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No trust?

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 7:34 AM
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I guess this is a spin off of Pagans post about her dog. I'm fairly shocked at how many respondents said they do not trust the police nor do they teach their children to trust the police... I'm not one for blind trust, ever. I teach my kids to be cognizant of the laws and where to find them...but for youngsters, I taught my boys that police and fireman as safe zones in the event of an emergency - they get lost, I have a heart attack/stroke (always a possibility with my condition), fire, etc. In fact I took my very young toddlers on tours of the police station & fire house so they could not be frightened by all the equipment if there was a fire or other emergency.....

if you teach to trust no one, how do you teach safety in an emergency? 

by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 7:34 AM
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TJandKarasMom
by Debbie on Apr. 7, 2014 at 7:53 AM
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We taught our kids the same thing.  I wouldn't say I don't trust the police in an emergency where my kids need someone's help...I would tell them if they were lost or needed help, a police officer is the person to go to.

The way that I am careful with them is knowing my constitutional rights and being prepared to stand up for myself, and I try to teach my kids the same.  I haven't had to do this yet (hopefully there wouldn't be a need to)...but for an example, my boss was telling me how she got pulled over recently and was made to feel like a criminal and the officer even said "were you texting and driving? let me look at your phone"  she handed it over...and my reaction to her story was "you have every right NOT to hand over your phone.  You were not in an accident, you were not texting and driving, he had no right to go through your personal property without a good reason."  Too many people give up their rights, which makes it harder to get them back.  And it makes it harder on everyone else. 

It's similar to homeschooling...we follow the law to the letter, but we don't give an inch more...because there is no reason to and it can make even more restrictions if everyone is just willing to follow unlawful restrictions.  My mom even said yesterday, we were talking about when I told her about our decision to hs, she said "I was just curious how you would prove to the state that you were teaching them" my response...."they are not the state's kids, they are my kids-well our kids-I don't have to prove anything to anyone."

People are too quick to figure 'I'm not doing anything wrong, so I will prove it'  it's not up to us to prove our innocence, it is up to the justice system to prove our guilt...and it needs to stay that way.  If everyone keeps just giving up their freedoms for "security", soon we will have no freedoms left.  And that scares me.

No_Difference
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 8:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I have never in my life have had a good experience with police officers in all 5 states we've lived in, and even worse experiences with MPs. Every time it was needing help, and every time help was turned away. I have told the kids that unless it is an absolute emergency to not even bother because they'll probably not actually help, but make it worse. 
Fire and medical emergiences are different. I haven't had horrible experiences with any first responder in those departments, other than when we lived in MD, but that was a one time thing, and we have already agreed to avoid that particular city at all costs from this point forward... I have taught the kids how to properly hand situations and to call when they need to be called, and what to do in an emergency and all that....

bluerooffarm
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this

I'll explain my distrust of the police.  Fifteen+ years ago I was in an abusive relationship where I was raped repeatedly.  The first time, I went to the hospital and the hospital called the police.  The officer they sent was too busy to wait for the rape kit to be finished and he wanted to get the interview over with.  He asked me 4 questions.  My name, my address, did I know my attacker, and was I on BC pills.  I happened to be on BC pills (actually that was the reason I was raped the first time, my mother let it slip in front of the bf and he decided I was either cheating or ready for him) but I was on them because I had migraines and the doctor was trying to determine whther they were due to the hormonal fluxes of my cycle.  Anyway, when I said yes I was on the pill, the police officer shut his notebook and told me that he didn't have time for a little girl who got herself in trouble and then wanted to cry rape.  He told the doctor to stop the rape kit.

It changed my damn life.  I was victimized by that officer.  But to a young woman the officer (that I was taught to trust) had just blamed me for what had happened.  I thought for quite a while that it WAS my fault.  I had sent signals, wore the wrong clothes, secretly wanted it, something.  So I went back into that relationship (where he had already eroded my self confidence and had begun to erode my outside relationships.) For nearly a year I stayed with that abusive man.  He beat the hell out of me.  He caused a miscarriage that was a product of one of the rapes.  Finally I realized that if I stayed, he would kill me eventually.  So again I went to the court system for help.

