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My 7 year old hates the police now. What do I do? Update in Red

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First, thank you so much to all of you who were supportive! Everyone one else, kiss my butt *Ahem* I mean thanks for bumping my thread ;-)

I talked to dd today. Well basically I lied to her... I told her that I called the animal police again and the officer said he was so sorry Emily got hurt. That the man was very wrong but sadly because of the law there's nothing he can do. He said to buy her a special leash (A tie out lead line) so she can still be in yard but be safe. Kind of like a life jacket. That way, if anyone were to try to hurt her again, he would come out and take care of it for sure! He wanted her to know that officers are still the good guys and to please give a wave when she sees them around. (She used to love waving at them)

After talking to her, I could see the relief on her face. She just nodded her head and said okay. Then we went out today and bought two 15 ft lead lines so the girls can still go potty outside "leashed" Always supervised of course.

A few days ago our dog was attacked by our neighbor. (Full story here) 

I of course called the police who referred me to ASPCA. After telling them the story, I was told that the man was within his rights. If anything I might be fined for not leashing the dogs in my own courtyard. I was so upset. I still am.

The kids asked what the police were going to do. I told them that because Emily wasn't wearing a leash, it wasn't illegal for the man to hurt her. The only way we can protect her is keep leashes on them whenever we leave the house. MZCMy kids were angry. 7yo dd especially so. She said, "But it was wrong for him to hurt Emily." "Why aren't they doing anything?" Then she went on a long rant about how unfair it was. That the police were wrong and how would they feel if their dog was hurt? She says she hates the police now and I don't want that.

What it comes down to is morality verses legality. How do I teach that to my daughter when I don't always understand it myself?

by on Apr. 5, 2014 at 12:59 PM
Replies (81-87):
paganbaby
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 1:00 AM
1 mom liked this

This...right...here!!! I could kiss you right now,lol.

We actually do have a woman who is terrified of dogs who lives here. All of us are very sensitive to her. If the dogs are out, she'll give a shout out the window and we'll hold the dogs for her. She's very sweet about it and we've never had any issues. If the man had talked to me I absolutely would have worked with him.

Quoting SarahNElijah: The problem I see with this is, I have lived in a condo where the tenants had a mutual agreement that the dogs could run free in the shared fenced yard, and it seems to me that this was the case in this situation.. Now I understand this was a new tenant, so it is new to him, but he is also new to them, so they couldn't have know he would have a problem with loose dogs.. In my opinion, a courtyard that all the neighbors share and allow the dogs to run free is totally different that having your dog on the street.. :-/ And if he was truly just concerned for safety, why not either talk to the manager to get the 'mutual agreement' changed, OR talk to Pagan?! I have little doubt in my mind that if he had come down and told Pagan that his family is afraid of dogs, she would have worked with him to find a solution.. :-( So sorry this happened to your pup Pagan. :-( Hope she heals quickly.
Quoting Turtlekot:

I have read your update and all the posts.

First, I will say I am sorry about your dog.  It's to bad that she/he was hurt in this incident.  However you are not going to like my follow up.

You should not have lied to your daughter.  This was and still is a good chance to teach your daughter about responsibility.  The simple way to explain it would have been...we broke the law by leaving our dog off a leash in a community area.  No matter how big or small the dog...some people are afraid of them.  And because of our neglegance...he was able to claim self defense.  Life is not fair and sometimes bad people get away with things they should not.  I am sorry that daddy and I put our pet and you guys in this position.  But please remember that the police have to uphold laws that are currently on the books.  We can make changes by putting forth new bills.  Would you like to draft one in order to change the laws as the currently exist.  Oh and I also like the response about having her watch Animal Planet SPCA. 

Your reponse of vilifying the cop that responded will only cause her distrust of cops to be furthered.  Pets are ultimately the responsiblity of an adult....you now know that you cannot leave your dog/dogs to be attended to by your children off a leash.  It is a lessoned learned.  As is the fact that you cannot trust this neighbor to act as an adult.  Watch your back and you family (pets included).   




