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Do You Think This Dad Did the Right Thing?

Dad Files a Restraining Order Against a 9-Year-Old Who Punched His Son

by Kiri Blakeley

A concerned father may have found the most ingenious solution of all time to having his kid being bullied -- he filed a restraining order against the 9-year-old he says was bullying his son. While this might sound like yet another case of a parent being overprotective and stepping in to fight battles that should best be left to the kids, the dad says he did this as a "last resort," and that he had "tried everything else," and yet the school district was still ignoring him.

Authorities say this is the first time they'd heard of a restraining order granted against a child -- though there is no law against it. Other parents are saying that the dad isn't teaching his son to function in the "real world" and that you can't go around filing restraining orders against everyone you have an issue with.

Presumably, the man's son is the same age as the so-called bully, and this is an age where kids still need their parents to step in and protect them if need be. But it's also a fine line -- kids need to learn how to deal with negative and sometimes downright demoralizing situations. But do they have to learn how to "deal" with physical abuse?

I don't think that physical abuse or long-term psychological abuse should be part and parcel of going to school -- or living at home, or going to work for that matter. Yes, you do have to learn how to deal with difficult personalities, and kids should be taught that as well. But there's a difference between dealing with a kid who is nasty to you -- and one who punches you in the face and seems to have gotten away with it.

But if a kid is constantly in danger of being abused, or is being threatened, then I see no reason why a restraining order can't be a last resort protective measure. Even against a kid.

Video here

Do you think this dad did the right thing or is he being overprotective?

by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 3:36 PM
Replies (21-30):
bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 2:10 PM

I know, I know.  Part of the reason I'm no longer teaching at a PS, can't use the reason on'em.

Quoting mem82:

Stop using logic right now! It has no place here! You rabble rouser, you!

Quoting bluerooffarm:

If the school had just dealt with the problem to begin with, all of that could have been avoided.


usmom3
by BJ on Mar. 25, 2014 at 4:47 PM

 I agree with the others this is how we would handle it as adults!

ablackdolphin
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I've been saying this for a long time, I don't know why it's not done more often.  If the schools are "unable" to do anything about it and the parents of the bully won't then they'll have to deal with it with a restraining order because the bully will not be allowed within a certain distance of the bullied child.

SarahNElijah
by Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 2:55 AM
I believe an Order of Protection and a Restraining Order are two different things.. The Order of Protection only applies for domestic abuse, and can usually be filed under "emergency" status, meaning it goes into effect immediately. A restraining order takes several weeks, must go through court, etc. and does not have to be domestic in nature.

I used to be an Office Manager for a Senior Legal Services in California for four years, so we dealt with these pretty often.. It could be different from state to state, but I would be shocked to hear that a state offered no ROs for those facing a stalker or other non-domestic issue, know what I mean?! :-/


Quoting bluerooffarm:

Interesting.  In our state an order of protection can only be filed when the people lived together.  I was unable to file an order of protection against an old abusive boyfriend because we had never lived together.

An oder of protection is just a piece of paper.  It can't actually do anything and so many people let their guard down as though they are "safe" so I kind of disagree with a restraining order altogether.  False sense of security and all that.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
okpondlady
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 3:13 AM
1 mom liked this

Yeah going to the other parents and speaking with them is NOT a productive idea usually.  I tried it.  First off, the school wouldn't give me the Phone # I had to find it on my own which was almost impossible.  Then the parents refused to talk to me.  I finally ended up writing a letter to the administrators of the school demanding they either enforce THEIR OWN bullying policy on page ### of the school handbook or I was going to sue them to do so.  I CC'd it to all school board members, the Superintendent, and the State Superintendent.  And my Lawyer.  It stopped that crap in its tracks.  But my daughter went through YEARS of hell before it did.  I shouldn't have waited until she was in High School before I took these measures but I have always trusted that Educators were looking out for her best interests.   I didn't realize the Principal was a coach.  Who grew up being the Football Captain.  He was never picked on, he was probably the one doing the bullying if it were all known.  *I* would be the one called in to the office... because the kids had said something to my daughter and she "one upped them" which seemed to be the point.  SHE would get in trouble for saying something bad back or defending herself.   Like I said I should have gotten smart by the time she was 10 or so.  She would have had a much better outlook on her education if I had of. 

Quoting kirbymom: A restraing order means serious business. For anyone who feels they must travel down this path. Especially as this kind of thing follows the person whom the restraining order is on. As for whether or not I agree with this dad's actions, I think he did what he felt he had to do in order to get the attention his situation was calling for since it was being ignored. I wonder what were all the actions this dad did before he came to this decision? Did he go to the other boy's parents and talk to them himself?


bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 7:44 AM

The terms are used interchangeably here and there is only the one really.  I was raped by my boyfriend and there was no protection for me since I did not live with him.

Quoting SarahNElijah: I believe an Order of Protection and a Restraining Order are two different things.. The Order of Protection only applies for domestic abuse, and can usually be filed under "emergency" status, meaning it goes into effect immediately. A restraining order takes several weeks, must go through court, etc. and does not have to be domestic in nature. I used to be an Office Manager for a Senior Legal Services in California for four years, so we dealt with these pretty often.. It could be different from state to state, but I would be shocked to hear that a state offered no ROs for those facing a stalker or other non-domestic issue, know what I mean?! :-/
Quoting bluerooffarm:

Interesting.  In our state an order of protection can only be filed when the people lived together.  I was unable to file an order of protection against an old abusive boyfriend because we had never lived together.

