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What to do when homeschooling just isn't an option? I'm in tears... Update 12/19

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She's doing great! I've also added a special school snack that only she is allowed to eat. Another thing I did is bump her bedtime back to 6:30, lights out at 7pm. That sounds so early I know but the extra sleep is helping the most I think. So far so good *Fingers crossed*

At my dh's urging, I've decided to give it a solid month. He says if we don't see any progress or she gets worse, I can take her home. So here's the new plan.

I bought her an alarm clock and set it for 6:00 am. When she wakes up, she has to get herself dressed, hair brushed, shoes on and backpack ready, then... we watch a show together until 7:00am when we leave for school. After the girl I babysit goes home, we can play any game or puzzle she wants. All of this is in addition to her star chart where she can earn ice cream and Chuck e Cheese. Our morning went much more smoothly! But walking to school was a little rocky :-/ Still, I have high hopes and I know Christmas vacation will help. But either way, it's nice to have dh's support.

I just don't know what's going on with 7yo dd. While it's true that she does very well in school; great grades, likes her teachers, has lots of friends. Getting her to school is becoming harder and harder.

It started in kindergarten. The beginning of the year was fine. But then she started having anxiety about school. She wouldn't get dressed or brush her hair. She'd fight me nearly every morning and we'd be late constantly. But once she was at school, she was the perfect student. Things started leveling out towards the end of the year and I thought that was that.

Now it's starting again. She crying, I don't want to go to school. Won't get dressed or get her shoes on. At school she's fine but now at home she's angry and emotional all the time. Anything will set her off. I've tried reward charts. For every 10 days she's in school I'll take her to get an ice cream cone. For every 20 days she can go to Chucke cheese. She erased all of her stars today.

I'm at my wits end. I don't want to force it but I just can't HS her right now either. Not that she wants too. She said she doesn't want to go to any school. Just stay home. I'm having a meeting with her teacher and the principal tomorrow. I don't know what to do :-( Forcing my baby to school is breaking my heart.

by on Dec. 4, 2013 at 11:34 AM
Replies (41-50):
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:19 PM

I'll send some ((hugs)) your way. I wish you luck too!

Quoting tairakittie: I had horrible anxiety in elementary school that carried over into middle, a little bit in highschool, but I mainly kept to myself. At your DDs age, I never wanted to go to.school, I would fake being sick, I was always in the.nurses office trying to convince my mom to come get me, but she couldnt, she worked I think 2 jobs at that point, so I was also in daycare when I wasnt in school... I dont know what it was, maybe I just wanted to be at home with my mom, maybe I didnt like being picked on and left out by the other kids for whatever reason... I cant remember why, but I just didnt want to go, and I LOVED learning, still do.

Im having an almost opposite problem at the moment, my 5, almost 6, year old DD has had a pretty nasty attitude lately. She doesnt seem to appreciate anything she has or anything we do for her, it makes me almost want to send her to school so she can see what its like to be away from my for 8 hours a day, but Im afraid its going to backfire on me, preschool wasnt the best experience, she loved it but went through so much dealing with the boys in her class being mean to her, another girl kept calling one of the boys she actually got along with her boyfriend and she didnt like it, so she stopped talking to and playing with him. One girl was obsessed with her and another boy and would get upset if they played with anyone else, but some days told DD she didnt want to play with her, so DD would come home upset and confused... :/ I dont know what to do. Its hard to deal with her attitude and DSs anger... there seems to be a constant battle in my house between them, then between them and us trying to get them to relax and calm down. One day of peace would be nice.


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Jenn8604
by Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:19 PM
Counseling for her anxiety maybe? Find out what is her deep down fear.
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paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Technically I could. I have her older brother (8) and sister (14) home with me right now. I just worry that it'll be too much stress for all of us, I won't be able to give her enough attention, or the best education. I take a very relaxed approach to my older two. They don't learn well the tradional way so this works forr them. I'm worried the pace will be too slow for her, or she would fall behind. Of the three kids, she's the brightest and I worry short changing her education:-(

Quoting Countess79:

May I ask why you can't homeschool her?

I am not trying to stir you up.. but if thats what she needs... why can't you do that?

Now if you work you could homeschool her at night.. Or there are all sorts of online curriculums.. and Programs..etc..

So I am confused..

I know your a good mom.. I know this has to be eating you alive..

So what's up dear!?


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paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:26 PM

Absolutely. It would be nice if she could talk to the school's psychologist so we could save some money,lol. But if not, I'll find one. And you know, that's not a bad plan.