I will not have a temper tantrum nor stomp across the floor.


I will not pout, scream or shout or kick against the door.

I will not throw my food around nor pick upon another.

I’ll always try to be real good because I am the mother.

I am the mother.

I am the mother.














paganbaby
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting TidewaterClan:

Mobile Photo

Rio sez "I hope you feel better soon Emily." :) Nice idea making little dd part of the solution. Children love being empowered, especially where their animals are concerned.

This is the sweetest thing ever!!! I can't wait to show Audi :-)



I will not have a temper tantrum nor stomp across the floor.


I will not pout, scream or shout or kick against the door.

I will not throw my food around nor pick upon another.

I’ll always try to be real good because I am the mother.

I am the mother.

I am the mother.














bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 8:05 AM
3 moms liked this

That's exactly how I feel.

Quoting SarahNElijah: I have taught my 7 and 4 year old this.. That police officers are people, and just like any other people there are ones who have good intentions and strive to protect people, and there are ones who like having power over people and do not do good.. Sad that we have to teach our kids that, but I am not one for teaching blind trust! :-/
Quoting bluerooffarm:

I'm sorry your daughter doesn't trust police anymore, such innocence lost.  But as someone who doesn't trust the police at all ever, I wouldn't be one to try to talk someone back into trusting them.  


Turtlekot
by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting paganbaby:

This...right...here!!! I could kiss you right now,lol.

We actually do have a woman who is terrified of dogs who lives here. All of us are very sensitive to her. If the dogs are out, she'll give a shout out the window and we'll hold the dogs for her. She's very sweet about it and we've never had any issues. If the man had talked to me I absolutely would have worked with him.

Quoting SarahNElijah: The problem I see with this is, I have lived in a condo where the tenants had a mutual agreement that the dogs could run free in the shared fenced yard, and it seems to me that this was the case in this situation.. Now I understand this was a new tenant, so it is new to him, but he is also new to them, so they couldn't have know he would have a problem with loose dogs.. In my opinion, a courtyard that all the neighbors share and allow the dogs to run free is totally different that having your dog on the street.. :-/ And if he was truly just concerned for safety, why not either talk to the manager to get the 'mutual agreement' changed, OR talk to Pagan?! I have little doubt in my mind that if he had come down and told Pagan that his family is afraid of dogs, she would have worked with him to find a solution.. :-( So sorry this happened to your pup Pagan. :-( Hope she heals quickly.

 We can all agree that this neighbor is an Asshat.  You guys are right that any normal person would have talked with everyone about their fear of dogs and should have the expectation that the dogs would be leashed in the future.

And while the tenants as whole might have agreed that the dogs can run free in the communal area....it does not negate the fact that the laws on the books state that all dogs are to be leashed in a public area.  If the dog had been on a leash and this neighbor had done the same thing....he most likely would have been ticketed...not sure if they would have arrested him.

The topic was her 7 yr old hating the police because of this altercation.  And people have advised her as to how it can repaired and how we might have handled the discussion if it were our child. 

I am glad that you are taking the steps neccessary to make your daughter feel safe and protecting your fur baby at the same time.  I still think that you keep a close eye to any future interactions with this neighbor.  I would even go as far as to bring my pet in the minute they step foot out the door.

paganbaby
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 1:54 PM


Quoting Turtlekot:


Quoting paganbaby:

This...right...here!!! I could kiss you right now,lol.

We actually do have a woman who is terrified of dogs who lives here. All of us are very sensitive to her. If the dogs are out, she'll give a shout out the window and we'll hold the dogs for her. She's very sweet about it and we've never had any issues. If the man had talked to me I absolutely would have worked with him.

