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need opinions on this situation

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So, some friends of ours own a dance studio. My little sister and my mom have been there. These friends also go to our church, and were apart of our homeschooling group for a few years. This year I signed my 5 and 7 year old for thwir hip hop class taught by the son, who is only 15 years old. Well, I noticed he lacks the maturity to teach young children. He tried to be fun but sometimes that turned to teasing them. He yells at them and gets frustratef very easily. I talked to him and explained that that age is hard to teach, and to be more patient. He tookthe constructivr criticism well, but went back to his yelling etc. One of my friends left tge class because she was fed up with it. I talked to my mom, and said that most likely they wont change, the parents are the same way when they teach.

So, we thought we were paid for the month of december, and i guess we werent, but they aaid we can pay next time, so we stayed, but now I am reconsidering. The boys like it, but i dont think ita worth hurting their self esteem. So, i was thinking of writting the mom a letter and just finishing up december, but i dont know if i want to any more. I dont know what to do.
by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Replies (11-20):
TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Dec. 5, 2013 at 7:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Then I say go with it. I've learned to trust my gut, but I'm sorry to say it took too long and my kids (especially DD) definitely took hits to their self esteem because I didn't trust my gut.

Quoting Precious333: Yeah, my gut says hes too young and I dont want my children's self esteem.hurt.



Quoting TJandKarasMom: Oh no :(. That is hard! But if you feel they aren't being taught no cared for in the way you want them to be, then you should go with your gut.





Quoting Precious333:

 They do actually love it, thats  the hard part too :(




Quoting TJandKarasMom: I'm with BJ as well. Pay for the one class (at most schools, that's just the month cost divided by the number of classes that month) and let them know you won't be back. It's not worth it if your boys don't love it and if it's stressful for you.



 

PurpleCupcake
by Cynthia on Dec. 6, 2013 at 5:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Errrrrrr. Just because this kid cam dance hip hop, doesn't mean he can teach it. I would have never signed up! 

kirbymom
by Sonja on Dec. 6, 2013 at 3:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes! Trust your instincts! 9 times out of 10 you will be right in your assessment of a situation.


Quoting TJandKarasMom: Then I say go with it. I've learned to trust my gut, but I'm sorry to say it took too long and my kids (especially DD) definitely took hits to their self esteem because I didn't trust my gut.

Quoting Precious333: Yeah, my gut says hes too young and I dont want my children's self esteem.hurt.

Quoting TJandKarasMom: Oh no :(. That is hard! But if you feel they aren't being taught no cared for in the way you want them to be, then you should go with your gut.

Quoting Precious333:

 They do actually love it, thats  the hard part too :(


Quoting TJandKarasMom: I'm with BJ as well. Pay for the one class (at most schools, that's just the month cost divided by the number of classes that month) and let them know you won't be back. It's not worth it if your boys don't love it and if it's stressful for you.

 

JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2013 at 1:35 AM

If the boys like it, why do you think that it's  hurting their self-esteem?  A lot of boys handle things differently than we, as adult females, do.  "Guys," I've noticed, sometimes do mean teasing -- and often the ones they are doing it to don't seem to mind.  It seems to be sort of an organizational thing with them to determine who is the top dog.  I'm not saying that you should keep your boys there, but I'd consider whether this is your reaction or if it is really hurting your sons.   

Precious333
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2013 at 1:43 AM
First, he has made my son cry. My 5 year old is very introverted, and i do notice if he gets sad he bottles it up until.he feels safe to let his emotions out, and sometimes laughs at himself.when he is.embarrased. Also, i watch the class. He will literally yelling at the children for not getting the steps right, or saying things like "looser!" If he was an adult I would hace been.furious and chewed him out, but I can.see that he is also a child and not mature.

Quoting JKronrod:

If the boys like it, why do you think that it's  hurting their self-esteem?  A lot of boys handle things differently than we, as adult females, do.  "Guys," I've noticed, sometimes do mean teasing -- and often the ones they are doing it to don't seem to mind.  It seems to be sort of an organizational thing with them to determine who is the top dog.  I'm not saying that you should keep your boys there, but I'd consider whether this is your reaction or if it is really hurting your sons.   

JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2013 at 1:52 AM

 Okay, that's different.  Since you said that your sons liked it I was confused.  I'm assuming then that they like the dancing but not the way the boy is teaching.  If your sons are upset by the way the way this young man is acting, I'd find another studio. 

