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Should I say something to the teacher? OT

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I know you ladies will help me put this in perspective. Sorry if this gets long, I feel like there is some background needed.

DD 10.5 has been doing dance since she was 5. DHs aunt is the teacher. She is a very laid back teacher and really thinks dance should be fun, it's not a serious dancing school-no competitions, no dress code, etc. Typically, most kids thrive with it and love it and as they get older, some go to a 'fancier' dancing school where they are more serious. My DD will never be a serious dancer, she LOVES to dance, but I think that's because it has never been serious and competitive, she is not a competitive kid. Last year, DHs aunt brought in a ballet teacher who is more serious and a bit harsher on the kids, she is also teaching this year-just the ballet part, DHs aunt still teaches tap-the class is both. It can be good because she is pushing them and most of the time they enjoy the challenge...but this teacher is young and doesn't have the experience DHs aunt (who has been dancing for 60 years, teaching for 40) has.

As another piece of background, DD is not mine biologically, she is DHs from before we met. Her mother has all but abandoned her, she hasn't seen her in almost two years. The last time DD spoke to her on the phone even was April 2012. So, DD definitely has some 'abandonment' issues and she is really sensitive. She is also 10.5 and very emotional. And her last two years of PS she was bullied (it was mild, but it was very hard on third grade even the teacher bullied her in some ways).

So last week at dance class, DD came out with a very red face from dancing so hard and she looked upset, DS made a comment to her to try to make her laugh and she just lost it, tears streaming down her face and soooo angry at him. He makes comments a lot, he thinks he's funny and sometimes doesn't know when it's not a good time to joke...she gets frustrated with him but this was extreme. So when we were alone, I finally got her to talk. She told me the ballet teacher yelled at her because she said "I can't" she said the teacher told her when the "big kids" (in the following class-7th ish graders) say I can't, they have to say something nice about the teacher. Which doesn't make any sense to me.

So DD and I talked about what she could say instead if I can't since the teacher doesn't like it. And we talked about really trying because now that they are older, the moves are going to get harder.

I know the "big kids" have complained about this teacher and I know one girl at least has stopped dancing because of the teacher and so DHs aunt was considering not inviting the teacher back for that class. I am wondering if I should say something to DHs aunt about how upset DD was? I don't want to fight her battles, and I do want her to learn to work with different styles of teaching...she wants to keep dancing and I'm glad for that. But I don't want her to be miserable during the ballet portion. This has been so much fun and such a constant in her life, I don't want that to change.

What do you all think? She has one more class then a couple weeks off for Christmas. Should I let it go for now? Wait and see if anything else happens? Mention it to DHs aunt right away? Or mention it casually if I see her at a family thing away from the dance environment?
by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 12:08 PM
Replies (21-21):
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 3:04 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like you have things very well handled = )

Quoting TJandKarasMom: Thank you for taking the time to give me this advice, I definitely appreciate it. I wasn't planning on mentioning the mom issues to DHs aunt at all, she is fully aware of the situation since she is family. I guess I was just giving the background for the story here, but it probably wasn't necessary since she would have had her feelings hurt whether her biomom was in the picture or not. Mom didn't even come up during our talk about what had happened or anything. DD does want to talk about biomom on some occasions, but she mostly deals with the life she has, being a tween girl she has plenty of drama without the biomom issues! I honestly think sometimes she completely forgets she has another mom, that's how long it has been since she has had to deal with her. Obviously she always knows, but most of her life is just her life, kwim?

Thank you again though, I know you don't have a lot of free time so I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your insight :)

Quoting celticdragon77:

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