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What to do when homeschooling just isn't an option? I'm in tears... Update 12/19

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She's doing great! I've also added a special school snack that only she is allowed to eat. Another thing I did is bump her bedtime back to 6:30, lights out at 7pm. That sounds so early I know but the extra sleep is helping the most I think. So far so good *Fingers crossed*

At my dh's urging, I've decided to give it a solid month. He says if we don't see any progress or she gets worse, I can take her home. So here's the new plan.

I bought her an alarm clock and set it for 6:00 am. When she wakes up, she has to get herself dressed, hair brushed, shoes on and backpack ready, then... we watch a show together until 7:00am when we leave for school. After the girl I babysit goes home, we can play any game or puzzle she wants. All of this is in addition to her star chart where she can earn ice cream and Chuck e Cheese. Our morning went much more smoothly! But walking to school was a little rocky :-/ Still, I have high hopes and I know Christmas vacation will help. But either way, it's nice to have dh's support.

I just don't know what's going on with 7yo dd. While it's true that she does very well in school; great grades, likes her teachers, has lots of friends. Getting her to school is becoming harder and harder.

It started in kindergarten. The beginning of the year was fine. But then she started having anxiety about school. She wouldn't get dressed or brush her hair. She'd fight me nearly every morning and we'd be late constantly. But once she was at school, she was the perfect student. Things started leveling out towards the end of the year and I thought that was that.

Now it's starting again. She crying, I don't want to go to school. Won't get dressed or get her shoes on. At school she's fine but now at home she's angry and emotional all the time. Anything will set her off. I've tried reward charts. For every 10 days she's in school I'll take her to get an ice cream cone. For every 20 days she can go to Chucke cheese. She erased all of her stars today.

I'm at my wits end. I don't want to force it but I just can't HS her right now either. Not that she wants too. She said she doesn't want to go to any school. Just stay home. I'm having a meeting with her teacher and the principal tomorrow. I don't know what to do :-( Forcing my baby to school is breaking my heart.

by on Dec. 4, 2013 at 11:34 AM
Replies (31-40):
chotovec82
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:43 PM
I had issues like that with my oldest son in Kinder. In the beginning of his Kinder year; he was fine with going to school and seemed to actually enjoy it. By the mid to end of the year; it was crying fits of, "I don't want to go to school." I had to physically dress him every morning and fight with him to get him to school. It was an absolute nightmare. I never figured out why he behaved that way. He said that he wasn't be bullied and his teacher said that he was very popular and smart. Anyway I started homeschooling him over the summer and through first grade, he's in second now, and I've not had tbose type of issues since. Infact, his attitude, mood and overall behavior has changed for the better. You might consider homeschooling a little more with her. That may be what she needs.
Zui77
by on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:57 PM
How were her moods and anxiety over thanksgiving break? Did it resume once she started back up after the break from school?

I hope you find the answers you are looking for!
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 2:39 PM

I haven't been spending as much time with her as before. That's something I can take care of.

Quoting grouchymama:

 Is she the only child going to school? Maybe she feels like she is being sent away while everyone else is at home with you. I know I would have been upset and moody at home if my sister got to stay with mom all day and I had to go off to school. Maybe you could carve out some special time to spend with her.

Quoting paganbaby:

I'm still trying to find my HS feet with her brother and sister. Adding her would put a lot more stress on me and dh is very against it. Her brother (8yo) takes a lot of my time right now and he feels I wouldn't be able to give everyone the attention they need.

No, she's never been bullied, in fact she's one of the more popular kids in her class. Something I was very proud of seeing how I have always been a wall flower,lol.

Quoting debramommyof4: I know there has to be a reason but why can you not homeschool her right now?

And is she or has she been bullied as that may cause the reluctance?




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paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 2:43 PM

That is her to a T!

I'm considering it but first I'd like her to see a psychologist to make sure there's no other problems. If that is the issue, I'll pull her out right away.

Quoting chotovec82: I had issues like that with my oldest son in Kinder. In the beginning of his Kinder year; he was fine with going to school and seemed to actually enjoy it. By the mid to end of the year; it was crying fits of, "I don't want to go to school." I had to physically dress him every morning and fight with him to get him to school. It was an absolute nightmare. I never figured out why he behaved that way. He said that he wasn't be bullied and his teacher said that he was very popular and smart. Anyway I started homeschooling him over the summer and through first grade, he's in second now, and I've not had tbose type of issues since. Infact, his attitude, mood and overall behavior has changed for the better. You might consider homeschooling a little more with her. That may be what she needs.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 2:44 PM

She was still a little moody but not nearly as bad. It's definetly gotten worse since she went back.

I hope I find the answers too.

Quoting Zui77: How were her moods and anxiety over thanksgiving break? Did it resume once she started back up after the break from school?

I hope you find the answers you are looking for!


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Molimomma
by Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 2:55 PM

Honestly I think it was gut instinct. She was miserable after school. Physically I'll but also seemed depressed and moody. I was terrified of that school, it was dark and creepy, I didn't even like picking her up from there! I think the psychologist suggested "school shopping" for another place based on his conversations with her because she was bright, articulate, etc but so unhappy and not doing well in school and it was clearly NOT do to intelligence or capability.