Quoting Precious333: First, he has made my son cry. My 5 year old is very introverted, and i do notice if he gets sad he bottles it up until.he feels safe to let his emotions out, and sometimes laughs at himself.when he is.embarrased. Also, i watch the class. He will literally yelling at the children for not getting the steps right, or saying things like "looser!" If he was an adult I would hace been.furious and chewed him out, but I can.see that he is also a child and not mature.

Quoting JKronrod:

If the boys like it, why do you think that it's  hurting their self-esteem?  A lot of boys handle things differently than we, as adult females, do.  "Guys," I've noticed, sometimes do mean teasing -- and often the ones they are doing it to don't seem to mind.  It seems to be sort of an organizational thing with them to determine who is the top dog.  I'm not saying that you should keep your boys there, but I'd consider whether this is your reaction or if it is really hurting your sons.   

 

Precious333
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2013 at 1:57 AM
Out charter school.pays for the class, and I couldnt find a local hip hop class that they do pay for, but they will try gymnastics, so maybe that will be a good replacement for awhile. The kids love this kid (he can be fun too) but I do think they started getting use to his yelling at them, not a good thing. I have aldo noticed my oldest has been yelling and acting up more since then (probably because of a multiple factors, but the class certainly doesnt help).

Quoting JKronrod:

 Okay, that's different.  Since you said that your sons liked it I was confused.  I'm assuming then that they like the dancing but not the way the boy is teaching.  If your sons are upset by the way the way this young man is acting, I'd find another studio. 


Quoting Precious333: First, he has made my son cry. My 5 year old is very introverted, and i do notice if he gets sad he bottles it up until.he feels safe to let his emotions out, and sometimes laughs at himself.when he is.embarrased. Also, i watch the class. He will literally yelling at the children for not getting the steps right, or saying things like "looser!" If he was an adult I would hace been.furious and chewed him out, but I can.see that he is also a child and not mature.


Quoting JKronrod:

If the boys like it, why do you think that it's  hurting their self-esteem?  A lot of boys handle things differently than we, as adult females, do.  "Guys," I've noticed, sometimes do mean teasing -- and often the ones they are doing it to don't seem to mind.  It seems to be sort of an organizational thing with them to determine who is the top dog.  I'm not saying that you should keep your boys there, but I'd consider whether this is your reaction or if it is really hurting your sons.   


 

JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2013 at 2:40 AM

 Ehhhh.  Well, that goes back to sounding more like the "top dog" thing with boys.  I have to tell you, from your descriptions, I'm torn.  Have you asked your boys if they want to continue with this class (and this teacher)?  I'd be guided by their choice, unless there is a really clear indication that the class is somehow hurting them. 

Quoting Precious333: Out charter school.pays for the class, and I couldnt find a local hip hop class that they do pay for, but they will try gymnastics, so maybe that will be a good replacement for awhile. The kids love this kid (he can be fun too) but I do think they started getting use to his yelling at them, not a good thing. I have aldo noticed my oldest has been yelling and acting up more since then (probably because of a multiple factors, but the class certainly doesnt help).

Quoting JKronrod:

 Okay, that's different.  Since you said that your sons liked it I was confused.  I'm assuming then that they like the dancing but not the way the boy is teaching.  If your sons are upset by the way the way this young man is acting, I'd find another studio. 


Quoting Precious333: First, he has made my son cry. My 5 year old is very introverted, and i do notice if he gets sad he bottles it up until.he feels safe to let his emotions out, and sometimes laughs at himself.when he is.embarrased. Also, i watch the class. He will literally yelling at the children for not getting the steps right, or saying things like "looser!" If he was an adult I would hace been.furious and chewed him out, but I can.see that he is also a child and not mature.


Quoting JKronrod:

If the boys like it, why do you think that it's  hurting their self-esteem?  A lot of boys handle things differently than we, as adult females, do.  "Guys," I've noticed, sometimes do mean teasing -- and often the ones they are doing it to don't seem to mind.  It seems to be sort of an organizational thing with them to determine who is the top dog.  I'm not saying that you should keep your boys there, but I'd consider whether this is your reaction or if it is really hurting your sons.   


 

 

Precious333
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2013 at 2:47 AM
What happens is like a bipolar type of thing. During the part where they learn the.routine he does a lot of yelling and putting down, then.they have freeze dance where he is more fun and jokes around. Sometimes his joking is inappropriate, and his yelling and getting frustated is always taken too far and he sometimes puts them down or gives everyone a high five besides the person who made the mistake, a lot of things I see as humiliating a child or making them feel left out. He has even.pointed to kids saying "good, good, bad, good". The more I talk and think about it the more sure I am that we shouldnt go back.