This time it was the laws of the state that broke me.  Since I wasn't living with him, I couldn't get any kind of restraining order.  At that point, my life took a pretty big tail dive.  I changed majors from physics to English, I began to smoke and drink and have sex with every guy I dated (on the first date, so many one night stands).  For over two years I headed toward total destruction.

I often wonder how my life would be different if that cop had believed me.  I didn't even realize my distrust of the police for a few years.  Then I was pulled over for speeding and I projectile vomitted all over the officer.

Anyway, there have been a few other run-ins that have added to the distrust.  A cop pulled my family over because we drive an old VW bus (he was sure we were druggies, he had called for backup before he even put on his lights and they surrounded us with guns pointed.  When the second officer came to the door of the van, he was mortified).

I also am pretty realistic about going to the police as a lost child.  In this era, a child going to the police and telling them that the child is lost is going to result in a CPS visit or them removing the child until they feel like WE proved it was an honest mistake.  I see most officers as on a power trip that will end in tears.  So no, I do not teach my children to blindly trust the police.  They are NOT our friends.  I have taught the boys to call 911 and give our address, but it is with the utmost trepidation.  I have taught the boys how to survive in the woods until they can be found (getting water, shelter, fire, and signal) they always have a compass, mirror, and materials for building fire when we go hiking.  But I am terrified of the police and it certainly bleeds through in my teaching.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Jinx on Apr. 7, 2014 at 9:24 AM
2 moms liked this
There are good and bad in every profession. We teach the kids to judge everyone on how they act, not on steriotypes.

Im biased because I grew up with a fireman father and there were always cops around the fire station. It was a safe warm place for them to write reports and mooch coffee...lol

In high school I was a police officer. In a department of 125 officers there were two assholes. That is a lot better odds than a lot of jobs.

Now, I am married to a police officer so we are quite pro officer and that works for us.
jen2150
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 10:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I teach my kids that trust is earned. They don't trust anyone they don't know. Not all police men are good people. I have met many nice police officers. I would teach them to go to a police man for help in an emergency but use caution when dealing with strangers they do not know. Some police men abuse their power. There are also a lot of really good ones. I read them stories about both kinds. I want them to have an accurate picture. I think blind trust of anyone in power is not a good idea.
KrissyKC
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 11:05 AM
I don't know... maybe we are naive, but we don't really go through life so untrusting.

We take each day as it comes and teach the kids to be content and trust God (not man).

I have no issues with strangers talking with my kids...

I feel MOST people in authority are decent...

I realize there are a lot of "agendas" and such behind the motives of many, but I don't live my life being wary of everyone.

We just live like most things are good and not inherently evil...
KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 7, 2014 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

I grew up in an extremely abusive household, and I too wasn't heard, so I can relate. And I'm sorry for all you went through.

i guess I used my experiences to teach my kids that the world is full of liars, and it can be difficult for the police to tell the difference. So they need to be aware of the laws, document everything, so no one can deny them justice. I didn't blame the cops for falling victim to my sociopathic mothers lies, part of being a good sociopath is being a good liar. 

But I've known a lot of cops, some are jerks, but most get into the profession because they want to help people. Just like doctors. Many of them have inflated egos and think they do no wrong, but that doesn't prevent me from going to the hospital, I just make sure to do my own research before, during and after every diagnosis/treatment. I do the same with the police. 

I also wouldn't want my child to remain lost for fear that their seeking the Aristarchus of the policeWould result in removal from the home. 

