family, one specific friend, but otherwise no. Certainly once the teens years hit, NO sleepovers.


TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Jeez!  I hadn't even thought of that, but it's absolutely true.  Definitely confirms absolutely, positively knowing everything about the family or they come here to play, etc.  

Quoting bluerooffarm:

 Yes, and there may be people who do not realize it is abuse and might just feel free to "discipline" another child under their roof the same way.  Yikes!

TidewaterClan
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:46 PM

This is an excellent idea, and something I'll talk to my girls about.  My older daughter is making friends with a girl whose mother I've known for years and like.  I've never met the father and conversations (at hs activities) with the lady would leave me saying no thanks at this point.  I wouldn't want dd to ask over and over why in front of her.

I definitely hope I'm steering them the right way on personal safety (and everything else) as they mature.  :)   

Quoting Knightquester:

If I know and trust the parents, have been to their home, then yes I have let my children sleep over at their child's house.

There are a few families I have said no because I have either not been to their home, met everybody in it or because I don't feel comfortable with them for a certain reason.  When that comes up I just tell them no, and I have taught my children that if they want a reason why then I will give them one privately but to not question me in front of others because I always have a reason why.  They don't have to understand or like my reasoning, sometimes it can be a gut feeling.  I'm the parent and it's not only my right but also my responsibility to make such difficult decisions regardless if my reasoning isn't entirely agreeable or even understandable by everybody.

Typically, I strive to get to know my kid's friends and their family.  Usually early on in getting to know them and their family I will know whether or not they are safe people to be alone with my children.  I try to teach my children to make wise decisions, after a certain point though I have to cut some ties and hope I did a good job.


paganbaby
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:50 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm with you here.

Quoting Micala35:

ONLY if I know the parents well. I'm paranoid about the dangers, but I don't let it get in the way of the kids having a fun AND safe time.


Quoting TidewaterClan:

Blue's post about saying no made me think of this.



How do you feel about & handle sleepover requests from other people? I'm comfortable with my girls going to my parents' house or my mother in laws. I haven't let them stay elsewhere though.



Last year my oldest daughter (then 11) was asked to stay at a friend's house. I love the mom but went to high school with her husband. I didn't care for him then or now. I let her go until midnight but then picked her up & said it was so she could see dh since he'd been out of town all week for work.



Last summer a girl from class who always talked about the many boyfriends her mom had & how they made crude remarks to her asked. I'll bet you'll be surprised to hear I said 'No Thanks!'





We're slowly starting to make hs friends locally, so I'd appreciate hearing what you ladies think about sleepovers.


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paganbaby
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 3:35 PM

My younger two haven't had a sleepover yet, aside from family. With my oldest dd (14) I have to really know the parents and trust them. With that said, she's ony had a couple sleepovers,lol.

hipmomto3
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 3:40 PM
1 mom liked this

We do not do sleepovers, period. It's a decision we made when our children were very small (oldest was 3, I think). 

Both DH and I did sleepovers/slumber parties growing up, and we agreed that almost no good comes from it. At BEST, the kids don't sleep well, and are cranky all the next day. At WORST... well we all know how bad it can get. Sexual exploration, drugs, alcohol, sneaking out, engaging in illegal (or at least, inappropriate) behaviors... the list is frightening. It's not worth the risk. There's nothing good that can come from it. 

hipmomto3
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

HOWEVER, when my oldest (10) has been invited to sleep-overs, we have let her go and stay until the girls are going to sleep (usually 9:30 or 10:00) then we pick her up. And she has hosted "play late" parties - girls come over for dinner, they play games, do their nails, watch a movie, then get picked up by parents to go home and go to their own beds. It's so much nicer than having to deal with girls who won't go to sleep or cranky kids in the morning!

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