Quoting JKronrod:

 Ehhhh.  Well, that goes back to sounding more like the "top dog" thing with boys.  I have to tell you, from your descriptions, I'm torn.  Have you asked your boys if they want to continue with this class (and this teacher)?  I'd be guided by their choice, unless there is a really clear indication that the class is somehow hurting them. 


Quoting Precious333: Out charter school.pays for the class, and I couldnt find a local hip hop class that they do pay for, but they will try gymnastics, so maybe that will be a good replacement for awhile. The kids love this kid (he can be fun too) but I do think they started getting use to his yelling at them, not a good thing. I have aldo noticed my oldest has been yelling and acting up more since then (probably because of a multiple factors, but the class certainly doesnt help).


Quoting JKronrod:

 Okay, that's different.  Since you said that your sons liked it I was confused.  I'm assuming then that they like the dancing but not the way the boy is teaching.  If your sons are upset by the way the way this young man is acting, I'd find another studio. 



Quoting Precious333: First, he has made my son cry. My 5 year old is very introverted, and i do notice if he gets sad he bottles it up until.he feels safe to let his emotions out, and sometimes laughs at himself.when he is.embarrased. Also, i watch the class. He will literally yelling at the children for not getting the steps right, or saying things like "looser!" If he was an adult I would hace been.furious and chewed him out, but I can.see that he is also a child and not mature.



Quoting JKronrod:

If the boys like it, why do you think that it's  hurting their self-esteem?  A lot of boys handle things differently than we, as adult females, do.  "Guys," I've noticed, sometimes do mean teasing -- and often the ones they are doing it to don't seem to mind.  It seems to be sort of an organizational thing with them to determine who is the top dog.  I'm not saying that you should keep your boys there, but I'd consider whether this is your reaction or if it is really hurting your sons.   



 


 

JKronrod
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2013 at 2:54 AM

 Okay, ultimately you have to make the call.  But do your boys want to continue with the class?  Again, I'm trying to figure out (without seeing it) how much of this is a male/female response thing, and how much is truly inappropriate.  Football coaches yell at players (and say that what they are doing is bad, etc.), and yet some boys like the game.  I really would urge you to take your boys' feelings into consideration here before you say "no."  

Quoting Precious333: What happens is like a bipolar type of thing. During the part where they learn the.routine he does a lot of yelling and putting down, then.they have freeze dance where he is more fun and jokes around. Sometimes his joking is inappropriate, and his yelling and getting frustated is always taken too far and he sometimes puts them down or gives everyone a high five besides the person who made the mistake, a lot of things I see as humiliating a child or making them feel left out. He has even.pointed to kids saying "good, good, bad, good". The more I talk and think about it the more sure I am that we shouldnt go back.

Quoting JKronrod:

 Ehhhh.  Well, that goes back to sounding more like the "top dog" thing with boys.  I have to tell you, from your descriptions, I'm torn.  Have you asked your boys if they want to continue with this class (and this teacher)?  I'd be guided by their choice, unless there is a really clear indication that the class is somehow hurting them. 


Quoting Precious333: Out charter school.pays for the class, and I couldnt find a local hip hop class that they do pay for, but they will try gymnastics, so maybe that will be a good replacement for awhile. The kids love this kid (he can be fun too) but I do think they started getting use to his yelling at them, not a good thing. I have aldo noticed my oldest has been yelling and acting up more since then (probably because of a multiple factors, but the class certainly doesnt help).


Quoting JKronrod:

 Okay, that's different.  Since you said that your sons liked it I was confused.  I'm assuming then that they like the dancing but not the way the boy is teaching.  If your sons are upset by the way the way this young man is acting, I'd find another studio. 



Quoting Precious333: First, he has made my son cry. My 5 year old is very introverted, and i do notice if he gets sad he bottles it up until.he feels safe to let his emotions out, and sometimes laughs at himself.when he is.embarrased. Also, i watch the class. He will literally yelling at the children for not getting the steps right, or saying things like "looser!" If he was an adult I would hace been.furious and chewed him out, but I can.see that he is also a child and not mature.



Quoting JKronrod:

If the boys like it, why do you think that it's  hurting their self-esteem?  A lot of boys handle things differently than we, as adult females, do.  "Guys," I've noticed, sometimes do mean teasing -- and often the ones they are doing it to don't seem to mind.  It seems to be sort of an organizational thing with them to determine who is the top dog.  I'm not saying that you should keep your boys there, but I'd consider whether this is your reaction or if it is really hurting your sons.   



 


 

 

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