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What to do when homeschooling just isn't an option? I'm in tears... Update 12/19

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She's doing great! I've also added a special school snack that only she is allowed to eat. Another thing I did is bump her bedtime back to 6:30, lights out at 7pm. That sounds so early I know but the extra sleep is helping the most I think. So far so good *Fingers crossed*

At my dh's urging, I've decided to give it a solid month. He says if we don't see any progress or she gets worse, I can take her home. So here's the new plan.

I bought her an alarm clock and set it for 6:00 am. When she wakes up, she has to get herself dressed, hair brushed, shoes on and backpack ready, then... we watch a show together until 7:00am when we leave for school. After the girl I babysit goes home, we can play any game or puzzle she wants. All of this is in addition to her star chart where she can earn ice cream and Chuck e Cheese. Our morning went much more smoothly! But walking to school was a little rocky :-/ Still, I have high hopes and I know Christmas vacation will help. But either way, it's nice to have dh's support.

I just don't know what's going on with 7yo dd. While it's true that she does very well in school; great grades, likes her teachers, has lots of friends. Getting her to school is becoming harder and harder.

It started in kindergarten. The beginning of the year was fine. But then she started having anxiety about school. She wouldn't get dressed or brush her hair. She'd fight me nearly every morning and we'd be late constantly. But once she was at school, she was the perfect student. Things started leveling out towards the end of the year and I thought that was that.

Now it's starting again. She crying, I don't want to go to school. Won't get dressed or get her shoes on. At school she's fine but now at home she's angry and emotional all the time. Anything will set her off. I've tried reward charts. For every 10 days she's in school I'll take her to get an ice cream cone. For every 20 days she can go to Chucke cheese. She erased all of her stars today.

I'm at my wits end. I don't want to force it but I just can't HS her right now either. Not that she wants too. She said she doesn't want to go to any school. Just stay home. I'm having a meeting with her teacher and the principal tomorrow. I don't know what to do :-( Forcing my baby to school is breaking my heart.

by on Dec. 4, 2013 at 11:34 AM
Replies (11-20):
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:40 PM

I'm still trying to find my HS feet with her brother and sister. Adding her would put a lot more stress on me and dh is very against it. Her brother (8yo) takes a lot of my time right now and he feels I wouldn't be able to give everyone the attention they need.

No, she's never been bullied, in fact she's one of the more popular kids in her class. Something I was very proud of seeing how I have always been a wall flower,lol.

Quoting debramommyof4: I know there has to be a reason but why can you not homeschool her right now?

And is she or has she been bullied as that may cause the reluctance?


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:44 PM

Awwe!  Hugs Momma. My son had problems in first grade because of the tests.  Don't cry. There may be ways to alleviate the testing problems she is facing without homeschooling her right now.  Get the rest of your ducks in a row before you start worrying about all of this.  Remember that much of their stuff at this time of year is just prepping for the break.  Get her to the break and see how she fares later.

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:44 PM

Thank you for this. I feel like such a bad mom because I didn't immediately pull her out :-( I worry that homeschooling wouldn't be a cure all anyway. What if I pulled her out and it didn't get better? Anxiety and mood disorders runs high on both sides of my family. I myself take meds. I don't want her on medication this young but I will keep it as a last resort.

Quoting MelanieJK:

I wouldnt' think homeschooling would be the correct response even if it was an option.    If it's anxiety she needs to learn to deal with it.    Have you ask her doctor about it?      I know they diagnose everything as some sort of mental disorder now and prescribe drugs but there are some pretty mild drugs for anxiety disorders.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:46 PM

I never thought about that... I just wish she would talk to me!

Quoting mem82: Maybe she has watched her sister struggle and is worried that's what she has to look forward to as she gets older?