An oder of protection is just a piece of paper.  It can't actually do anything and so many people let their guard down as though they are "safe" so I kind of disagree with a restraining order altogether.  False sense of security and all that.


kirbymom
by Sonja on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:50 AM
When I asked about the dad talking to the other kid's parents, it was to see if he had exhausted all his efforts on His part so that when he went the direction he did, he could Honestly say that he Had exhausted all his efforts before coming to this decision and going in this direction. Then he could Prove that he did All he could do and still nothing had been done to resolve the situation. I understand what you are saying and I think you are right that going to "talk" to the other parents in such a situation doesn't get the desired results. But you have to do it just so that it can be said that ALL efforts have been made and you can make your demands "because all efforts have been exhausted".

Hindsight is 20/20 vision. Which we are not privy to when going through life's little situatiions. We do the best we can do at the time. You did the best you could while going through your situation. I'm just sorry that you had to go through it at all. That anyone has to go through something like this or similar. :(



quote name="okpondlady" id="0"]

Yeah going to the other parents and speaking with them is NOT a productive idea usually.  I tried it.  First off, the school wouldn't give me the Phone # I had to find it on my own which was almost impossible.  Then the parents refused to talk to me.  I finally ended up writing a letter to the administrators of the school demanding they either enforce THEIR OWN bullying policy on page ### of the school handbook or I was going to sue them to do so.  I CC'd it to all school board members, the Superintendent, and the State Superintendent.  And my Lawyer.  It stopped that crap in its tracks.  But my daughter went through YEARS of hell before it did.  I shouldn't have waited until she was in High School before I took these measures but I have always trusted that Educators were looking out for her best interests.   I didn't realize the Principal was a coach.  Who grew up being the Football Captain.  He was never picked on, he was probably the one doing the bullying if it were all known.  *I* would be the one called in to the office... because the kids had said something to my daughter and she "one upped them" which seemed to be the point.  SHE would get in trouble for saying something bad back or defending herself.   Like I said I should have gotten smart by the time she was 10 or so.  She would have had a much better outlook on her education if I had of. 

Quoting kirbymom: A restraing order means serious business. For anyone who feels they must travel down this path. Especially as this kind of thing follows the person whom the restraining order is on.

As for whether or not I agree with this dad's actions, I think he did what he felt he had to do in order to get the attention his situation was calling for since it was being ignored. I wonder what were all the actions this dad did before he came to this decision? Did he go to the other boy's parents and talk to them himself?

kirbymom
by Sonja on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this
How horrible! :(


Quoting bluerooffarm:

The terms are used interchangeably here and there is only the one really.  I was raped by my boyfriend and there was no protection for me since I did not live with him.

Quoting SarahNElijah: I believe an Order of Protection and a Restraining Order are two different things.. The Order of Protection only applies for domestic abuse, and can usually be filed under "emergency" status, meaning it goes into effect immediately. A restraining order takes several weeks, must go through court, etc. and does not have to be domestic in nature.

I used to be an Office Manager for a Senior Legal Services in California for four years, so we dealt with these pretty often.. It could be different from state to state, but I would be shocked to hear that a state offered no ROs for those facing a stalker or other non-domestic issue, know what I mean?! :-/


Quoting bluerooffarm:

Interesting.  In our state an order of protection can only be filed when the people lived together.  I was unable to file an order of protection against an old abusive boyfriend because we had never lived together.

An oder of protection is just a piece of paper.  It can't actually do anything and so many people let their guard down as though they are "safe" so I kind of disagree with a restraining order altogether.  False sense of security and all that.

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:00 AM

Yeah, I obviously have issues about restraining orders.

Quoting kirbymom: How horrible! :(
Quoting bluerooffarm:

The terms are used interchangeably here and there is only the one really.  I was raped by my boyfriend and there was no protection for me since I did not live with him.

Quoting SarahNElijah: I believe an Order of Protection and a Restraining Order are two different things.. The Order of Protection only applies for domestic abuse, and can usually be filed under "emergency" status, meaning it goes into effect immediately. A restraining order takes several weeks, must go through court, etc. and does not have to be domestic in nature. I used to be an Office Manager for a Senior Legal Services in California for four years, so we dealt with these pretty often.. It could be different from state to state, but I would be shocked to hear that a state offered no ROs for those facing a stalker or other non-domestic issue, know what I mean?! :-/
Quoting bluerooffarm:

Interesting.  In our state an order of protection can only be filed when the people lived together.  I was unable to file an order of protection against an old abusive boyfriend because we had never lived together.

An oder of protection is just a piece of paper.  It can't actually do anything and so many people let their guard down as though they are "safe" so I kind of disagree with a restraining order altogether.  False sense of security and all that.


kirbymom
by Sonja on Mar. 26, 2014 at 11:20 AM
Rightfully so! Did I tell you how similar we are?


Quoting bluerooffarm:

Yeah, I obviously have issues about restraining orders.

Quoting kirbymom: How horrible! :(


Quoting bluerooffarm:

The terms are used interchangeably here and there is only the one really.  I was raped by my boyfriend and there was no protection for me since I did not live with him.

Quoting SarahNElijah: I believe an Order of Protection and a Restraining Order are two different things.. The Order of Protection only applies for domestic abuse, and can usually be filed under "emergency" status, meaning it goes into effect immediately. A restraining order takes several weeks, must go through court, etc. and does not have to be domestic in nature.

I used to be an Office Manager for a Senior Legal Services in California for four years, so we dealt with these pretty often.. It could be different from state to state, but I would be shocked to hear that a state offered no ROs for those facing a stalker or other non-domestic issue, know what I mean?! :-/


Quoting bluerooffarm:

Interesting.  In our state an order of protection can only be filed when the people lived together.  I was unable to file an order of protection against an old abusive boyfriend because we had never lived together.

An oder of protection is just a piece of paper.  It can't actually do anything and so many people let their guard down as though they are "safe" so I kind of disagree with a restraining order altogether.  False sense of security and all that.

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