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Empty threats....

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:19 PM
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I try SO SO SO hard to not make empty threats, but I am running out of ideas over here!

Today I threatened DD with "if you won't learn from me, you will learn from someone....you will do work online and you'll use your allowance to pay for it!" (She doesn't have to know that there are free curricula online)!

She seriously argues with me every time I correct her. How is she supposed to learn if I don't tell her things are wrong? I have tried in so many ways to give her corrected papers...but I really want my kids to be able to find their mistakes and fix them, so typically I circle the number that is wrong or underline a misspelled word (I try not to do spelling corrections in language arts writing...but in history and science I do correct spelling, if it is a word they shouldn't know how to spell, I write it, if they should know how to spell it I underline it and they figure it out)...she will just say "this isn't wrong" or "how is this wrong?!" (Which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't accompanied by slamming pencils and stomping feet and rolling eyes).

She refuses to ask for help. She will sit and stare at it, not focusing and not even trying. She will argue until she is blue in the face about FACTS. Seriously, 36 divided by 4 is not 8...no matter how much you yell at me and tell me it is.

She finally admitted today that in my extra 20 years of life, I probably have gained a little more knowledge than her (except when it comes to dogs and owls according to her). I didn't know how else to get her to understand that I do know more than she does and that if she wants to learn, she has to be willing to see her mistake and listen to my explanation....(this after she asked a question and when I began to answer she cut me off with a bunch of examples that had nothing to do with anything!)

I know a lot of it is her age, and we are still trying to find our way with hsing. But it doesn't make it easier some days!
by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:19 PM
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chotovec82
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:25 PM
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How old is she? She sounds a lot like my 8 yr old son, Aiden. He does this all the time. I also make empty threats and then hate myself for it. He's stubborn, mouthy, and has major attitude. Honestly he reminds me of me and you know the old saying about it being hard to get along with those who are so much like yourself. My boy and I butt heads constantly.
Molimomma
by Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:45 PM
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I can't offer much in the way of advice but at least with the division one, I would have handed over 36 counters, pennies, rocks whatever and have her physically put it into 4 groups. If she's going to argue about concrete stuff, fine do it the long way so be it. That kind of arguing makes my blood boil in 2.2 and I refuse to do it.  

hwblyf
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:54 PM
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My oldest gets that way.  Oh, and the other 4, too, now that I think about it.  :)  My oldest has NO desire to go back to PS, so he's tryng to get over that part.  But he still has his frustration moments.  Some of it's embarrassment....my 9yo got REALLY angry with my 8yo for catching onto the story elements in the read aloud we're doing faster than he is doing.  Makes me realize that I need to pull him out of group and do more one on one stuff with him (or rather, not pull him out, but make it in addition to group).  She may be angry with herself for just not getting it.  It can't be much fun to be wrong all the time.  And that was said not as truth, but as perception.  Maybe let some of it go, even though it bites your butt, until she's in a place where she can handle it better.

Tasha911471
by New Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 2:03 AM
My 8 year old gets angry with me all the time . He does lots of sports though in the afternoon so I tell him if he doesn't finish the work we won't be able to go to the sports. Mean , probably but, it works for now :)
JasonsMom2007
by Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 2:44 AM
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Can you have her prove it? Ok you don't think that word is misspelled show me in the dictionary that it's spelled correctly. It will be faster to just fix it.
TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Mar. 22, 2014 at 6:51 AM
She's 10.5. And definitely just like me, although she is not biologically mine! She has my husbands stubbornness, that's for sure... I am getting some payback for my treatment of my mom, lol!

Quoting chotovec82: How old is she? She sounds a lot like my 8 yr old son, Aiden. He does this all the time. I also make empty threats and then hate myself for it. He's stubborn, mouthy, and has major attitude. Honestly he reminds me of me and you know the old saying about it being hard to get along with those who are so much like yourself. My boy and I butt heads constantly.
TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Mar. 22, 2014 at 6:54 AM
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I do think a lot of it is frustration with herself for making simple mistakes or just not getting it. My son is 11 months older and fairly advanced, so I know it's hard for her when she gets something wrong if he is right there, she feels embarrassed even if he doesn't say a word about it. He is also a lot more focused than she is, so even though he has more and harder work, he is usually finished faster and doesn't have many things to fix.

Maybe I will let some of the simple mistakes go so she doesn't feel like everything she does is wrong.

Quoting hwblyf:

My oldest gets that way.  Oh, and the other 4, too, now that I think about it.  :)  My oldest has NO desire to go back to PS, so he's tryng to get over that part.  But he still has his frustration moments.  Some of it's embarrassment....my 9yo got REALLY angry with my 8yo for catching onto the story elements in the read aloud we're doing faster than he is doing.  Makes me realize that I need to pull him out of group and do more one on one stuff with him (or rather, not pull him out, but make it in addition to group).  She may be angry with herself for just not getting it.  It can't be much fun to be wrong all the time.  And that was said not as truth, but as perception.  Maybe let some of it go, even though it bites your butt, until she's in a place where she can handle it better.

KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this
One of mine gets touchy when she is told her mistakes. We had to talk about how this is how we learn and that if she never got anything wrong, that she was doing work that was too easy for her. Mistakes are how we know we are challenging her enough.
kirbymom
by Sonja on Mar. 22, 2014 at 12:15 PM
Quoting KrissyKC: One of mine gets touchy when she is told her mistakes. We had to talk about how this is how we learn and that if she never got anything wrong, that she was doing work that was too easy for her. Mistakes are how we know we are challenging her enough.



I love your last sentence! I say something like this to my own kids.
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