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An update on my little "explosion" ( 5 yr old Abby ) -- starting to really heart-hurt over her.

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Some of you know what I've been talking about with Abby.   She is the wild child that is like a huge explosion every time she is around.   I love this little girl soooo much, but even as her mother, I hit exhaustion with her explosive, in-your-face behavior several times a day.

I feel like this baby (and I say that because I know she's still little and has a tender heart) is in trouble CONSTANTLY.   No amount of redirection works with her.   Nothing has helped.   Her siblings are growing seriously short tempered with her and part of me doesn't blame them.   However, now they have taken to kicking her out before she can even join them, and it just breaks my heart.

Examples, she walks over and sweetly asks to sit on your lap to read a book.   You start reading and she leans her face right into yours and starts picking her nose.   You have her go wash and return and start reading again, and within moments she is back to being in your face (like two inches from your nose) and sucking her thumb and picking her nose again.   You FINALLY get that behavior stopped and you are in the middle of reading to her again and she starts ticking her head from side to side so hard, she knocks you in the forehead... you get THAT behavior stopped and she starts licking her hand all over... from the wrist, up the palm, down the between the fingers and along the back of the hand...   again... two inches from your face... 

This type of weird behavior continues, with you calmly trying to address it.. or tell her if she cannot keep her fingers out of her mouth and a reasonable distance from your face (she is so close, you can't read the book).. you tell her this seriously and she snorts and laughs and starts "rattlilng" her head like a clock again... this time making loud clicking noises.

So, you send her to her room and let her find something else to do on her own since she's being just GROSS and disrespectful on your lap and she looks at you like you have just crushed her entire spirit.   When she gets in her room, she starts throwing things and yelling.   You try to ignore it, but the throwing gets more violent until you finally go in there and escalate the dicipline.

And in the end, you still have a little girl that just really needs to be loved on, but her behavior just makes that so dang impossible.

So... I go in there and help her make her bed and tell her how much I love her.   (this is about 20 or so minutes later so it's not right away)..   we discuss her behavior and how it's just not appreciated to be licking her hand that close to some one's face, picking her nose, sucking her thumb and accidentally banging foreheads because she is TOO close to some one's face and she's being goofy and not paying attention to the story she just asked some one to read to her. 

I just don't know what to do.   I can't reach her.   She snorts at you when you try to talk to her.   She just plain "act a fool" to an extreme.   We get very short bouts of homeschooling in...  and I'm no dummy... I try EVERYTHING to make this a hands-on and multi-faceted approach.  I put a TON of enthusiasm in it and it's just burning me out.

I'm ready to have her evaluated... and I feel miserable because it feels more like defeat than a solution.  The teachers in school were pushing me toward evaluating the other two and talking possible meds and such... but I thought they were silly.. I don't have too many issues teaching the other two.

Abby?  She's another story, and she is ALWAYS getting pushed away and told no because she is so extreme in everyone's faces all the time.   I'm ALWAYS on her about leaving the baby alone.   He is laid back and calm except around her.   She just has to look at him and he gears up for a fight and starts screaming "ow" at her...

Lord God, my heart really hurts over her.

by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 11:04 PM
Replies (11-16):
by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm in the controversial minority on this one...but we spent a TON of time, money and energy into getting an adequate diagnosis and vigorously pursuing therapy. Ill get bashed for this I'm sure but I honestly believe now that therapy is a crock of shit and that any progress she made she would have made on her own anywaay. I found huge relief when we stopped shelling out money and just said "it is what it is." She still annoys the shit out of us and I constantly feel guilty for feeling that way about my own thing that helps is finding a friend w the same problem who you can vent to about it and know they understand. Friends and family who don't "get it" that you can want to strangle your child but still love them....they are no good to keep around lol.

Quoting KrissyKC:

How did you feel when you were going through this process.   I feel like a rotten person that it really is filling me with sorrow over "possible" autism or other issues.  I mean, I feel guilty that a diagnosis like this bothers me, like I should be more accepting of who God made her to be, and I'm really digging my heels in wanting my kid to be... "typical"...  I just want to cry.   I mean, if it's autism, there's not really a medicine for that... I mean, it's just who she is.... but I feel like it's just a "no hope" kind of diagnosis.   Then, I feel guilty for seeing it that way.

Quoting jamamama00: Sounds a lot like my autistic dd. We actually had a delay in diagnoses because all I read was how autistic kids wanted space, but she was allllll up in my space. This was before autism was as talked about as it is now, and now I know better.

by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 12:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Not bashing jamama in the slightest but the
therapist directly impacts the helpfulness of the therapy. I know that sounds cheesy but the first lady my dd saw was a complete waste of time and money. The lady we see now is fantastic and extremely helpful.

When I was working I saw one to help me set boundaries with my mother, and that lady was worth her weight in gold.

I've heard loads of people with mediocre experiences. That's why we switched.

Just saying its not a bad thing to try, and change if your gut says its not a good fit.
by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 12:26 AM
1 mom liked this

thank you ladies, I appreciate all the insights.

The sad thing is that I can agree with all of it... even if it seems to be the opposite of what some one else is saying, I see the "right" in both sides.

by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 3:06 PM
3 moms liked this

I have said it before and I will say it again; Your entire family would benefit from family counseling. 

I dont feel like strangers on Cafemom is the best source for handling all these concerns that you have for your family. 

by Silver Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I used to feel so bad that I was so embarrased being in public with my son. He was so inappropriate or disruptive and even though getting a diagnosis wasn't how I wanted the story to end up, it was almost a relief to know there was an answer! That there was a reason my son had no clue you weren't supposed to touch people's faces at random and make them uncomfortable. A reason why my son got spastic and weirded out by the littlest things and why kids in his own family wouldn't play with him. Just to know the "why" even if they couldn't "fix" it. And no, there is no cure for autism, (and someday you'll be glad there isn't) but there are coping techniques and behavioral modifications and programs to learn how to be exactly who God made you, just in a more beneficial way. To meet my son now, you would have no clue that he has autism. He works a full time job and is considering moving  6 hours away for a job opportunity there. He attends bible study regularly, goes to college part time, and has an active social life. Your dd wont always be 5. These behaviors get more disturbing the older she gets. What's annoying at 5, is absolutely horrifying at 13. You don't want this to escalate. Don't be afraid of getting a non-typical diagnosis. You wouldn't hesitate to get her checked for diabetes, or an astigmatism would you?  PM me if you need to.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this

i agree some therapy and therapist are quacks. Some are great. A fit for one person or family could be a mismatch for another, so you have to go in with an open mind but also not be afraid to walk away if it's not working. A diagnosis can be extremely helpful. A second opinion can be worth it if you didn't have a great opinion from the first specialist you see.

Can one solve these issues themselves or as a family? Sometimes. Do kids grow out of annoying phases? Sure. Are these issues developmental and likely to resolve themselves? Only time will tell. Could you get to an easier place faster with your dd with some help from professionals? Of course, if you find a good fit.

It sounds like you're at a point where seeking an evaluation and some therapist help is seeming worthwhile to you.

good luck!!

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