Quoting debramommyof4: I think that having her talk to a child therapist is a great idea before pulling her.

I would get a plan in place just in case. If you can have her work with her brother then just in case have back up copies of things made. Then if the school is the problem you can pull her and are ready.

I would also be looking at other schools in case a better school for her is available.


Quoting paganbaby:

I'm still trying to find my HS feet with her brother and sister. Adding her would put a lot more stress on me and dh is very against it. Her brother (8yo) takes a lot of my time right now and he feels I wouldn't be able to give everyone the attention they need.

No, she's never been bullied, in fact she's one of the more popular kids in her class. Something I was very proud of seeing how I have always been a wall flower,lol.

Quoting debramommyof4: I know there has to be a reason but why can you not homeschool her right now?



And is she or has she been bullied as that may cause the reluctance?



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paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

That's my first priority.

Quoting Jenn8604: Counseling for her anxiety maybe? Find out what is her deep down fear.


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debramommyof4
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 4:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I am a look at all options and figure out what I think is best after talking to the kids, husband, experts and myself.

So if you look at everything you are bound to find the best one for her.


Quoting paganbaby:

Absolutely. It would be nice if she could talk to the school's psychologist so we could save some money,lol. But if not, I'll find one. And you know, that's not a bad plan.

Quoting debramommyof4: I think that having her talk to a child therapist is a great idea before pulling her.



I would get a plan in place just in case. If you can have her work with her brother then just in case have back up copies of things made. Then if the school is the problem you can pull her and are ready.




I would also be looking at other schools in case a better school for her is available.




Quoting paganbaby:

I'm still trying to find my HS feet with her brother and sister. Adding her would put a lot more stress on me and dh is very against it. Her brother (8yo) takes a lot of my time right now and he feels I wouldn't be able to give everyone the attention they need.

No, she's never been bullied, in fact she's one of the more popular kids in her class. Something I was very proud of seeing how I have always been a wall flower,lol.

Quoting debramommyof4: I know there has to be a reason but why can you not homeschool her right now?





And is she or has she been bullied as that may cause the reluctance?



Pukalani79
by Kristin on Dec. 4, 2013 at 6:31 PM

 A lot of it had to do with the drama of second grade. Some of it had to do with school struggles, but mostly the drama.  We took her to a counselor because I didnt' know what to do and nothing I tried made a difference.  She's since been diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder and a mood disorder.  She was sweet as can be and all that at school, but would morph into another child as soon as she got home. They determined that she was bottling all that anxiety in at school and would let it out in the only way she knew how once she felt it was safe to do so.  We did end up having to pull her for her mental health's sake

Quoting paganbaby:

I'm not sure but I know it's school related. She mentioned tests eaelier today but that's all she would say other than she hates everything about school. I'm desperatly trying to get to the root of it. I feel so helpless... And yes! DD will just explode too. Did you ever find out what was happing with your dd?

Quoting Pukalani79:

 What's causing her anxiety, do you know? Do everything you can to find out and then focus on the root of the problem.  My daughter did that too for awhile, or she'd just come home and explode.  It was awful. :(  ((HUGS))


 

Pukalani79
by Kristin on Dec. 4, 2013 at 6:33 PM

 Would an online charter school be an option for her?

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 7:02 PM

I told Audi just now, "You know this one lady on cafemom had a suggestion." "She said you should come home and take like a month off from school and just relax then you can do work with Bubba." "What do you think?"

She practically bounced out of her seat with excitement,lol.

But then I asked her brother and he, like his father, is against it. Bubba enjoys our special time in the morning when we snuggle up on the couch, watch science shows, and do history and science. They few times Audi was home, she would want to sit right next to me. It really disrupted the whole vibe we had going. I wouldn't want to exclude her but at the same token, I don't want to take away from the time I have with Bubba.

Quoting usmom3:

 If I where you I would bring her home now, take from now until the first of the year off for everyone & just enjoy the holidays. At the beginning of the year incorporate her in to what you are doing with your son, they are so close in age that you should be able to teach them side by side with no problem. Have your oldest help you with working with her so that both younger children have a helper.


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paganbaby
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 7:07 PM

I've thought about that. While her brother did terribly with K12, I think she would do much better. The only thing that really holds me back with that is the amount of time it takes and the rigidity of it. I wouldn't be able to take X amount of time off for a vacation, I would have to answer to a teacher and it would hard to include her with what our other kids are doing.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 Would an online charter school be an option for her?


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