Quoting SarahNElijah: The problem I see with this is, I have lived in a condo where the tenants had a mutual agreement that the dogs could run free in the shared fenced yard, and it seems to me that this was the case in this situation.. Now I understand this was a new tenant, so it is new to him, but he is also new to them, so they couldn't have know he would have a problem with loose dogs.. In my opinion, a courtyard that all the neighbors share and allow the dogs to run free is totally different that having your dog on the street.. :-/ And if he was truly just concerned for safety, why not either talk to the manager to get the 'mutual agreement' changed, OR talk to Pagan?! I have little doubt in my mind that if he had come down and told Pagan that his family is afraid of dogs, she would have worked with him to find a solution.. :-( So sorry this happened to your pup Pagan. :-( Hope she heals quickly.

 We can all agree that this neighbor is an Asshat.  You guys are right that any normal person would have talked with everyone about their fear of dogs and should have the expectation that the dogs would be leashed in the future.

And while the tenants as whole might have agreed that the dogs can run free in the communal area....it does not negate the fact that the laws on the books state that all dogs are to be leashed in a public area.  If the dog had been on a leash and this neighbor had done the same thing....he most likely would have been ticketed...not sure if they would have arrested him.

The topic was her 7 yr old hating the police because of this altercation.  And people have advised her as to how it can repaired and how we might have handled the discussion if it were our child. 

I am glad that you are taking the steps neccessary to make your daughter feel safe and protecting your fur baby at the same time.  I still think that you keep a close eye to any future interactions with this neighbor.  I would even go as far as to bring my pet in the minute they step foot out the door.

My hand to Bob I did not know this was illegal. Running around outside yes, but our own courtyard? Never. What a shitty way to find out...

Audi feels a lot better now. She picked out the lead line and helped me install it. I feel safer now and I know she does too. So far I haven't seen hide or hair of the scum bag. I'd like to keep it that way.



I will not have a temper tantrum nor stomp across the floor.


I will not pout, scream or shout or kick against the door.

I will not throw my food around nor pick upon another.

I’ll always try to be real good because I am the mother.

I am the mother.

I am the mother.














Turtlekot
by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 2:03 PM

 

Quoting paganbaby:

My hand to Bob I did not know this was illegal. Running around outside yes, but our own courtyard? Never. What a shitty way to find out...

Audi feels a lot better now. She picked out the lead line and helped me install it. I feel safer now and I know she does too. So far I haven't seen hide or hair of the scum bag. I'd like to keep it that way.

 Any other time....it would never have been an issue.  It is a sucky way to find out.  You have done the best you can with a really crappy situation.  I am sure now that things have calmed down...both you and your kids are thinking a little more clearly.  We all know that rage...and I would have been livid....limits our ability to be rational and take other people's perspective without feeling that we are being judged.

Please, please make sure that she knows that majority of police officers are good people doing an often thankless job.

mem82
by Platinum Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 3:00 PM

Thank you. I am fluent in both cursing and sarcasm. 8)

I was 12. It was a pretty bad attack on my knee. I still carry the bite marks from where the pitbull bit and clamped and also where I had to rip my leg free. Luckily, I went into shock and don't really remember a lot of it. I do remember telling the kids to take their dog right home and I remember performing some first aid to stop most of the bleeding because I was home alone.


Quoting paganbaby:

I am so sorry that happened! How bad were you hurt?

And I got to tell you, this has got to be one of the be best replies here! lol

Quoting mem82:

As a victim of a dog attack (dog was being walked by children) I admit, I would not want to live around or deal with dogs that run amok when I choose to live in a place with leash laws. I've also explained my extreme fear of dogs to my neighbors so they understand that if they don't control their dog, I will call the pound on them. The dog was the victim two fold here because as the human owner, they rely on you to keep them safe. The dog shouldn't have been in the position it was in.

As for the dude, I would want to take a tire iron to him. Cruelty to an animal is never okay. It takes a terrible human to do that to a dog.

The cop could have handled it better.

As for your daughter, I would talk about good choices and bad choices and how even harmless 'naughty choices' can lead to bad things.  Tell her that sometimes the punishment for little bad choices is sometimes extreme and that's really hard. 8(

I hope your dog is healing. Keep her on a leash or runner or maybe she'll decided to take a revenge bite of a$$ on the dude  next time she seems him. As perfect Karma as that would be, the doggie would probably get put down.



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