How did your mom know the school was the problem? I'm not sure what schools are around here but I can look into it. Her birthday was just before the cut off and for that reason I held her back from kinder so she started later. I learned my lesson with dd, a September baby. I think a psychologist is in order. Before I do anything I need to find the problem. In the mean time, I can't wait for break. These mornings are killing me :*-(

Quoting Molimomma:

My sister was like this in first grade. She used to come home, throw up and then lay on the couch. My mom took her to a child psychologist who helped but honestly what really helped was pulling out of the Catholic school she was in and finding a better fit for her(a different Catholic school across town). She also repeated first grade and was great after that, reading above grade level, eventually took AP classes and graduated National Merit Scholar. Is her birthday near the cut off date? Maybe it is an emotional maturity thing and she's just not comfortable where she is? Might consider finding a different school for her if this 1 isn't a good fit. Definitely need to figure out the source of the anxiety or it really will just get worse. Maybe see if there is a good child psychologist in your area that can help.



tairakittie
by Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 3:02 PM
I had horrible anxiety in elementary school that carried over into middle, a little bit in highschool, but I mainly kept to myself. At your DDs age, I never wanted to go to.school, I would fake being sick, I was always in the.nurses office trying to convince my mom to come get me, but she couldnt, she worked I think 2 jobs at that point, so I was also in daycare when I wasnt in school... I dont know what it was, maybe I just wanted to be at home with my mom, maybe I didnt like being picked on and left out by the other kids for whatever reason... I cant remember why, but I just didnt want to go, and I LOVED learning, still do.

Im having an almost opposite problem at the moment, my 5, almost 6, year old DD has had a pretty nasty attitude lately. She doesnt seem to appreciate anything she has or anything we do for her, it makes me almost want to send her to school so she can see what its like to be away from my for 8 hours a day, but Im afraid its going to backfire on me, preschool wasnt the best experience, she loved it but went through so much dealing with the boys in her class being mean to her, another girl kept calling one of the boys she actually got along with her boyfriend and she didnt like it, so she stopped talking to and playing with him. One girl was obsessed with her and another boy and would get upset if they played with anyone else, but some days told DD she didnt want to play with her, so DD would come home upset and confused... :/ I dont know what to do. Its hard to deal with her attitude and DSs anger... there seems to be a constant battle in my house between them, then between them and us trying to get them to relax and calm down. One day of peace would be nice.
Countess79
by Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 3:03 PM

May I ask why you can't homeschool her?

I am not trying to stir you up.. but if thats what she needs... why can't you do that?

Now if you work you could homeschool her at night.. Or there are all sorts of online curriculums.. and Programs..etc..

So I am confused..

I know your a good mom.. I know this has to be eating you alive..

So what's up dear!?

debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:10 PM
I think that having her talk to a child therapist is a great idea before pulling her.

I would get a plan in place just in case. If you can have her work with her brother then just in case have back up copies of things made. Then if the school is the problem you can pull her and are ready.

I would also be looking at other schools in case a better school for her is available.


Quoting paganbaby:

I'm still trying to find my HS feet with her brother and sister. Adding her would put a lot more stress on me and dh is very against it. Her brother (8yo) takes a lot of my time right now and he feels I wouldn't be able to give everyone the attention they need.

No, she's never been bullied, in fact she's one of the more popular kids in her class. Something I was very proud of seeing how I have always been a wall flower,lol.

Quoting debramommyof4: I know there has to be a reason but why can you not homeschool her right now?



And is she or has she been bullied as that may cause the reluctance?


paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:17 PM

Shoot, I wouldn't like that school either! Thinking about it, I don't know if another school is a good option for us though. I babysit two kids who go there. One I drop off in the morning, the other I pick up from school. That and not having car is going to make it difficult :-/ We'll just have to see what happens.

Quoting Molimomma:

Honestly I think it was gut instinct. She was miserable after school. Physically I'll but also seemed depressed and moody. I was terrified of that school, it was dark and creepy, I didn't even like picking her up from there! I think the psychologist suggested "school shopping" for another place based on his conversations with her because she was bright, articulate, etc but so unhappy and not doing well in school and it was clearly NOT do to intelligence or capability.

How did your mom know the school was the problem? I'm not sure what schools are around here but I can look into it. Her birthday was just before the cut off and for that reason I held her back from kinder so she started later. I learned my lesson with dd, a September baby. I think a psychologist is in order. Before I do anything I need to find the problem. In the mean time, I can't wait for break. These mornings are killing me :*-(

Quoting Molimomma:

My sister was like this in first grade. She used to come home, throw up and then lay on the couch. My mom took her to a child psychologist who helped but honestly what really helped was pulling out of the Catholic school she was in and finding a better fit for her(a different Catholic school across town). She also repeated first grade and was great after that, reading above grade level, eventually took AP classes and graduated National Merit Scholar. Is her birthday near the cut off date? Maybe it is an emotional maturity thing and she's just not comfortable where she is? Might consider finding a different school for her if this 1 isn't a good fit. Definitely need to figure out the source of the anxiety or it really will just get worse. Maybe see if there is a good child psychologist in your area that can help.




Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

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