Quoting bluerooffarm:

I'll explain my distrust of the police.  Fifteen+ years ago I was in an abusive relationship where I was raped repeatedly.  The first time, I went to the hospital and the hospital called the police.  The officer they sent was too busy to wait for the rape kit to be finished and he wanted to get the interview over with.  He asked me 4 questions.  My name, my address, did I know my attacker, and was I on BC pills.  I happened to be on BC pills (actually that was the reason I was raped the first time, my mother let it slip in front of the bf and he decided I was either cheating or ready for him) but I was on them because I had migraines and the doctor was trying to determine whther they were due to the hormonal fluxes of my cycle.  Anyway, when I said yes I was on the pill, the police officer shut his notebook and told me that he didn't have time for a little girl who got herself in trouble and then wanted to cry rape.  He told the doctor to stop the rape kit.

It changed my damn life.  I was victimized by that officer.  But to a young woman the officer (that I was taught to trust) had just blamed me for what had happened.  I thought for quite a while that it WAS my fault.  I had sent signals, wore the wrong clothes, secretly wanted it, something.  So I went back into that relationship (where he had already eroded my self confidence and had begun to erode my outside relationships.) For nearly a year I stayed with that abusive man.  He beat the hell out of me.  He caused a miscarriage that was a product of one of the rapes.  Finally I realized that if I stayed, he would kill me eventually.  So again I went to the court system for help.

This time it was the laws of the state that broke me.  Since I wasn't living with him, I couldn't get any kind of restraining order.  At that point, my life took a pretty big tail dive.  I changed majors from physics to English, I began to smoke and drink and have sex with every guy I dated (on the first date, so many one night stands).  For over two years I headed toward total destruction.

I often wonder how my life would be different if that cop had believed me.  I didn't even realize my distrust of the police for a few years.  Then I was pulled over for speeding and I projectile vomitted all over the officer.

Anyway, there have been a few other run-ins that have added to the distrust.  A cop pulled my family over because we drive an old VW bus (he was sure we were druggies, he had called for backup before he even put on his lights and they surrounded us with guns pointed.  When the second officer came to the door of the van, he was mortified).

I also am pretty realistic about going to the police as a lost child.  In this era, a child going to the police and telling them that the child is lost is going to result in a CPS visit or them removing the child until they feel like WE proved it was an honest mistake.  I see most officers as on a power trip that will end in tears.  So no, I do not teach my children to blindly trust the police.  They are NOT our friends.  I have taught the boys to call 911 and give our address, but it is with the utmost trepidation.  I have taught the boys how to survive in the woods until they can be found (getting water, shelter, fire, and signal) they always have a compass, mirror, and materials for building fire when we go hiking.  But I am terrified of the police and it certainly bleeds through in my teaching.


KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 7, 2014 at 11:25 AM


Quoting Jinx-Troublex3: There are good and bad in every profession. We teach the kids to judge everyone on how they act, not on steriotypes. Im biased because I grew up with a fireman father and there were always cops around the fire station. It was a safe warm place for them to write reports and mooch coffee...lol In high school I was a police officer. In a department of 125 officers there were two assholes. That is a lot better odds than a lot of jobs. Now, I am married to a police officer so we are quite pro officer and that works for us.

I was a police explorer in high school for like 6 months..lol..maybe that made me more pro-officer than some homeschoolers? Idk. I also used to own a martial arts studio and a large part of our student base were local cops. 

Knightquester
by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 11:25 AM

I missed that post.  I have a parent that is CSI, and I grew up around police, so it was only natural that I teach my children to trust them.

KickButtMama
by Shannon on Apr. 7, 2014 at 11:29 AM

I had no idea Md  was so bad? (Though I think I've spent all of 3 days there while in Bethesda hospital) I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. I would worry about mixed signals...to trust people in this situation but not that one, KWIM? 

Quoting No_Difference:

I have never in my life have had a good experience with police officers in all 5 states we've lived in, and even worse experiences with MPs. Every time it was needing help, and every time help was turned away. I have told the kids that unless it is an absolute emergency to not even bother because they'll probably not actually help, but make it worse. Fire and medical emergiences are different. I haven't had horrible experiences with any first responder in those departments, other than when we lived in MD, but that was a one time thing, and we have already agreed to avoid that particular city at all costs from this point forward... I have taught the kids how to properly hand situations and to call when they need to be called, and what to do in an emergency and all that....


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