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:50 PM

How did your mom know the school was the problem? I'm not sure what schools are around here but I can look into it. Her birthday was just before the cut off and for that reason I held her back from kinder so she started later. I learned my lesson with dd, a September baby. I think a psychologist is in order. Before I do anything I need to find the problem. In the mean time, I can't wait for break. These mornings are killing me :*-(

Quoting Molimomma:

My sister was like this in first grade. She used to come home, throw up and then lay on the couch. My mom took her to a child psychologist who helped but honestly what really helped was pulling out of the Catholic school she was in and finding a better fit for her(a different Catholic school across town). She also repeated first grade and was great after that, reading above grade level, eventually took AP classes and graduated National Merit Scholar. Is her birthday near the cut off date? Maybe it is an emotional maturity thing and she's just not comfortable where she is? Might consider finding a different school for her if this 1 isn't a good fit. Definitely need to figure out the source of the anxiety or it really will just get worse. Maybe see if there is a good child psychologist in your area that can help.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:53 PM

If I knew for a fact that would make it better, I'd do it in heart beat. But I worry it'll jut add stress to everyone and her problems will just get worse.

Quoting TJandKarasMom: This was my thought too.

Why can't you bring her home? She can take a break from school, then kind of unschool her along with your oldest. She will learn a ton just from hearing what the oldest in learning. Throw in some activity books and puzzles and then you can make it more structured as you go if you feel the need to.

Quoting mem82: Maybe she has watched her sister struggle and is worried that's what she has to look forward to as she gets older?


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:58 PM

Thanks :-) What did you guys do about the testing? And yes, I'm so stressed about getting her brother and sister settled. I think I found a good math but I'm waiting for it to come in the mail and debating about trying Time 4 Learning with dd (14) I really need this break to come so we can get this figured out!

Quoting bluerooffarm:

Awwe!  Hugs Momma. My son had problems in first grade because of the tests.  Don't cry. There may be ways to alleviate the testing problems she is facing without homeschooling her right now.  Get the rest of your ducks in a row before you start worrying about all of this.  Remember that much of their stuff at this time of year is just prepping for the break.  Get her to the break and see how she fares later.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:02 PM

You're welcome!

We had a mantra every morning and before every test we would say "Test scores don't matter" and "This is no big deal."  The school had him so worked up (the whole, if you fail this test you'll end up "cleaning toilets" or "flipping burgers" thing.) he would throw up every single Thursday.  Grr!

You'll get things settled.  Patience.  It's hard to see them going through these things, but it will work out.

Quoting paganbaby:

Thanks :-) What did you guys do about the testing? And yes, I'm so stressed about getting her brother and sister settled. I think I found a good math but I'm waiting for it to come in the mail and debating about trying Time 4 Learning with dd (14) I really need this break to come so we can get this figured out!

Quoting bluerooffarm:

Awwe!  Hugs Momma. My son had problems in first grade because of the tests.  Don't cry. There may be ways to alleviate the testing problems she is facing without homeschooling her right now.  Get the rest of your ducks in a row before you start worrying about all of this.  Remember that much of their stuff at this time of year is just prepping for the break.  Get her to the break and see how she fares later.



Precious333
by Julia on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:04 PM
I would do.counciling. Maybe a counsilor will help get to the bottom of tha anxiety and find a solution.
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:11 PM
1 mom liked this

If it is the test, I'm taking that mantra,lol.  The school were idiots to tell him that. That would stress me out! Oh the principal wasn't doing dd any favors by telling her if she doesn't go to school, I could go to jail. She does not need that kind of pressure!

I really hope it does. School was just such a horror for me, I don't want to see her struggle with it either..

Quoting bluerooffarm:

You're welcome!

We had a mantra every morning and before every test we would say "Test scores don't matter" and "This is no big deal."  The school had him so worked up (the whole, if you fail this test you'll end up "cleaning toilets" or "flipping burgers" thing.) he would throw up every single Thursday.  Grr!

You'll get things settled.  Patience.  It's hard to see them going through these things, but it will work out.

Quoting paganbaby:

Thanks :-) What did you guys do about the testing? And yes, I'm so stressed about getting her brother and sister settled. I think I found a good math but I'm waiting for it to come in the mail and debating about trying Time 4 Learning with dd (14) I really need this break to come so we can get this figured out!

Quoting bluerooffarm:

Awwe!  Hugs Momma. My son had problems in first grade because of the tests.  Don't cry. There may be ways to alleviate the testing problems she is facing without homeschooling her right now.  Get the rest of your ducks in a row before you start worrying about all of this.  Remember that much of their stuff at this time of year is just prepping for the break.  Get her to the break and see how she fares later.




Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

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