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Homeschooling Moms Homeschooling Moms

How do you deal with friends whose kids go to school?

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 10:04 PM
  • 17 Replies

OK, so I'm not really homeschooling yet. I have three kids and the oldest is still only 3 years old. But I consider myself a homeschool mom as I am already doing my research!

Anyway, when talking with friends about our kids it's so hard to know what to say sometimes. Like when they talk about how excited they are for their kid starting kindergarten next year, or how they are loving preschool this year. Or when they talk about problems like they don't know whether to hold their kid back in preschool another year or not or something. 

I ususally just don't say anything. I don't want to sound like a homeschool snob, who thinks EVERYONE should homeschool. But I do think homeschool is the better way, haha. I already feel a big divide between working moms and SAHM's. Now I am starting to feel a divide among the SAHM's between the homeschool moms and the moms who send kids to school. And I don't want to feel a divide between my friends.

Do you guys deal with this stuff too? How do you relate to your friends with kids in school?

by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 10:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 10:16 PM
I am understanding and let them talk, then I think about what I would do if my kids were in that position and homeschooling was not an option.

That said I have a friend I am slowly losing. She thinks I think I am a better mom because I homeschool. I have never said that, nor do I feel that way. I think she is judging herself against me and finding herself lacking. It hurts but I can not do much I can do about it.
usmom3
by BJ on Dec. 2, 2013 at 10:28 PM
3 moms liked this

 I guess I am that "homeschool snob" because when I am talking to anyone that is complaining about the way things are in the schools & acting as though they wish it would change my answer is "Why don't you pull them & homeschool them if you are so unhappy?" Not that I think everyone should homeschool but I think if you are not satisfied with the way things are you do something about it rather then sit & complain but never try to improve the situation.

 

kmath
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 11:02 PM

All of my friends are PS parents.  I have never had a problem having a conversation with them about school.  They ask how D is doing and I tell them, I ask how their kid is doing and they tell me.  If they are bitching about something I give them advice if I can, if I can't I just sympathize.  It isn't an issue with any of my friends. 

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 2:59 AM

Sometimes it can be hard.  I try to be sympathetic and listen.  I really don't share much about what we do unless they ask very specifically.  The ones who truly care do ask and often.  The others sometimes feel as though I may be judging them just like with anything else.  I've had the over-explainers in a lot of areas of my life...cloth diapering, breastfeeding, Staying at home, canning, etc.  Somehow they think simply because you do something different that you judge them for not.  When that happens there is really not much you can do.

PurpleCupcake
by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 7:22 AM
1 mom liked this

It ok to talk about what you are doing...You just have to walk that line of not ticking people off.

If you say, "I homeschool because if the bad public school system"...it rubs non homeschoolers the wrong way...as if you are judging thier choice.

Instead say, "I'm gonna homeschool because my son needs more one in one help."


And if they're exited about public school, be excited for them. They are your friends. Share their milestones. 

AutymsMommy
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 8:38 AM
3 moms liked this

I recognize that children are unique personalities with different needs; I recognize that not all children do well at home, just as not all children do well in brick and mortar school. Recognizing such things, I do NOT think homeschool is... how did you put it... is always "the better way". It isn't for everyone. My eldest is THRIVING in a brick and mortar private school this year. Abso-stinkin-lutely thriving.

I am happy for the things that make my friends happy. If they are happy with their children's progress in pre-k, so am I; if they are happy with their children's school, so am I. That's part of friendship - being happy for the successes your friends have, regardless of whether or not YOU would consider that a success.

If someone is having a difficult time with their children's school, I would no more immediately recommend homeschool than I would immediately, off the bat, recommend public school for a child struggling in homeschool - I would first help them troubleshoot what they could do to make it better, then, if all else fails, I recommend alternative educational possibilities (private or homeschool).

I am a Home Schooling, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Stay at Home Mom. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities and nosy, involved parents. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it anywhere near my children. Now for the controversial stuff:  we're Catholic, we're conservative, and we own guns (now there's no need to ask, lol).             Aimee















Chasing3
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 9:20 AM

well, I have to tell myself it's better for some people. In a perfect world, if every child had one parent who could dedicated full-time to their teaching, was good at it and enjoyed it, and had the patience, then YES, it is the better way! But that's sort of an unrealistic view of how the world will ever be.

Among friends, I've come across no ignorant comments or insults to my current HS situation. Perhaps having 2 still in public eases it for some? But also, more people than I ever imagined have showed a lot of support and interest.

Around people I don't know well, I mostly I keep my mouth shut and if the topic comes up I lean heavily on the philosophy that I'm doing what is best for one individual child, not trying to start a whole movement if it comes up. Plus, I live in a rather fancy neighborhood with some of the highest test scores in the state and therefore what is considered "great" schools. The parents here are totally bought into the expensive homes, nice cars, high-pressure jobs, fancy vacations, AND the idea that the schools are great and wil get their kids into prestegious colleges. So, it's a shock to their firmly held belief that they are doing the very best by sending their kids to these schools and that their property values - and entire value system for that matter - is tied to this belief! I've come to realize it's quite an insult to their way of thinking to suggest someone can do a better job at home.

I have 2 in public, so I can't really be a HS snob. But it gets to me almost daily that I know I could do better at home for them all. But alas, one would really not like it and would probalby fight me all the way. She was home sick yesterday (not that sick) and we tried to incorporate her into our day (me and ds who homeschools) and she managed to make it miserable for us! The other one would probalby like HSing if I forced him.

THe only thing that keeps me going somedays is the belief that kids don't really learn what they need to know in life at school, they learn it through the experiences and opportunities we give them at home. So, I figure they'll probably all turn out jsut fine in the long run. 

TidewaterClan
by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:17 AM

The friends I'd made while my girls were in ps have been wonderful.  Some would never consider hs for themselves, but they've all been kind about our decision.  I have three close friends who ask what we do, about Ohio's laws, etc., so they may eventually join the ranks.  :) 

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Dec. 3, 2013 at 11:15 AM

 You can be supportive.  As they're sharing their struggles, try to put yourself in their shoes.  As they're excited about different aspects, you can be excited for them as well.  In return, you can share some of your concerns and what you're excited about as well.  Personally, I dont believe homeschooling is best for every family or even every child, but that's my opinion.  Thinking about my close friends - none of whom homeschool - I know that they are doing what they feel is best for their children, just as I am and I can respect that.  If you dont make it an issue, your friends - who are true friends - wont either.

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 7:01 PM

I'm the same way.

Quoting usmom3:

 I guess I am that "homeschool snob" because when I am talking to anyone that is complaining about the way things are in the schools & acting as though they wish it would change my answer is "Why don't you pull them & homeschool them if you are so unhappy?" Not that I think everyone should homeschool but I think if you are not satisfied with the way things are you do something about it rather then sit & complain but never try to improve the situation.

 


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